Declaration of Dependence

Leadership is a funny thing.  We think of leaders as the ones up front, forging ahead, being strong, always knowing what they are doing. 

At the moment I am being asked to step into various leadership roles, such as leading worship at church on a Sunday morning.  Now, being up front would normally be the last place I would choose to put myself – I far prefer hiding away in a corner where no one can see me, but apparently God has other ideas about where He wants to put me!  (This relates back to a previous post about how, even though following God may at times be scary and can take me to places where I wouldn’t choose to put myself, it’s the only place I want to be, as I want to be where He is and where He’s taking me!)  I mean, this very weekend last year I was part of a band playing to a large crowd of people at the Washington Folk Festival, and now tomorrow, here I will be again in front of lots of people, leading worship – neither of which I regret at all, I’m being stretched, but neither of which would I have thought to place myself in!

The thing is though, the thing that I have to keep reminding myself of daily at the moment, is that actually it isn’t about me.  My temptation is to look at myself and feel terrified as I do not at all feel up to the job being asked of me!  Yes I know that I have developed certain musical skills over the years and I have led worship before (just not in main church), but in the moment I still feel scared, and it all feels a bit overwhelming to be honest!  But that is what happens when I look at myself and my own abilities. 

When I choose to fix my eyes on God instead, what happens is that I begin to realise that He is actually the one who is working through me!  I just do my bit, (preparing songs, practising, praying…), and then I have to just trust and leave the rest up to Him, trusting that He has a plan and He knows what He’s doing (even when my feelings are still wondering what He’s thinking, using me at all!) 

There is this wonderful passage in the Bible which I’ve been reading of late, where Jesus says:

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”  John15:4-5    

My tendency, and I think our tendency in general as a culture, is to want to be self-sufficient; to not have to rely on anyone.  Everything around us shouts this to us, how we need to learn to stand on our own two feet.  To us, the word dependency has acquired somewhat of a negative connotation!  To us, it implies weakness (which we don’t like to admit to), and a lack of confidence in ourselves and our own abilities.  But, this doesn’t stop our deep desire for something to trust in and hold onto. On one hand we want to do things our own way and be independent, yet we still end up turning to things and people to fill something in us – be it a reliance on an iphone or ipad, or be it a need to meet with a friend every week, or even a need to have a girlfriend or boyfriend to “complete us”; whatever it is.  Newton Faulkner sums this position up beautifully in his song “I need something”.  He sings:

“I need something to believe in

Cos I don't believe in myself
I'm sick and tired of getting nowhere
Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind anymore

And I don't mind anymore

And I need someone to put my trust in

Cos I ain't trusting myself
And I'm scared of failure
So scared of success
Guess it'll all work out”

As he says, deep down, we know what we’re really like.  We’re actually scared to trust in ourselves, and we put on this confident front before other people yet inside we feel like frauds, and are scared what would happen if people found out what we were really like.  And we can end up just coping out, and trying to tell ourselves that we don’t care anymore, and we try to persuade ourselves that surely it will just all work out?  (When actually, inside, perhaps we do still care, but have just given up hope, that it actually will work out?!)

Yet through this passage about vines and branches the Bible says dependency on someone other than ourselves is actually how it’s meant to be, but that we’re meant to be dependent on our creator, and not in ourselves or in all these other things; it’s the natural way of things.  Using the example that Steven Curtis Chapman explores in his song "Declaration of Dependence", a flower doesn’t say to the sky: “you know, I just don’t need this sun you give me, or this rain; I can grow on my own thanks very much”.  Just like a branch doesn’t cut itself off from the life-giving vine and then expect to produce fruit on its own.  We find that it’s actually when we learn what it means to be dependent again, but really and truly dependent in the right person, that that’s when life runs through us and fruit is produced.  When we learn to trust in God more and more, and learn to abide in Him, that’s when His love, and life, and goodness and grace can flow all the more through us.  I want to be that person; I want to learn to trust Him more and let Him work through me.  My fears just serve to hold me back and actually get in the way.  Although, having said this, perhaps some nervousness is still a good thing – as it reminds me that actually, I’m not doing this in my own strength, but in the life-giving strength of the true vine.  Yet, I can also be completely confident, knowing that it’s not up to me to make things happen!  How freeing is that :)  I want to sing, no, I want to shout “my declaration of dependence on the one who gave His life for me.”  (And the most awesome thing is that, actually, we find we aren’t frauds at all – God sees the very deepest parts of who we are, and yet STILL He chooses to love us and to work through us; how awesome is that?!!! :)  Oh, and also, it actually is gonna be alright.

Great Expectations

I’ve been thinking lately (dangerous, I know ;) about expectations, and what it means to live life as an expectant person. 

