The dangers of a thesaurus

So, as those of you who are my friends on facebook will know, I'm currently knee-deep into writing my PhD thesis. During this process, I have been rediscovering quite how useful a thesaurus can be (when I'm wanting to write "variation" or "however" for the millionth time!)

However, having been watching a lot of Friends episodes over Easter (I'd forgotten quite how hilarious it is), I now can't help thinking of a certain episode whenever I reach for this useful book...you know the one; the episode where Joey is trying to write a letter of recommendation for Monica and Chandler for the adoption agency:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s0LqZMsfTQ


Monica: It doesn't make any sense.
Joey: Of course it does. It's smart! I used a thesaurus!
Chandler: On every word?
Joey: Yep.
Monica: All right, what was this sentence, originally?
Joey: Oh. "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."
Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps?"

(Transcription edited from http://www.friends-tv.org/zz1005.html)

"GraphJam"

Failblog, that I mentionned a couple of posts ago, has a number of 'sister sites', which recently I've been amusing myself by checking. I especially like a site called GraphJam, most of them on there are really well done. I saw this chart on it today and I think it's genius (other than their slight spelling mistake)...so true, lol...do go check out some of the others on the site...

Extreme Shepherding

I think this is genius:

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/4/20090408/video/vod-extreme-shepherding-become-you-tube-f1a0497.html

"Extreme shepherding has become a huge hit on You Tube as Welsh farmers find a new way of keeping themselves amused."

Fail blog

I came across this hilarious website today, and thought I'd share it with you all; it's called: Fail blog. Prepare to laugh lots til your sides and cheek muscles ache - some are funnier than others, but even if some are photoshopped I still think they're amazingly funny ! Below are a selection of my favourites so far, complete with the post headings (which aren't embedded but I think are what often makes the pictures funny). Enjoy ! :-D

Bargin fail:

see more pwn and owned pictures

Lazy worker fail:

see more pwn and owned pictures

Fair-game fail

see more pwn and owned pictures

Badger, badger, badger...
















Please close gate:

see more pwn and owned pictures

UN fail

see more pwn and owned pictures

Parachute fail - Jesus Saves

see more pwn and owned pictures

Novel advertising strategy

Saw an advertising poster today, near the computer games section of a music store I was in, which made me chuckle. Thought I'd share the amusement...(I so wish I'd plucked up the courage to take a photo!)...


"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.........for I have 3 lives left."

Christmas Hilarity

A little while ago now, the Woodies website had a bit of a facelift and they now have a blog, which they keep updated regularly. I enjoy reading this, to keep up to date a bit with what's going on in Bristol, and today I read their most recent post. It's entitled "How to torture your flatmate", and lists 20 ways in which to torture your flatmate/family this Christmas time. While I do not condone any of the listed activities, lol, they are nevertheless very amusing to read. I especially like no. 18: "Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your flatmate asks, tell them, "I had to let them stay here, there's no room at the inn."" :-D Enjoy !

Fireworks

The University of Surrey held a big fireworks display last friday evening, to which I went along. It was great ! Fireworks are so pretty. I love them - although, I love the colours more than the noise. (Also, it does seem a little odd that we celebrate the fact that the houses of parliament weren't blown up, by blowing things up ! But hey.) This is probably the best photo I managed to take over the evening. Not too bad. (Note all the lights - from cameras and mobile phones not glow sticks, lol.)

One day, I'll blog again...

...but in the meantime, until I get around to trying to fill bloggers in on the craziness that has been the last few months, here's something to amuse you. (Amused me anyway). Taken from the current edition of Reader's Digest (which is a humour special). :-D

You know you've been on the woodies year team when...

-when you can tell, just by scanning around a room, which chairs are in stacks of 8 and which aren't
-Chairs in stacks other than 8's just 'look wrong'
-You get a lot of satisfaction every time you look at the sink that you've just cleaned
-You've become an expert at looking for the joins in carpets to enable easier vacumming of big open spaces
-spending an evening scraping walls no longer sounds like an odd thing to do
-You're starting to come round to the idea that orange sofas with red cushions might not look quite so bad together after all
-You have many new skills to add to your cv, including: making an excellent tea or coffee (even if you don't drink it yourself), lining up chairs in straight lines, being able to carry a tray of wine glasses up/down steps without dropping them, being able to carry a stack of 8 chairs using your knees, mopping floors, being able to read childrens' books upside down (so they can see the pictures), filling up baptistry tanks, oh and did I mention being able to put out chairs in straight lines ?

