How far we've come

Recently I've been reflecting on how powerful music can be. One of the ways in which it can impact us, is helping us to remember and hold onto truths, as those catchy melodies and lyrics get "stuck in our heads".

 

I have been going through a difficult season lately, and there have been certain songs that have been really helping me to hold onto important truths in the middle of everything. In those moments when my mind is so numb that I can't even think straight, a lyric or two of a song can come to me and give me something to hold onto, to ground me. In particular, I have been listening a lot to the latest album called "Trial and triumph" by a band I like called "I am they" (who I thoroughly recommend listening to!). Many of the album's lyrically rich songs speak about the trials and triumphs of life, and some of the things that we need to remember as we go through them.

 

The title track, that has been going through my head all day today, is a song called "How far we've come". It reminds us through every trial and every triumph to stop and look at just how far we've come. And it reminds us that the one who has been faithful to bring us this far, is not going to abandon us now - in fact, through it all He will NEVER let go.

 

This is particularly poignant as we come into the Easter season. For some Easter is just a long weekend, an excuse for a few days off work, with some extra chocolate thrown in for good measure. But, whilst I enjoy all of these things, Easter means much more to me than that. For me, it is the ultimate reminder of just how far God would (and did) go to "not let go of me". When things were at their worst, He sent His son, Jesus, to rescue me, when I was not able to rescue myself. He rescued me from sin, from guilt, from shame, from fear, from a life lived in defeat, and so many other things. And through the act of one man, He showed me how crazily reckless His love is, that He would give up everything to not let me go.

 

The book of Romans in the Bible sums this up nicely, by saying the following (Message translation): "We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him." We had nothing to offer God, and yet He gave everything for us.

 

So whatever you may be going through in this season, this Easter let's stop beating ourselves up about wherever we are right now. Instead, let's look back together and remember just how far we have come (probably further than we realise or remember!). And let's look forward with hope, knowing that there is one who isn't willing to give up on us - not now, or ever; one who is patient, and offers to walk with us through both the trials and the triumphs. And if you haven't yet experienced this love that I speak about, why not accept God's invitation this Easter? I can promise you, it will definitely be the best decision you ever make. He stands at the door of our hearts and knocks, waiting for us to respond. 

How far we've come - I am they

 

Verse 1:

It's hard to believe
This is the same road we started on
Ashes to beauty once again

When we couldn't see
And it all disappeared from under us
He became the ground beneath our feet

Pre-Chorus:
Every step, every struggle
Every triumph, every trial

Chorus:
Look at the mountains we've climbed
Look at how faithful He's been, to deliver us
Look at how far we've come
The story of unfailing love
Jesus has made a way, to deliver us
Look at how far we've come

 

Bridge:

You never let go, You never let go
God, through it all You will never let go

Cave exploration and being like a deer

Introduction: I was recently inspired by a blog post written by a friend of mine...Part of what he wrote was about how we often don't realise the impact that the things we share could have; that we shouldn't let our voice be silenced, because what we share may be just what someone else needs to hear (go and read the original post, because it's written much better than my very brief summary!) So with that in mind, I thought I'd write a new blog post and share some thoughts with you from my holiday in Southern Italy this summer, in the hope that it may be of encouragement to you also. 

The area of Italy that we visited, Puglia (also known as Apulia), contains a number of caves due to the limestone rock in parts of the region. On one of our sightseeing trips, we visited a place called Castellana Grotte, where there is an impressive cave system that you can visit and it is quite a big tourist site. Unfortunately, in order to see these caves, we had many stairs to climb and walkways to traverse, the stones we walked on were very uneven in places and to top it all, it was fairly dark in parts. So at first, I spent quite a bit of time worrying that I was going to fall - particularly given my history of weak joints and twisting/spraining my ankle easily. It took all of my concentration to focus on where my feet were going. Looking down meant that, not only was it hard to appreciate the beauty of the caves around me, but I also ended up feeling really nauseous (it felt like really bad travel sickness!)

 

But then I was reminded of a verse in the Bible, about God making us as surefooted as deer, which blew me away! The verse goes like this:

"The sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights" (Hab3:19; NLTtranslation)

In a different translation (the Amplified version) it says this:

"The Lord God is my strength [ my source of courage, my invincible army]; He has made my feet [ steady and sure] like hinds' feet, and makes me walk [forward with spiritual confidence] on high places [of challenge and responsibility]."

A similar verse in Psalm 18 says:

"He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He causes me to stand on the heights...you provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way." (As you may appreciate, the latter phrase managed to get my attention!)

