Yaaay !!!

We have internet !!!!!!!! At last. (Though I really shouldn't speak too soon, having only just been connected it seems to be a little tempermental, as I had great difficulty getting to the page on blogger to let me post ! It also keeps dropping me from the network. Hmmm.) But it is a start. I probably won't be spending much more time on the net than I have been recently, due to no time, but it does mean I can keep on top of e-mails bettter and hopefully reply to people sooner (sorry to those of you who e-mailed me over a month ago but have not heard anything back. Replies will be on the way soon now). I will also not need to visit the internet cafe again - you know you've spent far too long somewhere when you start to recognise all the staff who work there, and they recognise you !!!

Although it has been stressful and difficult, for many reasons, I think the lack of internet has been good for me. Has made me realise just how dependent I am on it, and just how much people expect me to reply instantly to everything ! So, although I am back officially, I will try to cut back on the amount of 'non-essential' time I spent on the net.

In other news...I am STILL covered in glitter. We had amazing fun at IMPS (mums and toddlers at Henleaze) this morning with a bonfire night themed craft involving glitter for making firework pictures. Very, very, very messy, but great fun too :-) Only regret is that I didn't get to make a picture too :-) Am looking forward to 'bonfire night themed student lunch' this friday, and the downs fireworks on saturday !

And so...

I am conscious of the fact that it has been about 2 weeks since my last update ! (*shock horror!*) Now I also know that in reality 2 weeks isn't a very long time, but in the life of a year-teamer it feels like a very long time, in the sense that a lot happens in 2 weeks !

I am doing well. Highlights of the last week include: meeting up with Lois to chat about how year team stuff is going (tuesday), chatting with lots of freshers yesterday at student lunch, being asked to and then playing in the Devotion band yesterday, and certain 'in-jokes' involving lots of foam (see Rhys' blog). All in all, a good week. But you know the feeling when you get to the weekend and think 'well, what now ?'. When you get so caught up in planning a week, and making sure you know where you're meant to be when, that when it gets to the end of that time frame for which you have planned you feel a bit flat. That's not to say next week won't be great. I know I'll learn a lot more (seems to be a theme at the moment - though acting on stuff is more tricky), and I'll spend time with a few more friends who I haven't seen properly for a while, but I just need to try to make some space this weekend in the midst of all the running around I'm so good at doing just to reflect !

p.s. we're getting internet soon !!!!!!!!!! Goodbye internet cafe !

Whose fool are you ?

Take two of the really deep sainsburys trolleys, two year teamers (plus one other helper), one shopping list for student barbaques, 1 and 1/2 hours and what have you got...? It was highly entertaining doing the shopping for the last of the student welcome barbaques yesterday. We got some interesting looks and it felt rather amusing pushing so much stuff around sainsburys. To give you an idea...30 boxes of burgers, 8 packs of ham, 8 of chicken slices, one huge block of cheese, 100 doughnuts, 7 of those 24 multipack bags of crisps....and the list goes on. I've never bought so much food all at once ! It brought to mind the words of John Wimber when he said 'I'm a fool for Christ, whose fool are you ?' (I am sure that this year will bring plenty more opportunities to discover the meaning of that phrase !) The amusing amount of food we were buying did provide us with an amazing opportunity to explain to people what it was all this food was for and what we were doing. Am looking forward to student lunch shopping every week (although, hopefully those quantities won't be quite so high !)

Fresher's week went well overall I think, despite the rain towards the end of the week. Lots of students came to the barbaques; I enjoyed meeting new people as well as catching up with friends, in between running around like a mad thing or playing guitar. Was great fun playing some songs with Colse on thursday and friday as the 'live music'. Even more fun though was watching the Wrayster, Colse and Mr Dave Mitchell jamming some blues together at one point ! (I have photographic evidence to prove it). They sounded really, really good :-)

Here's hoping next week will be as good, but will somehow involve more sleeping and less running around (well, after my essay for tuesday gets somehow finished that is !)

p.s. to those who have written me e-mails and other things - thank you so much and I will reply at some point, when I have a little more time ! I'm not just ignoring you. (To say I have been busy this last week is a little bit of an understatement ! Good busy though.)

Update and new caption competition !

Hi everyone, yes I'm in the internet cafe again. Have had an interesting week. I really loved helping out with creches on wed and thurs this week at Henleaze over lunchtime - the kids are great, and as Rhys can testify I had great fun dressing up as a ladybird for them yesterday ! On wednesday though I hadn't previously been aware that it was possible to feel quite so exhausted ! (I imagine that it's going to be a common feeling this year). I was at Henleaze all morning (left the flat at 8.20am) got back about 2ish (?) and straight away we went to help with set up for the Alpha supper. I then got back to the flats at about 11.30ish pm, and the only break I had was about 45 mins at 5.30 to have a shower to try to de-greasify myself after having been stripping chickens a lot of the afternoon ! I slept well that night !!! Looking forward to fresher's week next week, having friends back for the start of term and also being able to welcome new students. Don't ask me how Steve managed to rope me into agreeing to play some songs as part of the 'live music' though !!!

Just before I go, may I point your attention towards a new caption competition by Rhys. I await the suggestions with interest !

Oh, and one more thing...I'm about to send out the first of my 'gap year' 'prayer newsletters'. I there is anyone reading this who doesn't receive it who would like to then let me know, praps in the comments section. Thanks.

No Matter What

At the moment you'll probably all be able to tell when I'm on the internet as I'll leave a small blog post ! I can't really sum up all that's been going on, so I won't try. But this song was played during 'response time' this past sunday morning in the Family Service at Woodies Central and it just really struck me. Although I haven't been able to tell anyone this (but I guess now the whole world knows due to my blog) I was really struggling on sunday morning. It was my first sunday on duty and I was absolutely terrified. Also, you know those times when you're surrounded by people, yet you still feel incredibly lonely ? Well, throughout the day and week and this song, God's just been reminding me of His amazing faithfulness; that how NO MATTER how I'm feeling, He's the same, consistent, reliable, trustworthy, so good and I can thank Him for so many things. I want to be a person who learns more to chose to praise Him at all times.

"When the sun is bright, when the sky is blue
When it's all alright, I will praise You
When life seems to go like I want it to
Things are as I'd hoped, I will praise You

Through the sun, through the rain
You never change
You are so worthy
I'll lift Your name
And no matter what I'm going through
I will praise You

When it's raining hard, when it's all gone wrong
I'll still sing this song, I will praise You
When I've been promised things that aren't happening
And I'm still waiting, I will praise You

I will, I will, I will praise You
I will, I will, I will praise You"
-Jodie Frye

Defining the word 'safe'

I started reading The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy again over the summer (mainly because when my brother started reading it and asking me things about it, I realised how little of it I actually remembered !) Such a random and hilarious book. I'd recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it yet. Some classic quotes, but I think some of my current favourite quotes from the first book have to be (which I thought I'd share):

(When Arthur and Ford have hitched a ride just as the Earth was about to be blown up.)
"If I asked you where the h*** we were," said Arthur weakly, "would I regret it ?"
Ford stood up. "We're safe," he said.
"Oh good," said Arthur.
"We're in a small galley cabin," said Ford, "in one of the spaceships of the Vogan Constructor Fleet."
"Ah," said Arthur, "this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of."


"Ford was holding up a small glass jar which quite clearly had a small yellow fish wriggling around in it. Arthur blinked at him. He wished there was something simple and recognisable he could grasp hold of. He would have felt safe if alongside the Dentrassi underwear, the piles of Sqornshellous mattresses and the man from Betelgeuse holding up a small yellow fish and offering to put it in his ear he had been able to see just a small packet of corn flakes. But he couldn't, and he didn't feel safe." :-D

I'm still alive !

I survived my first week and a bit as a year teamer :-) Am sitting in this internet cafe again (hopefully we'll get internet at some point !) and thought I'd therefore better post a quick post ! I'm fairly tired, and there are certain challenges already presenting themselves, but am enjoying things too. I do feel like I know the other year teamers a bit better now, especially after our retreat last week (- for some reason, chocolate brownies taste better when eaten off cocktail sticks, not sure why!) And I'm enjoying spending lots of time with them. The flats are getting a bit busier now, with more people moving in. I also start my placements this week, one of which is helping at Devotion (yaaay !) and we start the Mullers theology course tomorrow. So it's all going ok...just some more sleep is required at the moment, so this post is gonna be short (not sure whether it's that sweet) so I can go and get some food and then some sleep ! Longer more rambly posts will follow once I'm more awake :-)

p.s. anyone around in Bristol tomorrow evening, we're having a pirate party in the woodies student flats (to celebrate 'national talk-like-a-pirate day!) So feel free to drop by - 7.30 onwards, fancy dress optional but preferred !

