As the very long title suggests, this post is again a slightly more serious one (tho no, I didn't really get anything productive done before bed last night).
I had a moment, or rather an hour, this afternoon where I was prompted to think about this issue (the one in the title). - And why is it, that I always have the most pressing and deep thoughts come to me in the middle of a really complicated lecture ? - I really couldn't concentrate on endocytosis this afternoon from 2 til 3, although I desperately tried ! Anyway, back to the point, again...I spose I hadn't been having a good day really. I'm terrible in the lab (or so I felt today). I keep knocking things over, and forgetting really little embarrassing things. (I don't know whether I'm cut out for a PhD really - especially given my newly discovered talent for making protein and DNA disappear !) I really am so not confident at all, and just keep wanting to look to David (who's supervising me) for everything, despite his best attempts to get me to think for myself !
But that doesn't just apply to the lab though. In all things, even when I may seem really confident, and like I know what I'm doing, I'm not at all ! (This is especially obvious when I'm required to take a lead in things, like in the lab, or worship leading, or organising events etc.) It's just SO frustrating, because I know that if I really understood, in my heart not just in my head, how much God really does love me and care for me and watch over me, that I wouldn't need to be that way. I so long to be a person who is full of confidence: not because of who I am and what I can do, but because of who God is and what He can do !! I suppose that is what being humble is all about, learning to see myself as God sees me, not as any more than I am but also importantly not as any less either. I think that this is one of my biggest struggles in life, and certainly it is at the moment. However, I can see that this is probably going to be a long journey which God's going to take me on, and unfortunately isn't something which is going to happen overnight, much as I'd like it to.
"If we could see how much You're worth; Your power, Your might, Your endless love, then surely we would never cease to praise ?!"
(From a song by the worship leader Matt Redman)
Anyway, as you can see, I do have deep thoughts sometimes, rather than just thinking about metaphorical holes :-) I'm slightly concerned about how much I've posted already, even though I have now had this blog for only 4 days !! So much happens when you're at uni in such a short space of time that it feels like, even with all this posting, my blog isn't really and accurately keeping up with my thought processes. Anyway, I'd better really go...and btw I'm sorry if this blog is getting too deep for some people (I'm just being honest about where I am at this moment). I will try to keep interspersing serious posts with more light hearted ones though :-) (I've just had a suggestion that I should write some jokes on my blog. Maybe I will start that up at some point ?)
p.s. disappointingly the snow didn't stick last night. So it wasn't white on the ground this morning, despite the amount that seemed to fall last night !!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
"Dashing through the snow..."
although NOT in a one-horse open sleigh, as the song might suggest. Sorry for the title: I know it's still a good while til Christmas (tho I spose Advent does start soon so soon it will be allowable to start singing Christmas songs) but it just had to be done.
Let me explain the relevance of this phrase...
1) It snowed today,
2) It was snowing while I was dashing up to Woodies for the meal tonight...hence giving me a flash of inspiration for this, my next blog post. :-)
After a fairly long day (as per usual at the moment. - Note to self, protein gels are always more complicated and take longer to run than you think they're going to), I finally left the lab 5.15 ish, dashed back to our house, then after a brief bung of things into a smaller handbag, a change of clothes and a quick check on my blog I dashed out again - in the snow (hence post title). There was a meal at 6 for all those involved in the worship team at Woodies, whether musically, or with pa (scary things!) or words etc. Was really nice actually. I knew more people than I thought I was going to, what with some of the people I know best involved in worship not being there tonight, and not that already knowing people is really what's important at something like that...It went far too fast though ! I met a few new people, and chatted more to a couple of other people I know a little, or have seen around but never really spoken to, but not to as many as I would have liked. They'll have to have another such meal again. Was also quite exciting when Dave got us all to stand up in turn and say what we played/wanted to get involved in helping with etc. There's such a range of giftings in the church. (Although I was slightly embarrassed when it was my turn and I had to say I played Keys, guitar, bass AND I sang !)
But Dave M (pastor at Woodies central for those who don't go to Woodies) gave us a few things to chew over (again, metaphorically, not actually to chew on, in fact the curry didn't really require much chewing...but anyway, back to the point again...). I hadn't really thought about the fact that as Musicians we're artists in a way, and are creative people who can have quite sensitive personalities. That's one of those things you hear, but I never quite realised it might apply to me before. Also, when he spoke about us doing church on so many levels ('big church and small church and in-between church') and that we're each going to have different levels which we fit best to. I'd never really thought in that way before...I've always just thought that-well, I've been asked to do this, but I'm not very good at doing it, and don't feel very confident here, how do I change that, rather than trying to think - actually, where do I feel most able to contribute to church life and on what level do I think I can serve best. Not that that means of course that there aren't going to be times when God will challenge me to move into a place where I don't necessarily feel comfortable...maybe some of you will know what I mean.