Now whilst it may seem like mixing metaphors slightly to think about being like a deer walking on the heights when I was 60m underground in a cave, this reminder made me think that perhaps, even though it was counterintuitive, I needed to look up, not down. Looking down wasn't working; I was worrying, not enjoying the trip, missing the beauty around me (which I desperately wanted to see and enjoy!), and I was even making myself ill! But God said that He would make me as surefooted as a deer - I just need to look up and trust Him to take care of my footing, as He said He would, as well as everything else. It was very hard to let go of that feeling of wanting to be in control. But when I did, it meant that I was freer, not constantly worrying, and I was able to better appreciate the beauty of the caves around me, as well as to better appreciate the people around me too. And I didn't fall. Perhaps this is also a picture of how my life should be.

The definitions of surefooted are along the lines of:

- unlikely to stumble or slip
- confident and competent
- able to easily walk on rough ground, without falling
- the ability to negotiate difficult or rough terrain safely.

I particularly find the latter two very interesting. It seems that being surefooted does not mean that the way ahead necessarily becomes smooth, much as we would like it to (the floor in the cave didn't magically change when I stopped looking at it!). But it does mean that even when the ground beneath me is rough (as it will be, at times), I will still be able to walk on it confidently and without hurting myself. I just need to look up, and not down at my feet!

There are other places in the Bible where we see this same principle at work, even though the contexts are slightly different. In one of the letters the apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthian church, he talked about how much pressure he had been under and the hope that he had in God to deliver him:

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the trouble we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope, that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers" (2Cor1:8-11).

I also love Psalm 124, that talks about how overwhelmed the Israelites would have been...IF God had not been on their side. It reminds us that God is our help.

I could go on, there are so many other similar passages that have been coming to mind of late. Notably there is also the story of Peter walking on the water, and how he only started sinking when he started looking down at the waves and at the storm around him. But when he kept his eyes fixed on Jesus ahead of him, he was able to overcome and to walk on the waves (completely impossible in the natural!) You should read the whole story if you aren't familiar with it, it's pretty amazing.

I am also facing a number of challenging circumstances at the moment, in several different areas of life. And these come on top of already having a fairly full life, with numerous responsibilities. The very real temptation is to look at all of these things and to get overwhelmed by them and wonder how I will cope. And yet, "this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" (Lam3:23). God promises that if we make the hard decision to look up at him, He will keep us from being overwhelmed. We may encounter situations where we feel hard pressed, but we will not be crushed. He will make us surefooted like those deer, able to traverse those difficult places where it should be impossible for us to walk. HE will be the one who directs our steps. And in the process He will give us a hope to cling to, He will enable us to see the beauty around us, like I did in those Italian caves, and we will see him at work in incredible ways that we would otherwise not get to see, in both our lives and the lives of those around us. It will be worth it. And when we walk like this, perhaps we will also be able to grab hold of those who are struggling around us, no longer at risk of being dragged down by their struggles but able to reach out to them and teach them to also look up.

A song that I have listened to many times, but is inspiring me afresh at the moment, is the song "God I look to You" by Bethel Music. It is a great song of declaration about this very topic - of looking up and not being overwhelmed. Have a listen, and I hope it inspires you too.

 
God I look to You - Bethel Music

 

Verse:
God I look to You, I won't be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to You, You're where my help comes from
Give me wisdom; You know just what to do

Chorus:

I will love You Lord my strength
I will love You Lord my shield
I will love You Lord my rock
Forever, all my days, I will love You God

Bridge:

Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Forever, all my days, hallelujah!

Rocks and sand

Recently we celebrated the start of another new year. People often use this time as a chance to reflect on the year that has been (2016), and to dream about the year to come (2017). I saw one blog post that someone had written about their biggest fear for 2017 - that nothing was going to change and everything would stay as it had been, rather than the new year bringing the hoped-for fresh start. However, whilst I sympathise with the sentiment, as I have been reflecting, I have come to the opposite conclusion - that for me, one of my biggest fears for 2017, is knowing that lots of things ARE about to change (some of which have already started shifting at the end of 2016).

Since leaving home for University, I have moved around a lot and lived in a number of different towns/cities, in a number of different houses within those places, been part of a number of different churches and made a number of amazing friends. Whilst many elements of this have been good, it has also made me anxious to settle somewhere (probably the nesting instinct coming out!) And indeed, I have now lived in my current town (and been in my current job) for longer than any of the other previous places I have lived (other than the places where I grew up). My current job is permanent (at least, for as long as they want to keep me!), and I own a house, both of which add to the illusion of greater permanence. The problem with this, is that whilst I am not necessary completely satisfied with everything about where I am right now, I also find that I have unknowingly let myself become comfortable here, finding security in the (mostly) predictable nature of things around me.