I have heard many times, that we should live full of expectancy.  There are many examples, such as the fact that in life in general we should go into our day, not with resignation that it’s just another day to survive through, but that each new day is an opportunity to grow, to walk with God, and to see Him do amazing things; if only we’re on the lookout for it.  Also, it is often said that we should come to church with expectant hearts for what God is going to do – not coming because it’s “just another service, and it’s what I do on a Sunday”. 

This is backed up by many places in the Bible that talk about expectancy.  For example James1:5-8:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord."

or Luke11:9-13

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Now, I know that I should be expectant in theory, but what does it look like in practise?  In reality, sticking with the example of a church service, I can often come on a Sunday morning either in a place of discouragement, just coming on autopilot a bit, or in a place where I’m so excited about what God’s doing.  (And often places in between too, but let’s stick to looking at the 2 extremes for now.)  You’d think that it’s when I come in excitement that that will be when I hear from God the most.  In fact, I often find it to be quite the opposite.  It’s often when I come expecting nothing, that I find God picks me up and encourages me, and then perhaps challenges me with something new, so I learn a lot!  In contrast, it’s often those times when I “think” I am coming with an expectant heart that I can leave feeling a bit disappointed, feeling like God hasn’t met those expectations.  So, what’s going on?

I think the key is that I only “think” I am coming with an expectant heart; I think that there is a difference between being expectant and expecting God to work in a certain way.  If I come to something with wrong expectations, then actually, perhaps it shouldn’t be all that surprising that I can feel disappointed if those expectations aren’t met!  If I have wrong expectations, actually perhaps that makes it harder for me to hear God, as all of my thoughts and plans get in the way, and He has to push through those first before I can hear.  The problem is that this is so subtle.  I don’t intentionally come to church with the wrong expectations, it’s just that in my need to plan things and know what is coming next, I don’t like stopping at just being expectant, but often my heart progresses to wondering what could happen – for example, if I’ve been excited about something lately, I could end up going expectant that I’ll hear some more on this subject, when in fact God may have something completely different that He wants to tell me today!

What particularly brought this home was something I was reading last week.  At breakfast-time each day I’m currently re-reading this amazing book called "Walking with God", by John Eldredge.  In the section I read that morning, it said:

“Our day-to-day grind isn’t anything close to Eden, and our hurting and desperate hearts look for something to which we can attach all those yearnings.  We’ll settle for a doughnut if that’s all there is to look forward to.  We have to be careful what we give our hearts over to.”

Now, that isn’t to say that using specific things to motivate ourselves is necessarily all bad in itself (i.e. I have an essay due in, I’ll look forward to the fact that if I work hard I can go out this evening…)  I think the problem comes when we lean on those things as the only thing that gets us through the day!  What then happens when those things get taken away from us and our hopes are dashed?  What do we do if for some reason I don’t have time to eat that doughnut after all or someone else eats it instead of me?  Or that friend can’t actually meet up with me in the end and has to cancel?  What then? 

What are we choosing to put our daily hope in?  The Bible also says that the Lord delights in those who put their hope in his unfailing love.  Other verses on this topic:

“But I trust in Your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me” (Psalm13:5, NLT)

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”  (Psalm143:8, NIV)

 “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  (Lamentations3:21-23)

And these aren't just fluffy thoughts, for when everything in life is going well.  If you read them in context, most of these Psalms were written by King David when he was in the midst of really hard situations!  It is a principle for both the good and the tough times.

There’s also this great hymn (“Solid Rock”), which has recently been revived by Hillsong (and entitled Cornerstone):

“My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I did not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name”

The conclusion that I’m slowly coming to, is that actually, what it comes down to, is that as we learn to stand more and more on God’s promises and what He says is true, as we align ourselves daily with who He says He is and who we therefore are, as we daily surrender our plans, hopes and dreams into His hands, and as we place our hopes solely in his unfailing and unchanging love, then we will be free to more and more be able to hear his heartbeat for our day, for a church service, just for everything in life; We will come with the right expectations!

And we will be able to choose to SEE.  Mary Beth Chapman (the wife of Steven Curtis Chapman) has written this incredible book, "Choosing to See", which talks really honestly about how her life really hasn’t gone in the direction she planned (she wanted a nice, organised, scheduled life, but instead ended up married to a Grammy-winning singer-songwriter with crazy touring schedules, and as the mum to 6 kids – one of whom is now in heaven, as of 2008).  But she takes us with her on her journey, of how she’s been learning to SEE what God is doing.  I think that’s so it – that we need to not be disappointed by what has or hasn’t happened (and we most definitely need to not let that put us off from continuing to be expectant!), but we instead need to choose to SEE what God IS doing, even when it doesn’t necessarily match up with what I would like Him to be doing.  Or we at least need to be willing to see.

I most definitely don’t have this sorted in my head or heart yet, (I am again thinking aloud), and I would definitely be interested in hearing what you think.  But for now, I’ll just finish with the words of another SCC song, Great Expectations:

“The morning finds me here at heaven's door

A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on

And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations.

