Words

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
Or so goes the old proverb. But is that really true ? I don't think it's true. I think in a lot of ways, words can hurt and have a more lasting effect than sticks and stones can. I'm not sure what got me thinking about this - might have been something I heard or read about the importance of words. But doesn't it make you slightly nervous about the responsibilty we have ? That with the words we say, we can make such a lasting impression on people ? I know personally that I've been both really encouraged and a bit hurt by words that people have said in the past. And I'm someone who tends to hold onto things for a long time a lot of the time.

And looking in the Bible, words are important there too. Just putting 'words' into a concordance tells you this. For a start, Jesus is the word made flesh (John 1:14); God spoke and through His words the universe came into being (Psalm 33:9), the Bible is the word of God "living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword" (Hebrews 4:12). Psalm 19 says "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight" and I'm sure in Proverbs it says somewhere something like 'out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.'

But what does all of this mean for someone like me who constantly struggles with not being to express anything - in normal conversation, in prayer, in anything really...? I can almost never effectively communicate what is on my heart to say, even when my heart is in a good place. I can use e-mail and blogs cause they give me time to think about what I want to say, though even then I'm not wonderful at communicating and is that any way to live ? Constantly e-mailing people with things I didn't manage to say face to face to them ?

I think this also overflows into prayer hugely and is probably why I struggle so much with praying outloud. I think I think that prayer is all about the words used. I sometimes feel like, through what I say I have to be encouraging the person I'm praying for and that if I don't pray for the right thing, God won't help the person. (And that's rubbish right ! As if prayer was meant to be primarily an undercover way of me encouraging someone ?!) But "ask and you shall receive" right ? What if you don't know how to ask ?

I know that God is so much bigger than that; that He does know what is on my heart even before I speak (Psalm 139:4) - something I have constantly taken comfort in, but do I REALLY know that ? Do I REALLY understand that prayer isn't about the words I use, but about the one I'm praying to ? Until I penetrate this confusion, how will I ever get over my fear of praying out loud, even for people I really love ?! And until I really understand this, will I ever be motivated enough to pray as much as I'd like to be praying ? Can anyone else identify with this, if they're truly honest with themselves ?

I think this is a really subconscious thing, which has only surfaced for me in the last few days. I didn't even know I thought like this ! It makes me start to wonder just how many other lies and twisted truths I've been believing. Apologies if I'm spilling too much out for a blog - had to write it somewhere but I probably should have used a journal. Well, maybe it's challenged other people too ?

Being rooted and established

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of Christ" Ephesians 3:17-19

I can't believe it's March already ! I had my second mentoring session yesterday evening. As I half expected, we ended up talking about the things I didn't want to (but probably needed to) talk about and didn't get round to talking about what I'd wanted to...but in praying for me, my mentor had this picture: of a tree, like an oak tree or something. And just felt like, God is at work in me, but He's putting my roots down deeper this year. The roots are underground and can't be seen, so it may not necessarily feel like anything is happening, but it is. And the roots of a tree are foundational, vital, and it will mean that at the right time, the tree can bear fruit.
I have been given pictures, many also involving trees and flowers, along these lines before but it was just really encouraging to hear.

It also made me realise how impatient I am - I want everything to happen now, everything to be sorted out in me...etc. But God doesn't work like that. He has good plans, and His timing is perfect. He knows what He's doing. There are several areas at the moment where I feel like, in light of this, I really need God's help to be more patient in waiting for His timing, and not trying to press ahead with things before it's right.

This morning, I was then reflecting on this passage from Ephesians, which came to mind. And was thinking, what would that actually mean, to be ROOTED and ESTABLISHED in love? The best definitions I could find (thanks to Google) are:

Roots - The underground component of plants, responsible for anchoring plants and providing them with water and nutrients.

Also, I was also thinking that without roots or with only shallow roots the plant can be very easily uprooted, blown over when storms come.

Established - the state of a plant when it is adjusted to the site and thriving

"ROOTED and ESTABLISHED IN LOVE". Wow.

New blog layout

Well, kind of. When I tried to add labels, I didn't realise how complicated it would be ! I probably didn't do it the most efficient way, but it seemed that once I upgraded to the new type of template, blogger lost all my links ! So, I had to put everything in again. My links needed an overhaul really anyway, and I hope I haven't forgotten anything ? (I didn't have a list of my links anywhere even !) I still don't like the new font it's give me, but not much I can do. Hopefully I'll get used to it !

Had so much fun tonight at Devotion - we had Devo-ke-oke. (I.e. Karaoke at Devotion). I sang "Complicated" with a fellow musical Devotee and then the leaders all sang YMCA at the end. Other highlights include a duet of "If you're not the one" between two Devo leaders and another leader getting slightly carried away with "Kung Fu Fighting". (For a few pictures see the new Devo blog!) After that and then sorting my blog I'm now exhausted. Bedtime now. Will post properly another day :-)

Blog tech issues

To all you users of blogger out there who still read this, I have a couple of tech questions to ask...

1) You know you can now add labels to posts? Well, how do you get the different labels to appear down the right sidebar of the blog, so you can click and find all posts with that label (like on the woodies worship blog, or on Rob's blog) ? I may just be being really dense, but I can't seem to find any option which allows me to add them !

2) How do you change the settings so that your blog appears on your user profile ? I now contribute to two blogs, but only the Woodies worship leaders comes up on my profile. Currently the only way of finding my blog from my profile is because I've set it as my homepage. When I go to the settings page which says "Select blogs to appear on profile", Ro's ramblings isn't one of the blogs listed there. Hmmmm...

Help appreciated !

In other news, my guitar sounds nice again thanks to a spare hour and a spare set of guitar strings ! :-)

Blog review !

I feel very honoured to note that my blog has been deemed worthy of a review by the lovely Mr Robin Mitchell ! I am amazed he (or anyone else) still reads my blog, let alone that he's given me such a positive review. Anyway...here it is, should you be interested (although many of you who read this I know read Rob's blog too anyway...) And can I take this moment to apologise for all the exclamation marks and smiles I use in my blog. I just can't help it ! :-) Lol.


"Rowena's profile tells us almost nothing about her whatsoever, but thankfully her blog is something of a diary and it is easy to get an insight as to the character of our writer. Rowena's interests seem to be predominantly music, her Christian faith, and day-to-day life as a student and later church-worker in Bristol.
This blog is chatty and informal, as a diary written for outsiders, and contains excerpts of her life and thoughts in a readable and cheerful manner. There are no identifiable themes, but mostly the patterns of day-to-day life. This blog is not written primarily to raise discussion, or to grab the attention with controversy, but to inform in a rather relaxed manner. And with lots of exclamation marks (!). The voice of the reader is definitely audible through these punctuations, scattered throughout her posts like leaves on an autumn day, and also through the cheerful "smilies" that crop up: :-) :-p and their happy friends.If you need a positive outlook on life to cheer you up, read this blog!"

Switchfoot rock !!!

Last night was amazing !!! Can't really be described in words, but I will try and share a bit of what happened last night. (If you don't know much of their stuff, then I would really recommend checking them out. Go to their website or their myspace).

I'd never really been to such a big gig before (although I've long wanted to). The venue was big, but we stood somewhere in the middle, so had plenty of room. The atmosphere was amazing, and the lighting awesome - just added to what the band was playing, as lighting should really. The support band, Superhero, wasn't bad (tho I liked some songs better than others and unfortunately couldn't really hear the lyrics), then there was a brief talky bit about God stuff, followed by Switchfoot !!! The switchfoot guys are so amazing, all seem such nice guys and great musicians. I haven't been to such a big gig before, but I always love going to gigs by Christian musicians as it always ends up being a bit of a cross between a rock concert and a worship special (for me anyway - might not be the same for everyone). I just really wanted to let go into the music and be open to what God wanted to say through the music.

In between bobbing up and down, I was reminded of quite a lot last night. Although at a gig the focus is usually on the band, my focus last night wasn't. It was past the band. I love Switchfoot's songs. They're so honest about the struggles they face and crying out to God in that, and so many of the songs I identify so much with. I was reminded of why I started to love their music so much in the first place - many of their songs have had a profound impact on me since last summer. In fact, I'd even go so far as to saying one or two of their songs were what helped me when trying to make a final decision about whether to do year team or not. In particular the song "This is your life" (Chorus: "This is your life, are you who you want to be?") and "I dare you to Move".

As well as being reminded of things past, I was also struck afresh by new things. The lyrics in the bridge of "on fire" really resonated with me last night: "I'm standing on the edge of me, I'm standing on the edge of everything I've ever been before". I do feel like that at the moment. This whole year, but especially through the mullers theology course I feel like, the best way I can describe it is as if I've been climbing up a mountain, and I've just reached a peak and am standing looking as a whole vast expanse opens up before me. The question is though, where do I go from here? Into the valleys ? I was also struck by the lyrics in another song, "Where you gonna go? where you gonna go? Salvation is HERE" Just how, actually, as well as the context of God being in that place last night there's also the whole: 'where else could I go that where I am now, because where else is salvation found but in Jesus ?' I can lose sight of that so easily. Reminded of that Bible passage, John6:60-71, where after many disciples desert Jesus because His teachings are too hard Jesus asks Peter whether He wants to leave too, but Peter replies: "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life".