But it is only an illusion of security, sinking sand if you like. Jesus told a story about two men, one of whom built a house on a rock and one of whom built a house on the sand. Unsurprisingly, when the storms came the house on the sand fell (there are many great kids songs about this, with amazing actions and sound effects!), but the house on the firm foundation of the rock continued to stand firm. The more I get to know Jesus, the more I come to know that he didn't just tell us things for the sake of it, to just fill the time with some nice stories to make us feel better, and he didn't tell us things in order to make our lives harder or boring. He actually told us things in order that we really might have life in all its fullness. When the storms aren't around, the sand actually looks like a pretty good location to build a house - why go to all the bother of building a firm foundation, the house on the sand looks just fine from the outside. The problem is only evident when the storms come (and they do come). If we build our lives on things of this earth, even though they may look good, and stable, they are only fleeting and we find that if we have built our house there, it will eventually fall into ruin - what happens if you lose that job? Or end that relationship?  Or I lose the ability to do certain things that I used to love? What then?

But there is good news. Jesus says that if we build our house (our lives) on the rock, then even when the storms come, we will not be shaken. But what is this rock? Well, the God that I know and believe in, claims to be that rock. He is the only one who is unchanging in this world of change, my rock, the only firm foundation. His attributes and character also never change: He is always love; He is always good, and we can always depend upon Him. God wants us to depend on Him in this way, not to kill our fun or make life hard, but actually to protect us, that we might still be able to stand even in a world full of uncertainty and change; He wants us to live lives that are solid, lives of integrity, lives that don't get blown this way and that with the changing seasons. But we don't do this because we've got everything all figured out - no, it's because we're depending on the rock, the reason we can stand firm.

The process of learning this lesson in practice is not proving to be an easy one, but in the long run our lives will be better for it if we do. In 2017, a year promising to be full of change, I want to choose not to live in fear any more, but I want to turn and find my security in God my rock. He will never let me down, and with my life built on Him, I will never be shaken.

This is a song that has been encouraging me a lot lately:

Jon Guerra - Wherever you are

Verse:

You can take the train or you can take the car,
You can travel the world but not too get too far.

You are always just where you are.

Why don’t you wanna be where you are?

I can see you’re sad, I can see you’re down

You think you’re lost and cannot be found

Love will find you just where you are

Why don’t you wanna be where you are?

Chorus:

Wherever you go, he is there

No matter the steep hill or stair

He doesn’t leave you alone with your prayers 

He is as close to you friend

As your own heart beat or breath

Believe you are loved

And that he is enough

For whatever you’re in

You know that he’s been

Wherever you are

Verse 2:

When you’re head is spinning and your life’s a race

When you try so hard but you get last place

Sometimes you are just where you are

Love doesn’t leave you where you are

Bridge:

There is no height, there is no distance

That can separate your heart from his

He knows exactly where you’ve been

And he loves you

Child he loves you

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are

 

Sometimes I don't like Christmas

I thought that might get your attention. I actually love many things about Christmas - I love all the decorations, and the lights that bring a smile to my face in these cold, dark days of winter. I love the fact that it provides many opportunities for people to get together, to spend time with one another in community. And I love the fact that it gives me an excuse to sing and listen to Christmas carols - those familiar songs of my childhood, that bring back memories as the words so easily trip off my tongue, but yet contain truths that are timeless and impact me afresh each year.

And yet, there are so many people who don't like Christmas, and the more I think about it, the more I sympathise with them. Some people don't have families that they can celebrate with, or who they can enjoy spending time with (for a variety of reasons). And there is so much about our cultural "Christmas" that seems fake, fake like the Christmas trees that many of us have in our houses - they may look good for a season, but we all know they're not the real thing. We watch all of the adverts and the Christmas films, and the message seems to be one of "forced happiness". We can even talk about how we're 'not feeling Christmassy yet'; that is, if we're not feeling 'in the Christmas mood' (i.e. all excited, happy, joyful and all warm and fuzzy inside) there must be something wrong, and we need to re-evaluate our lives! The message seems to be that it doesn't matter what's really going on - just bury it, smile, and pretend that everything is ok even if it's not, just for a few days; reality can wait until January...

