Great Expectations

I’ve been thinking lately (dangerous, I know ;) about expectations, and what it means to live life as an expectant person. 

I have heard many times, that we should live full of expectancy.  There are many examples, such as the fact that in life in general we should go into our day, not with resignation that it’s just another day to survive through, but that each new day is an opportunity to grow, to walk with God, and to see Him do amazing things; if only we’re on the lookout for it.  Also, it is often said that we should come to church with expectant hearts for what God is going to do – not coming because it’s “just another service, and it’s what I do on a Sunday”. 

This is backed up by many places in the Bible that talk about expectancy.  For example James1:5-8:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord."

or Luke11:9-13

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Now, I know that I should be expectant in theory, but what does it look like in practise?  In reality, sticking with the example of a church service, I can often come on a Sunday morning either in a place of discouragement, just coming on autopilot a bit, or in a place where I’m so excited about what God’s doing.  (And often places in between too, but let’s stick to looking at the 2 extremes for now.)  You’d think that it’s when I come in excitement that that will be when I hear from God the most.  In fact, I often find it to be quite the opposite.  It’s often when I come expecting nothing, that I find God picks me up and encourages me, and then perhaps challenges me with something new, so I learn a lot!  In contrast, it’s often those times when I “think” I am coming with an expectant heart that I can leave feeling a bit disappointed, feeling like God hasn’t met those expectations.  So, what’s going on?

I think the key is that I only “think” I am coming with an expectant heart; I think that there is a difference between being expectant and expecting God to work in a certain way.  If I come to something with wrong expectations, then actually, perhaps it shouldn’t be all that surprising that I can feel disappointed if those expectations aren’t met!  If I have wrong expectations, actually perhaps that makes it harder for me to hear God, as all of my thoughts and plans get in the way, and He has to push through those first before I can hear.  The problem is that this is so subtle.  I don’t intentionally come to church with the wrong expectations, it’s just that in my need to plan things and know what is coming next, I don’t like stopping at just being expectant, but often my heart progresses to wondering what could happen – for example, if I’ve been excited about something lately, I could end up going expectant that I’ll hear some more on this subject, when in fact God may have something completely different that He wants to tell me today!

What particularly brought this home was something I was reading last week.  At breakfast-time each day I’m currently re-reading this amazing book called "Walking with God", by John Eldredge.  In the section I read that morning, it said:

“Our day-to-day grind isn’t anything close to Eden, and our hurting and desperate hearts look for something to which we can attach all those yearnings.  We’ll settle for a doughnut if that’s all there is to look forward to.  We have to be careful what we give our hearts over to.”

Now, that isn’t to say that using specific things to motivate ourselves is necessarily all bad in itself (i.e. I have an essay due in, I’ll look forward to the fact that if I work hard I can go out this evening…)  I think the problem comes when we lean on those things as the only thing that gets us through the day!  What then happens when those things get taken away from us and our hopes are dashed?  What do we do if for some reason I don’t have time to eat that doughnut after all or someone else eats it instead of me?  Or that friend can’t actually meet up with me in the end and has to cancel?  What then? 

What are we choosing to put our daily hope in?  The Bible also says that the Lord delights in those who put their hope in his unfailing love.  Other verses on this topic:

“But I trust in Your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me” (Psalm13:5, NLT)

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”  (Psalm143:8, NIV)

 “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  (Lamentations3:21-23)

And these aren't just fluffy thoughts, for when everything in life is going well.  If you read them in context, most of these Psalms were written by King David when he was in the midst of really hard situations!  It is a principle for both the good and the tough times.

There’s also this great hymn (“Solid Rock”), which has recently been revived by Hillsong (and entitled Cornerstone):

“My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I did not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name”

The conclusion that I’m slowly coming to, is that actually, what it comes down to, is that as we learn to stand more and more on God’s promises and what He says is true, as we align ourselves daily with who He says He is and who we therefore are, as we daily surrender our plans, hopes and dreams into His hands, and as we place our hopes solely in his unfailing and unchanging love, then we will be free to more and more be able to hear his heartbeat for our day, for a church service, just for everything in life; We will come with the right expectations!

And we will be able to choose to SEE.  Mary Beth Chapman (the wife of Steven Curtis Chapman) has written this incredible book, "Choosing to See", which talks really honestly about how her life really hasn’t gone in the direction she planned (she wanted a nice, organised, scheduled life, but instead ended up married to a Grammy-winning singer-songwriter with crazy touring schedules, and as the mum to 6 kids – one of whom is now in heaven, as of 2008).  But she takes us with her on her journey, of how she’s been learning to SEE what God is doing.  I think that’s so it – that we need to not be disappointed by what has or hasn’t happened (and we most definitely need to not let that put us off from continuing to be expectant!), but we instead need to choose to SEE what God IS doing, even when it doesn’t necessarily match up with what I would like Him to be doing.  Or we at least need to be willing to see.

