"Too funny for words"

In the course of my attempts to clear and sort (which at the moment seem to end up me just moving things from one place to another with no real clearing out...) I have discovered several books which I have had for a while and not gotten round to reading. One of these, I began dipping into this afternoon and got a bit hooked. It's a great book called 'Too funny for words' and is basically a collection of newspaper misprints and similar which this guy has collected over the years. Some of the mistakes are very subtle, it took me a while to see several of them, but as he says in the introduction often unconscious humour is the most funny (like the unintentional "deforestation is bad, we should cut it down" in one of my school biology essays- *groan*). Anyway...this book, I was laughing so hard this afternoon, I shall just mention a few of the ones I found most funny as I skim back through the book: :-D

"THE DAFFODIL BAR - By a misprint this ball was stated to have been organised by the National Society of Cruelty to Animals. It should, of course, have been children not animals"
The Irish Independent

"Party who took green silk pyjamas from clothes line at no 240 West 120th Street please return and no embarrassing exposure will be made on my part"
Oklahoma City News

"Because there has been some misunderstanding as to which Mrs. Wood has been ill, we wish to tell readers of the bulletin that it is Mrs. Lucille Wood and not Mrs. Lucille Wood. There, that will clear that up!"
Church Bulletin

"It is not considered polite to tear bits off your beard and put them in your soup"
Etiquette Book

"Enclosed please find birth certificate of a child born to above member of our staff for purposes of tax adjustment"
Letter to Inland Revenue

"Cops can find 96.2% of anybody lost in New York City"
Mexico City Herald

"Mr and Mrs -- of Duke Hill are the parents of any infant daughter born Thursday"
Illinois Paper

"It is necessary for technical reasons that these warheads should be stored with the top at the bottom, and the bottom at the top. In order that there may be no doubt as to which is the top and which is the bottom for storage purposes, it will be seen that the bottom of each head has been plainly labelled with the word TOP"
Admiralty Instruction

"Germans are so small that there may be as many as one billion, seven hundred million of them in a drop of water."
Mobile Press

"Quiet, clean gentleman seeks comfortable room where he can cook himself on a spirit stove."
Munchner Neueste Nachrichten

"HYMN...No. 336
(Congregation standing)
SERMON, 'What are you standing for ?'
New York Church Bulletin

"Births, deaths and mirages"
National daily

"BLANK'S MACCARONI AND CHEESE
IN
TOMATO SAUCE
containing
TOMATO SAUCE, MACARONI and CHEESE"
label on Tin

"Two women were fined £5 or £14 for throwing stones at Mr John Burn's residence, and missing"
Western Morning News

"Dear Member,
Just a reminder that the fourth Friday noon of February is next Monday, February 28th."
Church Circular

"Time flies when..."

I guess it's been a while since my last 'proper' post. Although on paper when I try to think about what I've been doing the last week and a bit since being back it wouldn't look like I'd done a huge amount, it still feels like I've been busy (a great talent of mine I think !) I have managed to catch up on sleep a little, and had such a good time this past weekend - went to Wimbledon for the day on saturday to watch some tennis with two of my housemates from this year. They then stayed over with me on the sat night and came to church with me on sun morning before heading back. Was really good to see them! Funny how it takes til the end of uni for me to feel like uni and home life are more integrated. I always before felt like I lived in two completely separate worlds (a common feeling I think among students, but nevertheless a very odd one) and have felt torn in two for the best part of 3 years. Now tho, I think because i know I will have to make an effort to see people and will be seeing a fair few uni people this summer, it almost feels like 1 life I'm living again. Doesn't solve the problems of next year (I won't even go there) but it certainly helps in other ways.

It's been so hot in the last few days that I haven't felt like doing much since the weekend, apart from watching tennis or being outside. But tonight I'm going back to my old school for the summer concert (I've been back to many of the concerts since I've left - still a very odd feeling, being able to sit in the audience !) and am meeting up with a few good friends beforehand for a meal. Am looking forward to it. :-)

Home safely

I'm now back at home again as of a couple of hours ago. The packing did get done in the end, though it was a bit tight ! I'm now knackered though - consequence of many recent very late nights/early mornings (depending on which way you look at it) and all the packing/unpacking. I need some sleep this week ! Worth it though. Have definitely had a week to remember :-)

And then there were 3...