Anyway, that's a 'brief' glimpse into the way I tend to think deeply about things, especially music ! I hope it might have helped others too, not just been a personal and very cryptic ramble. Last night was rather a trek/adventure in terms of getting to Swansea and back, and a very late night, but worth every minute of sleep I lost !!! (Was also interesting trying to decipher the American and thick Welsh accents we encountered last night - no offence to Americans or Welsh intended.) I was rather on a high last night, but - you know when you do something late at night you can wake up the next morning wondering if it was just a dream ? - I woke up wondering if last night was a dream. But I still had songs going round in my head, I had photographic evidence we'd been there too. It's difficult, when you have these highs to know quite how to come down gracefully. Because, though we might want to, it's not possible to live everyday quite like that. (I'm sure those of you who have been to things like Soul Survivor can identify here?) Although, it was good to have something which took me out of the ordinary and gave me fresh perspective for a while, how do I now hold onto that still, even when the memory of the gig fades ?

Switchfoot !!! and another genius video

I have another genius video for you all to watch ! At Christmas a friend of mine who read physics at Bristol uni told me about this, where a picture of Dr. Emmett Brown from Back to the Future had been added to the photos of physics staff in the department. Apparently it stayed up there for well over a year before any of the staff noticed it ! But this video provides photographic evidence for all those who don't believe that this was actually done. :-)

Also...I'm getting really excited now ! I'm going to Swansea tomorrow, with a couple of the other year-teamers, to go and see Switchfoot play, it's part of their UK tour promoting their new album "Oh! Gravity". It will be an experience as I've never been to such a big gig before, and I am anticipating a late night with not much sleep (as I need to get up early thurs morning) but it should be amazing !!! Will post saying how it went after I get back and have had some sleep !!!

I did have some more serious stuff to blog today, but am not with it enough now. Will go get an early night in preparation for tomorrow and will try to hang onto the thoughts to post on another day.

p.s. This friday I am taking part in the 24-hour famine, to raise money for the work of World Vision in Zambia. I'm doing this together with several others from Devotion, but have been being very disorganised about getting sponsers together. The plan is to have a meal on thurs night (at pastorate for me), then go without food until the friday evening. This is going to be really hard for me, as fasting food is something I find really difficult. But if anyone would like to sponser me, then please get in touch. Thank you !

The Truth?

Just a very quick post (as I don't have time for a proper update right now) to plug a couple of things. Most importantly...this week and the week after the Bristol University Christian Union are hosting a range of events to help people explore the meaning of life, look at what Christianity is really about, and trying to provide a Christian viewpoint on some of the hard questions in life. I'd recommend going along. The programme of events is here, (you will also be able to download the talks from here.) There are talks every lunchtime in the Powell lecture theatre (in the Physics department) and evening events spread between various locations, as well as other events going on in halls. Ask me if you've got any questions.

Also, Livesoc tonight. Ar2 (aka Mandela Bar) in the Bristol Student Union if anyone in Bristol is interested. An evening of live music, provided by some very talented musicians. Doors open at 8, music from 8.30 and is only £1 to non-livesoc members.

Lastly, a couple of rather amusing videos on youtube - one of which I was passed the link to, the other I randomly found while watching the first: "Title of the song" and The ebay song
First, quality of the singing and video isn't amazing (as you'll see), but the song itself is very amusing. Ebay song is a take-off of I think a backstreet boys song. Enjoy and do come along to some of the Cu talks ! :-D

Making an effort vs being a branch

It was a first for me this morning. I went to Sainsbury's to do my weekly food shop as usual. But this morning, to carry my shopping back I used no plastic bags ! I've discovered the heavy duty bags that Sainsbury's sells (50p each) which are designed to be reused for each shop. I had two of these this morning which held all my shopping. They're great. Not only is it good for the environment as I'm not using up plastic bags (which try as I might I always forget to take back to Sainsbury's the following week), but they are also a lot better for carrying shopping as they spread the weight better and don't break easily ! I might start using them for student lunch shopping too.

It's amazing isn't it. Something so simple, yet I've only just started doing it. I think, subconsciously a lot of the time but nevertheless, I very often just assume that if I 'go with the flow' things will just happen, with no effort on my part. If I'm like that, with all that I know, then how can I expect others who know less to be any different ? I've been having a lot of eye-opening experiences this week, in the midst of a hard week. I spoke specifically about recycling bags, but I think this applies to all things. How often do I assume things like, making time for God will just happen, and that living for God will just come naturally? When a lot of the time they don't - there needs to be an effort and a choice on my part. For example, I know that I need to consciously carve time out for God during my week (am hoping that Woodies prayer week will help start me on that road). But on the other hand, although I need to seek God, at the same time, as Jesus said in John 15*, we are branches in the vine, and we can do nothing without Him. There is another sense in which the branch doesn't have to strive, but the sap which flows through it does the work. There's a danger in going too far the other way, and thinking that everything is completely up to me (both traps I have been falling into the last few weeks, if not far longer). So many things (in fact, most things in my limited experience) in this life are about getting the balance between two extremes. Balance is such a hard thing. But then, sometimes just realising you are doing something is half of the battle.

Some of this stuff has come up from my year team review, some stuff from Devotion yesterday, some from Mullers, and some stuff just as I have been mulling things over in my head during the extra time that being ill somehow gives you. It applies to me, but if it challenges anyone else who reads my rambles and gives you food for thought too then I am extra glad. And remember, this all started with a simple plastic bag ! Any thoughts in response ?


*"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."
-Jesus speaking in John 15:5 (Italics mine)

To continue on the theme of the North Wind...

I think that last post must have been pre-empting (if that's how you spell it) my return to Bristol ! It's been so wet and windy...today especially. Living as high up as I do at the moment, means the sound of the whistling wind is amplified, and with windows like skylights, at the moment it sounds a bit like someone has a chainsaw going just outside my window ! Means it's a bit chilly too in the communal areas as the wind whips through the vents !

But no matter. Wind just makes living here fun. I've been back in Bristol about a week and a half. It has been very mixed. As per usual, hard being back but good to see people. Had fun at the weekend as (among various things) on saturday the year team was helping to look after all the kids for a Henleaze Leaders' morning. Very fun, but also very tiring - I was helping with the 3-7s. They have a lot of energy ! (At the end of the morning we were trying to wrack our brains for all the "who can stand really still and quietly" games we could think of) :-) Also on sunday saw a friend who I haven't seen since about last May but who was in Bristol for the afternoon. Was good to have a long chat.

There have also been cold-type things going round the flats. I can't feel too sorry for myself as most of us have gone down with something or other, but I think most of us are on the mend. Just not what you really want to come back to in a new term - yesterday was the first time I've had to take time off from one of my placements due to illness. Due to not feeling amazing this week, I have been investing a fair bit of time in watching dvds on my laptop from bed. On tuesday evening I just finished Narnia (which I was watching in installments). Although I don't really like their portrayal of Aslan (but then again, how would they ever capture Aslan how he should be ?) on the whole I think the film is really well done. Somehow, a film can often bring out things which you didn't notice from reading the book. Primarily from the film I get the senses of how fast things happen, how scared they were (you always think an adventure is exciting until you're in one), how they'd been just sent away from one war only to join in another one. But another sense, is when Edmund meets the White Witch for the first time. She says to him that he's just the kind of boy who could be king of Narnia, and makes a load of promises to him (which she obviously doesn't keep). But it just strikes me that what she offers him is actually what he will actually become anyway through Aslan. Moving the analogy aside, isn't that so often true in real life ? That the things we get tempted by most are just shadows of what we can actually already have access to through Jesus (Aslan) ?

Anyway...enough of rambling...am feeling a little better today so am going to try and catch up with some things and do what I should be doing on a thursday. Didn't that post just feel like a Simpson's episode ? - where it starts with one thing and ends with something completely different, which you know must have been connected somehow in a weird kind of way ? And with that thought... :-D

The North Wind doth blow...

For some reason, at lunchtime today, the topic of the North Wind came up. I was trying to remember how that rhyme about it went (could remember the first bit only). So, oh how I love google, I looked it up. The whole rhyme goes something like this...

"The North Wind doth blow
And we shall have snow
And what will poor robin do then ?
Poor thing.

He'll sit in the barn
And keep himself warm
And hide his head under his wing,
Poor thing."

Having told you that, that isn't really the point of this post. This rhyme about the North WInd reminded me about a fairystory I vaguely remembered bits of, including that it had the North Wind in it. So, again i turned to google and I found the story ! Here is a link to it. It's basically a bit like Jack and the Beanstalk, without the Beanstalk. The writer hasn't gotten it down wonderfully here, as the narrative doesn't flow amazingly well and the Landlady appears to turn into a Landlord halfway through, but this was the only version I could find online. Even if you don't know it and it doesn't bring back a whole load of memories like it did for me, do still have a quick read. :-) Out of interest, had anyone heard this story before ?

Back to Bristol tomorrow !