I most definitely don’t have this sorted in my head or heart yet, (I am again thinking aloud), and I would definitely be interested in hearing what you think.  But for now, I’ll just finish with the words of another SCC song, Great Expectations:

“The morning finds me here at heaven's door

A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on

And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations.

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul

Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Saviour of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

We've been invited with the Son

And we've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations” 

re:creation

As is the current theme at the moment, this morning I was reading something and it gave completely new life to a concept that I thought I understood, yet I find that I didn’t really at all.  (It is also pretty topical considering the baptisms at church this Saturday!)  This concept is recreation.  It’s the topic of SCC's latest album (I just couldn’t resist working some more of his songs into blog posts :) and more seriously, is actually something I have been thinking about lately. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 in the Bible says:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”   

Now, this is considered a pretty crucial verse for Christians, yet it’s one that is so easy to skim past without realising the full implications: If we know Christ and are IN him, then we are a new creation; not just the old one redone a bit to make it look better, but a completely new creation!  How crazy is that?!

Now the Bible also says that we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  This implies that our minds weren’t automatically renewed when we were made new; so although we ARE new, we can sometimes slip back into old patterns of thought, because our minds are still being renewed.  But, when we hold firm to the promises of God, this isn’t just positive thinking; we believe that these promises really are true, even though they don’t feel like it sometimes.  And I have a legitimate right to tell those old negative feelings, thoughts and fears to go away and leave me alone, because I am a new creation, and they no longer have a place in my life!  I just need to keep renewing my mind to be in line with that.

But even more exciting than this (if that were possible!) is that this isn’t the end of the story.  It isn’t just that we’ve been recreated, and are now free from so many things that held us in bondage, and that’s it.  Voila.  No.  This is only the start of the story.  We’re Only Getting Started.

In another part of the Bible it says:

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. “(Ephesians 2:10)

This is the NLT (New Living Translation) version of the Bible.  I have never really understood this verse; until last night/today.  Sometimes reading several different translations of the Bible helps me to get to the bottom of what a verse really means.  I tend to mostly read the NIV (New International Version), but in the NIV this verse can lose some of its meaning, as it merely says that “we are created in Christ to…”  I know the “in Christ” should probably have given me a clue, but I still missed the point.  The point isn’t that we were created merely so that we could do stuff.  No, I think it’s that we were RECREATED in order to then be set free to do the things that God has for us to do. 

Now, that may sound like just a lot of hard work, doing the things that God has for us to do, and I guess sometimes it may be.  But the truth is (or seems to be as I am starting to re-understand it anyway!) that God has good plans for us.  He has gifted each of us with things, and put us in places where he has “good works” that only we can do (through him of course).  Another SCC song on his re:creation album says:

“You were meant to be touching the lives that you touch,

And meant to be here making this world so much more
Than it would be, without you in it.

You were meant to be bringing the gifts that you bring,

And singing the songs you’ve been given to sing.
You are perfectly, wonderfully, beautifully meant to be,
You were meant to be.”

Wow!  Clearly the line about singing songs particularly speaks to me :)  The problem comes though, that there is so much stuff in our lives that can prevent us from becoming all of this.  (The Bible would call a lot of it sin, and uses some quite strong imagery to speak about how this sin holds us in slavery).  The good news, is that through what Jesus did we can be created anew, and set free from all the rubbish that holds us back.  Then, as we are free to walk where he wants us to go, we can then be all that he has for us to be and do all that he purposed for us to do, which is a good thing! 

And this very much relates back to my earlier post about the Great Adventure too, and how, being where God is and where he wants us to be is actually the best place to be (and does not involve us just “trying harder”.)  Yes, it may often be scary (as I’m also discovering), as he takes us places that may be out of our “comfort zones”, but I also just don’t want to live my life any other way; I want to be where he is!  And I really want to continue to learn about who I now really am - this new creation, who doesn’t have to be weighted down by fears and failings anymore (a bit of a novel feeling really!) - and continue to learn how to live in light of that. 

Please know that I’m not saying any of this with the intention to “preach” at anyone; I am merely thinking out loud.  Writing helps me to process things and, although I know we are all at different places, in making this public on a blog my hope is that it might give you some things to think about too. 

“Sing with elation, praise every morning, God’s recreation of the new day.”   
- From the song Morning Has Broken

(p.s. aren’t you impressed with how I managed to work 3 SCC songs AND an album title into 1 blog post!  Ok, 1 of them was only sort-of an SCC song.  Still, I wonder how many I’ll manage to fit in next time :-)

The Great Adventure

So, last night was the night I finally went to see Steven Curtis Chapman live in concert at the Hammersmith Apollo.  I had been excited about this for months as I have loved SCC’s music for years and have always wanted to see him live, but this is the first time that I’ve had the chance to see him live in the UK! 

The evening didn’t disappoint; in fact, it was so much more amazing than I could have imagined.  SCC and Michael W Smith (who he was touring with) are both phenomenal musicians.  I was singing along to every SCC song and there were just so many amazing moments that one blog post could not do it justice.  So, rather than trying to summarise the evening, I’m instead going to focus on one key thought that struck me afresh yesterday.

