Sometimes I don't like Christmas

I thought that might get your attention. I actually love many things about Christmas - I love all the decorations, and the lights that bring a smile to my face in these cold, dark days of winter. I love the fact that it provides many opportunities for people to get together, to spend time with one another in community. And I love the fact that it gives me an excuse to sing and listen to Christmas carols - those familiar songs of my childhood, that bring back memories as the words so easily trip off my tongue, but yet contain truths that are timeless and impact me afresh each year.

And yet, there are so many people who don't like Christmas, and the more I think about it, the more I sympathise with them. Some people don't have families that they can celebrate with, or who they can enjoy spending time with (for a variety of reasons). And there is so much about our cultural "Christmas" that seems fake, fake like the Christmas trees that many of us have in our houses - they may look good for a season, but we all know they're not the real thing. We watch all of the adverts and the Christmas films, and the message seems to be one of "forced happiness". We can even talk about how we're 'not feeling Christmassy yet'; that is, if we're not feeling 'in the Christmas mood' (i.e. all excited, happy, joyful and all warm and fuzzy inside) there must be something wrong, and we need to re-evaluate our lives! The message seems to be that it doesn't matter what's really going on - just bury it, smile, and pretend that everything is ok even if it's not, just for a few days; reality can wait until January...

But I'm discovering the good news that this isn't the only message of Christmas. At Christmas, many of us also celebrate the time when Jesus was born. Jesus is the centre of the Christian faith, and there is a lot of historical evidence that Jesus was a real man who walked on this earth (a whole blog post in itself! I recommend this book for further reading on this topic.). Some people (me included) also believe that he was more just than a man - that the mystery of Christmas is that God came down to this earth and was born in Bethlehem; that Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us in the flesh (crazy, right?!).

I love the reality in this story - that God didn't stay distant from us. He showed us that he isn't a God who just wants to put a band-aid on our brokeness, and force us to worship him with fake smiles on our faces. No. He is a God who entered into our reality; he didn't shy away from it, and he doesn't expect us to either. Yet he didn't just enter into the reality of our brokenness and pain, he also confronted it (and ultimately defeated it).And he does so still - God with us, Emmanuel...if we want to let him be.

There is a verse in the Bible where Jesus says: " Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." Eating with someone implies a deep, real and meaningful connection. Yet, he doesn't force his way in, but simply offers us an invitation - it's up to us as to whether we accept or not. A few weeks ago I was at a conference where the keynote presentations were on mental health (understanding the concerns better, and knowing how to respond well in the context of being a youth worker). One of the most powerful moments for me, which has stayed strongly with me since, was when one of the speakers was talking about the struggles her daughter had gone through with an issue that had very serious implications for her health. When her daughter was at one of her lowest moments, she had gone to a Christian festival. In one of the main worship times, she had ended up lying face-down in the mud, wondering how she would ever have the strength to stand back up again. But then she had a vision of Jesus...he wasn't doing anything in particular, or saying anything in particular, but silently he came and laid face-down in the mud beside her. He then turned to her and said:"I'm ready when you are".

Jesus does that still; he doesn't ignore our reality, or just tell us to pull ourselves together, but he enters into it with us, and invites us to lean on his strength to help us get back up again, out of the mud. He is so gentle, and kind, and yet also has the power to back up the things he says. Through Jesus, it is possible for each one of us to have a living, and real connection with the God who made us and also loves us with an everlasting love. Celebrating the birth of Jesus gives us a real hope, one that doesn't ignore the facts, but is even more real than our circumstances, a hope that we can cling to whatever we may walk through on this earth.

I want to know this God more - not just in a "smile and say everything is fine, and say the right Christian words" way, but in an utterly real way, where I let my guard down (because I have learnt to trust him enough to do that); where I let God be present with me in my every moment, where I let him into all of my mess, believing that as I do so, that's when he can start to bring beauty out of the brokeness; bring order out of the chaos; and cause joy (real, deep and lasting joy) to fill my heart.

So if this speaks to you this Christmas season, know that our stories aren't over yet - there is so much that God wants to unfold in your life, if you will just let him! Ask him: "God, if this is really true, if you are really real, show me the reality of your goodness". What have you got to lose? At worst, you will feel a little foolish, and have a few less minutes of your life. At best, you will have a new connection with someone who can help you navigate life. I have started out on this journey...Won't you join me?