But I'm discovering the good news that this isn't the only message of Christmas. At Christmas, many of us also celebrate the time when Jesus was born. Jesus is the centre of the Christian faith, and there is a lot of historical evidence that Jesus was a real man who walked on this earth (a whole blog post in itself! I recommend this book for further reading on this topic.). Some people (me included) also believe that he was more just than a man - that the mystery of Christmas is that God came down to this earth and was born in Bethlehem; that Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us in the flesh (crazy, right?!).

I love the reality in this story - that God didn't stay distant from us. He showed us that he isn't a God who just wants to put a band-aid on our brokeness, and force us to worship him with fake smiles on our faces. No. He is a God who entered into our reality; he didn't shy away from it, and he doesn't expect us to either. Yet he didn't just enter into the reality of our brokenness and pain, he also confronted it (and ultimately defeated it).And he does so still - God with us, Emmanuel...if we want to let him be.

There is a verse in the Bible where Jesus says: " Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." Eating with someone implies a deep, real and meaningful connection. Yet, he doesn't force his way in, but simply offers us an invitation - it's up to us as to whether we accept or not. A few weeks ago I was at a conference where the keynote presentations were on mental health (understanding the concerns better, and knowing how to respond well in the context of being a youth worker). One of the most powerful moments for me, which has stayed strongly with me since, was when one of the speakers was talking about the struggles her daughter had gone through with an issue that had very serious implications for her health. When her daughter was at one of her lowest moments, she had gone to a Christian festival. In one of the main worship times, she had ended up lying face-down in the mud, wondering how she would ever have the strength to stand back up again. But then she had a vision of Jesus...he wasn't doing anything in particular, or saying anything in particular, but silently he came and laid face-down in the mud beside her. He then turned to her and said:"I'm ready when you are".

Jesus does that still; he doesn't ignore our reality, or just tell us to pull ourselves together, but he enters into it with us, and invites us to lean on his strength to help us get back up again, out of the mud. He is so gentle, and kind, and yet also has the power to back up the things he says. Through Jesus, it is possible for each one of us to have a living, and real connection with the God who made us and also loves us with an everlasting love. Celebrating the birth of Jesus gives us a real hope, one that doesn't ignore the facts, but is even more real than our circumstances, a hope that we can cling to whatever we may walk through on this earth.

I want to know this God more - not just in a "smile and say everything is fine, and say the right Christian words" way, but in an utterly real way, where I let my guard down (because I have learnt to trust him enough to do that); where I let God be present with me in my every moment, where I let him into all of my mess, believing that as I do so, that's when he can start to bring beauty out of the brokeness; bring order out of the chaos; and cause joy (real, deep and lasting joy) to fill my heart.

So if this speaks to you this Christmas season, know that our stories aren't over yet - there is so much that God wants to unfold in your life, if you will just let him! Ask him: "God, if this is really true, if you are really real, show me the reality of your goodness". What have you got to lose? At worst, you will feel a little foolish, and have a few less minutes of your life. At best, you will have a new connection with someone who can help you navigate life. I have started out on this journey...Won't you join me?

 

 

This is your invitation.

 

 

 

[Disclaimer: note that my intention with these sorts of posts is never to try to invalidate or disrespect what  any of you may believe. I am simply trying to give a voice to some of the journey that I have been walking, with the hope that in the process I may provide some encouragement and challenge to you also!].   

Hosea 11 - rewritten (and reflections on the heart of God)

[Hosea 11 rewritten]
When I [insert my/your name] was a child, You (God) loved me and called me, Your daughter, out of the dark places, the places of oppression and slavery to fear.

But the more You called me, the further I went from You. I tried to do everything on my own, and I turned to other things (and other people) to satisfy me; I merely played at religion.

But God it was You who taught me to walk, taking me by the arms; but I did not realise it was You who healed me. You led me with the cords of human kindness, with ties of love; You lifted the yoke from my neck, and bent down to feed me.

Yet at every turn I try to go back, back to the places that seemed comfortable and safe, but in reality are really only places of destruction and oppression - I seem to try anything, anything that is except from returning to You! That is why I feel so empty inside, so burnt out and washed up; why every plan of my own invention to try to improve things never seems to work. I still seem determined to turn from You, even now. So many times in the past, even if I have called to You, the most High, it hasn't been real, my heart hasn't really been connecting with You.

But still You cry, how can I give up on You, [insert my/your name]? How can I hand you over? God, Your heart is changed within you; all of Your compassion is aroused.

So You will not carry out Your fierce anger, nor will You turn and devastate us. For You are God and not man - the Holy One among us. You will not come in wrath.

I will follow You, Lord, and You will roar like a lion. When You roar, me and all of Your children will come trembling from the far places. We will come trembling like birds from Egypt, like doves from Assyria. You declare that You will settle us in our homes.