Yesterday morning at church, Tim had been speaking about how we need to be people who are constantly pushing forward, and how the moments we sit back are the times when we in fact get dragged backwards.  (Have a listen !)

Now, this is a concept that I’ve been struggling with this week (which is why yesterday was interesting timing!)  If I’m honest, I don’t like the concept of always pushing onwards.  My reaction is: “yes, but what about being content?  Enjoying what God has given to us?”  I can also feel like I’ve already had quite enough of challenges and I’d quite like to stay where I am for a while, to rest and recoup a while before the next thing please! 

But, yesterday afternoon I realised the problem: it isn’t with the concept, but with my way of thinking.  My problem is that I equate pushing forward with striving harder.  I constantly put such pressure on myself to be a better person: to work harder, to please this and that person, to be a better friend, the list goes on…But, although there is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things in themselves (friends are amazing, and of course I want to do well at my work...), me constantly striving harder just ends up leaving me feeling exhausted and is what leaves me feeling like I’ve had enough.

Yet, that isn’t what the Bible says at all.  The Bible doesn’t say: “work harder and you’ll gain eternal life!”  In fact, it says that no matter how hard we try we can never be good enough.  When we just keep trying harder, we will always feel far from the standards set by ourselves, by society and by a perfect God.  We will never fulfil them on our own!  But what is amazing, is that the Bible says that Jesus IS life, and we just have to change our way of thinking and come to Him!  It's about Him, not us!  Now, this is something I “know”, but I think that often I nevertheless continue to live as if it all depends on me!

Now, getting back to SCC, I was struck particularly by 2 of his songs last night – songs that I know inside out, and yet I saw new things in them that I hadn’t seen before.

In For the sake of the call he writes:

“Empty nets lying there at the water’s edge
Told a story that few could believe and none could explain
How some crazy fishermen agreed to go where Jesus led
With no thought for what they would gain
For Jesus had called them by name and they answered”

“Drawn like the rivers are drawn to the sea
No turning back, for the water cannot help but flow
Once we hear the Saviour's call we'll follow wherever he leads
Because of the love He has shown
And because he has called us to go we will answer”

“Not for the sake of a creed or a cause
Not for a dream or a promise
Simply because it is Jesus who calls
And if we believe we'll obey”

Now, rivers don’t say “well, I just don’t feel like flowing today” and they certainly don’t have to strive harder to flow, they just do, it’s the way of things and they can’t help it. 

In The great adventure (one of SCC's best known songs) it says:

“I saw a big frontier in front of me and I heard somebody say "let's go"!

Saddle up your horses we've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace
Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is The Great Adventure”

The song isn’t called “The Great Slog”, but “The Great Adventure”, and the key to this adventure is following our leader, Jesus!  Pushing forward doesn’t mean trying harder and exhausting ourselves, but simply following wherever Jesus goes, and being where He wants us to be; because we love Him and want to be where He is and because He loves us, has a plan, and He knows the best place for us to be (even if His ways may often seem strange to us at the time!)  Jesus Himself said that He only did what He saw His father doing, (rather than running off here, there and everywhere trying to make things work as he saw best!) 

It also ties in with this passage that we were looking at recently on a course that I am doing:
"2 The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice." John10:2-4

Now don’t get me wrong, I know that this means that we will be challenged, and that hard work will often be involved.  But, it's about where the motivation is coming from; knowing that we just have to follow Jesus takes the pressure off ourselves, and we know that we don’t have to dread life, but we should instead be excited about it, and about where God is going!  All we have to do, is to work out what this looks like for each of us in practise – learning to trust in Him and follow Him.  After all, this is the Great Adventure!

p.s. have you spotted the themes with the recent post titles lately ;-)

Not home yet

As most of you should have picked up by now, I love music and there are many musicians who I love listening to. Nathan Tasker is just one of many singer-songwriters whom I have enjoyed listening to recently, since being introduced to him when he came to play an acoustic music evening at Surrey Christian Union a few years ago (he plays in DADGAD on a mahogany guitar; what more can I say ?! :)

Anyway, earlier I was catching up on his recent blog posts over lunch and I came across this particular post which really struck me:http://www.nathantasker.com/blog/entry/home-a-vegemite-sandwich-please

Do have a read, but basically he is talking about the feeling of being torn between loving both his country of birth (Australia) and the country where he currently lives (the US): "Even though I obviously don’t cease to be Australian once I land back in Nashville, it feels so much like home to me it causes me to wonder - can a person have two homes? Never fully be in one or the other, leaving a piece of your heart in both? It’s an on-going, internal tug of war."

I identify with this so much! Now, I may not have moved to a different country, but I have lived in a lot of different places. Already I have lived for substantial periods of time in 4 different towns/cities, with the way that short term job contracts in science go sadly meaning that it's probably inevitable that I'll end up moving again before too long. In each of these places I have made good friends and found a good church. In this global age, I also have several really good friends who have moved abroad or who have moved back to their home country after university. Each time I go to visit any of these friends it definitely feels, like Nathan Tasker says, that I leave a piece of my heart behind with them.