Shipwreck

...In fact, it's already growing on me as I listen to it more and more. This song particularly struck me last night:

"I built a fortress, with a hundred thousand faces,
I'll keep it safe, with a hundred thousand more.
But these masks are wearing thin, as You draw me in.

I spent my time on the empty and the fleeting.
I spent my life on much less than what I'd dreamed.
But I'm reaching out to You, to make me new.

'Cause I am just a beggar, here at Your door.
I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore.
I come empty handed, ready to see,
Your life in me changing who I've been,
To who I need to be.

You tell my story as You sift between the pages.
I feel redemption in the space between each turn.
Could You take me in Your arms, And tell it just once more?
Could You take me in Your arms, And tell it just once more?"

-Shipwreck by Starfield (from the album "Beauty in the Broken")

Last few days of holiday...

Going back to Bristol this sunday for the start of another term (my first job is stewarding at the Mix on sunday night). And, although I haven't even come back yet, I'm already starting to feel homesick ! It will be good to see people but nevertheless, very strange to come back.

I do also have a fair few things left to do before then, however I did still make time to go to see the film Eragon yesterday with my brother. It's a good film; worth seeing if you like films of that genre (fantasy, action, involving dragons...) I was glad we did go to see it. But it wasn't a patch on the book. They had messed around with the storyline so much and cut out or changed major parts, so much so, that I'm not really sure how they'll be able to do the next part of the trilogy. But although that disappointed me slightly, I can see why they did, as it was always going to be a challenge getting a book of that kind into a 1hr30 film, and they were obviously trying to leave enough time to do justice to some of the big battle scenes (= special effects). It could have done with being LOTR length really. I think I need to see the film a couple more times (probably get the DVD when it comes out), now that I know the basics of the film, so I can appreciate it more for what it is, rather than always be comparing it with the book. And don't let me put you off. Go to see it, regardless of whether you've read the book or not (I think the story just about hangs together even if you haven't). And I'm already looking forward to seeing the film of the second part !

One more thing...I have in the past mentionned a band called Starfield. Well, I also purchased their second album, "Beauty in the Broken" yesterday (with Christmas money). It's a good album. Very different feel to the first one, which I loved immediately, but I think it will grow on me. There are some (in my opinion) good songs and some not so good/not very memorable or original ones, but all in all, worth the £8 I paid for it I think ! And the sentiments expressed in the words are good ones. Gives me more ammunition for quoting song lyrics at whoever reads this blog still :-)

HAPPY 2007 !!!

Well, another year gone by. It's now 2007 ! (And I'd only just gotten used to writing 2006 on everything!) Happy New Year ! I hope that you have all had a good Christmas and New Year. Mine has been a little mixed, but good mostly. Has been good to have some time at home and I had great fun at a friends' party last night for New Year.

I always find it strange at New Year, cause I tend to think of the beginning of a new year in September, i.e. the new academic year, and so do the whole 'reflecting on the past year' thing then, but I guess it can't hurt to do it twice ! I hope you all have a good day today, but in that, I challenge you all to think about what your best moment(s) of 2006 were. I was challenged to do that by my small group (aka Huddle) at the Woodies staff Christmas lunch a couple of weeks ago. I had to think quite hard to narrow it down, but was a good thing to do as it brought back a lot of memories (both good and bad). And I think (to get everyone started) I narrowed mine down to two very good moments:
1) In the Easter holidays when I gotten a lift back with a friend to Bristol after a week in Skegness for Spring Harvest, I stayed the night in my house at the time, and the next evening went to the last (with their current line-up at the time) New Root gig, at the Fleece. It was the first time I've actually gone with a group of people, rather than just seeing other Rooters there. And I just really had such an AMAZING night; listening to the New Root and seeing how much they were enjoying playing, and spending time with so many good friends :-)
2) Seeing the Grand Canyon in the summer. It's just amazing ! It really showed me the literal meaning of the word breathtaking. People say seeing is believing, but I couldn't even believe it when I saw it with my own eyes. So huge and amazing. Can't be described. Was altogether a great holiday this summer. Was great to be with my family and the Grand Canyon was only one of so many amazing things we saw.

Did you know...

Intrigued by Colse's latest blog post (in which he has found a website which lists Woodies as giving free lunches every weekday, "if you don’t mind a mini-sermon and a vague sense of residual guilt" that is,) and as a 'way of spending a spare few minutes so that I don't have to yet do the things I really need to do', I decided to put 'Woodlands Christian Centre' into Google and see what came out ! I found the expected, such as the church webpage, but also made some interesting finds...

I discovered that the church has it's own page on Wilkepedia ! I also discovered this page! This particular review must have been written about 5/6ish years ago as the student flats were being built at the time. It seems this site sends out 'mystery worshippers' into various churches, who then rate the church as to how they found the experience. Take a look! I especially like the answer to the last question ("What one thing will you remember about all this in seven days' time?") :-D

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2006 !!!

I just wanted to wish all readers of this blog a Merry Christmas !!! I hope you all have a good day on monday; enjoy all the festivities and also take time out to think about what Christmas is really all about. I'll see you all on blogger again in the new year (or after Christmas anyway) :-)

p.s. I've now been home for a few days, and it's been great. Really good to see family and have also appreciated all the sleep.

p.p.s. Try a quick prayer this Christmas, asking God to open your eyes and help you to see something new of him in all the well-known songs and carols. I find I can too often just sing words for the sake of it, cause I have sung them so much before. But I find that God does really answer this prayer !

Carols and other things...

It's not until you start (or rather try to finish) writing Christmas cards that you realise actually how widespread all over the country you now have friends (trying to find addresses for them is interesting). I knew I had a few good friends who weren't in Bristol any longer but I don't think it had hit me quite how many ! I'm so grateful to those friends I have still in Bristol and so grateful to have met so many new people this term...but a term still can't account for having known people, even for 3 years.

And yesterday has left me in a bit of a strange mood really. On one hand, I enjoyed the day so much ! The family service in the morning was amazing, and I felt very privilidged to be able to play Keyboard in the worship band with people who I'd not played with before. Then the carol service was amazing too. I loved having the privilidge of being in the choir (Jonathan James is such an amazing musician) and enjoyed singing. The church also looked SO beautiful with all the candles and lights...was so exciting as it was my first year I've been in Woodies for their carol service. But at the same time, it made me feel so homesick - that this IS the first year I've been in Bristol so late. (Amazing how you can be surrounded by SO many people, including a fair few you know, and yet feel so lonely and not having anyone to talk to.) Recently I've been wondering what I'm doing here. Is Bristol truly where I'm meant to be, or have I just been delaying the inevitable of moving on again ? Is hard, especially as when you're on year team you begin to get to know even more people at church and feel a bit more settled at the church (although at the same time less settled...?) Anyway...I shall stop rambling as I have to get on with the day (cards to write, debate to prepare for tomorrow, the church to clean etc...) Maybe I'm just feeling this way as I'm so tired and it's almost the end of term. I'll be home on wednesday. I'll see how I feel then.*

*Disclaimer: sorry for the ramble. Had to let it out somehow - should probably have done it in my journal rather than on the internet, but oh well. Feel free to just ignore my ramble. I'll probably feel differently tomorrow.*

"Happy Feet"

Saw the film 'Happy Feet' at the cinema yesterday afternoon (a year team trip). Basically, (not spoiling the story), it's about Penguins, and how this one Penguin is different from all the others. Instead of having a 'heart song' (i.e. being able to sing well, and having his own song), he loves to dance and his feet move when he's feeling deeply. But he finds he can't be himself (as it goes against 'what makes a penguin a penguin') and is always being told to try to sing/stop singing - as his voice is awful - and to stop dancing. He's told that what he is isn't natural, and is made to feel like an outcast, and finally banished from the emperor penguin colony. But it all has a happy ending, when he ends up coming back and saving the whole penguin colony. A very sweet and in places very funny film, (although a little bizarre in terms of how the storyline moves). But it also has a lot of thought-provoking stuff in there. (This is the point where my housemates of last year would tell me I think about films too much again...) It makes you think about being different - how it's really hard to be different from the crowd, and also not to be able to be free to express who you are. But the film implies that ultimately it's people who dare to express who they really are and to be different, despite the costs, who will make a difference ! Very challenging. It also brings up a whole load of environmental stuff, about how fishing in the antarctic is disrupting the Penguins' food chain and even outrightly killing some of them by the waste left behind by the humans. Although slightly unrealistic in it's portrayal (for example, I wish all our environmental problems could be solved as easily as this one seemingly was in the film), it nevertheless makes you think. I came out in an odd mood - having enjoyed it, and laughed a lot, but also been very provoked. Anyway...food for thought.

Sorry my blog has become a bit of a diary of events recently. In some ways this reflects my state of mind, that I have been kept very busy and with hardly any time to take time and think about stuff. (And when I have wanted to post recently on more thoughtful things, blogger has been being annoying). But as I have said before, I will try to make it less of a diary - as that isn't the reason I originally started writing on here. But it might take me a while.