A new chapter

So...having said I'd be off internet a while (!), I'm sitting here in this internet cafe (in some of my time off) having had my first morning of being an official 'Year Teamer' trying to get my head around all that has been happening in the last few days and how I can possibly sum it all up in a blog post! I think maybe the best way to sum it all up is by saying that God is so good !!! Before I got back to Bristol yesterday, to say I was a little scared was an understatement ! But getting back, God just helped everything to go so much more smoothly than I could ever have hoped for. Just little things - like the way I was offered a lift up from the station; the way my room has such an amazing view over a large amount of Bristol ( a view which I don't think I'll ever get over - I spent a good deal of time yesterday night just staring out of the window and watching the lights and stars awestruck); the way I was expecting to find it hard reintegrating into Bristol life but I just felt like I was coming home (my second home) from the minute I got here and throughout the Woodies evening service; the way the evening service yesterday touched on EXACTLY the same things which had been being prayer over me in our morning service back home; the way I keep bumping into people I know in the oddest of places; the way Lois and the other year teamers are so great...I could go on ! Since I made this decision another major worry has been whether I had done the right thing or not. But especially this morning at the staff meeting, I had a great encouragment that it was the right thing (if there is such a thing) and that God IS with me, and IS going to do amazing things this year. So, despite being currently fairly tired and overwhelmed a little, I'm really excited and don't know how I can contain it ! (Need to find a guitar to borrow methinks). Am looking forward to the many joys and the many challenges ahead of me.

This Year...

I know that I have just sent many of you who will be reading this a rambly mass e-mail, but for the sake of my blog let me repeat myself a little: Well everyone, I can now confirm that I will be in Bristol this year. In fact, I am moving back tomorrow. (Hence my current mad rush to finish sorting things out and the interesting-ness of trying to work out how I’m going to fit everything I need for 2-3 weeks – minimum- of self-catered living into the number of bags I can carry on a train without falling over. Those of you who know my tendency to always want to pack lots of stuff will realise how much of a challenge this is ! And I think I may be sleeping in a sleeping bag for a while !) Anyway…I’m rambling (again)…A few of you reading this will probably know, but some will be wondering how it is I have finally decided to spend this year: I am going to be part of the year team at Woodies this year !

Many of you who are likely to read this go to Woodies anyway and so will know (probably better than me) what this will entail, but for those who don’t…in short it’s a kind-of gap year programme (voluntary) where as part of a team you get to help out with loads of different things around the church, do some exciting church cleaning (Woo!), and we also get to attend a theology course which is run on Tuesday each week at Mullers. Developing one’s servant heart.

I am excited, but also very daunted too as it’s finally hitting me what I’ve gotten myself into and how soon I start. I know that I can’t do this year by myself and in my own strength, so continued prayer is still much appreciated, especially as I am settling back into Bristol and into a new routine of things next week.

I may be offline now for a fair time while I am settling in and until the internet gets sorted out in the Woodies Flats where I’ll be living (see Ruthie’s LJ). But those in Bristol I shall hope to catch up with some of you soon ! And hopefully I shall be able to write more thought-provoking (hopefully) posts soon, rather than just updates of what’s going on in the world of Ro ! (Interesting though they may be of course ! Umm…)

Sorry, the US and other things...

First of all, let me just say sorry to those of you who have been waiting for an account of my trip to the US (if there are any such people)...I hadn't forgotten, just have been rather preoccupied this week: what with trying to get over jetlag and swollen tonsils as well as trying to sort out next year (which is in a way moving rather fast but also proving fairly complex). Next year wise, I have made a decision of sorts, but don't feel able to say anything much here yet since there are still things to sort out. I will let you know in due course. But I can say that it is highly probable that I will be in Bristol for at next year at least.

Anyway...I should say that the US was amazing (although it feels rather a long time ago now, due to this being a rather long and very up-and-down week). We were there 3 weeks, 1 week in California, 1 week in Arizona and 1 week in Nevada (Las Vegas). All good weeks, but very different in their own ways. The US has some really amazing scenery, and seeing the Grand Canyon as well as all the other amazing formations in that area was truly amazing, and can't be described in words. The Grand Canyon is 270 miles around the rim, 10miles across and 1 mile down. Standing on the rim, you really begin to understand what the word breathtaking means ! Normally with these things, you'd say that it has to be seen to be believed, but in this case, I couldn't really take it in or believe it even when there ! Las Vegas feels a little like a giant theme park - down the main boulevard (The Strip) there are a large number of hotels/casinos, may of which have specific themes. You could spend longer than a week looking round them all ! Very bizarre driving down the road and seeing New York, complete with Statue of Liberty, then Paris complete with Eiffel Tower, Venice, a Roman Palace, a Circus, a Medieval Castle...! Sorry for being brief, but I couldn't even fully describe what we saw if I wrote a really mammoth post !

I'd better go for now. Won't be around (again) the next few weeks as I'm away (again). But I've very much appreciated reading other people's blogs, even if I haven't found the time to comment, so thank you. Good to hear all the news and know how people are doing. Those of you in Bristol, I will hopefully see you in September. In the meantime...any Christian friends of mine reading this, I would greatly appreciate prayer at the moment for everything I have to sort out for next year, in particular for help finding housing for next year, and also for God to be preparing me for September. Thanks :-)

Driving - Wooo !

Just come back from my second 2hr driving lesson ! Very tired, and a lot to try and remember, but I did a lot today ! I got up into third gear (=bout 30mph). Roundabouts, traffic lights, speed bumps, traffic queue, lots of turns, and I even got to drive us back to my house on the main roads ! Wow. It's not quite so scary once you're doing it - or rather it is, but in a different way from how I expected, cause you just get thrown into doing it, and don't have time to think and not want to drive, cause you have to ! Changing up gear isn't too bad either, I just still don't like going down again ! I also did stall several times at traffic lights, but still - not tooo bad. Everyone has to start learning at some point :-)

p.s. I haven't forgotten - proper description of holiday will come soon, just when I'm not so tired and have a little more time.

RE: It's official

"The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be"
-Switchfoot

As people may have guessed, I am now back in the UK for a little while (as of sunday middayish, but since then have been feeling very jetlagged and only now feel like doing anything really). Since being away, I have gotten into the band Switchfoot a lot - another band I now highly recommend for those of you who like music with a slightly more rocky edge (see my myspace profile page for a link to their myspace). I love their songs: amazing words and music ! The words above state how I feel every day - that there is so much I could be, but that that is so different from the reality of who I actually am, and that frustrates me so much (probably a good thing it does, but uncomfortable none the less). As I said in my other post, as I see more and more, I see more of my weaknesses. But I'm also learning that I'm not going to change them by myself (believe me, I've tried. Tho that doesn't mean I have nothing to do!) I'll only change, not by merely struggling to be a better person and to ignore things, but only by looking to Jesus and who He is, and allowing Him to transform me. I just have to keep looking at Him. (Far easier said than done though).

"Everyday, I see more of Your greatness.
Everyday, I know more of my weakness Lord.
And I can only hope that I'll be changed.
Even as I look upon Your face.

For the eyes of my heart are on You forever,
They're on You forever"
-Matt Redman

More shameless toilet humour

One more post, to leave you with before I really do go. Some of you may remember the first post with this title "Shameless Toilet Humour"on Jammin's blog. Well, this is a follow up...kinda...I saw this sign in the Ladies Toilet in a service station on the way to Bristol yesterday, and just had to take a picture. Unlike the pic on Jammin's blog, I really did take this one, and I think this campaign was deliberate, lol. Enjoy !!!

It's official !

Well, I am now officially a graduate from Bristol University ! Yesterday we went up to Bristol for the day for the ceremony etc. It felt a little surreal at times- I don't think it's yet sunk in (still) that I've finished. Plus, everything went so fast, in a bit blurr, and were so many people I wanted to say hi to...It was great to see course mates again (most of them had come), although for some reason it didn't feel like it had been nearly 2 months since I've seen most of them. I have some nice photos from the day, plus a swish DVD of the ceremony (since anything before I went up on the stage I didn't really take in anything, due to being so scared !)

The speech at the end made me think a lot, especially when he started talking about us taking a moment to look back at the people we were when we came to Bristol, and the people we are now. It's funny, cause in myself I don't feel like I've changed - coming back home I still have the same weaknesses and struggles that I did before, and although I'm maybe more aware of some of them now, I don't feel like I've gained much ground. But then, I think I probably have changed. When I think back over all the experiences I've had these 3 years and all the amazing people I've met, not to mention all the things I've done - many of which I wouldn't have even contemplated before uni, but was able to do with the support of good friends, I think that I probably have changed, even if I'm myself not aware of it.

Anyway...reflection over for the minute...I must now sign off blogger for a while, as I'm going away for a few weeks. I have a few things to sort out and the small matter of packing to think about before then, but I will be back, and will post an update then. Take care everyone. x

"A head for trouble"

Before I get into this blog post properly, can I just ask: does anyone like my new and updated myspace profile ?!! (I know the guys may not be a huge fan of the colour but it kinda matches my blog now, which is what I wanted.) Also, it now has a proper URl, to make finding it slightly easier.

Anyway...the real reason for this post, is to ask whether anyone else read the above titled article in last week's Sunday Times Magazine ? I read it, and was a bit confused by it, and if anyone else has read it I would appreciate comments/thoughts/opinions etc. It's one of those articles which when you read you know that there is probably some truth in but there also feels to be something not quite right either but you can't put your finger on it...or at least that's how I felt.

Do have a read (I hope the link works). Basically it's saying are we really responsible for our actions or is what we do already predetermined by the wiring of our brains ? To further expand, I have chosen a few select quotes from the article:

"The laws of most societies assume moral decisions are made in the conscious, rational mind. But an influential number of brain researchers disagree. They point to cases like that of Mr C to argue that it is not people, or minds, that commit bad acts, but their brains."