My usual reaction to this tearing of my heart is either to dwell on the memories of the visit so much that I feel really depressed/confused for a while after I return home until I settle back into a daily routine, or to just bury the feelings and try to move on, because pretending that all is ok sometimes feels like the only way of survival. But, I realise that neither of these is particularly healthy! In life, so much is a balancing act - all the way from how much of each nutrient group to have in our diet, to the line between being proud/humble. So often I swing between two extremes, in all areas of life, and I suspect that I am probably not alone in this.

But Nathan doesn't just talk about this tearing and leave it at that, but he uses it as an analogy of how actually, for those of us who know Christ, we know that we are truly citizens of heaven and that any "home" we can have on this earth is temporary. He also mentions how knowing this citizenship affects us in ways that our earthly citizenship never will.

Several Bible verses come to mind:"But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Saviour." Philippians 3:20

I love this song by Nathan Tasker which talks about this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEyM1GGRNoI&feature=channel&list=UL

"Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. 3 For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians3:1-3

I might also take this analogy another step, and say that actually, perhaps knowing this gives me permission to know that sometimes living in tension is ok?! I don't have to either let it depress/confuse me or try to ignore it and pretend it isn't there, but rather I can fully acknowledge the reality of it and live accordingly. Living in tension, as difficult and painful as it can be at times, is not something to be avoided but should in fact be part of our reality. And actually, tension between earthly homes, should merely serve to remind me of the tension between knowing that I am on one hand living here on earth, but am also a spiritual being, a citizen of heaven, created for more than what I see in the natural. I guess that what I have to remember, as this song by Steven Curtis Chapman reminds me, is that I am not home yet:

http://youtu.be/od3Ws-0WZuo

p.s. Oh, and did I mention that I'm REALLY excited that I'm going to see Steven Curtis Chapman live later this week?! :-D

The dangers of a thesaurus

So, as those of you who are my friends on facebook will know, I'm currently knee-deep into writing my PhD thesis. During this process, I have been rediscovering quite how useful a thesaurus can be (when I'm wanting to write "variation" or "however" for the millionth time!)

However, having been watching a lot of Friends episodes over Easter (I'd forgotten quite how hilarious it is), I now can't help thinking of a certain episode whenever I reach for this useful book...you know the one; the episode where Joey is trying to write a letter of recommendation for Monica and Chandler for the adoption agency:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s0LqZMsfTQ


Monica: It doesn't make any sense.
Joey: Of course it does. It's smart! I used a thesaurus!
Chandler: On every word?
Joey: Yep.
Monica: All right, what was this sentence, originally?
Joey: Oh. "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."
Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps?"

(Transcription edited from http://www.friends-tv.org/zz1005.html)

Christmas present suggestions

So, I know it's still a little early, but I've already been starting to think about Christmas. I always leave buying presents and writing cards until quite late on, and so get a bit stressed trying to think of things in time, so I've been trying to be organised this year ! In my searching, I thought I'd pass along a few ideas that I've had, in case it helps any of you too :) I will post links along the way, as the reviews and blurbs say it better than I could...here are 2 books and 2 CDs from my suggestions list...

1) Science on Ice by Chris Linder (book)
"Science on Ice gives the reader a glimpse into the challenges of conducting field research in the extreme and isolated environments of the Arctic and Antarctic. I came away with a new appreciation of both the risks and adventures scientists experience, the creativity and adaptability they must possess to work in difficult conditions, and most of all, the fact that they are normal human beings with a strong sense of curiosity that fuels their work." -Amy Gulick, photographer and author of Salmon in the Trees: Life in Alaska's Tongass Rain Forest"

"The result is a combination travel book and paean to the hard work and dedication that underlies our knowledge of life on earth. "Science on Ice" takes readers to the farthest reaches of our planet; science has rarely been more exciting - or inspiring."

Go and read the full blurb ! This book is going to be released in early December. For more info, see the Facebook page or the amazon UK page (where you can order it if you're in the UK). It sounds really interesting, and even better, I know one of the jounalists who helped write parts of it :)

2) Rainbows in my eyes by Jenny Rowbory (book)
"Rainbows in my eyes is a collection of poems by J. K. Rowbory.

Jenny Rowbory was born in 1986 in Ashford, Middlesex, and currently lives in Norfolk. During her first year at university in 2004, she became ill with a virus that caused severe M.E. (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis: inflammation of the brain and spinal cord). M.E. affects all bodily systems, causing Jenny to be bed-bound and unable to sit up because of strain on her cardiovascular system."

I was lucky enough to get to know Jenny a little whilst she was at Bristol University in 2004. Jenny's poetry is amazing, (you can read some examples here ). I have her previous book of poems, and intend to buy this one soon. All money raised from sales goes towards Jenny's ongoing medical treatment. You can buy the book, and find more info, here.