 

 

This is your invitation.

 

 

 

[Disclaimer: note that my intention with these sorts of posts is never to try to invalidate or disrespect what  any of you may believe. I am simply trying to give a voice to some of the journey that I have been walking, with the hope that in the process I may provide some encouragement and challenge to you also!].   

You don't know - a poem/prose/reflection

You may think I’m optimistic, always one to smile in the morning, to embrace the day with joy, to always look for the silver lining, even when it’s hard to find.

But you don’t SEE the internal battle that I go through each morning, just to get out of bed, to sometimes fight exhaustion, to persuade myself that this day is a day worth living. You don’t SEE how I have to speak to my soul, to tell it not to be so downcast, that I really can put my hope in God; that I can choose to praise Him, regardless of how I feel.

Yet there IS one who SEES. He SEES each time I choose to lift my eyes to Him, the one where my help comes from, rather than let myself be swept away in a flood of self-pity and hopelessness. He tells me that this is a day that He has made, and I can rejoice in it. He lifts me out of the chaos, the slimy pit, the mud and mire, and places my feet upon a rock, a high place, where I can SEE through His eyes. He puts a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise that I can sing, for many to SEE and to cause many to put their trust in Him. 

I smile because He has made me glad, and I am learning that His joy can be my strength.

                                                                                                  

You may think that I exude peace, that I calmly face every situation and take it in my stride.

But you don’t HEAR the internal voices in my head, telling me that I just can’t do it, that everything’s going to go wrong, that it will be just like all the times I have messed up before, that I can’t speak out as I won’t say the right thing, that I will just make everything worse, that I should just not bother. And you don’t know how instead I’ve been learning to HEAR and focus on the song that He’s singing over me, which He’s actually been singing all along; the glorious song that speaks truth and life into my entire being.

Yet there IS one who HEARS. He rejoices over me with singing, and He longs for me to always HEAR that song, to make it my overriding obsession, to live HEARING it and helping others to HEAR it too. He HEARS my cries for help in the midst of the storms ranging inside of me. He is the one who tells me to give thanks and lift all my worries up to Him. He is the one whose peace can calm that storm, like He calmed that other storm so long ago. His peace can cover my worries and doubts in a way that even I can’t understand. When I trust in Him, He promises to keep my mind steadfast and in perfect peace. He is the one who tells me to have courage because He is with me, and because when we are together, nothing is impossible. 

He has given me His peace, and I am learning not to try to do everything on my own.

                                                                                                  

You may think that I’m confident, that I know who I am and I fight hard for what I believe in, that I’m successful in all that I do.

But you don’t KNOW how scared I can be inside, how much I feel like a failure, all the time, a disappointment, never good enough whatever I do, not worthy of anyone’s love, let alone His. You don’t KNOW how much I often want to just curl up into a ball and disappear. And you don’t KNOW how instead I’m gradually learning to KNOW and experience His love, above the fear.

Yet there IS one who KNOWS. He KNOWS the deepest parts of me, which you don’t SEE, HEAR or KNOW. And yet, He doesn’t just begrudgingly bear with me, but He actually delights in me. He loves me, with an everlasting love. Nothing can separate me from that love, not circumstances, or my mistakes, or anything else in all of creation. That love is perfect, and when I experience it, in a real and deep and true and tangible way, there is no room left for fear, it just goes. His love is wider, longer, higher, deeper, that I can ever KNOW or understand. He sees my mistakes, every single one of them, and yet He picks me up again each time. He tells me that His grace covers me, and He holds out His hand to lift me up, encouraging me to go again, hand in hand with Him. Not only does He pick me up, but He then actually puts me in a position of responsibility, (who, me?!), where others look to me for leadership. It is here where I find that actually He has placed a lot of things inside of me, which I didn’t KNOW about before but I find are a blessing and encouragement to other people, which in turn encourages me. He tells me that He is well pleased with me, not because I am good enough in my own strength, but because He loves me and He IS good enough; He paid the price for me, and He loves me so much. I can be His child – if I only choose to be. He is proud of me; and if He is proud of me, then who am I to be disappointed in myself? 

He has freely given me His love, and I am learning to walk with confidence because I KNOW that I am loved and I KNOW who my Father is.

