Great Expectations

I’ve been thinking lately (dangerous, I know ;) about expectations, and what it means to live life as an expectant person. 

I have heard many times, that we should live full of expectancy.  There are many examples, such as the fact that in life in general we should go into our day, not with resignation that it’s just another day to survive through, but that each new day is an opportunity to grow, to walk with God, and to see Him do amazing things; if only we’re on the lookout for it.  Also, it is often said that we should come to church with expectant hearts for what God is going to do – not coming because it’s “just another service, and it’s what I do on a Sunday”. 

This is backed up by many places in the Bible that talk about expectancy.  For example James1:5-8:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord."

or Luke11:9-13

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Now, I know that I should be expectant in theory, but what does it look like in practise?  In reality, sticking with the example of a church service, I can often come on a Sunday morning either in a place of discouragement, just coming on autopilot a bit, or in a place where I’m so excited about what God’s doing.  (And often places in between too, but let’s stick to looking at the 2 extremes for now.)  You’d think that it’s when I come in excitement that that will be when I hear from God the most.  In fact, I often find it to be quite the opposite.  It’s often when I come expecting nothing, that I find God picks me up and encourages me, and then perhaps challenges me with something new, so I learn a lot!  In contrast, it’s often those times when I “think” I am coming with an expectant heart that I can leave feeling a bit disappointed, feeling like God hasn’t met those expectations.  So, what’s going on?

I think the key is that I only “think” I am coming with an expectant heart; I think that there is a difference between being expectant and expecting God to work in a certain way.  If I come to something with wrong expectations, then actually, perhaps it shouldn’t be all that surprising that I can feel disappointed if those expectations aren’t met!  If I have wrong expectations, actually perhaps that makes it harder for me to hear God, as all of my thoughts and plans get in the way, and He has to push through those first before I can hear.  The problem is that this is so subtle.  I don’t intentionally come to church with the wrong expectations, it’s just that in my need to plan things and know what is coming next, I don’t like stopping at just being expectant, but often my heart progresses to wondering what could happen – for example, if I’ve been excited about something lately, I could end up going expectant that I’ll hear some more on this subject, when in fact God may have something completely different that He wants to tell me today!

What particularly brought this home was something I was reading last week.  At breakfast-time each day I’m currently re-reading this amazing book called "Walking with God", by John Eldredge.  In the section I read that morning, it said:

“Our day-to-day grind isn’t anything close to Eden, and our hurting and desperate hearts look for something to which we can attach all those yearnings.  We’ll settle for a doughnut if that’s all there is to look forward to.  We have to be careful what we give our hearts over to.”

Now, that isn’t to say that using specific things to motivate ourselves is necessarily all bad in itself (i.e. I have an essay due in, I’ll look forward to the fact that if I work hard I can go out this evening…)  I think the problem comes when we lean on those things as the only thing that gets us through the day!  What then happens when those things get taken away from us and our hopes are dashed?  What do we do if for some reason I don’t have time to eat that doughnut after all or someone else eats it instead of me?  Or that friend can’t actually meet up with me in the end and has to cancel?  What then? 

What are we choosing to put our daily hope in?  The Bible also says that the Lord delights in those who put their hope in his unfailing love.  Other verses on this topic:

“But I trust in Your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me” (Psalm13:5, NLT)

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”  (Psalm143:8, NIV)

 “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  (Lamentations3:21-23)

And these aren't just fluffy thoughts, for when everything in life is going well.  If you read them in context, most of these Psalms were written by King David when he was in the midst of really hard situations!  It is a principle for both the good and the tough times.

There’s also this great hymn (“Solid Rock”), which has recently been revived by Hillsong (and entitled Cornerstone):

“My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus blood and righteousness
I did not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus name”

The conclusion that I’m slowly coming to, is that actually, what it comes down to, is that as we learn to stand more and more on God’s promises and what He says is true, as we align ourselves daily with who He says He is and who we therefore are, as we daily surrender our plans, hopes and dreams into His hands, and as we place our hopes solely in his unfailing and unchanging love, then we will be free to more and more be able to hear his heartbeat for our day, for a church service, just for everything in life; We will come with the right expectations!