Anyway, mammoth post again (you'll come to realise I'm good at that). So, well done for making it this far, but in case you've forgotten what I've been trying to say, I shall attempt to summarise:
Summary= 1) We had exciting snow today, 2) this evening I went to an exciting meal for worship team people at Woodies and got me thinking about various things, 3) I cannot write concisely and 4) I've just written my first vaguely serious post !!
I shall now go and attempt to do something productive before bed...
Let me explain the relevance of this phrase...
1) It snowed today,
2) It was snowing while I was dashing up to Woodies for the meal tonight...hence giving me a flash of inspiration for this, my next blog post. :-)
After a fairly long day (as per usual at the moment. - Note to self, protein gels are always more complicated and take longer to run than you think they're going to), I finally left the lab 5.15 ish, dashed back to our house, then after a brief bung of things into a smaller handbag, a change of clothes and a quick check on my blog I dashed out again - in the snow (hence post title). There was a meal at 6 for all those involved in the worship team at Woodies, whether musically, or with pa (scary things!) or words etc. Was really nice actually. I knew more people than I thought I was going to, what with some of the people I know best involved in worship not being there tonight, and not that already knowing people is really what's important at something like that...It went far too fast though ! I met a few new people, and chatted more to a couple of other people I know a little, or have seen around but never really spoken to, but not to as many as I would have liked. They'll have to have another such meal again. Was also quite exciting when Dave got us all to stand up in turn and say what we played/wanted to get involved in helping with etc. There's such a range of giftings in the church. (Although I was slightly embarrassed when it was my turn and I had to say I played Keys, guitar, bass AND I sang !)
But Dave M (pastor at Woodies central for those who don't go to Woodies) gave us a few things to chew over (again, metaphorically, not actually to chew on, in fact the curry didn't really require much chewing...but anyway, back to the point again...). I hadn't really thought about the fact that as Musicians we're artists in a way, and are creative people who can have quite sensitive personalities. That's one of those things you hear, but I never quite realised it might apply to me before. Also, when he spoke about us doing church on so many levels ('big church and small church and in-between church') and that we're each going to have different levels which we fit best to. I'd never really thought in that way before...I've always just thought that-well, I've been asked to do this, but I'm not very good at doing it, and don't feel very confident here, how do I change that, rather than trying to think - actually, where do I feel most able to contribute to church life and on what level do I think I can serve best. Not that that means of course that there aren't going to be times when God will challenge me to move into a place where I don't necessarily feel comfortable...maybe some of you will know what I mean.
Anyway, mammoth post again (you'll come to realise I'm good at that). So, well done for making it this far, but in case you've forgotten what I've been trying to say, I shall attempt to summarise:
Summary= 1) We had exciting snow today, 2) this evening I went to an exciting meal for worship team people at Woodies and got me thinking about various things, 3) I cannot write concisely and 4) I've just written my first vaguely serious post !!
I shall now go and attempt to do something productive before bed...
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Definition of Rambling...
Rambling = "digressive: (of e.g. speech and writing) tending to depart from the main point or cover a wide range of subjects"
...as sayeth Google. Although, I hope I will be able to at a later stage write slightly more serious and thought provoking posts, which do stick to the main point ! *Disappears back into hole after brief appearance."
...as sayeth Google. Although, I hope I will be able to at a later stage write slightly more serious and thought provoking posts, which do stick to the main point ! *Disappears back into hole after brief appearance."
Feeling under pressure
Hmmm, having now started this blog, I'm beginning to feel the pressure of having to try and think up something interesting to post - especially seeing the number of people who have been on the site even though I only started it yesterday ! And I'm sure I'll get more used to it with time, but at the moment it just feels weird thinking that everything I write down here will be seen by quite a lot of my friends...so I want to keep it honest etc. but at the same time remembering that this isn't a private journal :-)
At least I have a few more links now. But I have yet to work out the name of the timezone we are on...I tried another one this morning, but obviously that wasn't right cause I hasten to reassure you that I WASN'T posting at that early an hour this morning ! If anyone has any suggestions do comment and let me know !!!
This weekend has been going far too quickly. I had all sorts of things I wanted to do (surprisingly starting a blog was not one of them, but hey !) and haven't done, and tomorrow's monday again. Today has just vanished. Was playing Keys at Woodies this morning, which proved to be interesting...but that's a long story. Then had a good friend round for lunch, which was really cool, and we had a good jamming session before lunch, but hasn't helped with my 'trying to tick things off my to-do list'. Then I'm out again this evening. Maybe I should just give up and be resigned to the fact that this 'to-do list' is going to stay very long for a long time !