"Arguably, liars, thieves, murderers and paedophiles and Good Samaritans, are not bad or good - just 'different', their brains having disposed them to behaviour outside the moral norm."

The religious doctrines of original sin - meaning that we are prone to prefer wrong by nature - conscience and free will have been eroded by rationalism, science and secularism over the past two centuries, yet a powerful belief in responsibility for our actions remains".

"Philosophers, too, have long suggested that personal responsibility is an illusion"

"'Some of the seven deadly sins' claims Tancredi, 'have already been shown to be affected by biological factors in varying degrees, and in some cases, the individual may have little power or free will to prevent them from happening.'"

"'Your sense of personal identity and free will are in fact no more than the behaviour of a vast assembly of nerve cells and their associated molecules.'"

Now, I have no doubt in my mind that God can and does use the natural laws He created, and that it is possible (tho this may be a contreversial thing to say) that this brain wiring thing is correct, and that when we come to God and become "new creations" he changes something in our internal wiring? Maybe spiritual blindness is not merely a picture but also has a basis in physiology ? Perhaps this is merely the debate about science vs religeon in a new form, which people are only just beginning to think about, and that it is again an issue of their being no real conflict, but that this new neuroscience and what the Bible says are just saying respectively how and why. (These are only my current thoughts on the subject btw). But however, this is coming at this issue from the side of already believing in God. If, like many scientists, they are coming from the other side...I just think something's back to front here. Help me out here: What does anyone else think ?

Wort - trains to - hing

This past saturday I travelled down to Worthing, on the coast, to go to Oli's 21st birthday party. It was good to see him, to see where he lived, to meet some of his family, to catch up with a few Bristol people...A very good day overall. (We also went on a quick tour of Worthing as we arrived slightly early).

However, it is good that we did make it down there ! There was a point during our journey when this seemed like this may not occur ! I was travelling down from London by train with Graham. When the train first appeared on the departure board, we were a little confused, wondering how a train to Worthing could go via Hastings. It then transpired that the train was going to split after the first part of the journey, and what was actually happening was that the 4 front carriages were going to Hastings, and the rear 4 were going to Littlehampton (via Worthing). This was my first encounter with such a train (although Graham had been on one before down to Canterbury). We tried to get on an appropriate carriage but, as you do, we wondered if we were in the right bit. We passed through Clapham, East Croyden, Gatwick...last station which both parts were passing through. We were at this point envisioning the possibility of having to jump - James Bond style - between carriages that were splitting, having realised we were on the wrong side. Everyone in the train was as confused as we were, especially as both parts of the train insisted that they were going to Hastings...After several consultations, and several changes of carriage, we at last found a ticket inspector, who gruffly told us that we were fine, and in the right bit. We still weren't convinced until we did actually reach our destination in one piece (and between us we have many photos to prove it !) Having therefore had a most eventful journey, and being thankful to not have ended up in Hastings (nice as it is, but would have defeated the entire point of the trip), we were then free to find Worthing Beach for the detour before heading to Oli's house to enjoy his party. The trip back, in contrast, went very smoothly and I arrived home safely, a little tired but it was well worth it :-)

p.s. do you see what I did in the title? Hehe. (Credit goes to G-amer though - I could never be that creative, lol.)

"Too funny for words"

In the course of my attempts to clear and sort (which at the moment seem to end up me just moving things from one place to another with no real clearing out...) I have discovered several books which I have had for a while and not gotten round to reading. One of these, I began dipping into this afternoon and got a bit hooked. It's a great book called 'Too funny for words' and is basically a collection of newspaper misprints and similar which this guy has collected over the years. Some of the mistakes are very subtle, it took me a while to see several of them, but as he says in the introduction often unconscious humour is the most funny (like the unintentional "deforestation is bad, we should cut it down" in one of my school biology essays- *groan*). Anyway...this book, I was laughing so hard this afternoon, I shall just mention a few of the ones I found most funny as I skim back through the book: :-D

"THE DAFFODIL BAR - By a misprint this ball was stated to have been organised by the National Society of Cruelty to Animals. It should, of course, have been children not animals"
The Irish Independent

"Party who took green silk pyjamas from clothes line at no 240 West 120th Street please return and no embarrassing exposure will be made on my part"
Oklahoma City News

"Because there has been some misunderstanding as to which Mrs. Wood has been ill, we wish to tell readers of the bulletin that it is Mrs. Lucille Wood and not Mrs. Lucille Wood. There, that will clear that up!"
Church Bulletin

"It is not considered polite to tear bits off your beard and put them in your soup"
Etiquette Book

"Enclosed please find birth certificate of a child born to above member of our staff for purposes of tax adjustment"
Letter to Inland Revenue

"Cops can find 96.2% of anybody lost in New York City"
Mexico City Herald

"Mr and Mrs -- of Duke Hill are the parents of any infant daughter born Thursday"
Illinois Paper

"It is necessary for technical reasons that these warheads should be stored with the top at the bottom, and the bottom at the top. In order that there may be no doubt as to which is the top and which is the bottom for storage purposes, it will be seen that the bottom of each head has been plainly labelled with the word TOP"
Admiralty Instruction

"Germans are so small that there may be as many as one billion, seven hundred million of them in a drop of water."
Mobile Press

"Quiet, clean gentleman seeks comfortable room where he can cook himself on a spirit stove."
Munchner Neueste Nachrichten

"HYMN...No. 336
(Congregation standing)
SERMON, 'What are you standing for ?'
New York Church Bulletin

"Births, deaths and mirages"
National daily

"BLANK'S MACCARONI AND CHEESE
IN
TOMATO SAUCE
containing
TOMATO SAUCE, MACARONI and CHEESE"
label on Tin

"Two women were fined £5 or £14 for throwing stones at Mr John Burn's residence, and missing"
Western Morning News

"Dear Member,
Just a reminder that the fourth Friday noon of February is next Monday, February 28th."
Church Circular

"Time flies when..."

I guess it's been a while since my last 'proper' post. Although on paper when I try to think about what I've been doing the last week and a bit since being back it wouldn't look like I'd done a huge amount, it still feels like I've been busy (a great talent of mine I think !) I have managed to catch up on sleep a little, and had such a good time this past weekend - went to Wimbledon for the day on saturday to watch some tennis with two of my housemates from this year. They then stayed over with me on the sat night and came to church with me on sun morning before heading back. Was really good to see them! Funny how it takes til the end of uni for me to feel like uni and home life are more integrated. I always before felt like I lived in two completely separate worlds (a common feeling I think among students, but nevertheless a very odd one) and have felt torn in two for the best part of 3 years. Now tho, I think because i know I will have to make an effort to see people and will be seeing a fair few uni people this summer, it almost feels like 1 life I'm living again. Doesn't solve the problems of next year (I won't even go there) but it certainly helps in other ways.

It's been so hot in the last few days that I haven't felt like doing much since the weekend, apart from watching tennis or being outside. But tonight I'm going back to my old school for the summer concert (I've been back to many of the concerts since I've left - still a very odd feeling, being able to sit in the audience !) and am meeting up with a few good friends beforehand for a meal. Am looking forward to it. :-)

Home safely

I'm now back at home again as of a couple of hours ago. The packing did get done in the end, though it was a bit tight ! I'm now knackered though - consequence of many recent very late nights/early mornings (depending on which way you look at it) and all the packing/unpacking. I need some sleep this week ! Worth it though. Have definitely had a week to remember :-)

And then there were 3...

So two of my housemates have now left. Just three of us left, and after tomorrow there will be just two of us. (I am now discovering what belonged to whom since things are slowly disappearing e.g. plates and the toaster from the kitchen !) We are now also off internet, tv and phone as of earlier this afternoon (this is me sitting in the student union for a few mins) and my packing is not going particularly well - I have thus far taken a few things off my wall, generated an alarming amount of rubbish, and filled a box file with stuff from this year ! Oh well, I have til sunday (eek!) Need to try to get back to it for a bit before the grad ball this evening...

The end of an era

Well...my student card runs out today. 23/06/2006. It does mark the end of an era. I found out on wednesday that I had gotten a 2i. I should be pleased, but I think I have not had the time to reflect recently really, so I think it will probably sink in more next week. I'm also sorry if this blog is the first time you've heard how I did - that's just because I have not had the time since wed to let many people know (housemates and family, plus a few other people I have seen in the last few days).

I have had a good couple of weeks, busy (and with lots of very late nights) but with good things. LiveSoc, in case you'd been wondering, went well I think - I was terrified in the soundcheck, but with the help of the calming presence of a few good friends, the actual performance I just really enjoyed and I think sounded ok (from the feedback I've had anyway). If you want to see a pic of me performing you can go to my myspace page (which I have recently updated a little). However, now from today onwards I need to start focusing on packing - I'm going home on sunday and haven't started yet ! I have had a bit of a lump in my throat so to speak for the last few days in particular. I know that, as one particular friend keeps reassuring me, I will see friends again even if I don't come back to Bristol next year (not sure yet - don't ask !) But there are people who won't be here, and of course it will be different whatever happens. It's hard to even say goodbye for the summer, let alone goodbye and I may not see you for a long time. But anyway, I should stop rambling before I get overwhelmed again and I should go start packing. I will do my best to keep in touch with people over the summer and beyond. I will also post occasionally on here too, although it may be sparce as I am away a fair bit over the summer. And I will leave you with the words of another Ginny Owens song which has been stuck in my head for the last few days. (I don't yet share all the sentiments, and some maybe don't quite apply to me, but the main principles do.)