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul

Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Saviour of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

We've been invited with the Son

And we've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations” 

re:creation

As is the current theme at the moment, this morning I was reading something and it gave completely new life to a concept that I thought I understood, yet I find that I didn’t really at all.  (It is also pretty topical considering the baptisms at church this Saturday!)  This concept is recreation.  It’s the topic of SCC's latest album (I just couldn’t resist working some more of his songs into blog posts :) and more seriously, is actually something I have been thinking about lately. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 in the Bible says:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”   

Now, this is considered a pretty crucial verse for Christians, yet it’s one that is so easy to skim past without realising the full implications: If we know Christ and are IN him, then we are a new creation; not just the old one redone a bit to make it look better, but a completely new creation!  How crazy is that?!

Now the Bible also says that we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  This implies that our minds weren’t automatically renewed when we were made new; so although we ARE new, we can sometimes slip back into old patterns of thought, because our minds are still being renewed.  But, when we hold firm to the promises of God, this isn’t just positive thinking; we believe that these promises really are true, even though they don’t feel like it sometimes.  And I have a legitimate right to tell those old negative feelings, thoughts and fears to go away and leave me alone, because I am a new creation, and they no longer have a place in my life!  I just need to keep renewing my mind to be in line with that.

But even more exciting than this (if that were possible!) is that this isn’t the end of the story.  It isn’t just that we’ve been recreated, and are now free from so many things that held us in bondage, and that’s it.  Voila.  No.  This is only the start of the story.  We’re Only Getting Started.

In another part of the Bible it says:

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. “(Ephesians 2:10)

This is the NLT (New Living Translation) version of the Bible.  I have never really understood this verse; until last night/today.  Sometimes reading several different translations of the Bible helps me to get to the bottom of what a verse really means.  I tend to mostly read the NIV (New International Version), but in the NIV this verse can lose some of its meaning, as it merely says that “we are created in Christ to…”  I know the “in Christ” should probably have given me a clue, but I still missed the point.  The point isn’t that we were created merely so that we could do stuff.  No, I think it’s that we were RECREATED in order to then be set free to do the things that God has for us to do. 

Now, that may sound like just a lot of hard work, doing the things that God has for us to do, and I guess sometimes it may be.  But the truth is (or seems to be as I am starting to re-understand it anyway!) that God has good plans for us.  He has gifted each of us with things, and put us in places where he has “good works” that only we can do (through him of course).  Another SCC song on his re:creation album says:

“You were meant to be touching the lives that you touch,

And meant to be here making this world so much more
Than it would be, without you in it.

You were meant to be bringing the gifts that you bring,

And singing the songs you’ve been given to sing.
You are perfectly, wonderfully, beautifully meant to be,
You were meant to be.”

Wow!  Clearly the line about singing songs particularly speaks to me :)  The problem comes though, that there is so much stuff in our lives that can prevent us from becoming all of this.  (The Bible would call a lot of it sin, and uses some quite strong imagery to speak about how this sin holds us in slavery).  The good news, is that through what Jesus did we can be created anew, and set free from all the rubbish that holds us back.  Then, as we are free to walk where he wants us to go, we can then be all that he has for us to be and do all that he purposed for us to do, which is a good thing! 

And this very much relates back to my earlier post about the Great Adventure too, and how, being where God is and where he wants us to be is actually the best place to be (and does not involve us just “trying harder”.)  Yes, it may often be scary (as I’m also discovering), as he takes us places that may be out of our “comfort zones”, but I also just don’t want to live my life any other way; I want to be where he is!  And I really want to continue to learn about who I now really am - this new creation, who doesn’t have to be weighted down by fears and failings anymore (a bit of a novel feeling really!) - and continue to learn how to live in light of that. 

Please know that I’m not saying any of this with the intention to “preach” at anyone; I am merely thinking out loud.  Writing helps me to process things and, although I know we are all at different places, in making this public on a blog my hope is that it might give you some things to think about too. 

“Sing with elation, praise every morning, God’s recreation of the new day.”   
- From the song Morning Has Broken

(p.s. aren’t you impressed with how I managed to work 3 SCC songs AND an album title into 1 blog post!  Ok, 1 of them was only sort-of an SCC song.  Still, I wonder how many I’ll manage to fit in next time :-)

The Great Adventure

So, last night was the night I finally went to see Steven Curtis Chapman live in concert at the Hammersmith Apollo.  I had been excited about this for months as I have loved SCC’s music for years and have always wanted to see him live, but this is the first time that I’ve had the chance to see him live in the UK! 