Selah.


[My reflections]
Hear the Lord's anguish in this passage; hear His desperation and His heart for us, His longing for us to return to Him. We who turn from Him, in spite of all that He has done and does still; and yet, still He loves us with an everlasting love; still He refuses to give us up, to abandon us to the wolves and to our own devices.

Praise be to God!

You don't know - a poem/prose/reflection

You may think I’m optimistic, always one to smile in the morning, to embrace the day with joy, to always look for the silver lining, even when it’s hard to find.

But you don’t SEE the internal battle that I go through each morning, just to get out of bed, to sometimes fight exhaustion, to persuade myself that this day is a day worth living. You don’t SEE how I have to speak to my soul, to tell it not to be so downcast, that I really can put my hope in God; that I can choose to praise Him, regardless of how I feel.

Yet there IS one who SEES. He SEES each time I choose to lift my eyes to Him, the one where my help comes from, rather than let myself be swept away in a flood of self-pity and hopelessness. He tells me that this is a day that He has made, and I can rejoice in it. He lifts me out of the chaos, the slimy pit, the mud and mire, and places my feet upon a rock, a high place, where I can SEE through His eyes. He puts a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise that I can sing, for many to SEE and to cause many to put their trust in Him. 

I smile because He has made me glad, and I am learning that His joy can be my strength.

                                                                                                  

You may think that I exude peace, that I calmly face every situation and take it in my stride.

But you don’t HEAR the internal voices in my head, telling me that I just can’t do it, that everything’s going to go wrong, that it will be just like all the times I have messed up before, that I can’t speak out as I won’t say the right thing, that I will just make everything worse, that I should just not bother. And you don’t know how instead I’ve been learning to HEAR and focus on the song that He’s singing over me, which He’s actually been singing all along; the glorious song that speaks truth and life into my entire being.

Yet there IS one who HEARS. He rejoices over me with singing, and He longs for me to always HEAR that song, to make it my overriding obsession, to live HEARING it and helping others to HEAR it too. He HEARS my cries for help in the midst of the storms ranging inside of me. He is the one who tells me to give thanks and lift all my worries up to Him. He is the one whose peace can calm that storm, like He calmed that other storm so long ago. His peace can cover my worries and doubts in a way that even I can’t understand. When I trust in Him, He promises to keep my mind steadfast and in perfect peace. He is the one who tells me to have courage because He is with me, and because when we are together, nothing is impossible. 

He has given me His peace, and I am learning not to try to do everything on my own.

                                                                                                  

You may think that I’m confident, that I know who I am and I fight hard for what I believe in, that I’m successful in all that I do.

But you don’t KNOW how scared I can be inside, how much I feel like a failure, all the time, a disappointment, never good enough whatever I do, not worthy of anyone’s love, let alone His. You don’t KNOW how much I often want to just curl up into a ball and disappear. And you don’t KNOW how instead I’m gradually learning to KNOW and experience His love, above the fear.

Yet there IS one who KNOWS. He KNOWS the deepest parts of me, which you don’t SEE, HEAR or KNOW. And yet, He doesn’t just begrudgingly bear with me, but He actually delights in me. He loves me, with an everlasting love. Nothing can separate me from that love, not circumstances, or my mistakes, or anything else in all of creation. That love is perfect, and when I experience it, in a real and deep and true and tangible way, there is no room left for fear, it just goes. His love is wider, longer, higher, deeper, that I can ever KNOW or understand. He sees my mistakes, every single one of them, and yet He picks me up again each time. He tells me that His grace covers me, and He holds out His hand to lift me up, encouraging me to go again, hand in hand with Him. Not only does He pick me up, but He then actually puts me in a position of responsibility, (who, me?!), where others look to me for leadership. It is here where I find that actually He has placed a lot of things inside of me, which I didn’t KNOW about before but I find are a blessing and encouragement to other people, which in turn encourages me. He tells me that He is well pleased with me, not because I am good enough in my own strength, but because He loves me and He IS good enough; He paid the price for me, and He loves me so much. I can be His child – if I only choose to be. He is proud of me; and if He is proud of me, then who am I to be disappointed in myself? 

He has freely given me His love, and I am learning to walk with confidence because I KNOW that I am loved and I KNOW who my Father is.

                                                                                                  

So why don't YOU join me on this great adventure? Won't you accept His invitation...to choose to lift your eyes to SEE Him, regardless of your circumstances; to HEAR the song that He is singing over you, above those other voices; and to KNOW His love, in the depth of your being, driving out all fear?