"I've been grazing in the lush green pastures,
Watching time pass me by,
And I've been wading in the shallow waters,
Where everything is all right -
But today I know that something's different,
Something's disturbing my peace,
Oh, I can feel the changes in the distance,
And I hear them calling to me-

The day is here, the time has come
To sing a new song,
It's very clear I must move on,
And sing a new song,
It will define who I become,
This new song,
So show me how to sing along,
To this new song

I've been looking in the strangest places,
To find the source of my strength,
And even though the outcome never changes
Still I search endlessly
But no more wandering round in circles,
It's time that I cross the sea,
Now I'm trading in my cozy corner
For the bigger mystery

[Chorus]

Going there means leaving here,
Saying yes, means saying no,
Moving on means letting go of what is sure - for more."
-New Song by Ginny Owens

Update and plug

I've been busy the last few days. First there was the excitment of watching Casualty filming last week, then I jammed with a friend in the Union for 3 hours on friday morning (we lost track of time a little ! I was playing bass, so my shoulders and fingers didn't let me forget it in a hurry, but it was well worth it !) Then met up with another friend for coffee. Rushed to pack and went to Dartmoor for the weekend with the Christian Union. We had an amazing weekend. I learnt lots, had lots of fun, met some new people, took too many photos, played more bass...we did have a slightly interesting time on the way when as soon as we started encountering big hills in Dartmoor, the coach started struggling, and eventually broke down due to the radiator busting ! So we had to start walking to the place. It was a 'half hour' walk - it actually would have taken much longer than that had we had to walk the whole way, but in the end we just walked about 40minutes and then got picked up by the car shuttle that they'd started to run between the house and us. Was good though, because we wouldn't have appreciated the beauty of the countryside as much otherwise, and it was a good bonding exercise !

We did get back safely on sunday evening in the end (after a slight panic that the coach had broken down again!) And I went to church on sunday evening. This evening went to the CU clifton BBQ, which was really fun, but I'm quite tired now (a bit of barn dancing during the evening!)

Am looking forward to all the things which are coming up in the next few weeks, going round to friends house, Wills ball, graduation ball, more BBQs and picnics...but at the same time, it is all tinged with a bit of sadness, that this is the last time for a while if not forever that I'll see some people. Even if I do eventually decide to stay in Bristol next year, things still won't be the same. I would no longer be a student-e.g. I couldn't be involved in Union Societies or with Student Pastorate...plus some of my good friends are moving on. I think it was brought home to me more after the CU houseparty, which was my last one (after having been on every one since being at uni. I.e. that was number 6!) and when a friend who was going on holiday the next day had to say goodbye. I got a little overwhelmed in Church that evening. I know that I will keep in contact with people, but it won't be the same. But then, I do trust God, that whatever He's got in store for me in the future it will be good.

That wasn't really what I was originally intending to blog on...but that's I guess what happens when I don't plan and just write and am tired (rambling I guess).

Anyway...the plug bit: If anyone in Bristol is free TOMORROW (wednesday) evening and fancies a bit of LIVE MUSIC, then come down to the Bristol Student Union. LiveSoc is holding their last event of the term and year. It should be good - 5 bands and I'm opening the night with a short acoustic set. STARTS AT 8 PROMPT. AR2 (aka Mandella Bar) Be great to see anyone there who's able to come !

P.s. I highly recommend the band Starfield. I just got their first album last week and love it ! It's exactly the kind of music I love - can't believe it's taken me so long to get their music (it wasn't a spontaneous purchase, like many are, but I'd been wanting this for a good long while). As you can see, the current quote is from one of their songs - it's one which really struck me. And if you want to check out their music more, I currently have one of their songs on my MySpace profile, and from there you can also access their myspace which has some more of their music on !

Right...time for lost (the TV programme, I'm not actually intending to get lost, don't worry) and then bed. Early rise required tomorrow. Maybe see some of you tomorrow ?

Casualty !

They're filming part of the TV drama Casualty using the old building which our house backs onto today and tomorrow ! It's quite exciting ! Not that I watch Casualty, or ever have, but just seeing all the setting up, and now seeing all the crew gathering outside right now...Most of the filming will probably be inside too, but it's still exciting. I can observe the movement from my bedroom window ! I still think it odd that I've now been in Bristol for 3 years (!!!) and not seen anything like this before, even though Bristol is such a big TV centre - with BBC Bristol just up the road and the BBC NHU (Natural History Unit) being based in Bristol...well, I guess today's my chance to observe something of the kind, inbetween going out for various things.

In other news: I stayed out rather late last night (as rooters may have observed from the board) and so am rather tired this morning, but I think it was worth it, I had a good/interesting night ! (I keep discovering so many things just as I'm about to stop being a student ! I'd never been to the Tantric Jazz Cafe before, but it's a really nice place, easy to find, a great atmosphere. It got quite busy in the end last night by the time Rollo, Jon and Charlie played their second set. I recommend it).

Bristol Festival of Nature

I've had an interesting day today. I was down at the Bristol Festival of Nature all day. It was really amazing - this time around, all the stalls and everything were outside and filled millenium square ! It was gorgeous weather, walking around in the sun all day did make me quite hot though (lucky I had my hat, sunglasses and some water!) There were so many things to see and do. I met a lot of nice people at the various things I went to, and I bought some very nice tomatos and chocolate brownies from the real food market. I also went to several different talks - one by Adam Hart-Davis (amazing speaker!), one which was a preview of something coming on tele in August showing the story of how Philippa Forrester and her husband found an abandoned otter and hand reared it so it could go back to the wild, another talk about the use of music in natural history films (amazing).

But the thing which I think struck me most was the Weeeman (see picture below). This is a sculpture which is comprised of 3.3 tonnes of electrical waste (e.g. toasters, irons, computers...) - the amount of this kind of waste that ONE PERSON will send to landfill sites during their life. It has quite an impact when you see it. There is currently a new piece of EU legislation, the 'waste electrical and electronic equipment' directive, aka the WEEE directive which will force manufacturers to become responsible for what happens to their products at the end of their lives, thereby hoping to reduce the amount of this weee which is sent to landfill. It was interesting going to another talk, or more like an interview actually, with Paul Bonomini, the guy who designed the sculpture. He told us that despite our government saying that the environment is top of the agenda, actually it is only the UK and Malta who are currently (out of Europe) not implimenting this WEEE directive. (Here I get onto ground I must tread carefully on, as nothing is as black and white as it may appear of course, but a lot of the reason for this is apparently industry fighting hard against it). The sculpture was mainly designed to make people think, and to cause a stir/increase awareness; also to make this issue accessible to people. He has quite a privilidged position of being a designer who is in contact with industry, and there is the opportunity to use art to make these kinds of messages heard. He told us that industry is actually making progress along the route of recycling more etc, but that there is still a very long way to go, and that more pressure from the public is needed. And of course, although industry does have a big responsibility, as he said, we do all need to take individual responsibility too.

I also liked what was said about how Martin Luther King didn't stand up and say 'I have a nightmare'. That so much about the environment at the moment is negative. But what we need to be doing is to be giving people a vision which they can work towards, and be positive towards the environment !

Anyway, enough of me ranting...especially cause I'm not really doing the day justice. But do go and have a look at the website of Weeeman, as it'll have a much better explanation than I just tried to give, and if you get a chance to go down to the harbourside, do go and have a look at the sculpture as it'll be there til 19th June.

Various plugs

Two things to plug (thought they’d just get lost if I put them in that mammoth last post!):

1)The Love Bristol Festival
Do have a look at the blog that's just been set up. It will have lots of updates, prayer requests, competitions, freebies and a place to interact. And as Jammin said on his blog, those of you who live in Bristol (and aren’t going to be away during that week, *cough*) do think about whether you could help out, either during the week with the practical stuff, or just by committing to pray for the events. It’s such an amazing opportunity this summer.

2) Bristol Festival of Nature
Ok, Second plug: this coming weekend is the Bristol Festival of Nature. This means that there will be lots going on in the area of The Watershed/Docks/Wildwalk…There are talks, walks, boat trips, workshops, a ‘real food’ market...I went along to a couple of events at the last weekend they ran, and it was not only really fun, but I learnt a lot too. So, if anyone (in Bristol) has a spare hour or so, do come down and join in. Even if none of the talks grab you, or you don’t have time to go to any of the proper events, just wandering around the area and seeing all that is going on is good fun (plus the food market is always good!) So check out the programme of events. Some of the climate change and sustainability talks look particularly interesting this time round.

Back again again

Well, where to start ! (This is the problem with such a ‘long’ time from blogging). I got back to Bristol on Wednesday afternoon after having spent several days in St Andrews and then a bit of a longer weekend than originally planned at home.

I guess I should start from where I left off last. My last exam was okish – the questions were nice, or so I thought at least, but being so exhausted after those few intense weeks I think my essay structure suffered a little despite the niceness of the qus. But it was done anyway. The biochemists then had a good time going to the pub and then for a meal together (tho I decided not to then go with them to the club as I was so tired). My mood was a bit odd that night. I guess it was mainly just the complete exhaustion. People kept saying that I should be excited to be finished, but to be honest, that night I just felt so tired and like collapsing in a small heap and crying my heart out !