The evening didn’t disappoint; in fact, it was so much more amazing than I could have imagined.  SCC and Michael W Smith (who he was touring with) are both phenomenal musicians.  I was singing along to every SCC song and there were just so many amazing moments that one blog post could not do it justice.  So, rather than trying to summarise the evening, I’m instead going to focus on one key thought that struck me afresh yesterday.

Yesterday morning at church, Tim had been speaking about how we need to be people who are constantly pushing forward, and how the moments we sit back are the times when we in fact get dragged backwards.  (Have a listen !)

Now, this is a concept that I’ve been struggling with this week (which is why yesterday was interesting timing!)  If I’m honest, I don’t like the concept of always pushing onwards.  My reaction is: “yes, but what about being content?  Enjoying what God has given to us?”  I can also feel like I’ve already had quite enough of challenges and I’d quite like to stay where I am for a while, to rest and recoup a while before the next thing please! 

But, yesterday afternoon I realised the problem: it isn’t with the concept, but with my way of thinking.  My problem is that I equate pushing forward with striving harder.  I constantly put such pressure on myself to be a better person: to work harder, to please this and that person, to be a better friend, the list goes on…But, although there is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things in themselves (friends are amazing, and of course I want to do well at my work...), me constantly striving harder just ends up leaving me feeling exhausted and is what leaves me feeling like I’ve had enough.

Yet, that isn’t what the Bible says at all.  The Bible doesn’t say: “work harder and you’ll gain eternal life!”  In fact, it says that no matter how hard we try we can never be good enough.  When we just keep trying harder, we will always feel far from the standards set by ourselves, by society and by a perfect God.  We will never fulfil them on our own!  But what is amazing, is that the Bible says that Jesus IS life, and we just have to change our way of thinking and come to Him!  It's about Him, not us!  Now, this is something I “know”, but I think that often I nevertheless continue to live as if it all depends on me!

Now, getting back to SCC, I was struck particularly by 2 of his songs last night – songs that I know inside out, and yet I saw new things in them that I hadn’t seen before.

In For the sake of the call he writes:

“Empty nets lying there at the water’s edge
Told a story that few could believe and none could explain
How some crazy fishermen agreed to go where Jesus led
With no thought for what they would gain
For Jesus had called them by name and they answered”

“Drawn like the rivers are drawn to the sea
No turning back, for the water cannot help but flow
Once we hear the Saviour's call we'll follow wherever he leads
Because of the love He has shown
And because he has called us to go we will answer”

“Not for the sake of a creed or a cause
Not for a dream or a promise
Simply because it is Jesus who calls
And if we believe we'll obey”

Now, rivers don’t say “well, I just don’t feel like flowing today” and they certainly don’t have to strive harder to flow, they just do, it’s the way of things and they can’t help it. 

In The great adventure (one of SCC's best known songs) it says:

“I saw a big frontier in front of me and I heard somebody say "let's go"!

Saddle up your horses we've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace
Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is The Great Adventure”

The song isn’t called “The Great Slog”, but “The Great Adventure”, and the key to this adventure is following our leader, Jesus!  Pushing forward doesn’t mean trying harder and exhausting ourselves, but simply following wherever Jesus goes, and being where He wants us to be; because we love Him and want to be where He is and because He loves us, has a plan, and He knows the best place for us to be (even if His ways may often seem strange to us at the time!)  Jesus Himself said that He only did what He saw His father doing, (rather than running off here, there and everywhere trying to make things work as he saw best!) 

It also ties in with this passage that we were looking at recently on a course that I am doing:
"2 The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice." John10:2-4

Now don’t get me wrong, I know that this means that we will be challenged, and that hard work will often be involved.  But, it's about where the motivation is coming from; knowing that we just have to follow Jesus takes the pressure off ourselves, and we know that we don’t have to dread life, but we should instead be excited about it, and about where God is going!  All we have to do, is to work out what this looks like for each of us in practise – learning to trust in Him and follow Him.  After all, this is the Great Adventure!

p.s. have you spotted the themes with the recent post titles lately ;-)

Not home yet

As most of you should have picked up by now, I love music and there are many musicians who I love listening to. Nathan Tasker is just one of many singer-songwriters whom I have enjoyed listening to recently, since being introduced to him when he came to play an acoustic music evening at Surrey Christian Union a few years ago (he plays in DADGAD on a mahogany guitar; what more can I say ?! :)

Anyway, earlier I was catching up on his recent blog posts over lunch and I came across this particular post which really struck me:http://www.nathantasker.com/blog/entry/home-a-vegemite-sandwich-please

Do have a read, but basically he is talking about the feeling of being torn between loving both his country of birth (Australia) and the country where he currently lives (the US): "Even though I obviously don’t cease to be Australian once I land back in Nashville, it feels so much like home to me it causes me to wonder - can a person have two homes? Never fully be in one or the other, leaving a piece of your heart in both? It’s an on-going, internal tug of war."