He sees. He hears. He knows.  

Happy New Year (a new thing)

So, it's nearly 2014! Another new year! There are always mixed reactions to celebrating New Year, but I’ve really noticed it this year more than ever, due partly to having quite a few friends who have had a really tough time of it in 2013. I can see their view point…there is definitely a lot of expectation put on the one evening of New Year’s Eve, and if 2013 has been a tough year (which I know it has been for many of you) then why indeed would you want to celebrate its passing (at least, with anything more than sheer relief!) My natural optimistic instinct is to just want to give the people concerned a great big hug, tell them that somehow it’s going to be ok, and to want to make everything better for them – I don’t like knowing that people are hurting (it makes me hurt too!) But, it turns out that I can’t just magically make things better with optimism, no matter how hard I try to think of the right things to do or say.

The good news though, is that I can do something much better. Firstly, I can continue to pray for you. And secondly, I can share with you what I know of the hope that is based on solid promises, rather than optimism – and I happen to trust the one who has made those promises (although, I don’t trust Him nearly as much as I want to or know I should – but that’s a whole different blog post!)

Most of you will by now know that Steven Curtis Chapman is one of my favourite singer-songwriters (for various reasons, which I won’t go into here). He has written this song called Happy new Year, which is at the end of his latest Christmas album. It ends with hope for the year to come:
“The God who made everything, is remaking everything.
The God who made everything, He says I’m making all things new”.

This ties in amazingly with Bible Gateway’s verse of the day for today (which I get delivered to my inbox every day):
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43: 18-19.

Now this prophecy was written to a people who had really had a tough time of it. They, of all people, would have had a reason to “dwell in the past” and on the “former things”. Yet, they are given this promise to hold onto, to look and see that God is doing a new thing: He is making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland – i.e. bringing life to places that were formerly only places of death, where anything other than death seemed like an impossibility. Some of 2013 may have looked like a wilderness or a wasteland to you, and you aren't sure how things could ever get better. But, with God, nothing is impossible. I had no idea how I was going to find a job after completing my PhD at the end of last year (or what that job should even be), but God found me one. Then, I had no idea how to find somewhere to live in my new town, this place I didn't know at all - but God found me somewhere. I had no idea how to find a new church family to connect into - but God found me an amazing one(!) You get the picture. (There are still plenty more difficult situations that have yet to be resolved, but I know that my God will somehow make a way!) 

I also think of a passage in another Old Testament book of the Bible:
“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:19-23

God’s compassions are new not just every year, but every day (and actually, also every moment of every day!) The coming of a new year just gives us a good chance to stop and reflect. Yes it is a chance to remember with thanks the good things from 2013. But it is also a chance to remember that however hard 2013 has been, we don’t have to get stuck there and dwell in the things now from our past, but we can move on, with hope and expectation, into all that the future brings – that God is doing a new thing.

Up until fairly recently I found it really hard to think about the future. I suppose it was a result of the (mostly self-imposed) pressure of having to choose “the perfect” subjects for GCSE (then for A-level, then for university, then for a job…the list goes on; I don’t know if anyone else can relate to this?!) I used to look into the future and just get paralysed with fear, so it was easier not to look there at all, and just go with the flow of what was happening right now, but without any goals or direction (because that would involve thinking about the future!) But I have been, and am still being, more and more freed from this paralysing fear, such that I can now look at the future. I still don’t know what’s ahead, and it still scares me a bit, but whatever lies ahead, I know the One who walks beside me  (and I know that he has also placed some amazing people around me, for me to also walk with and encourage/ be encouraged by!) And I know that 2014 will be a good year. I was challenged a few weeks ago to think about what my expectations were for 2014. I didn’t have an answer at the time, but I think I do now (at least partly). What are your expectations for 2014?

So, Happy New Year, and every blessing for the year ahead :)

Declaration of Dependence

Leadership is a funny thing.  We think of leaders as the ones up front, forging ahead, being strong, always knowing what they are doing. 

At the moment I am being asked to step into various leadership roles, such as leading worship at church on a Sunday morning.  Now, being up front would normally be the last place I would choose to put myself – I far prefer hiding away in a corner where no one can see me, but apparently God has other ideas about where He wants to put me!  (This relates back to a previous post about how, even though following God may at times be scary and can take me to places where I wouldn’t choose to put myself, it’s the only place I want to be, as I want to be where He is and where He’s taking me!)  I mean, this very weekend last year I was part of a band playing to a large crowd of people at the Washington Folk Festival, and now tomorrow, here I will be again in front of lots of people, leading worship – neither of which I regret at all, I’m being stretched, but neither of which would I have thought to place myself in!