And we will be able to choose to SEE.  Mary Beth Chapman (the wife of Steven Curtis Chapman) has written this incredible book, "Choosing to See", which talks really honestly about how her life really hasn’t gone in the direction she planned (she wanted a nice, organised, scheduled life, but instead ended up married to a Grammy-winning singer-songwriter with crazy touring schedules, and as the mum to 6 kids – one of whom is now in heaven, as of 2008).  But she takes us with her on her journey, of how she’s been learning to SEE what God is doing.  I think that’s so it – that we need to not be disappointed by what has or hasn’t happened (and we most definitely need to not let that put us off from continuing to be expectant!), but we instead need to choose to SEE what God IS doing, even when it doesn’t necessarily match up with what I would like Him to be doing.  Or we at least need to be willing to see.

I most definitely don’t have this sorted in my head or heart yet, (I am again thinking aloud), and I would definitely be interested in hearing what you think.  But for now, I’ll just finish with the words of another SCC song, Great Expectations:

“The morning finds me here at heaven's door

A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on

And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations.

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul

Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Saviour of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

We've been invited with the Son

And we've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations” 

"Great is Your glory"

I've never really listened to much of the more recent stuff by Vicky Beeching, but from here on I might be keeping an eye out a little more...we sang this song "Great is Your glory" (see YouTube video below) at the last CU of term tonight. I liked it from the moment I heard it, and the more I listen to it the more I like it. I hope it blesses you too as you listen to it !

Nothing is as it seems

"For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing." Romans 7

I've just recently (last night) finished reading the book "Three" by Ted Dekker. It's one of his earlier books (2003) but I hadn't read it before. I'm very glad I did. People have mixed opinions about Dekker, but I think he's a genius. He writes fiction, of the thriller/suspense type. Fast paced stories with, as the reviewers say, "unexpected plot twists" - I never saw the plot twist of 'Three' coming at all ! (What's going to be interesting now, is rereading it, knowing what I know now!) He makes you think about life in a new and deeper way. I won't give too much away, as it would spoil the story, but I would very highly recommend Three, if you like thriller-type stories and haven't read it yet. You might even discover a new author that you like - I recommend starting with some of his earlier books, like 'Three',, 'Blink', 'the martrys song series'. Below I've written out what's on the back of the "Three"; it doesn't really do it justice, but then it's hard to do it justice without giving something away !
Just read it for yourselves. :-)

"Enter a world where nothing is what it seems. Where your closest friend could be your greatest enemy.

Kevin Parson is alone in his car when his cell phone rings. A man calling himself Slater offers a deadly ultimatum: You have exactly three minutes to confess your sin to the world. Refuse, and the car you're driving will blow sky high. Then the phone goes dead.

Kevin panics. Who would make such a demand? What sin? Yet not sure what else to do, Kevin swerves ino a parking lot and runs from his car, just in case.

Precisely three minutes later, a massive explosion sets his world on a collision course with madness. And that's only the first move in this deadly game.

From the #1 best-selling fiction author comes a powerful story of good, evil and all that lies between."

Book recommendation

"Don’t miss this! If there’s a better book out there capturing God’s engaging nature and his ability to crawl into our darkest nightmare with his love, light and healing, I’ve not seen it. For the most ardent believer or newest spiritual seeker, the shack is a must-read."
Wayne Jacobsen, author of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore
-just one of many reviews for this book.

-->I just finished reading this book yesterday (it took me just under a day to read it as I couldn't put it down, although, I will have to reread it as there is too much to take in properly in one reading!) It is an amazing book, and I think that everyone should read it !!! It has really touched me deeply. It has blown through a lot of preconceptions that I have (and probably many of us have, even without realising that we do) about who we think God is and really gets back to the heart of what everything in life is all about - relationship. And a lot of things I thought I knew, I find I don't really know at all. The book is hard to explain, but you just need to read it and I know you will be touched too. Click on the picture below to be taken straight to the book's website where you can find out more for yourself...