This is proving to be a long post, considering that at the start I had nothing to say. But then I spose that suits the title of this blog well - I can indeed be very good at Rambling, as one particular good friend on the receiving end of many a several-pager e-mail will tell you :-) Mwahaha, what a good idea blogs are...just another way of me being able to ramble on and on and on and on.............*Embarrassed smiley - will go and hide in a hole now* (Or at least a metaphorical hole; I wouldn't like to go and hide in a real hole. Ok I really am rambling now. I'd better stop before I dig the hole any bigger!)
At least I have a few more links now. But I have yet to work out the name of the timezone we are on...I tried another one this morning, but obviously that wasn't right cause I hasten to reassure you that I WASN'T posting at that early an hour this morning ! If anyone has any suggestions do comment and let me know !!!
This weekend has been going far too quickly. I had all sorts of things I wanted to do (surprisingly starting a blog was not one of them, but hey !) and haven't done, and tomorrow's monday again. Today has just vanished. Was playing Keys at Woodies this morning, which proved to be interesting...but that's a long story. Then had a good friend round for lunch, which was really cool, and we had a good jamming session before lunch, but hasn't helped with my 'trying to tick things off my to-do list'. Then I'm out again this evening. Maybe I should just give up and be resigned to the fact that this 'to-do list' is going to stay very long for a long time !
This is proving to be a long post, considering that at the start I had nothing to say. But then I spose that suits the title of this blog well - I can indeed be very good at Rambling, as one particular good friend on the receiving end of many a several-pager e-mail will tell you :-) Mwahaha, what a good idea blogs are...just another way of me being able to ramble on and on and on and on.............*Embarrassed smiley - will go and hide in a hole now* (Or at least a metaphorical hole; I wouldn't like to go and hide in a real hole. Ok I really am rambling now. I'd better stop before I dig the hole any bigger!)
Woo-hoo !
After much fiddling around (pretty much since my first post actually) I think I'm STARTING to get the hang of this business...is pretty scary being confronted by all this programming when you:
a) have never really seen any before,
b) when it comes to computers, are probably the (or one of the) world's worst person(s) at doing even 'simple' things like using word and excel let alone more complex things, and
c) ummm, well it just is scary ok !
But go me (!) , I've finally managed to work my way down the Html code and work out how to make my links open in a new window ! (Now for those of you who are perfectly at home with blogging and with computer programming this may not seem very impressive, but I can assure you that for me it's no mean feat, so shhh.)
Anyway...I'm spending far too long on this computer of mine. I should go and do something (or anything) more productive. Will blog again soon. (Is 'to blog' a word ? Or is there another technical term for describing the addition of a new post to one's blog ?) :-)
xx
a) have never really seen any before,
b) when it comes to computers, are probably the (or one of the) world's worst person(s) at doing even 'simple' things like using word and excel let alone more complex things, and
c) ummm, well it just is scary ok !
But go me (!) , I've finally managed to work my way down the Html code and work out how to make my links open in a new window ! (Now for those of you who are perfectly at home with blogging and with computer programming this may not seem very impressive, but I can assure you that for me it's no mean feat, so shhh.)
Anyway...I'm spending far too long on this computer of mine. I should go and do something (or anything) more productive. Will blog again soon. (Is 'to blog' a word ? Or is there another technical term for describing the addition of a new post to one's blog ?) :-)
xx
Entry to the blogging world at last !
Hi people,
I've decided that it's about time for me to join the blogging world !! I just feel the need of somewhere I can post about things I've been thinking about (plus the fact that it'll mean that no longer will it be the case that I know what friends are thinking, from their blogs, but they have no idea how I am, lol.)
It might take me a while though to get used to remembering to post, and for me to get the site looking how I want it to - (being a great technaphobe usually) - so bear with me, and I hope that some of the things I say on here might be useful to get other people thinking, rather than just being me ranting about things...
Later.
Ro
xx
p.s. don't 'dis' the pink - I think it's cool for a change. :-)
I've decided that it's about time for me to join the blogging world !! I just feel the need of somewhere I can post about things I've been thinking about (plus the fact that it'll mean that no longer will it be the case that I know what friends are thinking, from their blogs, but they have no idea how I am, lol.)
It might take me a while though to get used to remembering to post, and for me to get the site looking how I want it to - (being a great technaphobe usually) - so bear with me, and I hope that some of the things I say on here might be useful to get other people thinking, rather than just being me ranting about things...
Later.
Ro
xx
p.s. don't 'dis' the pink - I think it's cool for a change. :-)
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