The thing is though, the thing that I have to keep reminding myself of daily at the moment, is that actually it isn’t about me.  My temptation is to look at myself and feel terrified as I do not at all feel up to the job being asked of me!  Yes I know that I have developed certain musical skills over the years and I have led worship before (just not in main church), but in the moment I still feel scared, and it all feels a bit overwhelming to be honest!  But that is what happens when I look at myself and my own abilities. 

When I choose to fix my eyes on God instead, what happens is that I begin to realise that He is actually the one who is working through me!  I just do my bit, (preparing songs, practising, praying…), and then I have to just trust and leave the rest up to Him, trusting that He has a plan and He knows what He’s doing (even when my feelings are still wondering what He’s thinking, using me at all!) 

There is this wonderful passage in the Bible which I’ve been reading of late, where Jesus says:

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”  John15:4-5    

My tendency, and I think our tendency in general as a culture, is to want to be self-sufficient; to not have to rely on anyone.  Everything around us shouts this to us, how we need to learn to stand on our own two feet.  To us, the word dependency has acquired somewhat of a negative connotation!  To us, it implies weakness (which we don’t like to admit to), and a lack of confidence in ourselves and our own abilities.  But, this doesn’t stop our deep desire for something to trust in and hold onto. On one hand we want to do things our own way and be independent, yet we still end up turning to things and people to fill something in us – be it a reliance on an iphone or ipad, or be it a need to meet with a friend every week, or even a need to have a girlfriend or boyfriend to “complete us”; whatever it is.  Newton Faulkner sums this position up beautifully in his song “I need something”.  He sings:

“I need something to believe in

Cos I don't believe in myself
I'm sick and tired of getting nowhere
Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind anymore

And I don't mind anymore

And I need someone to put my trust in

Cos I ain't trusting myself
And I'm scared of failure
So scared of success
Guess it'll all work out”

As he says, deep down, we know what we’re really like.  We’re actually scared to trust in ourselves, and we put on this confident front before other people yet inside we feel like frauds, and are scared what would happen if people found out what we were really like.  And we can end up just coping out, and trying to tell ourselves that we don’t care anymore, and we try to persuade ourselves that surely it will just all work out?  (When actually, inside, perhaps we do still care, but have just given up hope, that it actually will work out?!)

Yet through this passage about vines and branches the Bible says dependency on someone other than ourselves is actually how it’s meant to be, but that we’re meant to be dependent on our creator, and not in ourselves or in all these other things; it’s the natural way of things.  Using the example that Steven Curtis Chapman explores in his song "Declaration of Dependence", a flower doesn’t say to the sky: “you know, I just don’t need this sun you give me, or this rain; I can grow on my own thanks very much”.  Just like a branch doesn’t cut itself off from the life-giving vine and then expect to produce fruit on its own.  We find that it’s actually when we learn what it means to be dependent again, but really and truly dependent in the right person, that that’s when life runs through us and fruit is produced.  When we learn to trust in God more and more, and learn to abide in Him, that’s when His love, and life, and goodness and grace can flow all the more through us.  I want to be that person; I want to learn to trust Him more and let Him work through me.  My fears just serve to hold me back and actually get in the way.  Although, having said this, perhaps some nervousness is still a good thing – as it reminds me that actually, I’m not doing this in my own strength, but in the life-giving strength of the true vine.  Yet, I can also be completely confident, knowing that it’s not up to me to make things happen!  How freeing is that :)  I want to sing, no, I want to shout “my declaration of dependence on the one who gave His life for me.”  (And the most awesome thing is that, actually, we find we aren’t frauds at all – God sees the very deepest parts of who we are, and yet STILL He chooses to love us and to work through us; how awesome is that?!!! :)  Oh, and also, it actually is gonna be alright.

Great Expectations

I’ve been thinking lately (dangerous, I know ;) about expectations, and what it means to live life as an expectant person. 

I have heard many times, that we should live full of expectancy.  There are many examples, such as the fact that in life in general we should go into our day, not with resignation that it’s just another day to survive through, but that each new day is an opportunity to grow, to walk with God, and to see Him do amazing things; if only we’re on the lookout for it.  Also, it is often said that we should come to church with expectant hearts for what God is going to do – not coming because it’s “just another service, and it’s what I do on a Sunday”. 