Now to have something to eat and try to get a bit of rest before what is shaping up to be a very good but very manic day tomorrow - looking forward to the morning family service and the carol service in the evening (the first one at Woodies I will ever have been to) - the church is currently looking amazing with all the Christmas decorations up ! Oh, and one last thing...you may have noticed I added a couple more links to the sidebar. Do check them out. Most of them I already look at/read, just hadn't gotten round to putting up links before now !

p.s. Another last thing...I am now on blogger beta ! Very strange. Another set of features to get used to. *Sigh*

Bath and other things

As it always is, these two weeks (last week and this) before the end of term are proving manic. So many things going on, and too much to do with too little time to do it in. Good things, just lots of them :-) But in the midst of that busyness, I've had a lovely couple of days this weekend. On saturday we went on a flat outing to the Bath Christmas market. It was fun to wander round, and great to hear the brass band playing and see all the Christmas decorations...we then came back and had our Christmas flat meal - lots of food, a secret santa, then lots of clearing up and a bit jamming session at the end :-)

Sunday (yesterday)...in the morning service several of my friends got baptised, which was really exciting! I was also asked to sing in the worship band, which I enjoyed - recently people have been getting me to sing more and more, and it's great. Singing at the front is never something I thought I could do. But I've always loved singing, and I love the fact that I can give that gift God's given me back to Him, and use it to help other people to worship Him too. It's really amazing ! (And I do feel ever so slightly less terrified singing on stage now than I did, so I can focus on worshipping more than on just hitting the right notes !) Then we had a reception and lunch for all friends and family of those who were baptised. Then a friend who was visiting Bristol for the weekend came round, we had a bit of a jam, then went to the Christ Church carol service together. Day was finished off with an amazing pizza (I highly recommend Pizza Provencal in Clifton), a bit more of a jam, then watching forest gump on tv with flatmates. All in all a good weekend.

And so...monday morning again. Ready to face another busy week ? Well, not really. But I'm sure it will be a good week. Just need to try to be sensible about fitting in enough sleep somewhere there ! :-)

(Bath Abbey, with one of the stalls of the Christmas market in front.)

Mehh...

Humpf. Have just downloaded Internet Explorer 7 by mistake, and I don't like it !! :-( The font is weird, and I keep going down to the taskbar to open my other webpages, forgetting that they're now tabs instead (obviously window's alternative to firefox). Also, I can't find the same options that I use - I don't know anymore how to change the privacy settings, save as favourites, or generally change any browser options. I guess I'll probably get used to it after a while of fiddling...I just don't like change :-P

In other news...I really enjoyed the pub lunch and walk with W3 on sunday afternoon. (For some photos see the w3 blog ). It was very very muddy on the walk and I only just got back in time for being on duty by the skin of my teeth (well, I was a few minutes late, but Lois will have to forgive me) but it was great to feel like being family together. I sat with a few W3 people on sunday night too. Really feel like I'm starting to get to know a few people :-)

Also, Livesoc last night went ok. I was quite critical of my performance (as I guess a performer always is) and knew I could have sung better, but I had some very positive comments from people, so apparently it was ok :-) And I enjoyed the rest of the evening too, a couple of non-livesoc good friends came along and I sat with them. The headlining band (Bizali) were awesome :-)

1 Year Old Today !

My blog is 1 years old today ! And this is also my 100th post ! Two milestones in one post :-) In a way a year seems not very long ago, when I read back on my posts. But in another way it feels a world away. Who'd have thought a year ago (apart from God that is) that I'd be where I am now. IN some ways, reading back over my old posts, I haven't changed a lot in that year. But in other ways, I think I am probably more aware of things which I'd like to be changed. And who'd have thought just how widespread blogging would become. In a year so many other people have joined the blogosphere, especially from Woodies. Well, at least I can say I wasn't at the beginning but I wasn't at the end !

Anyway...enough of reflection and rambling (as the title of my blog allows). Today is going to be a busy but good day. On duty today at church, then in the hours inbetween the services I'm (hopefully) going with W3, my new pastorate, on their pub lunch and walk. It will be nice to have a chance to get out of Bristol for an afternoon and to be able to spend more time with W3 people. If I take any good photos I may even share them on here !

Guitars and other things...

Just saw this post by a friend of mine on his blog. It gives a link to a short piece in Inside Worship (a magazine produced by Vineyard Music) which he wrote, about "The guitarist's guide to effective mistake". All musicians, but especially guitarists, will find this highly amusing. So have a read.

And while we're on the subject of guitars...if anyone in Bristol is free next tuesday night (28th), then you'd be welcome to come see me play a short set (probably 3 songs now) at the next Livesoc event. It'll be me with guitar and singing. The evening should start about 8 as usual and finish around 11. There'll be a band headlining (not sure who yet) and the evening should be great fun. I'll probably be playing nearer the start of the evening, but I'm not entirely sure. It'll be as usual in AR2 in the Bristol Student Union, so if you're a non-student wanting to come, you'll have to phone me or something when you get there on tues so that I can let you in or get someone else to let you in ! (I know I'm not a student either...but I happen to have gotten an associate membership of the union for the year, knowing that I'd want to still be involved in Livesoc and use union facilities this year !)

Best dash now...need breakfast before going shopping for student lunch. My next post will be my 100th ! Not sure what I can do to mark the occasion, but I'll try think of something :-)

p.s. the song I posted in the last post, is one which I will be playing next tuesday and one of whom the lyrics are quite relevant for me at the moment.

Brave

"The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been

'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I'll just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything
So long, I'm gone

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
I wanna be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave"

-Nichole Nordeman

What a way to wake up !

I was woken up this morning by a strange golden light at my window and the sounds of what sounded like hail on my window ! I dragged myself out of bed, and sure enough, I could see hail stones running down my window. That in itself was amazing, but what was even more amazing was that out of the corner of my eye I saw an amazing rainbow, just settled over some of the houses ! I managed to capture it on camera (getting quite wet in the process) just before it disappeared and the sky became almost cloudless and bright blue; you'd never have known what had just happened; I would never have known if I hadn't just looked at that moment.



I've had an odd few weeks: first of all with a flu-like thing knocking me out quite substantially for a few weeks, then being lifted out of that, but then this week having such an extremely busy week that I get to the end of the week and feel I've had hardly a moment to catch my breath and just be. But in the midst of all that, God still manages to catch my attention in quite an amazing way, and stop me for a minute in the midst of all that. I have a very busy (but exciting) weekend, and am already quite tired, but I know that God is with me. And I will have to make a bit more time in my only slightly less busy week next week to be still and to rest.

Fireworks !!!

Yaaay !!! Fireworks are so pretty ! (I'm quite pleased with how my photos came out actually). Had a really good evening. A friend came round at 5.30, we had supper then walked up to the fireworks. I did actually meet several people I knew (even in that huge crowd!) I also managed to meet up with W3 pastorate people (the pastorate at Woodies which I've just started going to), and walked back with them, and sat with them while they all ate curry. Was very cool. I also always think it's so amazing, just that sheer number of people walking back down Whiteladies Road after the fireworks on the Downs. It must be one of the few events in the year where the whole of Bristol seems to come together. Amazing.

Anyway...what's all this rubbish about me spending less time on the internet :-P But I had actually better go get some sleep now, especially as I'm only just starting to recover from being a bit ill ! So goodnight for now, and I hope everyone else had good bonfire night saturday evenings too :-)

Driving and superheroes

(Btw, the two words in the title are not related in any way, I shall just be talking about both of them. Just to clear that one up !)

I never thought that I would say this, but I have just gotten back from my second driving lesson in Bristol, and I actually enjoyed it ! I actually am starting to like driving ! Today we did some clutch control exercises (which involved me overcoming my fear of moving backwards down hills), did some reversing in a 'quiet road', and started learning to do turns in the road (which I did two of, doing it in 3-points both times!) And although my legs ache a little now, and it was quite scary learning to do hillstarts, I did enjoy it. My instructor here is really cool. We seem to get on well, and he's really encouraging, which is what I need really ! So, with weekly lessons now happening, hopefully I'll keep progressing, and will at some point in the future get to test standard ! Tres exciting.

Now...the other topic in the header...this is a debate which was started this morning, due to a flatmate talking about a superhero fancy dress party he went to last night. He wasn't wearing a costume, but as he had a black coat on, someone suggested that he looked like Neo (you know, from the Matrix). Debate followed as to whether Neo counts as a 'superhero' or not. Google defines a hero as: "a man distinguished by exceptional courage and nobility and strength" whereas a superhero is: "A superhero is a fictional character who is noted for feats of courage and nobility and who usually has a colorful name and costume and abilities beyond those of normal human beings". i.e. a hero seems to be someone (often who is a real person), who is just a normal person, but who shows great courage etc...whereas a superhero has abilities beyond a normal human. But where is the line ? Is Neo just an ordinary person, who achieves great things, or does he have 'powers beyond a normal human' ? I guess part of the problem is that I've always thought of superheroes to wear funny coloured costumes and be able to fly (at which point, someone points out that Neo could fly in the 3rd film of the trilogy)...So, what does anyone else think ? Is Neo a 'superhero' ? :-)

p.s. It is very almost the year anniversary of the start of this blog, and almost the 100th post. If I am careful, I might be able to coincide the two ! Now that would be exciting. :-D Oh dear !

p.p.s. Anyone else going to the fireworks tonight on the downs, I hope you enjoy them, and who knows I may bump into people there !