So two of my housemates have now left. Just three of us left, and after tomorrow there will be just two of us. (I am now discovering what belonged to whom since things are slowly disappearing e.g. plates and the toaster from the kitchen !) We are now also off internet, tv and phone as of earlier this afternoon (this is me sitting in the student union for a few mins) and my packing is not going particularly well - I have thus far taken a few things off my wall, generated an alarming amount of rubbish, and filled a box file with stuff from this year ! Oh well, I have til sunday (eek!) Need to try to get back to it for a bit before the grad ball this evening...

The end of an era

Well...my student card runs out today. 23/06/2006. It does mark the end of an era. I found out on wednesday that I had gotten a 2i. I should be pleased, but I think I have not had the time to reflect recently really, so I think it will probably sink in more next week. I'm also sorry if this blog is the first time you've heard how I did - that's just because I have not had the time since wed to let many people know (housemates and family, plus a few other people I have seen in the last few days).

I have had a good couple of weeks, busy (and with lots of very late nights) but with good things. LiveSoc, in case you'd been wondering, went well I think - I was terrified in the soundcheck, but with the help of the calming presence of a few good friends, the actual performance I just really enjoyed and I think sounded ok (from the feedback I've had anyway). If you want to see a pic of me performing you can go to my myspace page (which I have recently updated a little). However, now from today onwards I need to start focusing on packing - I'm going home on sunday and haven't started yet ! I have had a bit of a lump in my throat so to speak for the last few days in particular. I know that, as one particular friend keeps reassuring me, I will see friends again even if I don't come back to Bristol next year (not sure yet - don't ask !) But there are people who won't be here, and of course it will be different whatever happens. It's hard to even say goodbye for the summer, let alone goodbye and I may not see you for a long time. But anyway, I should stop rambling before I get overwhelmed again and I should go start packing. I will do my best to keep in touch with people over the summer and beyond. I will also post occasionally on here too, although it may be sparce as I am away a fair bit over the summer. And I will leave you with the words of another Ginny Owens song which has been stuck in my head for the last few days. (I don't yet share all the sentiments, and some maybe don't quite apply to me, but the main principles do.)

"I've been grazing in the lush green pastures,
Watching time pass me by,
And I've been wading in the shallow waters,
Where everything is all right -
But today I know that something's different,
Something's disturbing my peace,
Oh, I can feel the changes in the distance,
And I hear them calling to me-

The day is here, the time has come
To sing a new song,
It's very clear I must move on,
And sing a new song,
It will define who I become,
This new song,
So show me how to sing along,
To this new song

I've been looking in the strangest places,
To find the source of my strength,
And even though the outcome never changes
Still I search endlessly
But no more wandering round in circles,
It's time that I cross the sea,
Now I'm trading in my cozy corner
For the bigger mystery

[Chorus]

Going there means leaving here,
Saying yes, means saying no,
Moving on means letting go of what is sure - for more."
-New Song by Ginny Owens

Update and plug

I've been busy the last few days. First there was the excitment of watching Casualty filming last week, then I jammed with a friend in the Union for 3 hours on friday morning (we lost track of time a little ! I was playing bass, so my shoulders and fingers didn't let me forget it in a hurry, but it was well worth it !) Then met up with another friend for coffee. Rushed to pack and went to Dartmoor for the weekend with the Christian Union. We had an amazing weekend. I learnt lots, had lots of fun, met some new people, took too many photos, played more bass...we did have a slightly interesting time on the way when as soon as we started encountering big hills in Dartmoor, the coach started struggling, and eventually broke down due to the radiator busting ! So we had to start walking to the place. It was a 'half hour' walk - it actually would have taken much longer than that had we had to walk the whole way, but in the end we just walked about 40minutes and then got picked up by the car shuttle that they'd started to run between the house and us. Was good though, because we wouldn't have appreciated the beauty of the countryside as much otherwise, and it was a good bonding exercise !

We did get back safely on sunday evening in the end (after a slight panic that the coach had broken down again!) And I went to church on sunday evening. This evening went to the CU clifton BBQ, which was really fun, but I'm quite tired now (a bit of barn dancing during the evening!)