                                                                                                  

So why don't YOU join me on this great adventure? Won't you accept His invitation...to choose to lift your eyes to SEE Him, regardless of your circumstances; to HEAR the song that He is singing over you, above those other voices; and to KNOW His love, in the depth of your being, driving out all fear?

He sees. He hears. He knows.  

Happy New Year (a new thing)

So, it's nearly 2014! Another new year! There are always mixed reactions to celebrating New Year, but I’ve really noticed it this year more than ever, due partly to having quite a few friends who have had a really tough time of it in 2013. I can see their view point…there is definitely a lot of expectation put on the one evening of New Year’s Eve, and if 2013 has been a tough year (which I know it has been for many of you) then why indeed would you want to celebrate its passing (at least, with anything more than sheer relief!) My natural optimistic instinct is to just want to give the people concerned a great big hug, tell them that somehow it’s going to be ok, and to want to make everything better for them – I don’t like knowing that people are hurting (it makes me hurt too!) But, it turns out that I can’t just magically make things better with optimism, no matter how hard I try to think of the right things to do or say.

The good news though, is that I can do something much better. Firstly, I can continue to pray for you. And secondly, I can share with you what I know of the hope that is based on solid promises, rather than optimism – and I happen to trust the one who has made those promises (although, I don’t trust Him nearly as much as I want to or know I should – but that’s a whole different blog post!)

Most of you will by now know that Steven Curtis Chapman is one of my favourite singer-songwriters (for various reasons, which I won’t go into here). He has written this song called Happy new Year, which is at the end of his latest Christmas album. It ends with hope for the year to come:
“The God who made everything, is remaking everything.
The God who made everything, He says I’m making all things new”.

This ties in amazingly with Bible Gateway’s verse of the day for today (which I get delivered to my inbox every day):
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43: 18-19.

Now this prophecy was written to a people who had really had a tough time of it. They, of all people, would have had a reason to “dwell in the past” and on the “former things”. Yet, they are given this promise to hold onto, to look and see that God is doing a new thing: He is making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland – i.e. bringing life to places that were formerly only places of death, where anything other than death seemed like an impossibility. Some of 2013 may have looked like a wilderness or a wasteland to you, and you aren't sure how things could ever get better. But, with God, nothing is impossible. I had no idea how I was going to find a job after completing my PhD at the end of last year (or what that job should even be), but God found me one. Then, I had no idea how to find somewhere to live in my new town, this place I didn't know at all - but God found me somewhere. I had no idea how to find a new church family to connect into - but God found me an amazing one(!) You get the picture. (There are still plenty more difficult situations that have yet to be resolved, but I know that my God will somehow make a way!) 

I also think of a passage in another Old Testament book of the Bible:
“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:19-23

God’s compassions are new not just every year, but every day (and actually, also every moment of every day!) The coming of a new year just gives us a good chance to stop and reflect. Yes it is a chance to remember with thanks the good things from 2013. But it is also a chance to remember that however hard 2013 has been, we don’t have to get stuck there and dwell in the things now from our past, but we can move on, with hope and expectation, into all that the future brings – that God is doing a new thing.

Up until fairly recently I found it really hard to think about the future. I suppose it was a result of the (mostly self-imposed) pressure of having to choose “the perfect” subjects for GCSE (then for A-level, then for university, then for a job…the list goes on; I don’t know if anyone else can relate to this?!) I used to look into the future and just get paralysed with fear, so it was easier not to look there at all, and just go with the flow of what was happening right now, but without any goals or direction (because that would involve thinking about the future!) But I have been, and am still being, more and more freed from this paralysing fear, such that I can now look at the future. I still don’t know what’s ahead, and it still scares me a bit, but whatever lies ahead, I know the One who walks beside me  (and I know that he has also placed some amazing people around me, for me to also walk with and encourage/ be encouraged by!) And I know that 2014 will be a good year. I was challenged a few weeks ago to think about what my expectations were for 2014. I didn’t have an answer at the time, but I think I do now (at least partly). What are your expectations for 2014?

So, Happy New Year, and every blessing for the year ahead :)

Declaration of Dependence

Leadership is a funny thing.  We think of leaders as the ones up front, forging ahead, being strong, always knowing what they are doing. 