3) Re:Creation - Steven Curtis Chapman (CD)
Steven Curtis Chapman is an awesome singer-songwriter; one of my favourites in fact. But don't just take my word for it, check out his music ! He has just released this new album...

"On Steven’s 17th album, re:creation, he serves up six new songs, including the debut hit single, “Do Everything” and breathes new life into some of his most memorable and popular songs with re-imagined approaches and all new recordings."

Often I avoid "redone versions of old songs" albums, but this album really is phenomenal. Plus, he uses both DADGAD guitar tuning and ukelele on it - honestly, what more could you want ?! :) Go and read the rest of his biog on his website and watch this video as SCC talks about the inspiration behind this album.

4) The Waterfront Project - Waterfront (CD)

Shameless plug...you may have heard that for the last couple of years I've been part of a folk band called Waterfront. Well, we have an album, and a copy could be yours !

You can order the album if you go to Glyn's website and send him an e-mail. (Bearing in mind that if you would like the CD in time for Christmas, then leave enough time to allow shipping from the US, as we've now sold out of all our UK stock.)

You can get a taste of our music on Glyn's website, as above, or on our myspace or by watching some of our videos :)

Waterfront "tour" !

Hi to any of you who still read my blog. I realise I haven't been posting very much on here anymore, and I know I often apologise for this, but I will do so again - sorry ! A lot has happened over the last few months, far too much to catch up in one blog post. So, I won't even try.

What I will do, is to let you know about a series of gigs that Glyn and I are performing at over the next few weeks...one initial gig has seemingly multiplied into a Waterfront mini-tour ! If you are interested in knowing more, then you can see the full gig listing over at Glyn's website ! It's all very exciting and is getting very close now. Unfortunately the full band isn't able to make it this time, but we will be thinking of those who are unable to join us, we'll try to take a few pictures, and looking forward to Shrewsbury Folk Festival, later on in the summer, when pretty much the full complement will be present (no mean feat ! :)

Happy 2010 !!!

So...a very belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !!! Welcome to 2010 ! :-)

It's been a busy time, with lots going on. I'm really out of the habit of blogging, and never have anything to say anyway, but thought the dawn of a new year was probably an occasion to write at least something !

A friend of mine from Church in Guildford recently set us a challenge, and so I thought I would extend the challenge to all you out there...he suggested that it is a good time of year to have a think about what has been a) a blessing, b) life-changing and c) a challenge you can learn from, in the past year.

Mine would be:

a) that it has been a huge blessing moving into a new house with a friend from Surrey Uni/Church. After several years of effectively having been living on my own it's such a huge blessing to have someone to share the joys and trials of everyday life with and it has really caused me to feel so much more settled in Guildford.

b) starting to come to and get stuck into Eternity Church in Guildford has really been life changing in a lot of ways. Much as I still have a huge love for all my previous churches and friends there, it was important to me to get stuck into a good local church, and I have already learnt so much from being a part of Eternity.

c) Stuff at work has been very challenging, especially over the last few months with the intermediate report I had to write and viva I passed (yay!)

-Being involved with "Waterfront" over the past 2 years, but especially the last year, has also provided me with many moments of all of a, b and c !

So, what would your answers to the above questions be ?!

Waterfront Project update -shameless promotion

As some of you may know, I'm currently involved in a music project with some friends - Glyn Collinson and Ben Clayton , as well as a couple of others who have been known to join with us for sessions. Collectively the project is known as "The Waterfront Project", and recording of our album is currently underway.

We have a myspace (see link on the right) where you can listen to all our recorded tracks so far - bearing in mind that there aren't necessarily the finished versions yet. If you're on facebook, come and join us on the facebook group page ! We also now have some more space on Glyn's website thanks to an update he's done. He's promised to keep updating it more regularly from now on, uploading new tracks as we go along. There will also be regular news posts, from all of us not just Glyn, and there's space for you all to join in and comment. So come on over and let us know what you think ! Today for example, we have just uploaded a new recording (made last night) of our version of the Trad. song "The Blue Cockade".

"The Life of Christ"

No, this isn't an account of the whole life of Christ as described in the New Testament, rather, I wanted to say that I had the most amazing day today ! We went to Wintershall in Surrey to see this open air play (entitled "The Life of Christ") which is described as: "The greatest story of all time, movingly recreated by a cast of over 200, authentic detail, outstanding quality, sound and music." It was running all this past week (and has been every year since 1999, although this is the first year I've ever heard of it !) and today was the last day.

It was amazing. It lasted all day (10 til just after 4), but I forgot that it was a play, and actually feel like I have spent the day sitting in Palestine watching the Biblical story unfold. It really brings it to life in a way that I find very hard to sense from just reading the narrative.

For one: I was really struck by the vibrancy of the community that Jesus lived in. For some reason, I've always pictured it more like just streets of dust/desert, (I guess cause it's such a foreign place to me, never ever having been to that area of the world - though I would like to go to Israel someday, if it ever stabilises a bit more). But here were streets of people running about, and showing emotions just like us, and dressed in the most amazing array of colours you have ever seen. Wonderful music at the wedding...basically, it just brought it home how Jesus was actually living with real people, at a real time in history, in a real place.