:-D More seriously though...It's hard to believe year team is coming to an end already. In some senses it has gone by so quickly, yet I had my end of year review today and in other senses so much has happened ! We officially have one and a bit more weeks on year team, and then are off to Romania for 10days to help with a kids camp. Before I started year team people said to me that I would be challenged physically, emotionally, spiritually, and any other -ally's I could think of, but that it would be a good year. I do feel that is very true. But it is so hard saying goodbye to so many people, those that I have worked with for a year as I end my placements this week and next as well as to those who are themselves moving on. I know that this is not, by far, the end but is in fact only the beginning of something, yet I still cannot help but feel an ache in my heart, despite the fact that I know I still have another week.

A song I have found most helpful this week (one which I had in my head during my driving test but has since been used for more than that) is "Well with my soul", or the arrangement of it by Brenton Brown. (I know the context it was written in is very different to how I'm using it, but it nevertheless seems to fit how I'm feeling). It goes:

"Sometimes it's hard, sometimes I cry
Sometimes my heart, wants to know why
But Your yoke is easy, and Your burden is light
And though my heart is aching and there're tears in my eyes

Whatever my lot, You have taught me to know
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It's not always easy, I'm not always right
Sometimes I do things that are wrong in Your sight
But I have decided I'm going to follow Jesus
And there's no turning back, there's no turning back

But please hold my hand Lord, and hold on tight
'Cause the road here is narrow
Yes the road here is narrow"
-Brenton Brown

Whatever I've learnt this year I am not going to just forget. God has been building foundations in me (which implies now building on top of them?!) and I won't be going back. There's no turning back, only keeping on going forwards !

More fun

I found this postcard in Wesley Owen the other day. A little out of season, but I bought it anyway 'cause it made me laugh lots. (It says on the back of the postcard: "God has brought me laughter" Genesis 21:6) I hope you appreciate it as much as I did ! :-)

Oh, and if you would like to see (rather than just hear about) a bit of what we got up to on the W3 pastorate weekend away in May then go here and here (the post on fri 15th June) to see some short videos ! (See if you can spot me - I feature a couple of times I think.)

Star Wars,Star Trek and Monty Python

I seem to be very good at procrastinating at the moment - I think it's because I have a lot to do, which I don't want to have to do. (The usual reasons). But anyway, last night I discovered a lot of funny video clips on youtube (courtesy of a friend's link on facebook) which I thought I'd share. There are a lot of good ones involving star wars, star trek, Monty Python or a combination of the 3. I thought I'd share a couple of the best (in my opinion) ones:

Monthy Python (black knight) meets Star Wars

Star Trek meets Monty Python

Star Wars vs Star Trek

Star Wars mistakes

Star Wars help desk

Star Wars episode 1 bloopers

They should all be funny in their own right, but the first 3 might be more amusing if you actually know the proper scenes to which these are refering. Well, at least they were funny late last night !

In other news I've started saying "Genius" a lot (instead of for example, that's great or brilliant). Don't know where I've picked that one up from !

Google bombs

I learnt many things over this last weekend. One of which, is that you should go to google, type in french military victories, and click "I'm feeling lucky". It's quite amusing. I won't tell you what happens as it will spoil the surprise !

In other news, this weekend is the Bristol Festival of Nature. You may remember me mentionning it about this time last year. It's a great event; great for a day out. Do go check out the website and this year's programme. I'm not sure whether I'll make it down this year, but I'm sure it will be good as always.

