You may think I’m optimistic, always one to smile in the
morning, to embrace the day with joy, to always look for the silver lining,
even when it’s hard to find.
But you don’t SEE the internal battle that I go through each
morning, just to get out of bed, to sometimes fight exhaustion, to persuade myself
that this day is a day worth living. You don’t SEE how I have to speak to my
soul, to tell it not to be so downcast, that I really can put my hope in God;
that I can choose to praise Him, regardless of how I feel.
Yet there IS one who SEES. He SEES each time I choose to
lift my eyes to Him, the one where my help comes from, rather than let myself
be swept away in a flood of self-pity and hopelessness. He tells me that this
is a day that He has made, and I can rejoice in it. He lifts me out of the
chaos, the slimy pit, the mud and mire, and places my feet upon a rock, a high
place, where I can SEE through His eyes. He puts a new song in my mouth, a hymn
of praise that I can sing, for many to SEE and to cause many to put their trust
in Him.
I smile because He has made me glad, and I am learning that His joy can
be my strength.
You may think that I exude peace, that I calmly face every
situation and take it in my stride.
But you don’t HEAR the internal voices in my head, telling
me that I just can’t do it, that everything’s going to go wrong, that it will be just like all the times I have messed up before, that I can’t
speak out as I won’t say the right thing, that I will just make everything
worse, that I should just not bother. And you don’t know how instead I’ve been
learning to HEAR and focus on the song that He’s singing over me, which He’s
actually been singing all along; the glorious song that speaks truth and life
into my entire being.
Yet there IS one who HEARS. He rejoices over me with
singing, and He longs for me to always HEAR that song, to make it my overriding
obsession, to live HEARING it and helping others to HEAR it too. He HEARS my cries
for help in the midst of the storms ranging inside of me. He is the one who
tells me to give thanks and lift all my worries up to Him. He is the one whose
peace can calm that storm, like He calmed that other storm so long ago. His
peace can cover my worries and doubts in a way that even I can’t understand. When
I trust in Him, He promises to keep my mind steadfast and in perfect peace. He
is the one who tells me to have courage because He is with me, and because when
we are together, nothing is impossible.
He has given me His peace, and I am
learning not to try to do everything on my own.
You may think that I’m confident, that I know who I am and I
fight hard for what I believe in, that I’m successful in all that I do.
But you don’t KNOW how scared I can be inside, how much I
feel like a failure, all the time, a disappointment, never good enough whatever
I do, not worthy of anyone’s love, let alone His. You don’t KNOW how much I
often want to just curl up into a ball and disappear. And you don’t KNOW how
instead I’m gradually learning to KNOW and experience His love, above the fear.
Yet there IS one who KNOWS. He KNOWS the deepest parts of
me, which you don’t SEE, HEAR or KNOW. And yet, He doesn’t just begrudgingly
bear with me, but He actually delights in me. He loves me, with an everlasting
love. Nothing can separate me from that love, not circumstances, or my
mistakes, or anything else in all of creation. That love is perfect, and when I
experience it, in a real and deep and true and tangible way, there is no room
left for fear, it just goes. His love is wider, longer, higher, deeper, that I
can ever KNOW or understand. He sees my mistakes, every single one of them, and
yet He picks me up again each time. He tells me that His grace covers me, and
He holds out His hand to lift me up, encouraging me to go again, hand in hand
with Him. Not only does He pick me up, but He then actually puts me in a
position of responsibility, (who, me?!), where others look to me for
leadership. It is here where I find that actually He has placed a lot of things inside of
me, which I didn’t KNOW about before but I find are a blessing and
encouragement to other people, which in turn encourages me. He tells me that He
is well pleased with me, not because I am good enough in my own strength, but
because He loves me and He IS good enough; He paid the price for me, and He
loves me so much. I can be His child – if I only choose to be. He is proud of me;
and if He is proud of me, then who am I to be disappointed in myself?
He has
freely given me His love, and I am learning to walk with confidence because I KNOW
that I am loved and I KNOW who my Father is.
So why don't YOU join me on this great adventure? Won't you accept His invitation...to choose to lift your eyes to SEE Him, regardless of your circumstances; to HEAR
the song that He is singing over you, above those other voices; and to KNOW His
love, in the depth of your being, driving out all fear?
He sees. He hears. He knows.