Wholly Yours

My new favourite album at the moment is "A Collision" by David Crowder band (which my brother got me for Christmas). I love David Crowder band; they're amazing musicians who aren't afraid to experiment with music and generally with art. Their albums aren't just a series of songs one after the other (although in some senses they are of course), they are very cleverly put together and lead you on a journey. Because of that, maybe they aren't quite as accessible on first glance but they allow you to think and explore. This album, as described on the back of the album booklet: "...for the past two years we have ended most nights in concert with the following statement: 'when our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision.' This recording is about that collision. It is the collision of our fallen state and our Maker's transcendance. It is a rendering of our mortality and eternal life." The song below particularly struck me on first listening, and does so again every time I hear it. The lyrics are just so beautiful ! Very cleverly crafted, and so true. So I thought I'd share them with you. Take time to ponder on them and enjoy. I wish you all a Happy New Year. May you this year know more the awe and wonder of this beautiful collision. Ro xx


"I am full of earth. You are heaven's worth.
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity.
You are everything, that is bright and clean,
The antonym of me, You are divinity.
But a certain sign of grace is this:
From the broken earth, flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt

You are holy, holy, holy,
All heaven cries, "Holy, holy God."
You are holy, holy, holy.
I want to be holy like You are.

You are everything that is bright and clean
And You're covering me with Your majesty.
And the truest sign of grace was this:
From wounded hands redemption fell down,
Liberating man

You are holy, holy, holy,
All heaven cries, "Holy, holy God."
You are holy, holy, holy.
I want to be holy like You are.

But the harder I try the more clearly can I
Feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all.
And so this might be the most impossible thing:
Your grandness in me making me clean.

Glory, hallelujah
Glory, glory, hallelujah

So here I am all of me
Finally everything.
Wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly Yours.
I am full of earth and dirt and You."
-David Crowder 2005 (from A Collision)


p.s. chords for this song are in Soul Survivor book 4. And if, like me, you like linking songs together, then you'll be glad to hear that this is another song which you can easily link with 'The stand', 'inside out', 'awesome God', 'mighty to save', etc. via the chorus and bridge.

The radical middle

Well, it's now been just over a week since I moved back home for a bit. I've been missing everyone in Bristol, despite having been glad to also see a few friends here and spend time with family, and I still very much feel like I'm trying to come to terms with everything that happened in Romania. (It was good, if slightly unexpected, though to see two friends from Woodies at Riverside for the morning service yesterday). I now won't be online tho much for the next month(ish) as this thursday we go away on holiday for a while (yet more foreign languages to pretend to be able to speak!). I don't know still what happens when we return. I'll have to play that by ear somehow. However, before I go I wanted to make a book recommendation...

I'm currently reading a book called "The quest for the radical middle - a history of the Vineyard". I haven't got a long way into it yet, but what I've read so far is very interesting. I'd recommend it not only those who have a history with Vineyard churches but also anyone who is interested in general Church history and also any Christian who knows what it means to be trying to hold together so many of the tensions of the Christian life.

Last few days of holiday...

Going back to Bristol this sunday for the start of another term (my first job is stewarding at the Mix on sunday night). And, although I haven't even come back yet, I'm already starting to feel homesick ! It will be good to see people but nevertheless, very strange to come back.

I do also have a fair few things left to do before then, however I did still make time to go to see the film Eragon yesterday with my brother. It's a good film; worth seeing if you like films of that genre (fantasy, action, involving dragons...) I was glad we did go to see it. But it wasn't a patch on the book. They had messed around with the storyline so much and cut out or changed major parts, so much so, that I'm not really sure how they'll be able to do the next part of the trilogy. But although that disappointed me slightly, I can see why they did, as it was always going to be a challenge getting a book of that kind into a 1hr30 film, and they were obviously trying to leave enough time to do justice to some of the big battle scenes (= special effects). It could have done with being LOTR length really. I think I need to see the film a couple more times (probably get the DVD when it comes out), now that I know the basics of the film, so I can appreciate it more for what it is, rather than always be comparing it with the book. And don't let me put you off. Go to see it, regardless of whether you've read the book or not (I think the story just about hangs together even if you haven't). And I'm already looking forward to seeing the film of the second part !

One more thing...I have in the past mentionned a band called Starfield. Well, I also purchased their second album, "Beauty in the Broken" yesterday (with Christmas money). It's a good album. Very different feel to the first one, which I loved immediately, but I think it will grow on me. There are some (in my opinion) good songs and some not so good/not very memorable or original ones, but all in all, worth the £8 I paid for it I think ! And the sentiments expressed in the words are good ones. Gives me more ammunition for quoting song lyrics at whoever reads this blog still :-)