Second: I really felt a part of what was going on (which I think was part of their intention in putting this on). Especially when it came to the sermon on the mount and the feeding of the 5000 I really felt a part of the crowd that Jesus was speaking to; and like he was speaking directly to me in a way I've never experienced before. And, although I knew he wasn't actually Jesus, I still had this overwhelming desire for him to just look at me, and see me in the crowd. But, then that made me realise, that actually, Jesus does see me in the crowd; and in fact, amazingly (I can't get my head round this however much I try) he sees each one of us in the crowd, no matter who we are. Wow.

Third and just generally: it was amazing to get a big picture, as so often when I read the Bible, I don't have/make time to read a whole gospel, but only read a part; this gave us a picture of how all the different parts of Jesus' life fitted together.

There are many more things that struck me too, but it would take too long to go into all of them. All in all though, it was very very moving. I didn't really cry much as such, but was very deeply moved.

It was also very interesting to note the different reactions of the people in the crowd to what was going on; just as in the day of Jesus. Some were crying and clearly moved, others were chatting and more interested in finishing their lunches, some laughed, many applauded which I found odd - yes, ok, at the end of the day it was a play, and it was amazing, but the point is, that I wasn't watching the story, I was IN it. And to be suddenly jolted back out of that by people reminding you it was a play I found a bit unhelpful, and slightly missing the point (although I did join in with the standing ovation at the end, but that's different). So, the real question at the end of all of this, is, how would you have responded ? If you had been there in the real Biblical times, or even there today, what effect would Jesus' words and deeds and life have had on you ? It's a question worth pondering.

And from a practical point of view, I would also highly recommend anyone to go and see it - whether they are a Christian or not. I think it is the kind of thing that whoever you are, (and even however many times you've been to see it before) you would take something away from it. They've finished for this year now, but hopefully it will be back next year; so why not go along and find an answer to that question ? (Tho I would advise a sunhat, lots and lots of water, and a fold-up chair!) The same people also run "The Acts of the Apostles" in October, and "The Nativity" at Christmas time, which I would also be interested in now seeing (in particular "The Acts of the Apostles.)

p.s. If you're my friend on facebook and you want to know more about today, for a bit of a taste do go and have a look at my facebook photo album (just uploaded). I have something from the majority of the major scenes.

We've been reviewed !!!

How cool is this...today Glyn sent me a link to a review he found that had been written about our performance at the Big Session Festival last Summer (June 08). Here it is ! The bit on us is under "Lee's Saturday sessions", about 1/3 of the way down the page. It's not too bad :-)

Apologies for not blogging recently; things are a bit manic at the moment with having been away a fair bit and having lots of work to now do. I currently have at least 2 posts in my mind that I want to write, one of which is a follow-up to the last post I wrote, but I think writing them will have to wait til at least next week, when I have enough time to spend writing them properly !

Seeking and finding

So...I've been feeling a little under the weather the past few days. On the outside I look fine, and have been going to work as usual, but on the inside my stomach is churning about, and is somewhat uncomfortable. I've also been feeling really really tired for no apparent reason today, with a slight headache. All this combined, meant that I have spent a large proportion of time today not really being able to concentrate on what I should be doing, and hence procrastinating (although, I did do a few useful things too).

In the course of my procrastination, I discovered this blog, via a link from a friend's blog. I think it's excellent - very very funny (I kept getting odd looks at work when I kept bursting out laughing; Christians do the strangest things sometimes - which you don't realise until someone points it out!), but also very very thought provoking too.

I was especially provoked to thought by this post. Have a read, but I was especially struck by this:
"In a way there are many films, songs, books, and images that point our imaginations to God even though the artist may not have intended this. To those who are seeking after Christ and his kingdom, they see glimpses of it all the time in the most peculiar places."

There are a number of points I could make from this:

1)I identify with this completely and think it is very true. When I was little (and in some senses I still do this now, but slightly differently) I used to listen to pop songs and immediately relate all the lyrics to my own circumstances. I guess this isn't unusual, for someone who doesn't consider themselves wonderfully good with words to use prewritten words to try to fit them to her own life and use them to express how she feels ! But anyway, this meant that a lot of songs I would relate to how I saw God and what I wanted to say to Him. I saw God everywhere.

I still do. As people who know me well will tell you, I have a tendency to think about things very deeply (although I'm not always able to express this well in words). I can go and see a film, and will come out not necessarily thinking about how amazing the story was, but often thinking about what it taught me about God and who He is, and my identity in Him ! I can also go into a gig - be it a university concert (as last Friday), or a folk club, or anything else - and come out feeling like it has given me as much to think about and has made me feel much the same way as when I come out of church on a Sunday.