Am looking forward to all the things which are coming up in the next few weeks, going round to friends house, Wills ball, graduation ball, more BBQs and picnics...but at the same time, it is all tinged with a bit of sadness, that this is the last time for a while if not forever that I'll see some people. Even if I do eventually decide to stay in Bristol next year, things still won't be the same. I would no longer be a student-e.g. I couldn't be involved in Union Societies or with Student Pastorate...plus some of my good friends are moving on. I think it was brought home to me more after the CU houseparty, which was my last one (after having been on every one since being at uni. I.e. that was number 6!) and when a friend who was going on holiday the next day had to say goodbye. I got a little overwhelmed in Church that evening. I know that I will keep in contact with people, but it won't be the same. But then, I do trust God, that whatever He's got in store for me in the future it will be good.

That wasn't really what I was originally intending to blog on...but that's I guess what happens when I don't plan and just write and am tired (rambling I guess).

Anyway...the plug bit: If anyone in Bristol is free TOMORROW (wednesday) evening and fancies a bit of LIVE MUSIC, then come down to the Bristol Student Union. LiveSoc is holding their last event of the term and year. It should be good - 5 bands and I'm opening the night with a short acoustic set. STARTS AT 8 PROMPT. AR2 (aka Mandella Bar) Be great to see anyone there who's able to come !

P.s. I highly recommend the band Starfield. I just got their first album last week and love it ! It's exactly the kind of music I love - can't believe it's taken me so long to get their music (it wasn't a spontaneous purchase, like many are, but I'd been wanting this for a good long while). As you can see, the current quote is from one of their songs - it's one which really struck me. And if you want to check out their music more, I currently have one of their songs on my MySpace profile, and from there you can also access their myspace which has some more of their music on !

Right...time for lost (the TV programme, I'm not actually intending to get lost, don't worry) and then bed. Early rise required tomorrow. Maybe see some of you tomorrow ?

Casualty !

They're filming part of the TV drama Casualty using the old building which our house backs onto today and tomorrow ! It's quite exciting ! Not that I watch Casualty, or ever have, but just seeing all the setting up, and now seeing all the crew gathering outside right now...Most of the filming will probably be inside too, but it's still exciting. I can observe the movement from my bedroom window ! I still think it odd that I've now been in Bristol for 3 years (!!!) and not seen anything like this before, even though Bristol is such a big TV centre - with BBC Bristol just up the road and the BBC NHU (Natural History Unit) being based in Bristol...well, I guess today's my chance to observe something of the kind, inbetween going out for various things.

In other news: I stayed out rather late last night (as rooters may have observed from the board) and so am rather tired this morning, but I think it was worth it, I had a good/interesting night ! (I keep discovering so many things just as I'm about to stop being a student ! I'd never been to the Tantric Jazz Cafe before, but it's a really nice place, easy to find, a great atmosphere. It got quite busy in the end last night by the time Rollo, Jon and Charlie played their second set. I recommend it).

Bristol Festival of Nature

I've had an interesting day today. I was down at the Bristol Festival of Nature all day. It was really amazing - this time around, all the stalls and everything were outside and filled millenium square ! It was gorgeous weather, walking around in the sun all day did make me quite hot though (lucky I had my hat, sunglasses and some water!) There were so many things to see and do. I met a lot of nice people at the various things I went to, and I bought some very nice tomatos and chocolate brownies from the real food market. I also went to several different talks - one by Adam Hart-Davis (amazing speaker!), one which was a preview of something coming on tele in August showing the story of how Philippa Forrester and her husband found an abandoned otter and hand reared it so it could go back to the wild, another talk about the use of music in natural history films (amazing).