At the moment I am being asked to step into various leadership roles, such as leading worship at church on a Sunday morning.  Now, being up front would normally be the last place I would choose to put myself – I far prefer hiding away in a corner where no one can see me, but apparently God has other ideas about where He wants to put me!  (This relates back to a previous post about how, even though following God may at times be scary and can take me to places where I wouldn’t choose to put myself, it’s the only place I want to be, as I want to be where He is and where He’s taking me!)  I mean, this very weekend last year I was part of a band playing to a large crowd of people at the Washington Folk Festival, and now tomorrow, here I will be again in front of lots of people, leading worship – neither of which I regret at all, I’m being stretched, but neither of which would I have thought to place myself in!

The thing is though, the thing that I have to keep reminding myself of daily at the moment, is that actually it isn’t about me.  My temptation is to look at myself and feel terrified as I do not at all feel up to the job being asked of me!  Yes I know that I have developed certain musical skills over the years and I have led worship before (just not in main church), but in the moment I still feel scared, and it all feels a bit overwhelming to be honest!  But that is what happens when I look at myself and my own abilities. 

When I choose to fix my eyes on God instead, what happens is that I begin to realise that He is actually the one who is working through me!  I just do my bit, (preparing songs, practising, praying…), and then I have to just trust and leave the rest up to Him, trusting that He has a plan and He knows what He’s doing (even when my feelings are still wondering what He’s thinking, using me at all!) 

There is this wonderful passage in the Bible which I’ve been reading of late, where Jesus says:

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”  John15:4-5    

My tendency, and I think our tendency in general as a culture, is to want to be self-sufficient; to not have to rely on anyone.  Everything around us shouts this to us, how we need to learn to stand on our own two feet.  To us, the word dependency has acquired somewhat of a negative connotation!  To us, it implies weakness (which we don’t like to admit to), and a lack of confidence in ourselves and our own abilities.  But, this doesn’t stop our deep desire for something to trust in and hold onto. On one hand we want to do things our own way and be independent, yet we still end up turning to things and people to fill something in us – be it a reliance on an iphone or ipad, or be it a need to meet with a friend every week, or even a need to have a girlfriend or boyfriend to “complete us”; whatever it is.  Newton Faulkner sums this position up beautifully in his song “I need something”.  He sings:

“I need something to believe in

Cos I don't believe in myself
I'm sick and tired of getting nowhere
Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind anymore

And I don't mind anymore

And I need someone to put my trust in

Cos I ain't trusting myself
And I'm scared of failure
So scared of success
Guess it'll all work out”

As he says, deep down, we know what we’re really like.  We’re actually scared to trust in ourselves, and we put on this confident front before other people yet inside we feel like frauds, and are scared what would happen if people found out what we were really like.  And we can end up just coping out, and trying to tell ourselves that we don’t care anymore, and we try to persuade ourselves that surely it will just all work out?  (When actually, inside, perhaps we do still care, but have just given up hope, that it actually will work out?!)

Yet through this passage about vines and branches the Bible says dependency on someone other than ourselves is actually how it’s meant to be, but that we’re meant to be dependent on our creator, and not in ourselves or in all these other things; it’s the natural way of things.  Using the example that Steven Curtis Chapman explores in his song "Declaration of Dependence", a flower doesn’t say to the sky: “you know, I just don’t need this sun you give me, or this rain; I can grow on my own thanks very much”.  Just like a branch doesn’t cut itself off from the life-giving vine and then expect to produce fruit on its own.  We find that it’s actually when we learn what it means to be dependent again, but really and truly dependent in the right person, that that’s when life runs through us and fruit is produced.  When we learn to trust in God more and more, and learn to abide in Him, that’s when His love, and life, and goodness and grace can flow all the more through us.  I want to be that person; I want to learn to trust Him more and let Him work through me.  My fears just serve to hold me back and actually get in the way.  Although, having said this, perhaps some nervousness is still a good thing – as it reminds me that actually, I’m not doing this in my own strength, but in the life-giving strength of the true vine.  Yet, I can also be completely confident, knowing that it’s not up to me to make things happen!  How freeing is that :)  I want to sing, no, I want to shout “my declaration of dependence on the one who gave His life for me.”  (And the most awesome thing is that, actually, we find we aren’t frauds at all – God sees the very deepest parts of who we are, and yet STILL He chooses to love us and to work through us; how awesome is that?!!! :)  Oh, and also, it actually is gonna be alright.