I identify with this so much! Now, I may not have moved to a different country, but I have lived in a lot of different places. Already I have lived for substantial periods of time in 4 different towns/cities, with the way that short term job contracts in science go sadly meaning that it's probably inevitable that I'll end up moving again before too long. In each of these places I have made good friends and found a good church. In this global age, I also have several really good friends who have moved abroad or who have moved back to their home country after university. Each time I go to visit any of these friends it definitely feels, like Nathan Tasker says, that I leave a piece of my heart behind with them.

My usual reaction to this tearing of my heart is either to dwell on the memories of the visit so much that I feel really depressed/confused for a while after I return home until I settle back into a daily routine, or to just bury the feelings and try to move on, because pretending that all is ok sometimes feels like the only way of survival. But, I realise that neither of these is particularly healthy! In life, so much is a balancing act - all the way from how much of each nutrient group to have in our diet, to the line between being proud/humble. So often I swing between two extremes, in all areas of life, and I suspect that I am probably not alone in this.

But Nathan doesn't just talk about this tearing and leave it at that, but he uses it as an analogy of how actually, for those of us who know Christ, we know that we are truly citizens of heaven and that any "home" we can have on this earth is temporary. He also mentions how knowing this citizenship affects us in ways that our earthly citizenship never will.

Several Bible verses come to mind:"But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Saviour." Philippians 3:20

I love this song by Nathan Tasker which talks about this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEyM1GGRNoI&feature=channel&list=UL

"Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. 3 For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians3:1-3

I might also take this analogy another step, and say that actually, perhaps knowing this gives me permission to know that sometimes living in tension is ok?! I don't have to either let it depress/confuse me or try to ignore it and pretend it isn't there, but rather I can fully acknowledge the reality of it and live accordingly. Living in tension, as difficult and painful as it can be at times, is not something to be avoided but should in fact be part of our reality. And actually, tension between earthly homes, should merely serve to remind me of the tension between knowing that I am on one hand living here on earth, but am also a spiritual being, a citizen of heaven, created for more than what I see in the natural. I guess that what I have to remember, as this song by Steven Curtis Chapman reminds me, is that I am not home yet:

http://youtu.be/od3Ws-0WZuo

p.s. Oh, and did I mention that I'm REALLY excited that I'm going to see Steven Curtis Chapman live later this week?! :-D

Waterfront "tour" !

Hi to any of you who still read my blog. I realise I haven't been posting very much on here anymore, and I know I often apologise for this, but I will do so again - sorry ! A lot has happened over the last few months, far too much to catch up in one blog post. So, I won't even try.

What I will do, is to let you know about a series of gigs that Glyn and I are performing at over the next few weeks...one initial gig has seemingly multiplied into a Waterfront mini-tour ! If you are interested in knowing more, then you can see the full gig listing over at Glyn's website ! It's all very exciting and is getting very close now. Unfortunately the full band isn't able to make it this time, but we will be thinking of those who are unable to join us, we'll try to take a few pictures, and looking forward to Shrewsbury Folk Festival, later on in the summer, when pretty much the full complement will be present (no mean feat ! :)

Waterfront Project update -shameless promotion

As some of you may know, I'm currently involved in a music project with some friends - Glyn Collinson and Ben Clayton , as well as a couple of others who have been known to join with us for sessions. Collectively the project is known as "The Waterfront Project", and recording of our album is currently underway.

We have a myspace (see link on the right) where you can listen to all our recorded tracks so far - bearing in mind that there aren't necessarily the finished versions yet. If you're on facebook, come and join us on the facebook group page ! We also now have some more space on Glyn's website thanks to an update he's done. He's promised to keep updating it more regularly from now on, uploading new tracks as we go along. There will also be regular news posts, from all of us not just Glyn, and there's space for you all to join in and comment. So come on over and let us know what you think ! Today for example, we have just uploaded a new recording (made last night) of our version of the Trad. song "The Blue Cockade".

We've been reviewed !!!

How cool is this...today Glyn sent me a link to a review he found that had been written about our performance at the Big Session Festival last Summer (June 08). Here it is ! The bit on us is under "Lee's Saturday sessions", about 1/3 of the way down the page. It's not too bad :-)

Apologies for not blogging recently; things are a bit manic at the moment with having been away a fair bit and having lots of work to now do. I currently have at least 2 posts in my mind that I want to write, one of which is a follow-up to the last post I wrote, but I think writing them will have to wait til at least next week, when I have enough time to spend writing them properly !

Sailor Girl

For those of you who still read this, I just wanted to let you know that our latest recording "Sailor Girl" has now gone up on our myspace. Do have a listen and let us know what you think. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I do ! I've been very impatient over the last couple of days to hear how the final mix sounded, but I think it was worth the wait :-)

I love this song. In folk music there are lots of 'broken token' songs, where the song is about a girl sitting on the shore whose husband/boyfriend/lover has gone off to the sea/join the navy etc. So, with the navy now striving for equality, Glyn thought he'd write an equivalent song from a man's point of view, where a wife/girlfriend/lover had gone off to the sea. However this song, unlike many traditional broken token songs, does have a happy ending.