Yaaay !!!

We have internet !!!!!!!! At last. (Though I really shouldn't speak too soon, having only just been connected it seems to be a little tempermental, as I had great difficulty getting to the page on blogger to let me post ! It also keeps dropping me from the network. Hmmm.) But it is a start. I probably won't be spending much more time on the net than I have been recently, due to no time, but it does mean I can keep on top of e-mails bettter and hopefully reply to people sooner (sorry to those of you who e-mailed me over a month ago but have not heard anything back. Replies will be on the way soon now). I will also not need to visit the internet cafe again - you know you've spent far too long somewhere when you start to recognise all the staff who work there, and they recognise you !!!

Although it has been stressful and difficult, for many reasons, I think the lack of internet has been good for me. Has made me realise just how dependent I am on it, and just how much people expect me to reply instantly to everything ! So, although I am back officially, I will try to cut back on the amount of 'non-essential' time I spent on the net.

In other news...I am STILL covered in glitter. We had amazing fun at IMPS (mums and toddlers at Henleaze) this morning with a bonfire night themed craft involving glitter for making firework pictures. Very, very, very messy, but great fun too :-) Only regret is that I didn't get to make a picture too :-) Am looking forward to 'bonfire night themed student lunch' this friday, and the downs fireworks on saturday !

And so...

I am conscious of the fact that it has been about 2 weeks since my last update ! (*shock horror!*) Now I also know that in reality 2 weeks isn't a very long time, but in the life of a year-teamer it feels like a very long time, in the sense that a lot happens in 2 weeks !

I am doing well. Highlights of the last week include: meeting up with Lois to chat about how year team stuff is going (tuesday), chatting with lots of freshers yesterday at student lunch, being asked to and then playing in the Devotion band yesterday, and certain 'in-jokes' involving lots of foam (see Rhys' blog). All in all, a good week. But you know the feeling when you get to the weekend and think 'well, what now ?'. When you get so caught up in planning a week, and making sure you know where you're meant to be when, that when it gets to the end of that time frame for which you have planned you feel a bit flat. That's not to say next week won't be great. I know I'll learn a lot more (seems to be a theme at the moment - though acting on stuff is more tricky), and I'll spend time with a few more friends who I haven't seen properly for a while, but I just need to try to make some space this weekend in the midst of all the running around I'm so good at doing just to reflect !

p.s. we're getting internet soon !!!!!!!!!! Goodbye internet cafe !

Whose fool are you ?

Take two of the really deep sainsburys trolleys, two year teamers (plus one other helper), one shopping list for student barbaques, 1 and 1/2 hours and what have you got...? It was highly entertaining doing the shopping for the last of the student welcome barbaques yesterday. We got some interesting looks and it felt rather amusing pushing so much stuff around sainsburys. To give you an idea...30 boxes of burgers, 8 packs of ham, 8 of chicken slices, one huge block of cheese, 100 doughnuts, 7 of those 24 multipack bags of crisps....and the list goes on. I've never bought so much food all at once ! It brought to mind the words of John Wimber when he said 'I'm a fool for Christ, whose fool are you ?' (I am sure that this year will bring plenty more opportunities to discover the meaning of that phrase !) The amusing amount of food we were buying did provide us with an amazing opportunity to explain to people what it was all this food was for and what we were doing. Am looking forward to student lunch shopping every week (although, hopefully those quantities won't be quite so high !)

Fresher's week went well overall I think, despite the rain towards the end of the week. Lots of students came to the barbaques; I enjoyed meeting new people as well as catching up with friends, in between running around like a mad thing or playing guitar. Was great fun playing some songs with Colse on thursday and friday as the 'live music'. Even more fun though was watching the Wrayster, Colse and Mr Dave Mitchell jamming some blues together at one point ! (I have photographic evidence to prove it). They sounded really, really good :-)

Here's hoping next week will be as good, but will somehow involve more sleeping and less running around (well, after my essay for tuesday gets somehow finished that is !)

p.s. to those who have written me e-mails and other things - thank you so much and I will reply at some point, when I have a little more time ! I'm not just ignoring you. (To say I have been busy this last week is a little bit of an understatement ! Good busy though.)

Update and new caption competition !

Hi everyone, yes I'm in the internet cafe again. Have had an interesting week. I really loved helping out with creches on wed and thurs this week at Henleaze over lunchtime - the kids are great, and as Rhys can testify I had great fun dressing up as a ladybird for them yesterday ! On wednesday though I hadn't previously been aware that it was possible to feel quite so exhausted ! (I imagine that it's going to be a common feeling this year). I was at Henleaze all morning (left the flat at 8.20am) got back about 2ish (?) and straight away we went to help with set up for the Alpha supper. I then got back to the flats at about 11.30ish pm, and the only break I had was about 45 mins at 5.30 to have a shower to try to de-greasify myself after having been stripping chickens a lot of the afternoon ! I slept well that night !!! Looking forward to fresher's week next week, having friends back for the start of term and also being able to welcome new students. Don't ask me how Steve managed to rope me into agreeing to play some songs as part of the 'live music' though !!!

Just before I go, may I point your attention towards a new caption competition by Rhys. I await the suggestions with interest !

Oh, and one more thing...I'm about to send out the first of my 'gap year' 'prayer newsletters'. I there is anyone reading this who doesn't receive it who would like to then let me know, praps in the comments section. Thanks.

No Matter What

At the moment you'll probably all be able to tell when I'm on the internet as I'll leave a small blog post ! I can't really sum up all that's been going on, so I won't try. But this song was played during 'response time' this past sunday morning in the Family Service at Woodies Central and it just really struck me. Although I haven't been able to tell anyone this (but I guess now the whole world knows due to my blog) I was really struggling on sunday morning. It was my first sunday on duty and I was absolutely terrified. Also, you know those times when you're surrounded by people, yet you still feel incredibly lonely ? Well, throughout the day and week and this song, God's just been reminding me of His amazing faithfulness; that how NO MATTER how I'm feeling, He's the same, consistent, reliable, trustworthy, so good and I can thank Him for so many things. I want to be a person who learns more to chose to praise Him at all times.

"When the sun is bright, when the sky is blue
When it's all alright, I will praise You
When life seems to go like I want it to
Things are as I'd hoped, I will praise You

Through the sun, through the rain
You never change
You are so worthy
I'll lift Your name
And no matter what I'm going through
I will praise You

When it's raining hard, when it's all gone wrong
I'll still sing this song, I will praise You
When I've been promised things that aren't happening
And I'm still waiting, I will praise You

I will, I will, I will praise You
I will, I will, I will praise You"
-Jodie Frye

Defining the word 'safe'

I started reading The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy again over the summer (mainly because when my brother started reading it and asking me things about it, I realised how little of it I actually remembered !) Such a random and hilarious book. I'd recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it yet. Some classic quotes, but I think some of my current favourite quotes from the first book have to be (which I thought I'd share):

(When Arthur and Ford have hitched a ride just as the Earth was about to be blown up.)
"If I asked you where the h*** we were," said Arthur weakly, "would I regret it ?"
Ford stood up. "We're safe," he said.
"Oh good," said Arthur.
"We're in a small galley cabin," said Ford, "in one of the spaceships of the Vogan Constructor Fleet."
"Ah," said Arthur, "this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of."


"Ford was holding up a small glass jar which quite clearly had a small yellow fish wriggling around in it. Arthur blinked at him. He wished there was something simple and recognisable he could grasp hold of. He would have felt safe if alongside the Dentrassi underwear, the piles of Sqornshellous mattresses and the man from Betelgeuse holding up a small yellow fish and offering to put it in his ear he had been able to see just a small packet of corn flakes. But he couldn't, and he didn't feel safe." :-D

I'm still alive !

I survived my first week and a bit as a year teamer :-) Am sitting in this internet cafe again (hopefully we'll get internet at some point !) and thought I'd therefore better post a quick post ! I'm fairly tired, and there are certain challenges already presenting themselves, but am enjoying things too. I do feel like I know the other year teamers a bit better now, especially after our retreat last week (- for some reason, chocolate brownies taste better when eaten off cocktail sticks, not sure why!) And I'm enjoying spending lots of time with them. The flats are getting a bit busier now, with more people moving in. I also start my placements this week, one of which is helping at Devotion (yaaay !) and we start the Mullers theology course tomorrow. So it's all going ok...just some more sleep is required at the moment, so this post is gonna be short (not sure whether it's that sweet) so I can go and get some food and then some sleep ! Longer more rambly posts will follow once I'm more awake :-)

p.s. anyone around in Bristol tomorrow evening, we're having a pirate party in the woodies student flats (to celebrate 'national talk-like-a-pirate day!) So feel free to drop by - 7.30 onwards, fancy dress optional but preferred !