Great Expectations

I’ve been thinking lately (dangerous, I know ;) about expectations, and what it means to live life as an expectant person. 

I have heard many times, that we should live full of expectancy.  There are many examples, such as the fact that in life in general we should go into our day, not with resignation that it’s just another day to survive through, but that each new day is an opportunity to grow, to walk with God, and to see Him do amazing things; if only we’re on the lookout for it.  Also, it is often said that we should come to church with expectant hearts for what God is going to do – not coming because it’s “just another service, and it’s what I do on a Sunday”. 

This is backed up by many places in the Bible that talk about expectancy.  For example James1:5-8:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord."

or Luke11:9-13

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Now, I know that I should be expectant in theory, but what does it look like in practise?  In reality, sticking with the example of a church service, I can often come on a Sunday morning either in a place of discouragement, just coming on autopilot a bit, or in a place where I’m so excited about what God’s doing.  (And often places in between too, but let’s stick to looking at the 2 extremes for now.)  You’d think that it’s when I come in excitement that that will be when I hear from God the most.  In fact, I often find it to be quite the opposite.  It’s often when I come expecting nothing, that I find God picks me up and encourages me, and then perhaps challenges me with something new, so I learn a lot!  In contrast, it’s often those times when I “think” I am coming with an expectant heart that I can leave feeling a bit disappointed, feeling like God hasn’t met those expectations.  So, what’s going on?

I think the key is that I only “think” I am coming with an expectant heart; I think that there is a difference between being expectant and expecting God to work in a certain way.  If I come to something with wrong expectations, then actually, perhaps it shouldn’t be all that surprising that I can feel disappointed if those expectations aren’t met!  If I have wrong expectations, actually perhaps that makes it harder for me to hear God, as all of my thoughts and plans get in the way, and He has to push through those first before I can hear.  The problem is that this is so subtle.  I don’t intentionally come to church with the wrong expectations, it’s just that in my need to plan things and know what is coming next, I don’t like stopping at just being expectant, but often my heart progresses to wondering what could happen – for example, if I’ve been excited about something lately, I could end up going expectant that I’ll hear some more on this subject, when in fact God may have something completely different that He wants to tell me today!

What particularly brought this home was something I was reading last week.  At breakfast-time each day I’m currently re-reading this amazing book called "Walking with God", by John Eldredge.  In the section I read that morning, it said:

“Our day-to-day grind isn’t anything close to Eden, and our hurting and desperate hearts look for something to which we can attach all those yearnings.  We’ll settle for a doughnut if that’s all there is to look forward to.  We have to be careful what we give our hearts over to.”

Now, that isn’t to say that using specific things to motivate ourselves is necessarily all bad in itself (i.e. I have an essay due in, I’ll look forward to the fact that if I work hard I can go out this evening…)  I think the problem comes when we lean on those things as the only thing that gets us through the day!  What then happens when those things get taken away from us and our hopes are dashed?  What do we do if for some reason I don’t have time to eat that doughnut after all or someone else eats it instead of me?  Or that friend can’t actually meet up with me in the end and has to cancel?  What then? 

What are we choosing to put our daily hope in?  The Bible also says that the Lord delights in those who put their hope in his unfailing love.  Other verses on this topic:

“But I trust in Your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me” (Psalm13:5, NLT)

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”  (Psalm143:8, NIV)

 “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  (Lamentations3:21-23)

And these aren't just fluffy thoughts, for when everything in life is going well.  If you read them in context, most of these Psalms were written by King David when he was in the midst of really hard situations!  It is a principle for both the good and the tough times.

There’s also this great hymn (“Solid Rock”), which has recently been revived by Hillsong (and entitled Cornerstone):

“My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I did not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name”

The conclusion that I’m slowly coming to, is that actually, what it comes down to, is that as we learn to stand more and more on God’s promises and what He says is true, as we align ourselves daily with who He says He is and who we therefore are, as we daily surrender our plans, hopes and dreams into His hands, and as we place our hopes solely in his unfailing and unchanging love, then we will be free to more and more be able to hear his heartbeat for our day, for a church service, just for everything in life; We will come with the right expectations!