The song itself has evolved so much since Glyn and I first played it together. This particular version came together a couple of weekends ago, and now somehow I've ended up singing lead vocals (!) It does feel strange hearing myself sing lead for one of Glyn's songs, but on the other hand, it does allow him freedom to do some of the harmonies he's so good at doing !

So yes, anyway, I hope you enjoy ! A redone version of Lonely Mountain will also be appearing at some point, and then we have to wait for the next chance we get to do some more recording. I think "Your Father's Son" is next on the list for recording properly, but then that could easily change before the next session. We just have too many songs we want to record ! :-)

Music recording

As those of you who have been following my recent frequent changes of facebook status know, we (i.e. The Waterfront Project) are continuing to record tracks for the album and this week has been no exception. This past weekend we had an epic weekend of jamming, rehearsing, going to a session, and some recording. Then later in the week we had an intense evening of recording (probably the latest we've stayed up playing music as yet since the start of The Waterfront Project !)

Music recording can be soooo frustrating though ! I'm not done a lot of multi-track recording before, and as a consequence I underestimate the amount of time it takes to do things and the number of takes you have to do to record each part ! It's so different recording each part separately as opposed to playing live - I'm used to singing and playing guitar together, not having to concentrate on each one separately ! One feels there is an added level of pressure too, when you know you're playing/singing into a microphone and being recorded ! (Or at least, so i feel anyway). It takes so many takes to get each part right - as a musician, you know exactly how you want each part to go, yet so often you can have a take that is perfect apart from a couple of notes (meaning you have to rerecord, whereupon usually you get those notes correct this time, but some other ones seem to go wrong somehow!) Still, having said all of that, I think we got some good work done this week. Glyn is always very patient with me and is very good at trying to get me more relaxed and encouraging me that I can actually do it ! :-) It is fun too of course, as I love playing this music. And despite all the hard work, I feel very priviliged still to be involved, and wouldn't want to have it any other way. So yes, keep watching this space...

"Great is Your glory"

I've never really listened to much of the more recent stuff by Vicky Beeching, but from here on I might be keeping an eye out a little more...we sang this song "Great is Your glory" (see YouTube video below) at the last CU of term tonight. I liked it from the moment I heard it, and the more I listen to it the more I like it. I hope it blesses you too as you listen to it !

:-)

Guess what I did today ?!...I bought a new guitar :-) (Still hasn't quite sunk in that it's mine yet!) It was fairly expensive, but it is very beautiful (I wasn't too keen on the colour at first, but it's growing on me) and sounds truly amazing. I was very much in need of a new guitar, and have been looking around for a while, but we found this one today. (For anyone interested, it's a handcrafted Tanglewood, brazillian rosewood back and sides and a spruce top. mmmm... Still needs to have a pick-up and a pick-guard fitted, but that's a problem for another day). No regrets so far. Good decision I think. I shouldn't ever need to buy another guitar again. Oh, and it truly was a profitable (but expensive) day as Glyn also managed to find himself a new bouzouki too, very excitingly, from a Luthier in East London. It's not every day you get to see the inside of an instrument maker's workshop ! Was very interesting. All in all, a very good day :-D

Make them go away

I'm on the mailing list of Oliver Gearing, an amazing musician I met once whilst performing at an open mic night in Cambridge. Anyway, since I'm on his mailing list I get to hear about all he gets up to, and he recently sent out the following e-mail about the use of one of his songs...


"Breaking news: Make them Go Away has been selected by The Department for Children, Families and Schools to feature in their latest anti-bullying campaign. The song forms the backbone for poignant short film created by Nick Webber and his team at Take One Productions
Currently being distributed to schools across the UK, you can watch it now at olivergearing.com

I am delighted to be involved in such a good cause and thought provoking campaign."



I've just watched the video and would recommend watching it - although, don't watch it unless you're prepared to be challenged. The song is good, of course, but the film is very moving. It moved me to tears anyway.

There's so much wrong in this world, and sometimes one feels overwhelmed and helpless to know what one can do to make any difference at all ! Although, I do know that because of Jesus there is hope...we can make a difference, not in our own strength but by learning how to be his body and hands on this earth. I'm not trying to preach, just trying to be real as I'm struggling to work out my reactions to stuff in life. I didn't have this in mind when I started this post, but oh well...it seems appropriate to post the lyrics of another Ginny Owens song I have been impacted by in the past, which me starting this post brought to mind. The song is basically talking about various people from the Bible (who, were actually real people like us too!), and how some of the stuff God asked them to do seemed so overwhelmingly huge, yet God just asked them to be obedient and to trust in Him; that He had a plan and would use us to "show them I Am". Seems relevant in many ways:

"No Lord, he said, you've got the wrong guy.
Simple conversation gets me tongue-tied.
And you're telling me to speak with a maniac king.
Could it be I've lost my mind?
And besides, I am weak, don't you want someone strong,
To lead them out of Egypt when they've been there so long?
And anyway, they wont believe You ever spoke to me.
That's not your problem, God replied.
And the rest is history.