A new chapter

So...having said I'd be off internet a while (!), I'm sitting here in this internet cafe (in some of my time off) having had my first morning of being an official 'Year Teamer' trying to get my head around all that has been happening in the last few days and how I can possibly sum it all up in a blog post! I think maybe the best way to sum it all up is by saying that God is so good !!! Before I got back to Bristol yesterday, to say I was a little scared was an understatement ! But getting back, God just helped everything to go so much more smoothly than I could ever have hoped for. Just little things - like the way I was offered a lift up from the station; the way my room has such an amazing view over a large amount of Bristol ( a view which I don't think I'll ever get over - I spent a good deal of time yesterday night just staring out of the window and watching the lights and stars awestruck); the way I was expecting to find it hard reintegrating into Bristol life but I just felt like I was coming home (my second home) from the minute I got here and throughout the Woodies evening service; the way the evening service yesterday touched on EXACTLY the same things which had been being prayer over me in our morning service back home; the way I keep bumping into people I know in the oddest of places; the way Lois and the other year teamers are so great...I could go on ! Since I made this decision another major worry has been whether I had done the right thing or not. But especially this morning at the staff meeting, I had a great encouragment that it was the right thing (if there is such a thing) and that God IS with me, and IS going to do amazing things this year. So, despite being currently fairly tired and overwhelmed a little, I'm really excited and don't know how I can contain it ! (Need to find a guitar to borrow methinks). Am looking forward to the many joys and the many challenges ahead of me.

This Year...

I know that I have just sent many of you who will be reading this a rambly mass e-mail, but for the sake of my blog let me repeat myself a little: Well everyone, I can now confirm that I will be in Bristol this year. In fact, I am moving back tomorrow. (Hence my current mad rush to finish sorting things out and the interesting-ness of trying to work out how I’m going to fit everything I need for 2-3 weeks – minimum- of self-catered living into the number of bags I can carry on a train without falling over. Those of you who know my tendency to always want to pack lots of stuff will realise how much of a challenge this is ! And I think I may be sleeping in a sleeping bag for a while !) Anyway…I’m rambling (again)…A few of you reading this will probably know, but some will be wondering how it is I have finally decided to spend this year: I am going to be part of the year team at Woodies this year !

Many of you who are likely to read this go to Woodies anyway and so will know (probably better than me) what this will entail, but for those who don’t…in short it’s a kind-of gap year programme (voluntary) where as part of a team you get to help out with loads of different things around the church, do some exciting church cleaning (Woo!), and we also get to attend a theology course which is run on Tuesday each week at Mullers. Developing one’s servant heart.

I am excited, but also very daunted too as it’s finally hitting me what I’ve gotten myself into and how soon I start. I know that I can’t do this year by myself and in my own strength, so continued prayer is still much appreciated, especially as I am settling back into Bristol and into a new routine of things next week.

I may be offline now for a fair time while I am settling in and until the internet gets sorted out in the Woodies Flats where I’ll be living (see Ruthie’s LJ). But those in Bristol I shall hope to catch up with some of you soon ! And hopefully I shall be able to write more thought-provoking (hopefully) posts soon, rather than just updates of what’s going on in the world of Ro ! (Interesting though they may be of course ! Umm…)

Sorry, the US and other things...

First of all, let me just say sorry to those of you who have been waiting for an account of my trip to the US (if there are any such people)...I hadn't forgotten, just have been rather preoccupied this week: what with trying to get over jetlag and swollen tonsils as well as trying to sort out next year (which is in a way moving rather fast but also proving fairly complex). Next year wise, I have made a decision of sorts, but don't feel able to say anything much here yet since there are still things to sort out. I will let you know in due course. But I can say that it is highly probable that I will be in Bristol for at next year at least.

Anyway...I should say that the US was amazing (although it feels rather a long time ago now, due to this being a rather long and very up-and-down week). We were there 3 weeks, 1 week in California, 1 week in Arizona and 1 week in Nevada (Las Vegas). All good weeks, but very different in their own ways. The US has some really amazing scenery, and seeing the Grand Canyon as well as all the other amazing formations in that area was truly amazing, and can't be described in words. The Grand Canyon is 270 miles around the rim, 10miles across and 1 mile down. Standing on the rim, you really begin to understand what the word breathtaking means ! Normally with these things, you'd say that it has to be seen to be believed, but in this case, I couldn't really take it in or believe it even when there ! Las Vegas feels a little like a giant theme park - down the main boulevard (The Strip) there are a large number of hotels/casinos, may of which have specific themes. You could spend longer than a week looking round them all ! Very bizarre driving down the road and seeing New York, complete with Statue of Liberty, then Paris complete with Eiffel Tower, Venice, a Roman Palace, a Circus, a Medieval Castle...! Sorry for being brief, but I couldn't even fully describe what we saw if I wrote a really mammoth post !

I'd better go for now. Won't be around (again) the next few weeks as I'm away (again). But I've very much appreciated reading other people's blogs, even if I haven't found the time to comment, so thank you. Good to hear all the news and know how people are doing. Those of you in Bristol, I will hopefully see you in September. In the meantime...any Christian friends of mine reading this, I would greatly appreciate prayer at the moment for everything I have to sort out for next year, in particular for help finding housing for next year, and also for God to be preparing me for September. Thanks :-)

Driving - Wooo !

Just come back from my second 2hr driving lesson ! Very tired, and a lot to try and remember, but I did a lot today ! I got up into third gear (=bout 30mph). Roundabouts, traffic lights, speed bumps, traffic queue, lots of turns, and I even got to drive us back to my house on the main roads ! Wow. It's not quite so scary once you're doing it - or rather it is, but in a different way from how I expected, cause you just get thrown into doing it, and don't have time to think and not want to drive, cause you have to ! Changing up gear isn't too bad either, I just still don't like going down again ! I also did stall several times at traffic lights, but still - not tooo bad. Everyone has to start learning at some point :-)

p.s. I haven't forgotten - proper description of holiday will come soon, just when I'm not so tired and have a little more time.

RE: It's official

"The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be"
-Switchfoot

As people may have guessed, I am now back in the UK for a little while (as of sunday middayish, but since then have been feeling very jetlagged and only now feel like doing anything really). Since being away, I have gotten into the band Switchfoot a lot - another band I now highly recommend for those of you who like music with a slightly more rocky edge (see my myspace profile page for a link to their myspace). I love their songs: amazing words and music ! The words above state how I feel every day - that there is so much I could be, but that that is so different from the reality of who I actually am, and that frustrates me so much (probably a good thing it does, but uncomfortable none the less). As I said in my other post, as I see more and more, I see more of my weaknesses. But I'm also learning that I'm not going to change them by myself (believe me, I've tried. Tho that doesn't mean I have nothing to do!) I'll only change, not by merely struggling to be a better person and to ignore things, but only by looking to Jesus and who He is, and allowing Him to transform me. I just have to keep looking at Him. (Far easier said than done though).

"Everyday, I see more of Your greatness.
Everyday, I know more of my weakness Lord.
And I can only hope that I'll be changed.
Even as I look upon Your face.

For the eyes of my heart are on You forever,
They're on You forever"
-Matt Redman

More shameless toilet humour

One more post, to leave you with before I really do go. Some of you may remember the first post with this title "Shameless Toilet Humour"on Jammin's blog. Well, this is a follow up...kinda...I saw this sign in the Ladies Toilet in a service station on the way to Bristol yesterday, and just had to take a picture. Unlike the pic on Jammin's blog, I really did take this one, and I think this campaign was deliberate, lol. Enjoy !!!

It's official !

Well, I am now officially a graduate from Bristol University ! Yesterday we went up to Bristol for the day for the ceremony etc. It felt a little surreal at times- I don't think it's yet sunk in (still) that I've finished. Plus, everything went so fast, in a bit blurr, and were so many people I wanted to say hi to...It was great to see course mates again (most of them had come), although for some reason it didn't feel like it had been nearly 2 months since I've seen most of them. I have some nice photos from the day, plus a swish DVD of the ceremony (since anything before I went up on the stage I didn't really take in anything, due to being so scared !)

The speech at the end made me think a lot, especially when he started talking about us taking a moment to look back at the people we were when we came to Bristol, and the people we are now. It's funny, cause in myself I don't feel like I've changed - coming back home I still have the same weaknesses and struggles that I did before, and although I'm maybe more aware of some of them now, I don't feel like I've gained much ground. But then, I think I probably have changed. When I think back over all the experiences I've had these 3 years and all the amazing people I've met, not to mention all the things I've done - many of which I wouldn't have even contemplated before uni, but was able to do with the support of good friends, I think that I probably have changed, even if I'm myself not aware of it.

Anyway...reflection over for the minute...I must now sign off blogger for a while, as I'm going away for a few weeks. I have a few things to sort out and the small matter of packing to think about before then, but I will be back, and will post an update then. Take care everyone. x

"A head for trouble"

Before I get into this blog post properly, can I just ask: does anyone like my new and updated myspace profile ?!! (I know the guys may not be a huge fan of the colour but it kinda matches my blog now, which is what I wanted.) Also, it now has a proper URl, to make finding it slightly easier.

Anyway...the real reason for this post, is to ask whether anyone else read the above titled article in last week's Sunday Times Magazine ? I read it, and was a bit confused by it, and if anyone else has read it I would appreciate comments/thoughts/opinions etc. It's one of those articles which when you read you know that there is probably some truth in but there also feels to be something not quite right either but you can't put your finger on it...or at least that's how I felt.