RE: It's official

"The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be"
-Switchfoot

As people may have guessed, I am now back in the UK for a little while (as of sunday middayish, but since then have been feeling very jetlagged and only now feel like doing anything really). Since being away, I have gotten into the band Switchfoot a lot - another band I now highly recommend for those of you who like music with a slightly more rocky edge (see my myspace profile page for a link to their myspace). I love their songs: amazing words and music ! The words above state how I feel every day - that there is so much I could be, but that that is so different from the reality of who I actually am, and that frustrates me so much (probably a good thing it does, but uncomfortable none the less). As I said in my other post, as I see more and more, I see more of my weaknesses. But I'm also learning that I'm not going to change them by myself (believe me, I've tried. Tho that doesn't mean I have nothing to do!) I'll only change, not by merely struggling to be a better person and to ignore things, but only by looking to Jesus and who He is, and allowing Him to transform me. I just have to keep looking at Him. (Far easier said than done though).

"Everyday, I see more of Your greatness.
Everyday, I know more of my weakness Lord.
And I can only hope that I'll be changed.
Even as I look upon Your face.

For the eyes of my heart are on You forever,
They're on You forever"
-Matt Redman

Update and plug

I've been busy the last few days. First there was the excitment of watching Casualty filming last week, then I jammed with a friend in the Union for 3 hours on friday morning (we lost track of time a little ! I was playing bass, so my shoulders and fingers didn't let me forget it in a hurry, but it was well worth it !) Then met up with another friend for coffee. Rushed to pack and went to Dartmoor for the weekend with the Christian Union. We had an amazing weekend. I learnt lots, had lots of fun, met some new people, took too many photos, played more bass...we did have a slightly interesting time on the way when as soon as we started encountering big hills in Dartmoor, the coach started struggling, and eventually broke down due to the radiator busting ! So we had to start walking to the place. It was a 'half hour' walk - it actually would have taken much longer than that had we had to walk the whole way, but in the end we just walked about 40minutes and then got picked up by the car shuttle that they'd started to run between the house and us. Was good though, because we wouldn't have appreciated the beauty of the countryside as much otherwise, and it was a good bonding exercise !

We did get back safely on sunday evening in the end (after a slight panic that the coach had broken down again!) And I went to church on sunday evening. This evening went to the CU clifton BBQ, which was really fun, but I'm quite tired now (a bit of barn dancing during the evening!)

Am looking forward to all the things which are coming up in the next few weeks, going round to friends house, Wills ball, graduation ball, more BBQs and picnics...but at the same time, it is all tinged with a bit of sadness, that this is the last time for a while if not forever that I'll see some people. Even if I do eventually decide to stay in Bristol next year, things still won't be the same. I would no longer be a student-e.g. I couldn't be involved in Union Societies or with Student Pastorate...plus some of my good friends are moving on. I think it was brought home to me more after the CU houseparty, which was my last one (after having been on every one since being at uni. I.e. that was number 6!) and when a friend who was going on holiday the next day had to say goodbye. I got a little overwhelmed in Church that evening. I know that I will keep in contact with people, but it won't be the same. But then, I do trust God, that whatever He's got in store for me in the future it will be good.

That wasn't really what I was originally intending to blog on...but that's I guess what happens when I don't plan and just write and am tired (rambling I guess).

Anyway...the plug bit: If anyone in Bristol is free TOMORROW (wednesday) evening and fancies a bit of LIVE MUSIC, then come down to the Bristol Student Union. LiveSoc is holding their last event of the term and year. It should be good - 5 bands and I'm opening the night with a short acoustic set. STARTS AT 8 PROMPT. AR2 (aka Mandella Bar) Be great to see anyone there who's able to come !

P.s. I highly recommend the band Starfield. I just got their first album last week and love it ! It's exactly the kind of music I love - can't believe it's taken me so long to get their music (it wasn't a spontaneous purchase, like many are, but I'd been wanting this for a good long while). As you can see, the current quote is from one of their songs - it's one which really struck me. And if you want to check out their music more, I currently have one of their songs on my MySpace profile, and from there you can also access their myspace which has some more of their music on !

Right...time for lost (the TV programme, I'm not actually intending to get lost, don't worry) and then bed. Early rise required tomorrow. Maybe see some of you tomorrow ?

Casualty !

They're filming part of the TV drama Casualty using the old building which our house backs onto today and tomorrow ! It's quite exciting ! Not that I watch Casualty, or ever have, but just seeing all the setting up, and now seeing all the crew gathering outside right now...Most of the filming will probably be inside too, but it's still exciting. I can observe the movement from my bedroom window ! I still think it odd that I've now been in Bristol for 3 years (!!!) and not seen anything like this before, even though Bristol is such a big TV centre - with BBC Bristol just up the road and the BBC NHU (Natural History Unit) being based in Bristol...well, I guess today's my chance to observe something of the kind, inbetween going out for various things.