I felt a bit better the next day. It was all a bit manic though – packing and then meeting some biochemist friends for smoothies (I recommend Shaken Stephens on Park Street to anyone who hasn’t been) and then lunch. I then dashed to get a bus to the airport. What then happened was amazing: I was really nervous about travelling to St Andrews by myself, mainly because I’d never flown by myself before (and I don’t like airports even when I am with other people). But, I happened to meet a fellow Biochemist in the Bristol departure lounge, and discovered that she was flying to Edinburgh too, so we were able to travel together to Edinburgh airport and then to the station. I then had to work out how to get the train to Leuchars (which I got about 2 mins after having come into the station) and then happened to sit next to someone who was travelling to St Andrews too, so was able to guide me etc. Amazing. I didn’t have time to feel scared, or even to do any of the things which I’d brought with me to do on the journey !

I loved being in St Andrews ! It’s all so beautiful up there, I kept wanting to take photos of everything (so I now have a large number to sort through!) It was the first time I’d been to see Charly, although she’s visited me in Bristol twice now. It was great to see where she’s been living, to meet some of her friends, to get a tour of the town…we had much fun together (although not much sleep). It was especially fun flying a kite (which we named Dougal) and playing Frisbee (Frank) on the beach and proceeding to get sunburnt ! (We had beautiful weather, but cause it’s so windy by the coast there, you don’t realise quite how hot it is !) It was also amazing just how many other people I ‘bumped into’ that I knew, but had forgotten were also in St Andrews. Was good to get up to date with all their news !

So I was in beautiful Scotland until Friday afternoon, when I then flew to Heathrow (after a slight delay in the airport) and spent a few days at home. The Saturday was my Uncle’s wedding, the Sunday we all went out for my G’pa’s birthday. The Tuesday I went to see X-Men III with my brother – a very good film, I recommend it, but I thought it was quite sad though. Then back to Bristol on Wednesday, just in time to go to a friend’s house and then to the theatre for her birthday !

I now just feel, after all this excitement, that I want a few days of doing not much ! Yesterday I was attempting to work through my list of ‘things I need to do but will put off until after exams’ – just admin type stuff, alongside a few other things, like cooking/cleaning/playing guitar and singing (I meant to practise for only ½ an hour, but ended up staying in the union practise room for an hour and ½ !!!) Today will probably be more of the same, with CU this evening – it will be nice to go, as I haven’t been able to go for a very long time !
So…there you have it. Whether you wanted to know or not, there is a brief summary of what I’ve been up to for the last week and a bit ! Is a very strange feeling not needed to revise (I still keep feeling like I should be doing some). But it is nice that now I’m finished, I can try to do lots of things to help those who haven’t yet. I’m looking forward to all the exciting things coming up, but not so much to thinking seriously about next year…but I need some time to rest first…maybe next week ?!!

The end in sight...

Well, 5 down and one left to go tomorrow afternoon. It will be a relief when they are over, as I don't think I could carry on like this for very much longer (at the end of my own strength reserves as it is). However, when they are over, it begs the question - what now ? That is the question that I have tried to put off so much this year, but is at last going to rear it's head properly again. I struggled to work at first yesterday, since this thought caused something near panic to arise. But I did manage eventually to get it under control so that I could work (-no point in getting myself worked up, until after exams anyway, lol). Also, a walk helped - Recently I have been so concerned with staying in and not letting myself get persuaded to go out, that I think I may have gone too far in fact. I'd forgotten that I'm a person who just isn't really meant to be kept indoors.* I intended to walk to a park in clifton and revise outside for a while, but ended up just sitting there and lapping up the bird song, the sounds of everything around me, watching people go past...I'd forgotten just how much I need that to be refreshed.

Anyway...must stop rambling and get back to work. Before I do, can I just apologise to all readers for the fact that this blog has become so serious in times past. I think that probably just reflects my current moods. Also, I do intend to blog on the reason why I blog at some point, but for now can I just say that the point for these posts is in no way to gloat that I finish earlier than other people: I can't change the fact that the biochemists decided to cram everything as tightly as possible into a few shorts weeks so that we finish so much earlier than everyone else. But what I can do is try to put the time I do have to good use. I will continue to think of all those who do still have exams and revision (I know what it's like!) I will actually be away from blogging for a short while now, as the day after my last exam I am going away for a few days -to visit a good friend in St Andrews and then a long weekend at home. But I shall return, and hopefully it will be with good news of how my last exam went well ! Take care everyone.

*Although, having said that...looking out of my window at the currently heavily downpouring rain, I rather think I prefer to stay indoors just at the minute !

"My strength and my song"

Well, I didn't know that finals were going to be quite so hard. I'm now well into my week of hardcore revising and exams. Yesterday, I was re-going over everything for the exam I had this morning. But in the early evening, when I still had a bit to go through, I started feeling really rough. Because of that, in spite of wanting lots of sleep before exam, was unable to get to sleep - I think I finally managed to drop off just after midnight. Thought it might be better in the morning. But then was a bit worried this morning - although slightly better than last night, was exhausted from lack of sleep, still had a massive headache etc. and couldn't really concentrate on what I still had to go through. Was wondering how I was ever going to concentrate for 3 hours in an exam ! So I did the only thing I could do - pray. (And asked a couple of friends to pray too - though I only had limited time to send texts). Trying to focus on God rather than my throbbing head (which isn't an easy task).

The exam was 9.30-12.30 this morning. I got in there, and although the questions were horrible, managed to write some reasonable answers I think. I did manage to focus, my headache seemed to lift a bit, and I actually enjoyed answering to be honest ! The qus, although on specific units, needed info from the whole course, which was fun to try to pull together !

Seeing as I like baffling people with biochemistry, just so you get the idea, here are the exam questions I answered this morning:
1) Explain why mutations and loss of heterzygosity of the PTEN tumour suppressor gene are so prevalent in human cancers.

2) Using examples, describe at the molecular level the ways in which small GTPases act to regulate cell signalling pathways. How do the properties of these signalling proteins suit them to these roles.

3) Discuss the different strategies that proteins use in their interactions with damaged bases in DNA.

Bet you didn't understand that ! (Unless you're Ellie or another biochemist of course).

Anyway...so to sum up: I'm now 4 exams down. If I do ok in these exams it'll all be down to God: helping me and giving me the strength and concentration I need. I am now even more exhausted, among other things, but hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. Ready for revising the next topics for friday. Continuing to take things one day at a time. Hope everyone's revision is going ok. :-)

"I WILL trust in You"

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,

by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace that transends all understanding will guard

your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus". Philippians4:6 (NT)

"When I can't see You, I know You're there
When I can't feel You, I will not fear
I will trust in You, and I will not be afraid.

And when the battle is close at hand
I know You're with me to help me stand
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

I will not, be afraid
I will not, be afraid.
I will trust in You, I will trust in You."
-Danny Daniels, Vineyard Music.

Devotion and Ecclesiastes.

I know with my exams coming so fast and all, I need to be really strict at saying no, and need to keep things other than revision to a minimum...and I have been, mainly, but I did agree to go to Devotion last night to help out (Youth congregation at Woodies). I'm glad I did !!! It's only the second time I've been, actually both times I've been playing keyboard. It's just so amazing. I only wish I was better at being able to say the right things, e.g. better at introducing myself to people and better at being helpful in small groups...but I do still enjoy it, I think it's maybe something I'll get better at with time, and things are made slightly easier by the devotees who I know a little bit already - thanks guys (you know who you are).

The talk that they did was quite appropriate for me too, although I hadn't expected it at all. We were looking at friendship - what true friendship is. We first looked at the example of David and Jonathan in the Old Testament (I am actually reading 1 Samuel currently, and so that helped cause I knew the passage already) and what their friendship was like. That was challenging yes, but what struck home with me more was when Dave talked about friendships being like flowers - for them to grow, you need to water them, feed them...it takes effort. But sometimes they die before they're meant to, and it's cause we haven't looked after them. Other times, they die, and actually, that's ok, cause they were only meant for a season. And other times, you think they're dead, but then they flower again the next year. Dave read out the passage in Ecclesiastes 3:

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace."

But HOW do you know when the right time is ? How do you know when you need to make the effort to keep a friendship alive and how do you know when the right time is to let it die, because it's only been for a season ? This has come up for me another time before, but I feel is especially relevant now. I'm on the edge of finishing my degree in Bristol. I currently have no idea what I'm doing or where I'll be next year. But how do I even know if I should stay in Bristol, or whether I should let go, because great as it has been, it has only been for a season ? And how do I know whether I should try and keep up with everyone, or whether some friendships are also for a season only ? How ? In the book of Acts in the New Testament, when the disciples ask Jesus "Lord, are you at this present time going to restore the kingdom to Israel ?", Jesus replies: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority." But that is in a rather different context, and so does it apply here too or not ? And if we aren't to know, then...?

All I currently know is that this is a time for revision and working hard at exams. But beyond that, and when they finish, I don't know. For now I will just keep on working. But any comments or thoughts would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Another one down.