And we will be able to choose to SEE.  Mary Beth Chapman (the wife of Steven Curtis Chapman) has written this incredible book, "Choosing to See", which talks really honestly about how her life really hasn’t gone in the direction she planned (she wanted a nice, organised, scheduled life, but instead ended up married to a Grammy-winning singer-songwriter with crazy touring schedules, and as the mum to 6 kids – one of whom is now in heaven, as of 2008).  But she takes us with her on her journey, of how she’s been learning to SEE what God is doing.  I think that’s so it – that we need to not be disappointed by what has or hasn’t happened (and we most definitely need to not let that put us off from continuing to be expectant!), but we instead need to choose to SEE what God IS doing, even when it doesn’t necessarily match up with what I would like Him to be doing.  Or we at least need to be willing to see.

I most definitely don’t have this sorted in my head or heart yet, (I am again thinking aloud), and I would definitely be interested in hearing what you think.  But for now, I’ll just finish with the words of another SCC song, Great Expectations:

“The morning finds me here at heaven's door

A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on

And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations.

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul

Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Saviour of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

We've been invited with the Son

And we've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations” 

re:creation

As is the current theme at the moment, this morning I was reading something and it gave completely new life to a concept that I thought I understood, yet I find that I didn’t really at all.  (It is also pretty topical considering the baptisms at church this Saturday!)  This concept is recreation.  It’s the topic of SCC's latest album (I just couldn’t resist working some more of his songs into blog posts :) and more seriously, is actually something I have been thinking about lately. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 in the Bible says:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”   

Now, this is considered a pretty crucial verse for Christians, yet it’s one that is so easy to skim past without realising the full implications: If we know Christ and are IN him, then we are a new creation; not just the old one redone a bit to make it look better, but a completely new creation!  How crazy is that?!

Now the Bible also says that we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  This implies that our minds weren’t automatically renewed when we were made new; so although we ARE new, we can sometimes slip back into old patterns of thought, because our minds are still being renewed.  But, when we hold firm to the promises of God, this isn’t just positive thinking; we believe that these promises really are true, even though they don’t feel like it sometimes.  And I have a legitimate right to tell those old negative feelings, thoughts and fears to go away and leave me alone, because I am a new creation, and they no longer have a place in my life!  I just need to keep renewing my mind to be in line with that.

But even more exciting than this (if that were possible!) is that this isn’t the end of the story.  It isn’t just that we’ve been recreated, and are now free from so many things that held us in bondage, and that’s it.  Voila.  No.  This is only the start of the story.  We’re Only Getting Started.

In another part of the Bible it says:

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. “(Ephesians 2:10)

This is the NLT (New Living Translation) version of the Bible.  I have never really understood this verse; until last night/today.  Sometimes reading several different translations of the Bible helps me to get to the bottom of what a verse really means.  I tend to mostly read the NIV (New International Version), but in the NIV this verse can lose some of its meaning, as it merely says that “we are created in Christ to…”  I know the “in Christ” should probably have given me a clue, but I still missed the point.  The point isn’t that we were created merely so that we could do stuff.  No, I think it’s that we were RECREATED in order to then be set free to do the things that God has for us to do. 

Now, that may sound like just a lot of hard work, doing the things that God has for us to do, and I guess sometimes it may be.  But the truth is (or seems to be as I am starting to re-understand it anyway!) that God has good plans for us.  He has gifted each of us with things, and put us in places where he has “good works” that only we can do (through him of course).  Another SCC song on his re:creation album says:

“You were meant to be touching the lives that you touch,

And meant to be here making this world so much more
Than it would be, without you in it.

You were meant to be bringing the gifts that you bring,

And singing the songs you’ve been given to sing.
You are perfectly, wonderfully, beautifully meant to be,
You were meant to be.”

Wow!  Clearly the line about singing songs particularly speaks to me :)  The problem comes though, that there is so much stuff in our lives that can prevent us from becoming all of this.  (The Bible would call a lot of it sin, and uses some quite strong imagery to speak about how this sin holds us in slavery).  The good news, is that through what Jesus did we can be created anew, and set free from all the rubbish that holds us back.  Then, as we are free to walk where he wants us to go, we can then be all that he has for us to be and do all that he purposed for us to do, which is a good thing! 