Why is this ? Now, it could be because God is bigger than just being God of church! He doesn't just speak to me when I'm sitting down on a Sunday morning, but He is a God who loves me and wants a relationship with me, and wants to relate to me in every aspect of my life i.e. He can 'speak' to me through other mediums as well as sermons (!) and He in fact chooses to speak to me through things I relate well to - like music and nature. (For those of you who aren't quite sure what I mean about God 'speaking', I'm sorry to use 'Christian Jargon'. But I think me trying to get my head around what I actually mean by using that would probably take up a whole nother blog post in itself ! Suffice for now to say that I'm not necessarily referring to speaking with an audible voice per se - although, that isn't impossible.)

It could also be because if God has created all things - including us, who He has given the ability to be creative - then surely all things will therefore point back to Him, and speak to us of His nature ?

2) The fact that I identify with this encourages me; it means that although I often feel like I fail to be pursuing God's Kingdom (again, another whole blog post! :) as much as I should be/want to, by this definition I must still therefore to some extent be pursuing Him, even when I know that there is more !

3) This is going to be a more long-winded point.
I went to a lecture tonight at the University, which was entitled:"Right hand, left hand: Asymmetry in brains, bodies, atoms and cultures." It was really really interesting - I learnt a lot of new things, like for example the fact that our bodies are asymmetric and about 1 in 10,000 people have their bodies wired around the other way from most other people, so with their heart on the right instead of the left etc. It's called Situs Inversus ! Basically, it was an astounding story that he was piecing together, about how inherently more complex things are asymmetric. For example, the majority of humans are right-handed (although most other animals are about 50/50 right and left), but that this asymmetry only arises because of underlying other asymmetries etc... all the way down to atoms in our bodies and the laws of physics ! But I was sitting next to a friend, and she said to me (I can't remember how it came up exactly) something along the lines of that people see what they want to see; like if someone is obsessed with the number 13 they will see it everywhere.

Are we endanger of being accused of this as Christians ? That the only reason we see God everywhere is because we are looking for Him ?! I know that in "science and God" debates I have often heard the point that there are many scientists who see God in the complexity of things, but there are also many scientists who are atheists as they believe that science alone explains things without a need for God - both groups are accused of seeing what they want to see, when in fact, science IN ITSELF can neither prove or disprove God.

But then, on the other hand, take these Bible verses:

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matt 6:32-34

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:13

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matt 7:6-8

It says that when we seek, we will find. Implying that when we don't seek we don't find ? Hmmm...this would lead me nicely into an analogy that I like using sometimes...but that will have to wait for another blog post, as I really do need to go and get some sleep !


Questions, questions, and no easy answers. It's often the way, I start blogging thinking that I know what I'm going to write, but finding that it gets more confusing as I go along and process stuff ! Apologies for my incoherent ramblings.

But ultimately, however all of this stuff works out, it is encouraging and I know that the God of the Bible is, as I said in point 1, a HUGE God; He has made us creative people (in His image in fact, as He is the ultimate creator!) And I do definitely believe that He isn't limited to drawing us to Himself through only sermons at church or "Christian Music".

I shall end, as is fairly frequent on this blog I know, with some song lyrics; the opening two lines of a Steven Curtis Chapman Song:

"I found You in the most unlikely way.
But really it was You who found me"
- from the song "Remembering You" by SCC

Isn't God amazing...continued...

"So what can I say?
What can I do?
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours"

- from "The Stand", Hillsong

Isn't God amazing ?!!!!!

Isn't our God so amazing !

I am so amazed at how He continues to love me, even when I'm so rubbish, and how even when I've been being really bad at spending time with Him He still takes the time to tell me He loves me, in so many ways.

I am amazed at how He has blessed me, and continues to bless me SO much ! : I am amazed everytime at work when my supervisors tell me that they're pleased with my progress so far (when myself I get so frustrated with knowing that I want to do and be so much more !); I am amazed to have found this place where I am actually happy in what I'm doing (even if there is always far too much to do ;) I am amazed at how many amazing friends I have who I care for and who continue to care for me (even when they get to know me!); I am amazed at how amazing my family is. I am amazed at how God has given me this huge love of music and the accompanying ability to be able to play some music, and I am amazed at how He has led me to friends with whom I can share this love and with whom I can have such a wonderful time playing it !

I'm never the most eloquent of people, (or at least, I never feel it!); and words can never express how amazing He is anyway. Yet, I know in my heart that although there is still so much more to learn, to discover, to become, on this journey, there is also already SO much to be thankful for right here and now. He is at the heart of it all, and He is amazing :-)


"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" James 1:17


"The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17


"But the harder I try the more clearly can I feel
The depth of our fall and the weight of it all
And so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean

Glory, hallelujah
Glory, glory, hallelujah
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries “Holy, holy God”
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy, holy God

So here I am, all of me
Finally everything
Wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly Yours

I am wholly Yours

I am full of earth and dirt and You"

- from "Wholly Yours" by David Crowder

Another year older !