There's a bigger picture you can't see.
You don't have to change the world, just trust in me.
'Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan,
And through you I will show them, I Am.

Now Lord, are you sure? He's just a shepherd boy,
Too small for battle gear with a giant to destroy.
What on earth can he do with five stones and a sling?
That's not your problem, God replied.
'Cause I can do anything.

There's a bigger picture you can't see.
You don't have to change the world, just trust in me.
'Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan,
And through you, I will show them,
I Am the first, I Am the last,
I Am the present and the past,
I Am tomorrow and today,
I Am the only way.

Great Lord, she said, I'm just a simple girl.
You say that I will bring your son into the world.
How can I understand this thing You're gonna do?
That's not your problem, God replied.

'Cause, there's a bigger picture,
And you don't have to change the world.
I'm your creator, I am working out my plan.
And through you, I will show them,
There is a bigger picture, you can't see.
You don't have to change the world, just trust in me.
I'm your creator, I am working out my plan,
And through you, I will show them, I Am."
- I Am by Ginny Owens

Sorry for rambling (again) - it's late, I'm tired, that's my excuse ! Having said that, I need some sleep now (and to finish my work for tonight, which is the reason I'm on the internet in the first place!) Before I do, let me commend the rest of Oliver Gearing's music to you. You can download most (if not all?) his music for free from his website, as cited above. Enjoy and goodnight !

p.s. I don't know why the song lyrics format has lost all the formatting between preview and posting...I hope you can still read it, but I'm too tired now to try and mess around sorting it out. I'll try and sort it out another day.

Thought for the day...

Does anyone else ever have this problem ?...That one can have an extended period of not really blogging much (as one doesn't feel one has a lot to say), followed by a period when you can think of so much you want to blog about that none of it ends up getting written down ?! Anyway, at the moment my brain is working faster than I have time to sit down and type ! I guess my brain is at the moment just having to readjust to being used in ways it hasn't been used for 2 years (or a bit more), so it's in fast mode. So yes, I'm feeling more like blogging again, but hopefully once I'm more settled I'll make more time to sit down and actually write it out to share with those of you who still read this, rather than it just being in my head !

That said, random thought for the day for you all...The nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty:
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again."
Now, where in that rhyme, does it state that Humpty is an egg ? I'd never thought about this fact until a friend pointed it out to me last night ! This Wikipedia article is most enlightening on the topic.

:-D

(In other news, my friend Glyn Collinson and I are playing in the Sheffield Folk Festival this coming weekend !!!!!! AAAhhhh!!! Currently very excited but also very nervous :)

Chapter 5

Brief update - as I'm sitting here one of the Surrey Uni computer rooms twiddling my thumbs (so to speak) for a couple of hours...

For those who don't know, I've just this week started at The University of Surrey. I'm going to be doing a PhD here but this week is mainly full up with induction lectures and meeting new people etc. I've met some lovely people, I am slowly getting to find my way round the maze that is campus - with much help from new friends - and the sessions (those for which the speakers have turned up anyway - hence my free hours today) have been helpful, especially for someone like me who is new to the Uni. But nevertheless, I'm itching now to actually get launched into some proper work. Although I've done some great things over the past few months (not least of which have involved many music things and several family holidays) and I needed some time to sort out practical things like getting rid of my Cambridge flat, I guess I didn't realise til now quite how much I've missed actually having something 'proper' to do - you can only do 'nothing' for so long...It was such a weird feeling being in that inbetween place. But still, I have to try to be patient and make the most of this week while I can, and try to get used to all these changes that are going on around me and in me. Plus I'm sure that soon enough I will have far too much to do again !

I am also still enjoying the music, with rehearsals every week now and various performances having been/upcoming - for instance the listings for the Sheffield Folk Festival (in which we're playing) are now up here ! Do check it out, if only to see that our names are actually on the website for a Folk Festival ! :-) It's all very hard work, but so worth it. We're working on new material at the moment, which is all very exciting - although, the songs do have a tendency to get very stuck in my head, to the extent that all the people round me must wonder what I'm going round humming to myself !

Anyway, enough rambling from me for now...since I'm here on Campus, I'd better go and use the time a bit productively and go do some more exploring, before the talks we have later this evening !