Viva has been and gone. Wasn't as bad as it could have been. Prof Rivett was really nice, even if the viva was a bit intense, and she did ask me lots of things which I had to try and think quickly for. Anyway...main thing is that it's done. Now have to concentrate on finishing revising hard for next lot of exams, despite all that's going on in the next few days.

Actually, although the viva was tiring and intense, I came out of the department really happy today - mainly cause it gave me an excuse to see my supervisors and some of the other people I worked with in the lab. They're all so lovely and I do miss them ! They were all really encouraging, and trying to give me lots of advice for the exams etc.

Also, it feels really strange in a way (for me). There seem to be so many people who have such confidence in me, and such high expectations - more than personally I see in me. That includes supervisors, family, friends...I can't really think of a way to express myself, I don't mean that in a negative - oh there's too much pressure - way, but just in a - I have quite a responsibility, and even if I don't see it in myself, other people think I've been entrusted with a lot, and I want to live up to that - way. I had quite an appropriate card actually from my godparents in the states for my birthday. It said: "On your birthday, you should realize just how special you are...everyone else does". Well, for the moment, just knowing that everyone else does will have to be enough to keep me going. I'm just going to keep trying to do my best, which is all I can do, and to keep letting God be "my strength and my song".

Back in Bristol again

As the post title implies, I am now back in Bristol - again. Got back about 3 or so hours ago, and since then have been unpacking, sorting, chatting, catching up with housemates. Was good to be at home ( did have a good birthday, and did get lots of work done too) but is also good to be back, for different reasons. But I now just have to get back into the revision pace which I was getting into at home, especially as I have a viva tomorrow afternoon which I have not had time yet to do much preparation for, due to frantic revision of other things (am very slightly off revision schedule, but hopefully I can bring it back again before tomorrow). So, I shall keep this post short and go and revise apoptosis then read through my project again before food and bed. I just wanted to keep everyone posted. Hope everyone is well.

p.s. as you can see, I have recently discovered the joys of short and frequent posts (well... short and frequent for me that is!) I think it will remain that way until after exams, so that I am still present on the blogosphere a little bit, but don't have to spend very long on internet when I need to revise. I may post long rambly posts again after I finish. Or then again...by the way things are looking so far, I may not be all that less busy after exams; just I'll be doing other things !

I'm old(er)

Well, I'm now officially 21 ! (As of about 9.09am this morning). I have to say, I don't feel 21, in fact I don't feel any different from yesterday. (I think I'm actually still stuck with thinking I'm about 16 - I now have to think hard before I answer any questions from people who ask me how old I am !!) But then, I think that's probably always going to be true !

I had some time off this morning, and went shopping with Mum. Will have tonight off too, and tomorrow evening we're going to the theatre. But for just now, I have about 4 hours or so in which to get some more revision done...back to ABC transporters, woo !!

p.s. I hope everyone's enjoying the AMAZING weather !!! (Makes me wish I'd brought some of my summer skirts back home with me !)

p.p.s. I haven't opened many presents yet, but Mum, Dad and Al did get me a REALLY cool helium balloon (haven't had a helium balloon for a long time !) See the photo for yourself :-)

My housemates are amazing !

(It was maybe just as well I didn't get to go to the Louisiana gig tonight). After Vicki 'subtly lured me' downstairs at about 10, I found that they'd made me this amazing cake, and blown up lots of balloons, and got me some presents, and made me a really cool card (with a tail on it - not many people can say they have a 21st birthday card with a pink tail on it, lol.) Was so cool. Completely unexpected, but amazing. We then remained downstairs for the next few hours and they proceeded to introduce me to this programme called Lost - which a few of you may have heard about recently ;-) It's very weird...but strangely addictive too. I had resisted throughout series 1, but I may have to give in to series 2 - especially if it's going to continue being a house event, which is quite fun really. However, not really what I need during exams - another TV programme to get addicted to ! Now to get some sleep, before getting the train home tomorrow morning, so I can have another 21st birthday on my proper birthday on friday :-)

Amusing sign

This made me laugh this evening, so I thought I'd share it with you all:



I took it from this site. Some very amusing photos. In other news, my head got to the point at about 6 this evening where it felt like it was going to explode with all the information in it ! I had a couple of hours break to cook and eat supper, but I think I'll now have to stop for the day now and get some sleep and come back fresh tomorrow. Too much to learn in 2 weeks. Am going home again on wednesday for about a week which will be good.

Regressing back to childhood

Well, ok, 'useful' things will have to wait. I think I did need a break this afternoon. We had so much fun ! Went to have coffee with a couple of good friends, and we then ended up going to Brandon Hill park, and having much fun there - involved 'Pirates', bushes, racing up hills, going on swings...generally having a good laugh together. Have been out for 2 and 1/2 hours. Haven't laughed so much in a while. I'm still tired, but less so than before. And I feel more refreshed and ready to get back to it for a while.

2 down, just 4 to go...

...or 5 if you include my project viva I have at some point. As of this morning I have now completed 52% of my degree ! (Ouch). It was data handling this morning. It went slightly better than the one on wednesday (at least I am pretty confident I at least passed this one), but I still ran out of time majorly - but then again, I think very few people finished.

I now have a couple of weeks (to revise in) before my next 4 which come pretty much one after the other for a week - aren't biochemists nice ! I may go home for part of the time though, especially as my birthday is next week (21 - can't believe it !)

I am shattered though now. I feel 3 and 1/2 hours is too long for an exam - so hard to concentrate that hard for that long. It was nice though to go for lunch after with some biochemistry friends, so I only got back in about an hour ago (hence my sudden reapearance on the net). I will now sort a few things out, and then try and decide what to revise tomorrow - i.e. generally trying to do 'useful' things, but which aren't too strenuous.

And I continue my previous sentiments - do all keep me updated as to how you're all doing, and if there's stuff coming up that I can pray for.

Post-first exam thoughts...

this will have to be fairly quick, since I am in great need of sleep !

Haha. Thanks Rich and Jammin. Umm, the exam didn't really go that well - ok, it was terrible. Not something I could have done anything about with anymore revision though, it was mainly cause I seriously ran out of time. I'll be lucky if I got 40% in that one.

Still, I'm trying to forget about it now, and concentrate on revising for the next one on friday (eek). Or at least, I am now I had a good let out of emotions and some listening to 'heavy' rock music earlier (or at least heavy for me) :-) (After which I do feel a little better).

I do feel very tired now - all my limbs ache a lot, which I think always happens when I'm really tired or have put a lot of work into something...(so my mum tells me, since she gets it too). But I do feel really blessed to have so many good friends who are so concerned about how I'm doing. So THANK YOU so much to all of you, you know who you all are. I know that you all have exams and stuff and generally a lot on too, so it does mean a lot. I do really hope that you're all doing ok. (Btw, I do feel a little self-centred writing all this stuff. But if there are exams/deadlines etc coming up for other people, do let me know, and I'd love to be praying for specific things if I can.)

I will try to keep going, even though I'm not sure how I will get through - even with so many supportive people around me. It's 'only just' started, and already I want it to end, and I want to go home again...But then, I need to try and remember how I've been got through in past years when I haven't thought I'd be able to. I'm sure He'll get me through again somehow ! Night night !

Exam thoughts...

Well, first one is tomorrow. I don't feel ready in the slightest. I think it's also partly a case of disbelief - it's hard to believe that after tomorrow I'll have completed precisely 46% of my final degree. Weird huh. Isn't it so weird trying to think that after however many years it has been of education, the climax is now within the next month, after which...I'll end up with a bit of paper which will supposedly tell everyone how good I am at my subject. Hmmm. How can anyone ever be defined by a bit of paper ? On paper I might appear to be really amazing - have had almost top marks the past 2 years, amazing work experience, impressive sounding projects, done a lot in spare time...but in reality, well, the story's a lot different. I may have all that on paper, but does that really mean anything ?

I guess I'm rambling now - probably cause I'm tired. I've never seen uni as about getting a bit of paper really. I just wanna understand all this Biochemistry stuff ! (Was actually quite fun today when things started clicking into place. Only worrying thing is it doesn't seem to be staying there !) But thinking of it as above, I spose in order to try to scare myself into working harder or because I don't feel like I'm as stressed as I 'should be', just feels strange. Any other final years feel/felt the same ?

Anyway...can't do anymore now. Nothing else is going in, or has been for the last few hours. So I think some sleep is in order within the next hour. I shall perhaps give a progress report tomorrow.

(p.s. I finished Season 1 last night !!! Need to find somewhere I can buy season 2 now...)

And so it goes...

Well, brief update on what's gone on with me since Easter - I am now back in Bristol, and trying to get used to it again; projects are due in tomorrow (thankfully finished last week); exams start on wednesday, spent several hours removing a virus from a housemate's computer this afternoon (glad to have been able to help, but was certainly interesting), am very tired (due to sun waking me up ridiculously early, certain nightmares last night, and being back in Bristol - I never sleep well first night in a different place. Hopefully tonight will be better). I'm not complaining in any way, just stating facts. It's all ok though - exams will be over soon (far too soon probably). Church was good this morning - very good to see many good friends again, and a good service. Will try to be strict with amount of time spent on internet these next few weeks, so may not be around much, but I shall maybe do brief posts like this one from time to time. I hope everyone else is doing ok, and all the best to those with project deadlines and exams coming in the near future.