Do have a read (I hope the link works). Basically it's saying are we really responsible for our actions or is what we do already predetermined by the wiring of our brains ? To further expand, I have chosen a few select quotes from the article:

"The laws of most societies assume moral decisions are made in the conscious, rational mind. But an influential number of brain researchers disagree. They point to cases like that of Mr C to argue that it is not people, or minds, that commit bad acts, but their brains."

"Arguably, liars, thieves, murderers and paedophiles and Good Samaritans, are not bad or good - just 'different', their brains having disposed them to behaviour outside the moral norm."

The religious doctrines of original sin - meaning that we are prone to prefer wrong by nature - conscience and free will have been eroded by rationalism, science and secularism over the past two centuries, yet a powerful belief in responsibility for our actions remains".

"Philosophers, too, have long suggested that personal responsibility is an illusion"

"'Some of the seven deadly sins' claims Tancredi, 'have already been shown to be affected by biological factors in varying degrees, and in some cases, the individual may have little power or free will to prevent them from happening.'"

"'Your sense of personal identity and free will are in fact no more than the behaviour of a vast assembly of nerve cells and their associated molecules.'"

Now, I have no doubt in my mind that God can and does use the natural laws He created, and that it is possible (tho this may be a contreversial thing to say) that this brain wiring thing is correct, and that when we come to God and become "new creations" he changes something in our internal wiring? Maybe spiritual blindness is not merely a picture but also has a basis in physiology ? Perhaps this is merely the debate about science vs religeon in a new form, which people are only just beginning to think about, and that it is again an issue of their being no real conflict, but that this new neuroscience and what the Bible says are just saying respectively how and why. (These are only my current thoughts on the subject btw). But however, this is coming at this issue from the side of already believing in God. If, like many scientists, they are coming from the other side...I just think something's back to front here. Help me out here: What does anyone else think ?

Wort - trains to - hing

This past saturday I travelled down to Worthing, on the coast, to go to Oli's 21st birthday party. It was good to see him, to see where he lived, to meet some of his family, to catch up with a few Bristol people...A very good day overall. (We also went on a quick tour of Worthing as we arrived slightly early).

However, it is good that we did make it down there ! There was a point during our journey when this seemed like this may not occur ! I was travelling down from London by train with Graham. When the train first appeared on the departure board, we were a little confused, wondering how a train to Worthing could go via Hastings. It then transpired that the train was going to split after the first part of the journey, and what was actually happening was that the 4 front carriages were going to Hastings, and the rear 4 were going to Littlehampton (via Worthing). This was my first encounter with such a train (although Graham had been on one before down to Canterbury). We tried to get on an appropriate carriage but, as you do, we wondered if we were in the right bit. We passed through Clapham, East Croyden, Gatwick...last station which both parts were passing through. We were at this point envisioning the possibility of having to jump - James Bond style - between carriages that were splitting, having realised we were on the wrong side. Everyone in the train was as confused as we were, especially as both parts of the train insisted that they were going to Hastings...After several consultations, and several changes of carriage, we at last found a ticket inspector, who gruffly told us that we were fine, and in the right bit. We still weren't convinced until we did actually reach our destination in one piece (and between us we have many photos to prove it !) Having therefore had a most eventful journey, and being thankful to not have ended up in Hastings (nice as it is, but would have defeated the entire point of the trip), we were then free to find Worthing Beach for the detour before heading to Oli's house to enjoy his party. The trip back, in contrast, went very smoothly and I arrived home safely, a little tired but it was well worth it :-)

p.s. do you see what I did in the title? Hehe. (Credit goes to G-amer though - I could never be that creative, lol.)

"Too funny for words"

In the course of my attempts to clear and sort (which at the moment seem to end up me just moving things from one place to another with no real clearing out...) I have discovered several books which I have had for a while and not gotten round to reading. One of these, I began dipping into this afternoon and got a bit hooked. It's a great book called 'Too funny for words' and is basically a collection of newspaper misprints and similar which this guy has collected over the years. Some of the mistakes are very subtle, it took me a while to see several of them, but as he says in the introduction often unconscious humour is the most funny (like the unintentional "deforestation is bad, we should cut it down" in one of my school biology essays- *groan*). Anyway...this book, I was laughing so hard this afternoon, I shall just mention a few of the ones I found most funny as I skim back through the book: :-D

"THE DAFFODIL BAR - By a misprint this ball was stated to have been organised by the National Society of Cruelty to Animals. It should, of course, have been children not animals"
The Irish Independent

"Party who took green silk pyjamas from clothes line at no 240 West 120th Street please return and no embarrassing exposure will be made on my part"
Oklahoma City News

"Because there has been some misunderstanding as to which Mrs. Wood has been ill, we wish to tell readers of the bulletin that it is Mrs. Lucille Wood and not Mrs. Lucille Wood. There, that will clear that up!"
Church Bulletin

"It is not considered polite to tear bits off your beard and put them in your soup"
Etiquette Book

"Enclosed please find birth certificate of a child born to above member of our staff for purposes of tax adjustment"
Letter to Inland Revenue

"Cops can find 96.2% of anybody lost in New York City"
Mexico City Herald

"Mr and Mrs -- of Duke Hill are the parents of any infant daughter born Thursday"
Illinois Paper

"It is necessary for technical reasons that these warheads should be stored with the top at the bottom, and the bottom at the top. In order that there may be no doubt as to which is the top and which is the bottom for storage purposes, it will be seen that the bottom of each head has been plainly labelled with the word TOP"
Admiralty Instruction

"Germans are so small that there may be as many as one billion, seven hundred million of them in a drop of water."
Mobile Press

"Quiet, clean gentleman seeks comfortable room where he can cook himself on a spirit stove."
Munchner Neueste Nachrichten

"HYMN...No. 336
(Congregation standing)
SERMON, 'What are you standing for ?'
New York Church Bulletin

"Births, deaths and mirages"
National daily

"BLANK'S MACCARONI AND CHEESE
IN
TOMATO SAUCE
containing
TOMATO SAUCE, MACARONI and CHEESE"
label on Tin

"Two women were fined £5 or £14 for throwing stones at Mr John Burn's residence, and missing"
Western Morning News

"Dear Member,
Just a reminder that the fourth Friday noon of February is next Monday, February 28th."
Church Circular

"Time flies when..."

I guess it's been a while since my last 'proper' post. Although on paper when I try to think about what I've been doing the last week and a bit since being back it wouldn't look like I'd done a huge amount, it still feels like I've been busy (a great talent of mine I think !) I have managed to catch up on sleep a little, and had such a good time this past weekend - went to Wimbledon for the day on saturday to watch some tennis with two of my housemates from this year. They then stayed over with me on the sat night and came to church with me on sun morning before heading back. Was really good to see them! Funny how it takes til the end of uni for me to feel like uni and home life are more integrated. I always before felt like I lived in two completely separate worlds (a common feeling I think among students, but nevertheless a very odd one) and have felt torn in two for the best part of 3 years. Now tho, I think because i know I will have to make an effort to see people and will be seeing a fair few uni people this summer, it almost feels like 1 life I'm living again. Doesn't solve the problems of next year (I won't even go there) but it certainly helps in other ways.

It's been so hot in the last few days that I haven't felt like doing much since the weekend, apart from watching tennis or being outside. But tonight I'm going back to my old school for the summer concert (I've been back to many of the concerts since I've left - still a very odd feeling, being able to sit in the audience !) and am meeting up with a few good friends beforehand for a meal. Am looking forward to it. :-)

Home safely

I'm now back at home again as of a couple of hours ago. The packing did get done in the end, though it was a bit tight ! I'm now knackered though - consequence of many recent very late nights/early mornings (depending on which way you look at it) and all the packing/unpacking. I need some sleep this week ! Worth it though. Have definitely had a week to remember :-)

And then there were 3...

So two of my housemates have now left. Just three of us left, and after tomorrow there will be just two of us. (I am now discovering what belonged to whom since things are slowly disappearing e.g. plates and the toaster from the kitchen !) We are now also off internet, tv and phone as of earlier this afternoon (this is me sitting in the student union for a few mins) and my packing is not going particularly well - I have thus far taken a few things off my wall, generated an alarming amount of rubbish, and filled a box file with stuff from this year ! Oh well, I have til sunday (eek!) Need to try to get back to it for a bit before the grad ball this evening...

The end of an era

Well...my student card runs out today. 23/06/2006. It does mark the end of an era. I found out on wednesday that I had gotten a 2i. I should be pleased, but I think I have not had the time to reflect recently really, so I think it will probably sink in more next week. I'm also sorry if this blog is the first time you've heard how I did - that's just because I have not had the time since wed to let many people know (housemates and family, plus a few other people I have seen in the last few days).