The Waterfront Project myspace

Tis very exciting - The Waterfront Project now has a myspace page ! Go check it out at: www.myspace.com/waterfrontproject !!!

Upcoming gigs...

I've been busy. There are several upcoming musical events at which I am playing...
- If anyone is free tomorrow and would like an evening of music in Cambridge (see flyer above)... This event is to raise money for this year's Romanian summer camp, of the variety I helped with last summer.

- Also, if anyone fancies a trip to Leicester in a couple of weeks, then I am accompanying a friend of mine at the Big Session Folk festival (See: http://www.bigsessionfestival.com) !!! We have a lunchtime slot on the Saturday in the Marquee Stage ! Exciting stuff...

Lifehouse's Everything skit

You guys all have to watch this ! Beautiful song, and beautiful skit. It moved me to tears.

The Waterfront Project !!!

For those of you who still read this blog (well done if you do) and who are vaguely interested, I have some news to share...

At the moment I am involved in a 'music project' with several extremely talented musicians, all of whom were at Bristol University like me, (but I didn't really get to meet any of them until we had all left Bristol Uni !) Together we are called 'The Waterfront Project'. The overall aim is to eventually record an album, putting in lots of hard work and having lots of fun along the way, perhaps also leading to some gigs. Anyway...we had our first 'full band' rehearsal a couple of weeks ago and not only was it amazing, but we made a few rough recordings (to see how we sounded). What we all I think agree were the best of these have recently been put up on Glyn's website (links about half-way down the homepage) and so please feel free to have a listen ! Enjoy and let me know what you think - bearing in mind these are very rough recordings. Technically speaking, you might call us 'folk-rock' of a kind, but we're hard to define.

I have never been involved in anything like this before. It's exciting, and hard and so tiring and truly wonderful all at once, and much more besides. I feel like I am growing so much as a musician at the moment and in many other ways too; well, playing with other musicians at this level and for rehearsals this long kinda makes you want to 'raise your game'; you want to learn to play your parts really well so that you're not the one who messes the song up ! It's a really practical demonstration of what it means to be a small part contributing to an overall big picture, which in this case is each song. I'm also learning just how much hard work music can be - I lose track now of how many times I've played some of these songs (although, I am still not bored of any of them!) and the sheer number of hours I have spent working out harmony for some songs, but it is SO worth it. I feel so very priviliged to have been asked to be a part of this and can't wait til our next session :-)



p.s. to anyone who has stuck out the long months of no posts, I do apologise for not keeping this site up-to-date in the last few months. I just seem to have too much else on my plate/mind at the moment. Besides, I think facebook really has taken over from the fad of blogging - well, for some things anyway. I may still post exciting news like this on here, but don't expect 'regular' updates like I used to give. I can't promise anything like that anymore !

Wholly Yours

My new favourite album at the moment is "A Collision" by David Crowder band (which my brother got me for Christmas). I love David Crowder band; they're amazing musicians who aren't afraid to experiment with music and generally with art. Their albums aren't just a series of songs one after the other (although in some senses they are of course), they are very cleverly put together and lead you on a journey. Because of that, maybe they aren't quite as accessible on first glance but they allow you to think and explore. This album, as described on the back of the album booklet: "...for the past two years we have ended most nights in concert with the following statement: 'when our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision.' This recording is about that collision. It is the collision of our fallen state and our Maker's transcendance. It is a rendering of our mortality and eternal life." The song below particularly struck me on first listening, and does so again every time I hear it. The lyrics are just so beautiful ! Very cleverly crafted, and so true. So I thought I'd share them with you. Take time to ponder on them and enjoy. I wish you all a Happy New Year. May you this year know more the awe and wonder of this beautiful collision. Ro xx


"I am full of earth. You are heaven's worth.
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity.
You are everything, that is bright and clean,
The antonym of me, You are divinity.
But a certain sign of grace is this:
From the broken earth, flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt

You are holy, holy, holy,
All heaven cries, "Holy, holy God."
You are holy, holy, holy.
I want to be holy like You are.

You are everything that is bright and clean
And You're covering me with Your majesty.
And the truest sign of grace was this:
From wounded hands redemption fell down,
Liberating man

You are holy, holy, holy,
All heaven cries, "Holy, holy God."
You are holy, holy, holy.
I want to be holy like You are.

But the harder I try the more clearly can I
Feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all.
And so this might be the most impossible thing:
Your grandness in me making me clean.

Glory, hallelujah
Glory, glory, hallelujah

So here I am all of me
Finally everything.
Wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly Yours.
I am full of earth and dirt and You."
-David Crowder 2005 (from A Collision)


p.s. chords for this song are in Soul Survivor book 4. And if, like me, you like linking songs together, then you'll be glad to hear that this is another song which you can easily link with 'The stand', 'inside out', 'awesome God', 'mighty to save', etc. via the chorus and bridge.