But the thing which I think struck me most was the Weeeman (see picture below). This is a sculpture which is comprised of 3.3 tonnes of electrical waste (e.g. toasters, irons, computers...) - the amount of this kind of waste that ONE PERSON will send to landfill sites during their life. It has quite an impact when you see it. There is currently a new piece of EU legislation, the 'waste electrical and electronic equipment' directive, aka the WEEE directive which will force manufacturers to become responsible for what happens to their products at the end of their lives, thereby hoping to reduce the amount of this weee which is sent to landfill. It was interesting going to another talk, or more like an interview actually, with Paul Bonomini, the guy who designed the sculpture. He told us that despite our government saying that the environment is top of the agenda, actually it is only the UK and Malta who are currently (out of Europe) not implimenting this WEEE directive. (Here I get onto ground I must tread carefully on, as nothing is as black and white as it may appear of course, but a lot of the reason for this is apparently industry fighting hard against it). The sculpture was mainly designed to make people think, and to cause a stir/increase awareness; also to make this issue accessible to people. He has quite a privilidged position of being a designer who is in contact with industry, and there is the opportunity to use art to make these kinds of messages heard. He told us that industry is actually making progress along the route of recycling more etc, but that there is still a very long way to go, and that more pressure from the public is needed. And of course, although industry does have a big responsibility, as he said, we do all need to take individual responsibility too.

I also liked what was said about how Martin Luther King didn't stand up and say 'I have a nightmare'. That so much about the environment at the moment is negative. But what we need to be doing is to be giving people a vision which they can work towards, and be positive towards the environment !

Anyway, enough of me ranting...especially cause I'm not really doing the day justice. But do go and have a look at the website of Weeeman, as it'll have a much better explanation than I just tried to give, and if you get a chance to go down to the harbourside, do go and have a look at the sculpture as it'll be there til 19th June.

Various plugs

Two things to plug (thought they’d just get lost if I put them in that mammoth last post!):

1)The Love Bristol Festival
Do have a look at the blog that's just been set up. It will have lots of updates, prayer requests, competitions, freebies and a place to interact. And as Jammin said on his blog, those of you who live in Bristol (and aren’t going to be away during that week, *cough*) do think about whether you could help out, either during the week with the practical stuff, or just by committing to pray for the events. It’s such an amazing opportunity this summer.

2) Bristol Festival of Nature
Ok, Second plug: this coming weekend is the Bristol Festival of Nature. This means that there will be lots going on in the area of The Watershed/Docks/Wildwalk…There are talks, walks, boat trips, workshops, a ‘real food’ market...I went along to a couple of events at the last weekend they ran, and it was not only really fun, but I learnt a lot too. So, if anyone (in Bristol) has a spare hour or so, do come down and join in. Even if none of the talks grab you, or you don’t have time to go to any of the proper events, just wandering around the area and seeing all that is going on is good fun (plus the food market is always good!) So check out the programme of events. Some of the climate change and sustainability talks look particularly interesting this time round.

Back again again

Well, where to start ! (This is the problem with such a ‘long’ time from blogging). I got back to Bristol on Wednesday afternoon after having spent several days in St Andrews and then a bit of a longer weekend than originally planned at home.

I guess I should start from where I left off last. My last exam was okish – the questions were nice, or so I thought at least, but being so exhausted after those few intense weeks I think my essay structure suffered a little despite the niceness of the qus. But it was done anyway. The biochemists then had a good time going to the pub and then for a meal together (tho I decided not to then go with them to the club as I was so tired). My mood was a bit odd that night. I guess it was mainly just the complete exhaustion. People kept saying that I should be excited to be finished, but to be honest, that night I just felt so tired and like collapsing in a small heap and crying my heart out !

I felt a bit better the next day. It was all a bit manic though – packing and then meeting some biochemist friends for smoothies (I recommend Shaken Stephens on Park Street to anyone who hasn’t been) and then lunch. I then dashed to get a bus to the airport. What then happened was amazing: I was really nervous about travelling to St Andrews by myself, mainly because I’d never flown by myself before (and I don’t like airports even when I am with other people). But, I happened to meet a fellow Biochemist in the Bristol departure lounge, and discovered that she was flying to Edinburgh too, so we were able to travel together to Edinburgh airport and then to the station. I then had to work out how to get the train to Leuchars (which I got about 2 mins after having come into the station) and then happened to sit next to someone who was travelling to St Andrews too, so was able to guide me etc. Amazing. I didn’t have time to feel scared, or even to do any of the things which I’d brought with me to do on the journey !