And this very much relates back to my earlier post about the Great Adventure too, and how, being where God is and where he wants us to be is actually the best place to be (and does not involve us just “trying harder”.)  Yes, it may often be scary (as I’m also discovering), as he takes us places that may be out of our “comfort zones”, but I also just don’t want to live my life any other way; I want to be where he is!  And I really want to continue to learn about who I now really am - this new creation, who doesn’t have to be weighted down by fears and failings anymore (a bit of a novel feeling really!) - and continue to learn how to live in light of that. 

Please know that I’m not saying any of this with the intention to “preach” at anyone; I am merely thinking out loud.  Writing helps me to process things and, although I know we are all at different places, in making this public on a blog my hope is that it might give you some things to think about too. 

“Sing with elation, praise every morning, God’s recreation of the new day.”   
- From the song Morning Has Broken

(p.s. aren’t you impressed with how I managed to work 3 SCC songs AND an album title into 1 blog post!  Ok, 1 of them was only sort-of an SCC song.  Still, I wonder how many I’ll manage to fit in next time :-)

The Great Adventure

So, last night was the night I finally went to see Steven Curtis Chapman live in concert at the Hammersmith Apollo.  I had been excited about this for months as I have loved SCC’s music for years and have always wanted to see him live, but this is the first time that I’ve had the chance to see him live in the UK! 

The evening didn’t disappoint; in fact, it was so much more amazing than I could have imagined.  SCC and Michael W Smith (who he was touring with) are both phenomenal musicians.  I was singing along to every SCC song and there were just so many amazing moments that one blog post could not do it justice.  So, rather than trying to summarise the evening, I’m instead going to focus on one key thought that struck me afresh yesterday.

Yesterday morning at church, Tim had been speaking about how we need to be people who are constantly pushing forward, and how the moments we sit back are the times when we in fact get dragged backwards.  (Have a listen !)

Now, this is a concept that I’ve been struggling with this week (which is why yesterday was interesting timing!)  If I’m honest, I don’t like the concept of always pushing onwards.  My reaction is: “yes, but what about being content?  Enjoying what God has given to us?”  I can also feel like I’ve already had quite enough of challenges and I’d quite like to stay where I am for a while, to rest and recoup a while before the next thing please! 

But, yesterday afternoon I realised the problem: it isn’t with the concept, but with my way of thinking.  My problem is that I equate pushing forward with striving harder.  I constantly put such pressure on myself to be a better person: to work harder, to please this and that person, to be a better friend, the list goes on…But, although there is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things in themselves (friends are amazing, and of course I want to do well at my work...), me constantly striving harder just ends up leaving me feeling exhausted and is what leaves me feeling like I’ve had enough.

Yet, that isn’t what the Bible says at all.  The Bible doesn’t say: “work harder and you’ll gain eternal life!”  In fact, it says that no matter how hard we try we can never be good enough.  When we just keep trying harder, we will always feel far from the standards set by ourselves, by society and by a perfect God.  We will never fulfil them on our own!  But what is amazing, is that the Bible says that Jesus IS life, and we just have to change our way of thinking and come to Him!  It's about Him, not us!  Now, this is something I “know”, but I think that often I nevertheless continue to live as if it all depends on me!

Now, getting back to SCC, I was struck particularly by 2 of his songs last night – songs that I know inside out, and yet I saw new things in them that I hadn’t seen before.

In For the sake of the call he writes:

“Empty nets lying there at the water’s edge
Told a story that few could believe and none could explain
How some crazy fishermen agreed to go where Jesus led
With no thought for what they would gain
For Jesus had called them by name and they answered”

“Drawn like the rivers are drawn to the sea
No turning back, for the water cannot help but flow
Once we hear the Saviour's call we'll follow wherever he leads
Because of the love He has shown
And because he has called us to go we will answer”

“Not for the sake of a creed or a cause
Not for a dream or a promise
Simply because it is Jesus who calls
And if we believe we'll obey”

Now, rivers don’t say “well, I just don’t feel like flowing today” and they certainly don’t have to strive harder to flow, they just do, it’s the way of things and they can’t help it. 

In The great adventure (one of SCC's best known songs) it says:

“I saw a big frontier in front of me and I heard somebody say "let's go"!