For sunday...

HAPPY EASTER everyone !

Life, the universe, and everything...

Well, maybe a bit of an ambitious title, but I'm not feeling very creative today (anyone else find that the title is nearly always the hardest part of a post to write ?!) And so much for possibly not posting again before Easter ! Anyway...just wanted to note down this observation:
Over the course of the time I was away, I obtained several CDs and tapes (most of which were in bargin bins at Spring Harvest, so don't worry I didn't go mad and spent very much money, as all but 2 (1 was a present for someone) of the CDs were about 50p/£1. Is just a good way at learning lots of new songs quickly for cheap I find). Anyway...back to the point...despite the fact that I bought these few CDs, I think my favourite new CD has to still be the one I got for free - the New Root's acoustic set from the Louisiana (you can listen to the tracks from Ben's website). I have now lost count of the number of times I have listened to it. I still love it ! Now, cheesy as this is going to sound - shows you the best things in life come for free; like good friends and ummm the New Root CD...Well anyway, I do think the New Root acoustic gig sounds amazing. Do go and have a listen, and I'll just hope that Ben doesn't mind me linking his site ;-)

Garfield comic strips

Hehe. On a completely different note from my earlier post: My brother just sent me a link to this site where you can create your own Garfield comic strips ! Try it, it's fun. He also created this strip below (very amusing I thought, so thought I'd share it with you all since I have a blog for this kind of thing...) Enjoy. See, I can do short posts ! :-)

"There and back again" - a Spring Harvest tale by Ro...

Yesterday afternoon I completed the full circle (or technically I spose it was a triangle) by arriving back in Reading, from where I began my journey to Spring Harvest (if you don't include my journey from home to Reading before getting a lift). It did feel a bit like I'd just completed something. Anyway...I'm rambling...

I have just had an awesome week and weekend. Last week (mon 3rd-sat 8th) I was, as I said in my last post, in Skegness at Word Aive Spring Harvest 2006. If I were to attempt to write about everything that happened last week then the blog post would become so long that even the most dedicated readers of this blog would probably give up partway through ! I can try to summarise though and mention a few specific things. I can say that I learnt loads (which will take me probably the next year to process) and had great fun. There were about 75 of us from the Bristol Christian Union, and I also had a chance to catch up with a few other people I know from elsewhere. We were (as usual) staying in flats/chalets of 6 people; I was with one of my housemates and 4 guys from Bristol cu. Our chalet was such fun - at this point I could tell many hilarious stories, including the one about the duck and chilie, or the eating peas from a bowl, or the 'exile into Babylon', but that would take too long so I will just have to leave you in suspense :-D Seriously though, it was really great to get to know some of the guys in our chalet better, and I especially appreciated chats with one in particular who I went to the morning sessions with.

Each day at Spring Harvest I went to a 'Bible reading' and then 'understanding and applying the Bible using Exodus as an example' in the morning. In the afternoon there were a range of seminars, but other than the subject related or worship leading related ones I mainly chilled in the afternoons. The evenings were time to cook and eat together before going to the student celebrations (imagine thousands of students from all over the country coming together to praise God) and then some nights I did go to hear various people playing (YFriday again, Electrolyte, Kristyn Getty, Andy Flannagan), followed by various parties/gatherings in chalets. In the student celebrations we were looking through the book of Colossians in the New Testament. In Colosse at the time there seem to have been false teachers there, saying that what they had heard wasn't all they needed to do to be Christians and to be saved, that there was all this extra stuff they needed to do too...but in this letter of Colossians Paul, the writer, was saying no, that's not true. To know God, and to be in relationship with Him, all you need is JESUS, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, things like praying are good (vital in fact), but NOT the means by which we are saved. Jesus comes first; these other things come afterwards as a response. So we were looking through this book and looking at what it means to be an authentic Christian. On a similar note actually, on the way back yesterday I happened to glance at a magazine in WH Smiths which claimed to have all you needed to know on the confusing issue of religeon in it. It compared various 'religeons', looking at when they originated and what they said concerning big issues of life. I was quite concerned over what it said about Christianity. It said, what I think is the false belief of a lot of people, that to be a Christian and 'get to heaven' you have to follow what Jesus says and do 'good things'. When in fact, that's basically what this letter to the Colossians was about - that that's not true. Being a Christian first and foremost means that you believe that in dying on the cross (at Easter in fact) and then rising from the dead 3 days later, JESUS took the punishment that EACH of us deserve, for all the wrong things we have done, and the way we want to go our own way and turn from God, our creator. That it's only through Jesus we can be 'reconciled'(1) 'reconciled'(2) to God, NOT through doing good things, and that we can then be restored to having a relationship with God ! Sorry for long rant - wasn't intended, but talking about these things again gets me excited, and saddens me so much that we so often think we know what Christianity is all about, but actually a lot of the time people don't have the amazing, exciting, full story ! Christianity is all about a person, Jesus, and being in a relationship, NOT about following a set of rules and regulations to earn your way to heaven. If anyone does want to know more about this issue, of who Jesus really is, what He did and why He did, then I'd encourage you to either come back at me (in the comments or you can post your e-mail address if you'd rather everyone else not read something too, and I can e-mail you), or take a look at this page on the website of my home church, which probably expresses it better than I just did ! Also, this site has a lot of helpful articles on specific barriers/big questions people may have, such as why does a God of love allow suffering etc...

Back to talking about Spring Harvest - after probably the biggest tangent I've had yet on my blog (though I don't regret it in the slightest!) Other things I was reminded of, apart from how exciting things are, were: how fragile life is. Now, although I may often seem pretty together as a person, I know that although I don't often admit it even to myself, I am so broken and messed up in so many area of life - so much so that it got a bit overwhelming at one point during the week. But then I was reminded that God is the God who brings healing and wholeness; that maybe it's only when I admit how broken I am, that He can start working in me to put the pieces back together. I was also reminded of just how much responsibility I've been given - with the amazing blessings I've been given, and also with being used in sung worship. That I sometimes need to step up to that, and not to just keep hiding.

As I predicted, the journeys to SH were also 'interesting'. The one back was slightly less eventful as the one up there (where we arrived about 4 hours late), but both were fun. Ask me if you would like to hear details, otherwise I will leave it as this post is going to be very long already I fear !

Then I had an absoloutely AWESOME time on sunday night at the NR gig at the Fleece in Bristol. I loved walking down with such a big group of friends for once, and just seeing everyone at the gig. (I have been given some REALLY AMAZING friends !) Much laughing was done by all, and see Ken's space for some photos of what we got up to ! I also enjoyed spending time with another of my housemates on sunday afternoon - was good to chat generally, to tell her about SH, and to try to teach her to strum on guitar !

I am now very, very tired still - after a week of not much more than 5 hours sleep a night - and have much work to do, which I'm not too keen on starting really. But it'll be ok. I just want to make sure I hold onto all the things that I learnt last week, and remember all the fun I had on sunday, so that I can work really hard in the time I have avaliable now. I shall be around the blogosphere again for a while, though I may try and not be around too much, for work's sake. I hope everyone is doing ok. Do remember to come back at me if you want about anything I've said. I shall hopefully post again soon, but in case I don't manage to before the weekend: I hope everyone has really good Easters ! xx

Next week

I have some news everyone: I’m afraid to say that I will be off the internet (e-mail checking and the blogosphere) for just over a week from tomorrow. “NOOO”, I hear you cry, (well, maybe not, but it adds dramatic effect). But do not fear, cause I will be back before long. Also, there is a rather exciting reason for my lack of internet access – I am going up to Skegness for a week. Now, lovely as I know Skegness is, I do actually have a reason for this. I’m going to Spring Harvest, which is a kind of Christian conference thing. The week I’m going for is called Word Alive, which as well as the normal Spring Harvest programme has a special student programme, which is organised mainly by UCCF. There will be Bible overviews in the morning, and Bible readings (not sure what the topics are yet this year), a range of seminars to choose from in the afternoon, student celebrations in the evenings, as well as a variety of gigs* and full use of the Butlins facilities (including amazing swimming pool). I’ve been for the past 2 years, also with people from Bristol CU. There are always quite a few of us who go, and each time has been good, for different reasons. I’m really excited about: building new friendships, deepening existing ones, and most importantly about spending time just listening to and learning from God, without all the usual busyness of life. In the past it is true that I have had various issues with UCCF and Word Alive, but I think that this year certain things are a lot clearer in my head than they were say in my first or second years at uni, and I’m just looking forward to quality time away, and seeing God doing something new, as well as continuing things He's been starting in me. I shall attempt to write a post when I get back, detailing how it all went (including what I’m sure will be memorable car trips there and back) and attempting to share the main things I learnt.

I’m also looking forward to being back in Bristol for a couple of days after Spring Harvest finishes, as I’m going to the New Root gig at the Fleece on sun 9th April. I may well also try and make it to Woodies in the morning (depending on how sleep deprived I feel after the week in Skegness) and so I may see some of you then.

But for now, I shall sign off (sniff !) And don’t write too many blog posts for me to catch up on when I get back, lol ! I must now go and pack...



* In past years I have seen YFriday, Steve, Nicki Rogers (who signed one of her albums for me), Bethany Dillon, Shawn McDonald...I wonder who I'll decide to go and see this year !