Proverbs and anatomy with a twist

I am now back in Bristol (as of yesterday afternoon). It's a bit of a shock to the system going from sitting outside in the sun all day to a full day of theology 'lectures' today, and having my diary now filling up already with church committments for this term. But I am sure I will re-adjust after a few days. In the meantime, I would like to share with you something which caused me and my brother great amusement a couple of days ago:

My brother has found this piece of software for his mac which lets him hold a 'conversation' with his computer (text not verbal - a bit like msn with a computer). It was so funny though because from the conversation it appeared that, although the program learnt, it had certain phrases (notably proverbs and human anatomy) in it's vocabulary, but it kept mixing them up, with each other and with any new words it learnt, with hilarious consequences. I shall share the best gems with you:
Proverbs and anatomy according to MegaHAL:

-I'll never see myself in the hand is worth two in the abdomen which collects urine from the body usually performed to music.
-You can lead a horse to water, but you are the computer program, and I am a man.
-Cry and I'll laugh anyway.
-A sack in the hand is worth two in the mirror with my eyes closed. (My personal favourite)
-A sack in the hand is worth two in the bush.


-An aircraft is a living organism which does not have sensory organs or digestive organs.
-A baker is a cell which receives and transmits electrical impulses (i.e. a neurone!)
-The lungs are organs used for filtering urine from the heart.
-The pelvis is a secretion of modified skin glands of female mammals.
-An animal is a body fluid that carries food and oxygen to the horse and zebra (i.e. blood -->body cells)
-Anatomy is the force of attraction between two objects resulting from their mass (i.e. gravity)
-Anatomy is the organ used for hearing, and it converts sound into electrical impulses is a congregation of stars held together by gravity.
-The brain is the organ of the cheap motor car.
-The brain is the thinking organ of the body between the ribs and the engine.
-The achilles tendon is the organ of the human body.
-The lungs are organs used for hearing, and it converts sound into electrical impulses is a body fluid that carries food and obtaining energy and vital substances from within the body.
-The brain is the organ of the body which connects the body to the horse and zebra for cells of the cheap motor car.
-A computer is a rhythmic movement of the alimentary canal is the organ of the bed this morning?
-I have no idea about that. I wish I could jump out of my tongue.

Conclusion: I think computers are a long way off being intelligent and be grateful they did not design the human body !!!

Easter weekend

(Unfortunately, I was green and my brother was black. Needless to say he won the game of Risk !)

Easter cake !

p.s. 1) Antiques Roadshow !!!

Having said I'd sign out, there are a couple more things I just wanted to mention, which I think deserve their own posts ! 1) The antiques Roadshow was in Bristol today ! (In the Wills Memorial Building.) So, as it's not everyday you get to see the BBC filming, this afternoon I went down with a friend to have a poke around. It was quite fun seeing all the lights and cameras, and queues of people waiting to see the experts. Also fun to see all the Memorabilia on sale - they had everything you could want, from rubbers to postcards you could get signed to tea towels and of course, the Antiques Roadshow book ! Anyway, do look out for the show on sunday afternoons. Apparently it's being broadcast fairly soon as it's the last programme of the current series. Would be quite fun to watch, and I might even be in the background of a shot somewhere ! So, if anyone hears when it's on, do let me know !

Switchfoot !!! and another genius video

I have another genius video for you all to watch ! At Christmas a friend of mine who read physics at Bristol uni told me about this, where a picture of Dr. Emmett Brown from Back to the Future had been added to the photos of physics staff in the department. Apparently it stayed up there for well over a year before any of the staff noticed it ! But this video provides photographic evidence for all those who don't believe that this was actually done. :-)

Also...I'm getting really excited now ! I'm going to Swansea tomorrow, with a couple of the other year-teamers, to go and see Switchfoot play, it's part of their UK tour promoting their new album "Oh! Gravity". It will be an experience as I've never been to such a big gig before, and I am anticipating a late night with not much sleep (as I need to get up early thurs morning) but it should be amazing !!! Will post saying how it went after I get back and have had some sleep !!!

I did have some more serious stuff to blog today, but am not with it enough now. Will go get an early night in preparation for tomorrow and will try to hang onto the thoughts to post on another day.

p.s. This friday I am taking part in the 24-hour famine, to raise money for the work of World Vision in Zambia. I'm doing this together with several others from Devotion, but have been being very disorganised about getting sponsers together. The plan is to have a meal on thurs night (at pastorate for me), then go without food until the friday evening. This is going to be really hard for me, as fasting food is something I find really difficult. But if anyone would like to sponser me, then please get in touch. Thank you !

The Truth?