Saddle up your horses we've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace
Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is The Great Adventure”

The song isn’t called “The Great Slog”, but “The Great Adventure”, and the key to this adventure is following our leader, Jesus!  Pushing forward doesn’t mean trying harder and exhausting ourselves, but simply following wherever Jesus goes, and being where He wants us to be; because we love Him and want to be where He is and because He loves us, has a plan, and He knows the best place for us to be (even if His ways may often seem strange to us at the time!)  Jesus Himself said that He only did what He saw His father doing, (rather than running off here, there and everywhere trying to make things work as he saw best!) 

It also ties in with this passage that we were looking at recently on a course that I am doing:
"2 The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice." John10:2-4

Now don’t get me wrong, I know that this means that we will be challenged, and that hard work will often be involved.  But, it's about where the motivation is coming from; knowing that we just have to follow Jesus takes the pressure off ourselves, and we know that we don’t have to dread life, but we should instead be excited about it, and about where God is going!  All we have to do, is to work out what this looks like for each of us in practise – learning to trust in Him and follow Him.  After all, this is the Great Adventure!

p.s. have you spotted the themes with the recent post titles lately ;-)

Not home yet

As most of you should have picked up by now, I love music and there are many musicians who I love listening to. Nathan Tasker is just one of many singer-songwriters whom I have enjoyed listening to recently, since being introduced to him when he came to play an acoustic music evening at Surrey Christian Union a few years ago (he plays in DADGAD on a mahogany guitar; what more can I say ?! :)

Anyway, earlier I was catching up on his recent blog posts over lunch and I came across this particular post which really struck me:http://www.nathantasker.com/blog/entry/home-a-vegemite-sandwich-please

Do have a read, but basically he is talking about the feeling of being torn between loving both his country of birth (Australia) and the country where he currently lives (the US): "Even though I obviously don’t cease to be Australian once I land back in Nashville, it feels so much like home to me it causes me to wonder - can a person have two homes? Never fully be in one or the other, leaving a piece of your heart in both? It’s an on-going, internal tug of war."

I identify with this so much! Now, I may not have moved to a different country, but I have lived in a lot of different places. Already I have lived for substantial periods of time in 4 different towns/cities, with the way that short term job contracts in science go sadly meaning that it's probably inevitable that I'll end up moving again before too long. In each of these places I have made good friends and found a good church. In this global age, I also have several really good friends who have moved abroad or who have moved back to their home country after university. Each time I go to visit any of these friends it definitely feels, like Nathan Tasker says, that I leave a piece of my heart behind with them.

My usual reaction to this tearing of my heart is either to dwell on the memories of the visit so much that I feel really depressed/confused for a while after I return home until I settle back into a daily routine, or to just bury the feelings and try to move on, because pretending that all is ok sometimes feels like the only way of survival. But, I realise that neither of these is particularly healthy! In life, so much is a balancing act - all the way from how much of each nutrient group to have in our diet, to the line between being proud/humble. So often I swing between two extremes, in all areas of life, and I suspect that I am probably not alone in this.

But Nathan doesn't just talk about this tearing and leave it at that, but he uses it as an analogy of how actually, for those of us who know Christ, we know that we are truly citizens of heaven and that any "home" we can have on this earth is temporary. He also mentions how knowing this citizenship affects us in ways that our earthly citizenship never will.

Several Bible verses come to mind:"But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Saviour." Philippians 3:20

I love this song by Nathan Tasker which talks about this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEyM1GGRNoI&feature=channel&list=UL

"Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. 3 For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians3:1-3

I might also take this analogy another step, and say that actually, perhaps knowing this gives me permission to know that sometimes living in tension is ok?! I don't have to either let it depress/confuse me or try to ignore it and pretend it isn't there, but rather I can fully acknowledge the reality of it and live accordingly. Living in tension, as difficult and painful as it can be at times, is not something to be avoided but should in fact be part of our reality. And actually, tension between earthly homes, should merely serve to remind me of the tension between knowing that I am on one hand living here on earth, but am also a spiritual being, a citizen of heaven, created for more than what I see in the natural. I guess that what I have to remember, as this song by Steven Curtis Chapman reminds me, is that I am not home yet:

http://youtu.be/od3Ws-0WZuo

p.s. Oh, and did I mention that I'm REALLY excited that I'm going to see Steven Curtis Chapman live later this week?! :-D