Check this out

I found these links as I was ‘rooting’ around the internet (very long story) and I thought that others might find them amusing too:

http://www.wibsite.com/wiblog/dull/
http://www.weblogcartoons.com/
http://www.cartoonchurch.com/

All 3 sites are by the same person, and the cartoons on the latter are really amusing – fairly close to the bone sometimes though. The former…well…someone other than Rob clearly also has too much time on his hands :-D

In other news: I finished my literary project today - Yaaay !!! (Well, I say finished, but I still have to send the ‘draft’ to my supervisor for comments, but…) Feels very, very good. Unfortunately doesn’t mean I can stop working though – have much other work to do.

'Worship following'

Last night I led some worship, on piano, at the small group which my mum and dad lead at our house every monday (I think it was the first time I've led on piano ?) It was an amazing evening generally and I felt so blessed to be able to share time with all these people - there's so much I can learn from all of them...Anyway, the worship...I call it worship 'following' not leading, cause that is what it did feel like. Again, every time I lead worship or play an instrument I go with the attitude that I know what I'm doing...in fact, every time I get surprised and humbled again and yesterday was a real exercise in laying down my pride again: firstly in song choice: that I needed to choose songs which would be appropriate and what would be on peoples' heart to sing to God, rather than the ones which I'd played that afternoon and come up with cool arrangments to (not that there's anything wrong with cool new arrangments, but it just wouldn't have been appropriate yesterday in that setting); then secondly in actual leading: I had to try to remain sensitive to where the time was going, and leave enough space at appropriate times (I always find that hard to try and judge), basically following what was happening, not leading as such. Although I find it a real challenge (mainly humbleness/pride/confidence isses), each time I play in worship in some form I feel so privilidged too to be able to be a part of this. And as I realised again last night, even if something is a little out of my 'comfort zone', as last night was, if being involved in the music side of worship (and even leading maybe) is somewhere God wants me to be, then who am I to try and hide from that ?! Aren't I the one who's been saying that I want to be the person God wants me to be ?!!

Anyway...one other thing...(not really related, but still on the music/worship topic): I was reading back through one of my journals last night, and found an entry I'd written on why I think I became involved in music playing in the first place: to cut a long story short, that music moves me so much sometimes, that I can't keep it in my system and have to find a way to let it out. My outlet, was to try to reproduce the music: so I'd learn to sing the song, then when I was a little older I'd also work out the chords, and would try to learn it on piano, later on guitar and now also on bass. When I listen to music I also often take it apart and try to think how I'd arrange each of the parts if I was playing it. This is why I'm not good at song writing and writing lyrics, and being creative in that sense, but within the context of a song, I am learning to be more creative with arrangments...I was wondering whether that was a common thing, as a reason for being musical I mean, or whether other people have different experiences ? i.e. why do people think that they love playing music (generally, not just in the context of worship here) ? But I would be especially interested though to hear from the other people who do have experience with playing in worship who read this blog (i.e. Ben, Rob, Matt...) Do comment cause I'd be interested to know ! (Plus it's probably a good thing to have to think about).

Adverts

I think that my family think I'm slightly odd (not that they didn't think that before, but anyway...) we were watching the Poirot on tele last night (I love Agatha Christie - not miss Marple, but I love Poirot stories)...it was on ITV, meaning that it had adverts and I was finding all the adverts really amusing ! Normally when I watch TV, I just want the breaks to go as quickly as possible so I can find out what happens next. But last night, I think I enjoyed the adverts as much as the actual programme ! I think it's what happens when you have hardly watched any TV all term. Maybe when we watch TV a lot, we just get acclimatised to it, i.e. get used to it and don't think anything of it...but when you haven't watched it for a while (like me) you start to realise how strange TV actually is sometimes, and in particular how FUNNY adverts are ! I think that's probably true of a lot of things, not just adverts, - that we get used to things and stop thinking about them, when they're around us all the time. I find myself either taking things for granted, or just becoming hardened to things...anyway, enough of strange rant and advertising how strange my mind is (but of course you all knew that already !?). On with the literary project...

Home again

I'm actually sitting writing this in my bedroom, as we now have wireless internet at home, and my dad just set stuff up to enable it on my computer too - how cool is that !!! I'm home again now (in case you hadn't worked that out) - took a while to get back, as the traffic was mental, but we did in the end. I'm also now all unpacked. I just need to try and sleep now - to catch up but I also need to try to get this illness better: I don't have time to be ill !! :-( Project writing starts again tomorrow with avengence...better go for now before my computer battery runs out !

Presentation over !!

I've been a little stressed at times over the last few days - I had a presentation for today, which I didn't start writing til monday afternoon, since I only got my practical project draft back from my supervisor on monday morning (and I was working on my literary project last week). But it went ok ! And in fact, the actual writing of things went far more smoothly than I could have expected. There were a few of us giving 10-15 minute talks on our practical projects and all of the supervisors and second markers there (so quite a few people to get into the small area where we had the talks). It was good to hear a bit about other peoples' projects, though even at this level they are so specialised that it was hard to follow some of the talks sometimes. I was so nervous though beforehand - I couldn't stop my whole body from shaking. I didn't want to let down my supervisors, and also wanted to make a good impression on my second marker (who will be giving me my viva next term) and also not to let my tutor down either (who I only discovered would be attending this afternoon !) But as I said, it was ok, and my supervisors were very happy with it - they're both so lovely and really supportive in everything.

Now however, as always when you make a big effort and then it's over, my tiredness is catching up on me. I haven't been particularly well the last few days (as seems to be common with many people at this time of term) which that hasn't been helping my concentration due to disturbed sleeping, and is also catching up on me. I also do have much more work still to be done, but I'm going to take a bit of time off now til friday (woo!) due to various things: I'm looking very much forward to LiveSoc tonight (last one with the current committee) and to going home tomorrow - ummm, just one minor problem with that...I have to pack first ! Oh well, tomorrow morning it shall have to be...

So then...all friends in Bristol, I shall see you sometime after Easter, (if not on the 9th April or at Spring Harvest) and those at home, hopefully I'll get to see some of you in the next few weeks :-)

p.s. everyone should comment on this blog here don't ask why, just do it !

Long time no post !

It has indeed been ages since my last post - feels a whole world away. I apologise profusely to anyone who reads this blog of mine (especially to those who have a thesis in this week, lol.) There are many reasons for the lack of posting:
1) Blogger WAS being annoying, for some reason, and when I did try to post would not let me, and occassionally would not let me even access the blog page (or anyone elses). Not being forward thinking enough I did not think of trying another computer.
2) Even when it did let me, I had so much I wanted to blog about, that none of it came out (if that makes any sense ?)
3) I've been/am going through a rather confusing and difficult time at the moment (mainly course work or next-year related, although not exclusively those two things), and so my thoughts are very jumbled and some things I need to try to figure out on my own before I can share them with anyone.

I also cannot promise frequent posts again as, like Rich, I have (final) exams coming very shortly, as in merely a few weeks away (I finish before most of my housemates have even started !) I also have 2 projects which need finishing. However, I shall be 'around' the blogosphere - may post here and there, when I have something worth saying or merely need a break from work, and shall comment here and on other people's blogs, if I feel I have anything to say.

Thank you all so much for commenting on the last few posts - I was very impressed with the number. It was indeed a record for this blog, but I disagree with Jammin - I don't know if you CAN have too many comments, lol. I seem to get most comments when I haven't been posting for a while, or when I mention my guitar ! Seriously though, I very much appreciated all the guitar tips, and just love having people say hi and chat. So keep it up ! (Maybe I need a deep question or just a random one to get people chatting more ? Any suggestions ?!) :-)

New guitar strings !!!!!

Today has been fun - not enough work involved, but fun. Had a house trip this afternoon to play badminton at the sports centre, then I cooked some 'turkey and cranberry' burgers for supper (took a very long time to make, but was a first for me - I'd never made burgers before).

But...most exciting of all - I put new strings on my acoustic !!!!!! I've only had the guitar just over two years now, and so this is the first time I've changed the strings by myself, (as I had a bit of help last time). It was mainly fine, apart from the fact that the top E string was being really annoying, so I had to take it off and try to restring it about 5 times before I got it to stay put. It's been just over a year since my last change of strings, which is terrible. I bought a new set at Christmas, but hadn't gotten round to putting them on. But it was getting to the point when even inexperienced me could tell that they sounded horrible, and so since (as far as I know) I'm not meant to be playing my guitar this week, I thought I'd change the strings. Is very exciting. I know they'll keep going way out of tune for a while, and will sound a little metallicy, but I think it's worth it.

Need an early night now, after a bit of TV. (Why is it always the case that the ONE day you can lie in (i.e. today), is the one day when your body decides to wake you up and make you really alert at a time before you even have to get up during the week for lectures ?) Looking forward to going to Sea Mills tomorrow though. And I am getting a lift, so shouldn't really complain about having to get up early :-)

Noooo...

the sun's come out and the snow's already starting to melt here in Bristol. Oh well, if we can't keep the snow I suppose having sun will do instead...

woooh !!! Even more snow.

And this time it's fairly heavy (or is currently), and the sky looks really grey - more snow still to come. Hope it sticks ! (I can already see that this is going to prove a great distraction to work today...)