I loved being in St Andrews ! It’s all so beautiful up there, I kept wanting to take photos of everything (so I now have a large number to sort through!) It was the first time I’d been to see Charly, although she’s visited me in Bristol twice now. It was great to see where she’s been living, to meet some of her friends, to get a tour of the town…we had much fun together (although not much sleep). It was especially fun flying a kite (which we named Dougal) and playing Frisbee (Frank) on the beach and proceeding to get sunburnt ! (We had beautiful weather, but cause it’s so windy by the coast there, you don’t realise quite how hot it is !) It was also amazing just how many other people I ‘bumped into’ that I knew, but had forgotten were also in St Andrews. Was good to get up to date with all their news !

So I was in beautiful Scotland until Friday afternoon, when I then flew to Heathrow (after a slight delay in the airport) and spent a few days at home. The Saturday was my Uncle’s wedding, the Sunday we all went out for my G’pa’s birthday. The Tuesday I went to see X-Men III with my brother – a very good film, I recommend it, but I thought it was quite sad though. Then back to Bristol on Wednesday, just in time to go to a friend’s house and then to the theatre for her birthday !

I now just feel, after all this excitement, that I want a few days of doing not much ! Yesterday I was attempting to work through my list of ‘things I need to do but will put off until after exams’ – just admin type stuff, alongside a few other things, like cooking/cleaning/playing guitar and singing (I meant to practise for only ½ an hour, but ended up staying in the union practise room for an hour and ½ !!!) Today will probably be more of the same, with CU this evening – it will be nice to go, as I haven’t been able to go for a very long time !
So…there you have it. Whether you wanted to know or not, there is a brief summary of what I’ve been up to for the last week and a bit ! Is a very strange feeling not needed to revise (I still keep feeling like I should be doing some). But it is nice that now I’m finished, I can try to do lots of things to help those who haven’t yet. I’m looking forward to all the exciting things coming up, but not so much to thinking seriously about next year…but I need some time to rest first…maybe next week ?!!

The end in sight...

Well, 5 down and one left to go tomorrow afternoon. It will be a relief when they are over, as I don't think I could carry on like this for very much longer (at the end of my own strength reserves as it is). However, when they are over, it begs the question - what now ? That is the question that I have tried to put off so much this year, but is at last going to rear it's head properly again. I struggled to work at first yesterday, since this thought caused something near panic to arise. But I did manage eventually to get it under control so that I could work (-no point in getting myself worked up, until after exams anyway, lol). Also, a walk helped - Recently I have been so concerned with staying in and not letting myself get persuaded to go out, that I think I may have gone too far in fact. I'd forgotten that I'm a person who just isn't really meant to be kept indoors.* I intended to walk to a park in clifton and revise outside for a while, but ended up just sitting there and lapping up the bird song, the sounds of everything around me, watching people go past...I'd forgotten just how much I need that to be refreshed.

Anyway...must stop rambling and get back to work. Before I do, can I just apologise to all readers for the fact that this blog has become so serious in times past. I think that probably just reflects my current moods. Also, I do intend to blog on the reason why I blog at some point, but for now can I just say that the point for these posts is in no way to gloat that I finish earlier than other people: I can't change the fact that the biochemists decided to cram everything as tightly as possible into a few shorts weeks so that we finish so much earlier than everyone else. But what I can do is try to put the time I do have to good use. I will continue to think of all those who do still have exams and revision (I know what it's like!) I will actually be away from blogging for a short while now, as the day after my last exam I am going away for a few days -to visit a good friend in St Andrews and then a long weekend at home. But I shall return, and hopefully it will be with good news of how my last exam went well ! Take care everyone.

*Although, having said that...looking out of my window at the currently heavily downpouring rain, I rather think I prefer to stay indoors just at the minute !

"My strength and my song"

Well, I didn't know that finals were going to be quite so hard. I'm now well into my week of hardcore revising and exams. Yesterday, I was re-going over everything for the exam I had this morning. But in the early evening, when I still had a bit to go through, I started feeling really rough. Because of that, in spite of wanting lots of sleep before exam, was unable to get to sleep - I think I finally managed to drop off just after midnight. Thought it might be better in the morning. But then was a bit worried this morning - although slightly better than last night, was exhausted from lack of sleep, still had a massive headache etc. and couldn't really concentrate on what I still had to go through. Was wondering how I was ever going to concentrate for 3 hours in an exam ! So I did the only thing I could do - pray. (And asked a couple of friends to pray too - though I only had limited time to send texts). Trying to focus on God rather than my throbbing head (which isn't an easy task).