I have had a good couple of weeks, busy (and with lots of very late nights) but with good things. LiveSoc, in case you'd been wondering, went well I think - I was terrified in the soundcheck, but with the help of the calming presence of a few good friends, the actual performance I just really enjoyed and I think sounded ok (from the feedback I've had anyway). If you want to see a pic of me performing you can go to my myspace page (which I have recently updated a little). However, now from today onwards I need to start focusing on packing - I'm going home on sunday and haven't started yet ! I have had a bit of a lump in my throat so to speak for the last few days in particular. I know that, as one particular friend keeps reassuring me, I will see friends again even if I don't come back to Bristol next year (not sure yet - don't ask !) But there are people who won't be here, and of course it will be different whatever happens. It's hard to even say goodbye for the summer, let alone goodbye and I may not see you for a long time. But anyway, I should stop rambling before I get overwhelmed again and I should go start packing. I will do my best to keep in touch with people over the summer and beyond. I will also post occasionally on here too, although it may be sparce as I am away a fair bit over the summer. And I will leave you with the words of another Ginny Owens song which has been stuck in my head for the last few days. (I don't yet share all the sentiments, and some maybe don't quite apply to me, but the main principles do.)

"I've been grazing in the lush green pastures,
Watching time pass me by,
And I've been wading in the shallow waters,
Where everything is all right -
But today I know that something's different,
Something's disturbing my peace,
Oh, I can feel the changes in the distance,
And I hear them calling to me-

The day is here, the time has come
To sing a new song,
It's very clear I must move on,
And sing a new song,
It will define who I become,
This new song,
So show me how to sing along,
To this new song

I've been looking in the strangest places,
To find the source of my strength,
And even though the outcome never changes
Still I search endlessly
But no more wandering round in circles,
It's time that I cross the sea,
Now I'm trading in my cozy corner
For the bigger mystery

[Chorus]

Going there means leaving here,
Saying yes, means saying no,
Moving on means letting go of what is sure - for more."
-New Song by Ginny Owens

Update and plug

I've been busy the last few days. First there was the excitment of watching Casualty filming last week, then I jammed with a friend in the Union for 3 hours on friday morning (we lost track of time a little ! I was playing bass, so my shoulders and fingers didn't let me forget it in a hurry, but it was well worth it !) Then met up with another friend for coffee. Rushed to pack and went to Dartmoor for the weekend with the Christian Union. We had an amazing weekend. I learnt lots, had lots of fun, met some new people, took too many photos, played more bass...we did have a slightly interesting time on the way when as soon as we started encountering big hills in Dartmoor, the coach started struggling, and eventually broke down due to the radiator busting ! So we had to start walking to the place. It was a 'half hour' walk - it actually would have taken much longer than that had we had to walk the whole way, but in the end we just walked about 40minutes and then got picked up by the car shuttle that they'd started to run between the house and us. Was good though, because we wouldn't have appreciated the beauty of the countryside as much otherwise, and it was a good bonding exercise !

We did get back safely on sunday evening in the end (after a slight panic that the coach had broken down again!) And I went to church on sunday evening. This evening went to the CU clifton BBQ, which was really fun, but I'm quite tired now (a bit of barn dancing during the evening!)

Am looking forward to all the things which are coming up in the next few weeks, going round to friends house, Wills ball, graduation ball, more BBQs and picnics...but at the same time, it is all tinged with a bit of sadness, that this is the last time for a while if not forever that I'll see some people. Even if I do eventually decide to stay in Bristol next year, things still won't be the same. I would no longer be a student-e.g. I couldn't be involved in Union Societies or with Student Pastorate...plus some of my good friends are moving on. I think it was brought home to me more after the CU houseparty, which was my last one (after having been on every one since being at uni. I.e. that was number 6!) and when a friend who was going on holiday the next day had to say goodbye. I got a little overwhelmed in Church that evening. I know that I will keep in contact with people, but it won't be the same. But then, I do trust God, that whatever He's got in store for me in the future it will be good.

That wasn't really what I was originally intending to blog on...but that's I guess what happens when I don't plan and just write and am tired (rambling I guess).

Anyway...the plug bit: If anyone in Bristol is free TOMORROW (wednesday) evening and fancies a bit of LIVE MUSIC, then come down to the Bristol Student Union. LiveSoc is holding their last event of the term and year. It should be good - 5 bands and I'm opening the night with a short acoustic set. STARTS AT 8 PROMPT. AR2 (aka Mandella Bar) Be great to see anyone there who's able to come !

P.s. I highly recommend the band Starfield. I just got their first album last week and love it ! It's exactly the kind of music I love - can't believe it's taken me so long to get their music (it wasn't a spontaneous purchase, like many are, but I'd been wanting this for a good long while). As you can see, the current quote is from one of their songs - it's one which really struck me. And if you want to check out their music more, I currently have one of their songs on my MySpace profile, and from there you can also access their myspace which has some more of their music on !

Right...time for lost (the TV programme, I'm not actually intending to get lost, don't worry) and then bed. Early rise required tomorrow. Maybe see some of you tomorrow ?

Casualty !

They're filming part of the TV drama Casualty using the old building which our house backs onto today and tomorrow ! It's quite exciting ! Not that I watch Casualty, or ever have, but just seeing all the setting up, and now seeing all the crew gathering outside right now...Most of the filming will probably be inside too, but it's still exciting. I can observe the movement from my bedroom window ! I still think it odd that I've now been in Bristol for 3 years (!!!) and not seen anything like this before, even though Bristol is such a big TV centre - with BBC Bristol just up the road and the BBC NHU (Natural History Unit) being based in Bristol...well, I guess today's my chance to observe something of the kind, inbetween going out for various things.

In other news: I stayed out rather late last night (as rooters may have observed from the board) and so am rather tired this morning, but I think it was worth it, I had a good/interesting night ! (I keep discovering so many things just as I'm about to stop being a student ! I'd never been to the Tantric Jazz Cafe before, but it's a really nice place, easy to find, a great atmosphere. It got quite busy in the end last night by the time Rollo, Jon and Charlie played their second set. I recommend it).

Bristol Festival of Nature

I've had an interesting day today. I was down at the Bristol Festival of Nature all day. It was really amazing - this time around, all the stalls and everything were outside and filled millenium square ! It was gorgeous weather, walking around in the sun all day did make me quite hot though (lucky I had my hat, sunglasses and some water!) There were so many things to see and do. I met a lot of nice people at the various things I went to, and I bought some very nice tomatos and chocolate brownies from the real food market. I also went to several different talks - one by Adam Hart-Davis (amazing speaker!), one which was a preview of something coming on tele in August showing the story of how Philippa Forrester and her husband found an abandoned otter and hand reared it so it could go back to the wild, another talk about the use of music in natural history films (amazing).

But the thing which I think struck me most was the Weeeman (see picture below). This is a sculpture which is comprised of 3.3 tonnes of electrical waste (e.g. toasters, irons, computers...) - the amount of this kind of waste that ONE PERSON will send to landfill sites during their life. It has quite an impact when you see it. There is currently a new piece of EU legislation, the 'waste electrical and electronic equipment' directive, aka the WEEE directive which will force manufacturers to become responsible for what happens to their products at the end of their lives, thereby hoping to reduce the amount of this weee which is sent to landfill. It was interesting going to another talk, or more like an interview actually, with Paul Bonomini, the guy who designed the sculpture. He told us that despite our government saying that the environment is top of the agenda, actually it is only the UK and Malta who are currently (out of Europe) not implimenting this WEEE directive. (Here I get onto ground I must tread carefully on, as nothing is as black and white as it may appear of course, but a lot of the reason for this is apparently industry fighting hard against it). The sculpture was mainly designed to make people think, and to cause a stir/increase awareness; also to make this issue accessible to people. He has quite a privilidged position of being a designer who is in contact with industry, and there is the opportunity to use art to make these kinds of messages heard. He told us that industry is actually making progress along the route of recycling more etc, but that there is still a very long way to go, and that more pressure from the public is needed. And of course, although industry does have a big responsibility, as he said, we do all need to take individual responsibility too.

I also liked what was said about how Martin Luther King didn't stand up and say 'I have a nightmare'. That so much about the environment at the moment is negative. But what we need to be doing is to be giving people a vision which they can work towards, and be positive towards the environment !

Anyway, enough of me ranting...especially cause I'm not really doing the day justice. But do go and have a look at the website of Weeeman, as it'll have a much better explanation than I just tried to give, and if you get a chance to go down to the harbourside, do go and have a look at the sculpture as it'll be there til 19th June.

Various plugs

Two things to plug (thought they’d just get lost if I put them in that mammoth last post!):

1)The Love Bristol Festival
Do have a look at the blog that's just been set up. It will have lots of updates, prayer requests, competitions, freebies and a place to interact. And as Jammin said on his blog, those of you who live in Bristol (and aren’t going to be away during that week, *cough*) do think about whether you could help out, either during the week with the practical stuff, or just by committing to pray for the events. It’s such an amazing opportunity this summer.

2) Bristol Festival of Nature
Ok, Second plug: this coming weekend is the Bristol Festival of Nature. This means that there will be lots going on in the area of The Watershed/Docks/Wildwalk…There are talks, walks, boat trips, workshops, a ‘real food’ market...I went along to a couple of events at the last weekend they ran, and it was not only really fun, but I learnt a lot too. So, if anyone (in Bristol) has a spare hour or so, do come down and join in. Even if none of the talks grab you, or you don’t have time to go to any of the proper events, just wandering around the area and seeing all that is going on is good fun (plus the food market is always good!) So check out the programme of events. Some of the climate change and sustainability talks look particularly interesting this time round.