This is backed up by many places in the Bible that talk about expectancy.  For example James1:5-8:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord."

or Luke11:9-13

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Now, I know that I should be expectant in theory, but what does it look like in practise?  In reality, sticking with the example of a church service, I can often come on a Sunday morning either in a place of discouragement, just coming on autopilot a bit, or in a place where I’m so excited about what God’s doing.  (And often places in between too, but let’s stick to looking at the 2 extremes for now.)  You’d think that it’s when I come in excitement that that will be when I hear from God the most.  In fact, I often find it to be quite the opposite.  It’s often when I come expecting nothing, that I find God picks me up and encourages me, and then perhaps challenges me with something new, so I learn a lot!  In contrast, it’s often those times when I “think” I am coming with an expectant heart that I can leave feeling a bit disappointed, feeling like God hasn’t met those expectations.  So, what’s going on?

I think the key is that I only “think” I am coming with an expectant heart; I think that there is a difference between being expectant and expecting God to work in a certain way.  If I come to something with wrong expectations, then actually, perhaps it shouldn’t be all that surprising that I can feel disappointed if those expectations aren’t met!  If I have wrong expectations, actually perhaps that makes it harder for me to hear God, as all of my thoughts and plans get in the way, and He has to push through those first before I can hear.  The problem is that this is so subtle.  I don’t intentionally come to church with the wrong expectations, it’s just that in my need to plan things and know what is coming next, I don’t like stopping at just being expectant, but often my heart progresses to wondering what could happen – for example, if I’ve been excited about something lately, I could end up going expectant that I’ll hear some more on this subject, when in fact God may have something completely different that He wants to tell me today!

What particularly brought this home was something I was reading last week.  At breakfast-time each day I’m currently re-reading this amazing book called "Walking with God", by John Eldredge.  In the section I read that morning, it said:

“Our day-to-day grind isn’t anything close to Eden, and our hurting and desperate hearts look for something to which we can attach all those yearnings.  We’ll settle for a doughnut if that’s all there is to look forward to.  We have to be careful what we give our hearts over to.”

Now, that isn’t to say that using specific things to motivate ourselves is necessarily all bad in itself (i.e. I have an essay due in, I’ll look forward to the fact that if I work hard I can go out this evening…)  I think the problem comes when we lean on those things as the only thing that gets us through the day!  What then happens when those things get taken away from us and our hopes are dashed?  What do we do if for some reason I don’t have time to eat that doughnut after all or someone else eats it instead of me?  Or that friend can’t actually meet up with me in the end and has to cancel?  What then? 

What are we choosing to put our daily hope in?  The Bible also says that the Lord delights in those who put their hope in his unfailing love.  Other verses on this topic:

“But I trust in Your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me” (Psalm13:5, NLT)

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”  (Psalm143:8, NIV)

 “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  (Lamentations3:21-23)

And these aren't just fluffy thoughts, for when everything in life is going well.  If you read them in context, most of these Psalms were written by King David when he was in the midst of really hard situations!  It is a principle for both the good and the tough times.

There’s also this great hymn (“Solid Rock”), which has recently been revived by Hillsong (and entitled Cornerstone):

“My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I did not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name”

The conclusion that I’m slowly coming to, is that actually, what it comes down to, is that as we learn to stand more and more on God’s promises and what He says is true, as we align ourselves daily with who He says He is and who we therefore are, as we daily surrender our plans, hopes and dreams into His hands, and as we place our hopes solely in his unfailing and unchanging love, then we will be free to more and more be able to hear his heartbeat for our day, for a church service, just for everything in life; We will come with the right expectations!

And we will be able to choose to SEE.  Mary Beth Chapman (the wife of Steven Curtis Chapman) has written this incredible book, "Choosing to See", which talks really honestly about how her life really hasn’t gone in the direction she planned (she wanted a nice, organised, scheduled life, but instead ended up married to a Grammy-winning singer-songwriter with crazy touring schedules, and as the mum to 6 kids – one of whom is now in heaven, as of 2008).  But she takes us with her on her journey, of how she’s been learning to SEE what God is doing.  I think that’s so it – that we need to not be disappointed by what has or hasn’t happened (and we most definitely need to not let that put us off from continuing to be expectant!), but we instead need to choose to SEE what God IS doing, even when it doesn’t necessarily match up with what I would like Him to be doing.  Or we at least need to be willing to see.

I most definitely don’t have this sorted in my head or heart yet, (I am again thinking aloud), and I would definitely be interested in hearing what you think.  But for now, I’ll just finish with the words of another SCC song, Great Expectations:

“The morning finds me here at heaven's door

A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on

And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations.

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul

Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Saviour of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

We've been invited with the Son

And we've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations”