"Too funny for words"

In the course of my attempts to clear and sort (which at the moment seem to end up me just moving things from one place to another with no real clearing out...) I have discovered several books which I have had for a while and not gotten round to reading. One of these, I began dipping into this afternoon and got a bit hooked. It's a great book called 'Too funny for words' and is basically a collection of newspaper misprints and similar which this guy has collected over the years. Some of the mistakes are very subtle, it took me a while to see several of them, but as he says in the introduction often unconscious humour is the most funny (like the unintentional "deforestation is bad, we should cut it down" in one of my school biology essays- *groan*). Anyway...this book, I was laughing so hard this afternoon, I shall just mention a few of the ones I found most funny as I skim back through the book: :-D

"THE DAFFODIL BAR - By a misprint this ball was stated to have been organised by the National Society of Cruelty to Animals. It should, of course, have been children not animals"
The Irish Independent

"Party who took green silk pyjamas from clothes line at no 240 West 120th Street please return and no embarrassing exposure will be made on my part"
Oklahoma City News

"Because there has been some misunderstanding as to which Mrs. Wood has been ill, we wish to tell readers of the bulletin that it is Mrs. Lucille Wood and not Mrs. Lucille Wood. There, that will clear that up!"
Church Bulletin

"It is not considered polite to tear bits off your beard and put them in your soup"
Etiquette Book

"Enclosed please find birth certificate of a child born to above member of our staff for purposes of tax adjustment"
Letter to Inland Revenue

"Cops can find 96.2% of anybody lost in New York City"
Mexico City Herald

"Mr and Mrs -- of Duke Hill are the parents of any infant daughter born Thursday"
Illinois Paper

"It is necessary for technical reasons that these warheads should be stored with the top at the bottom, and the bottom at the top. In order that there may be no doubt as to which is the top and which is the bottom for storage purposes, it will be seen that the bottom of each head has been plainly labelled with the word TOP"
Admiralty Instruction

"Germans are so small that there may be as many as one billion, seven hundred million of them in a drop of water."
Mobile Press

"Quiet, clean gentleman seeks comfortable room where he can cook himself on a spirit stove."
Munchner Neueste Nachrichten

"HYMN...No. 336
(Congregation standing)
SERMON, 'What are you standing for ?'
New York Church Bulletin

"Births, deaths and mirages"
National daily

"BLANK'S MACCARONI AND CHEESE
IN
TOMATO SAUCE
containing
TOMATO SAUCE, MACARONI and CHEESE"
label on Tin

"Two women were fined £5 or £14 for throwing stones at Mr John Burn's residence, and missing"
Western Morning News

"Dear Member,
Just a reminder that the fourth Friday noon of February is next Monday, February 28th."
Church Circular