Just a very quick post (as I don't have time for a proper update right now) to plug a couple of things. Most importantly...this week and the week after the Bristol University Christian Union are hosting a range of events to help people explore the meaning of life, look at what Christianity is really about, and trying to provide a Christian viewpoint on some of the hard questions in life. I'd recommend going along. The programme of events is here, (you will also be able to download the talks from here.) There are talks every lunchtime in the Powell lecture theatre (in the Physics department) and evening events spread between various locations, as well as other events going on in halls. Ask me if you've got any questions.

Also, Livesoc tonight. Ar2 (aka Mandela Bar) in the Bristol Student Union if anyone in Bristol is interested. An evening of live music, provided by some very talented musicians. Doors open at 8, music from 8.30 and is only £1 to non-livesoc members.

Lastly, a couple of rather amusing videos on youtube - one of which I was passed the link to, the other I randomly found while watching the first: "Title of the song" and The ebay song
First, quality of the singing and video isn't amazing (as you'll see), but the song itself is very amusing. Ebay song is a take-off of I think a backstreet boys song. Enjoy and do come along to some of the Cu talks ! :-D

The North Wind doth blow...

For some reason, at lunchtime today, the topic of the North Wind came up. I was trying to remember how that rhyme about it went (could remember the first bit only). So, oh how I love google, I looked it up. The whole rhyme goes something like this...

"The North Wind doth blow
And we shall have snow
And what will poor robin do then ?
Poor thing.

He'll sit in the barn
And keep himself warm
And hide his head under his wing,
Poor thing."

Having told you that, that isn't really the point of this post. This rhyme about the North WInd reminded me about a fairystory I vaguely remembered bits of, including that it had the North Wind in it. So, again i turned to google and I found the story ! Here is a link to it. It's basically a bit like Jack and the Beanstalk, without the Beanstalk. The writer hasn't gotten it down wonderfully here, as the narrative doesn't flow amazingly well and the Landlady appears to turn into a Landlord halfway through, but this was the only version I could find online. Even if you don't know it and it doesn't bring back a whole load of memories like it did for me, do still have a quick read. :-) Out of interest, had anyone heard this story before ?

Back to Bristol tomorrow !

Did you know...

Intrigued by Colse's latest blog post (in which he has found a website which lists Woodies as giving free lunches every weekday, "if you don’t mind a mini-sermon and a vague sense of residual guilt" that is,) and as a 'way of spending a spare few minutes so that I don't have to yet do the things I really need to do', I decided to put 'Woodlands Christian Centre' into Google and see what came out ! I found the expected, such as the church webpage, but also made some interesting finds...

I discovered that the church has it's own page on Wilkepedia ! I also discovered this page! This particular review must have been written about 5/6ish years ago as the student flats were being built at the time. It seems this site sends out 'mystery worshippers' into various churches, who then rate the church as to how they found the experience. Take a look! I especially like the answer to the last question ("What one thing will you remember about all this in seven days' time?") :-D

Guitars and other things...

Just saw this post by a friend of mine on his blog. It gives a link to a short piece in Inside Worship (a magazine produced by Vineyard Music) which he wrote, about "The guitarist's guide to effective mistake". All musicians, but especially guitarists, will find this highly amusing. So have a read.

And while we're on the subject of guitars...if anyone in Bristol is free next tuesday night (28th), then you'd be welcome to come see me play a short set (probably 3 songs now) at the next Livesoc event. It'll be me with guitar and singing. The evening should start about 8 as usual and finish around 11. There'll be a band headlining (not sure who yet) and the evening should be great fun. I'll probably be playing nearer the start of the evening, but I'm not entirely sure. It'll be as usual in AR2 in the Bristol Student Union, so if you're a non-student wanting to come, you'll have to phone me or something when you get there on tues so that I can let you in or get someone else to let you in ! (I know I'm not a student either...but I happen to have gotten an associate membership of the union for the year, knowing that I'd want to still be involved in Livesoc and use union facilities this year !)

Best dash now...need breakfast before going shopping for student lunch. My next post will be my 100th ! Not sure what I can do to mark the occasion, but I'll try think of something :-)

p.s. the song I posted in the last post, is one which I will be playing next tuesday and one of whom the lyrics are quite relevant for me at the moment.