So, today I am another year older ! I've been having a really great birthday so far, having spent time with family this weekend, and played lots of music yesterday, and I will be celebrating with friends tomorrow evening! But most importantly, for me every birthday is a time when I celebrate again how amazing God is ! I wonder at the fact that He's taken care of me and loved me for thus many years, even when I wasn't aware of it or when I forget, and that He's going to continue to walk beside me and love me into the future. I've recently gotten Vicky Beeching's latest album, "Painting the Invisible", and listening to it the last song on the album really sums up how I feel today (and have been feeling in the run up to my birthday). I quote the lyrics for you below (the song is originally entitled "Twenty-Six summers", but when I play it on guitar I change the lyrics slightly...)

"I don't know what the future holds
Or what lies beyond my horizon
The years ahead are just out of sight
Well, I think sometimes that You hide them
So that I'll walk by faith not sight
So I'll take Your hand, holding tight

Through twenty-four summers
And twenty-four winters
I've laughed in the springtime
I've cried in the rain
Though I've questioned the meaning
Of some of life's seasons
It's true that they've left me holding on
Tighter to You

My one desire for the road ahead
Is that we would walk it together
Friend and King, You're my everything
May I stay by Your side forever
For when my heart's afraid, You're near
Whispering to my soul, 'don't fear'

Through twenty-four summers
And twenty-four winters
I've laughed in the springtime
I've cried in the rain
Though I've questioned the meaning
Of some of life's seasons
It's true that they've left me holding on
Tighter to You

And I will trust in You alone
For You're the hand leading me home
Leading me home.

I've spent twenty-four summers
And twenty-four winters with You
Through all of the seasons
And my search for reasons
You've carried me through

These twenty-four summers
And twenty-four winters
I've laughed in the springtime
I've cried in the rain
Though I've questioned the meaning
Of some of life's seasons
It's true that they've left me holding on
Tighter to You

I will keep holding on to You"

- Twenty-Six Summers
off the album "Painting the Invisible" by Vicky Beeching
(slight lyrics changes in italics mine)

"GraphJam"

Failblog, that I mentionned a couple of posts ago, has a number of 'sister sites', which recently I've been amusing myself by checking. I especially like a site called GraphJam, most of them on there are really well done. I saw this chart on it today and I think it's genius (other than their slight spelling mistake)...so true, lol...do go check out some of the others on the site...

Sailor Girl

For those of you who still read this, I just wanted to let you know that our latest recording "Sailor Girl" has now gone up on our myspace. Do have a listen and let us know what you think. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I do ! I've been very impatient over the last couple of days to hear how the final mix sounded, but I think it was worth the wait :-)

I love this song. In folk music there are lots of 'broken token' songs, where the song is about a girl sitting on the shore whose husband/boyfriend/lover has gone off to the sea/join the navy etc. So, with the navy now striving for equality, Glyn thought he'd write an equivalent song from a man's point of view, where a wife/girlfriend/lover had gone off to the sea. However this song, unlike many traditional broken token songs, does have a happy ending.

The song itself has evolved so much since Glyn and I first played it together. This particular version came together a couple of weekends ago, and now somehow I've ended up singing lead vocals (!) It does feel strange hearing myself sing lead for one of Glyn's songs, but on the other hand, it does allow him freedom to do some of the harmonies he's so good at doing !

So yes, anyway, I hope you enjoy ! A redone version of Lonely Mountain will also be appearing at some point, and then we have to wait for the next chance we get to do some more recording. I think "Your Father's Son" is next on the list for recording properly, but then that could easily change before the next session. We just have too many songs we want to record ! :-)

Happy Easter !

Music recording

As those of you who have been following my recent frequent changes of facebook status know, we (i.e. The Waterfront Project) are continuing to record tracks for the album and this week has been no exception. This past weekend we had an epic weekend of jamming, rehearsing, going to a session, and some recording. Then later in the week we had an intense evening of recording (probably the latest we've stayed up playing music as yet since the start of The Waterfront Project !)

Music recording can be soooo frustrating though ! I'm not done a lot of multi-track recording before, and as a consequence I underestimate the amount of time it takes to do things and the number of takes you have to do to record each part ! It's so different recording each part separately as opposed to playing live - I'm used to singing and playing guitar together, not having to concentrate on each one separately ! One feels there is an added level of pressure too, when you know you're playing/singing into a microphone and being recorded ! (Or at least, so i feel anyway). It takes so many takes to get each part right - as a musician, you know exactly how you want each part to go, yet so often you can have a take that is perfect apart from a couple of notes (meaning you have to rerecord, whereupon usually you get those notes correct this time, but some other ones seem to go wrong somehow!) Still, having said all of that, I think we got some good work done this week. Glyn is always very patient with me and is very good at trying to get me more relaxed and encouraging me that I can actually do it ! :-) It is fun too of course, as I love playing this music. And despite all the hard work, I feel very priviliged still to be involved, and wouldn't want to have it any other way. So yes, keep watching this space...

Extreme Shepherding

I think this is genius:

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/4/20090408/video/vod-extreme-shepherding-become-you-tube-f1a0497.html

"Extreme shepherding has become a huge hit on You Tube as Welsh farmers find a new way of keeping themselves amused."