In other news: I stayed out rather late last night (as rooters may have observed from the board) and so am rather tired this morning, but I think it was worth it, I had a good/interesting night ! (I keep discovering so many things just as I'm about to stop being a student ! I'd never been to the Tantric Jazz Cafe before, but it's a really nice place, easy to find, a great atmosphere. It got quite busy in the end last night by the time Rollo, Jon and Charlie played their second set. I recommend it).

Bristol Festival of Nature

I've had an interesting day today. I was down at the Bristol Festival of Nature all day. It was really amazing - this time around, all the stalls and everything were outside and filled millenium square ! It was gorgeous weather, walking around in the sun all day did make me quite hot though (lucky I had my hat, sunglasses and some water!) There were so many things to see and do. I met a lot of nice people at the various things I went to, and I bought some very nice tomatos and chocolate brownies from the real food market. I also went to several different talks - one by Adam Hart-Davis (amazing speaker!), one which was a preview of something coming on tele in August showing the story of how Philippa Forrester and her husband found an abandoned otter and hand reared it so it could go back to the wild, another talk about the use of music in natural history films (amazing).

But the thing which I think struck me most was the Weeeman (see picture below). This is a sculpture which is comprised of 3.3 tonnes of electrical waste (e.g. toasters, irons, computers...) - the amount of this kind of waste that ONE PERSON will send to landfill sites during their life. It has quite an impact when you see it. There is currently a new piece of EU legislation, the 'waste electrical and electronic equipment' directive, aka the WEEE directive which will force manufacturers to become responsible for what happens to their products at the end of their lives, thereby hoping to reduce the amount of this weee which is sent to landfill. It was interesting going to another talk, or more like an interview actually, with Paul Bonomini, the guy who designed the sculpture. He told us that despite our government saying that the environment is top of the agenda, actually it is only the UK and Malta who are currently (out of Europe) not implimenting this WEEE directive. (Here I get onto ground I must tread carefully on, as nothing is as black and white as it may appear of course, but a lot of the reason for this is apparently industry fighting hard against it). The sculpture was mainly designed to make people think, and to cause a stir/increase awareness; also to make this issue accessible to people. He has quite a privilidged position of being a designer who is in contact with industry, and there is the opportunity to use art to make these kinds of messages heard. He told us that industry is actually making progress along the route of recycling more etc, but that there is still a very long way to go, and that more pressure from the public is needed. And of course, although industry does have a big responsibility, as he said, we do all need to take individual responsibility too.

I also liked what was said about how Martin Luther King didn't stand up and say 'I have a nightmare'. That so much about the environment at the moment is negative. But what we need to be doing is to be giving people a vision which they can work towards, and be positive towards the environment !

Anyway, enough of me ranting...especially cause I'm not really doing the day justice. But do go and have a look at the website of Weeeman, as it'll have a much better explanation than I just tried to give, and if you get a chance to go down to the harbourside, do go and have a look at the sculpture as it'll be there til 19th June.

Various plugs

Two things to plug (thought they’d just get lost if I put them in that mammoth last post!):

1)The Love Bristol Festival
Do have a look at the blog that's just been set up. It will have lots of updates, prayer requests, competitions, freebies and a place to interact. And as Jammin said on his blog, those of you who live in Bristol (and aren’t going to be away during that week, *cough*) do think about whether you could help out, either during the week with the practical stuff, or just by committing to pray for the events. It’s such an amazing opportunity this summer.

2) Bristol Festival of Nature
Ok, Second plug: this coming weekend is the Bristol Festival of Nature. This means that there will be lots going on in the area of The Watershed/Docks/Wildwalk…There are talks, walks, boat trips, workshops, a ‘real food’ market...I went along to a couple of events at the last weekend they ran, and it was not only really fun, but I learnt a lot too. So, if anyone (in Bristol) has a spare hour or so, do come down and join in. Even if none of the talks grab you, or you don’t have time to go to any of the proper events, just wandering around the area and seeing all that is going on is good fun (plus the food market is always good!) So check out the programme of events. Some of the climate change and sustainability talks look particularly interesting this time round.