The exam was 9.30-12.30 this morning. I got in there, and although the questions were horrible, managed to write some reasonable answers I think. I did manage to focus, my headache seemed to lift a bit, and I actually enjoyed answering to be honest ! The qus, although on specific units, needed info from the whole course, which was fun to try to pull together !

Seeing as I like baffling people with biochemistry, just so you get the idea, here are the exam questions I answered this morning:
1) Explain why mutations and loss of heterzygosity of the PTEN tumour suppressor gene are so prevalent in human cancers.

2) Using examples, describe at the molecular level the ways in which small GTPases act to regulate cell signalling pathways. How do the properties of these signalling proteins suit them to these roles.

3) Discuss the different strategies that proteins use in their interactions with damaged bases in DNA.

Bet you didn't understand that ! (Unless you're Ellie or another biochemist of course).

Anyway...so to sum up: I'm now 4 exams down. If I do ok in these exams it'll all be down to God: helping me and giving me the strength and concentration I need. I am now even more exhausted, among other things, but hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. Ready for revising the next topics for friday. Continuing to take things one day at a time. Hope everyone's revision is going ok. :-)

"I WILL trust in You"

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,

by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace that transends all understanding will guard

your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus". Philippians4:6 (NT)

"When I can't see You, I know You're there
When I can't feel You, I will not fear
I will trust in You, and I will not be afraid.

And when the battle is close at hand
I know You're with me to help me stand
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid.

I will not, be afraid
I will not, be afraid.
I will trust in You, I will trust in You."
-Danny Daniels, Vineyard Music.

Devotion and Ecclesiastes.

I know with my exams coming so fast and all, I need to be really strict at saying no, and need to keep things other than revision to a minimum...and I have been, mainly, but I did agree to go to Devotion last night to help out (Youth congregation at Woodies). I'm glad I did !!! It's only the second time I've been, actually both times I've been playing keyboard. It's just so amazing. I only wish I was better at being able to say the right things, e.g. better at introducing myself to people and better at being helpful in small groups...but I do still enjoy it, I think it's maybe something I'll get better at with time, and things are made slightly easier by the devotees who I know a little bit already - thanks guys (you know who you are).

The talk that they did was quite appropriate for me too, although I hadn't expected it at all. We were looking at friendship - what true friendship is. We first looked at the example of David and Jonathan in the Old Testament (I am actually reading 1 Samuel currently, and so that helped cause I knew the passage already) and what their friendship was like. That was challenging yes, but what struck home with me more was when Dave talked about friendships being like flowers - for them to grow, you need to water them, feed them...it takes effort. But sometimes they die before they're meant to, and it's cause we haven't looked after them. Other times, they die, and actually, that's ok, cause they were only meant for a season. And other times, you think they're dead, but then they flower again the next year. Dave read out the passage in Ecclesiastes 3:

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace."

But HOW do you know when the right time is ? How do you know when you need to make the effort to keep a friendship alive and how do you know when the right time is to let it die, because it's only been for a season ? This has come up for me another time before, but I feel is especially relevant now. I'm on the edge of finishing my degree in Bristol. I currently have no idea what I'm doing or where I'll be next year. But how do I even know if I should stay in Bristol, or whether I should let go, because great as it has been, it has only been for a season ? And how do I know whether I should try and keep up with everyone, or whether some friendships are also for a season only ? How ? In the book of Acts in the New Testament, when the disciples ask Jesus "Lord, are you at this present time going to restore the kingdom to Israel ?", Jesus replies: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority." But that is in a rather different context, and so does it apply here too or not ? And if we aren't to know, then...?

All I currently know is that this is a time for revision and working hard at exams. But beyond that, and when they finish, I don't know. For now I will just keep on working. But any comments or thoughts would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Another one down.

Viva has been and gone. Wasn't as bad as it could have been. Prof Rivett was really nice, even if the viva was a bit intense, and she did ask me lots of things which I had to try and think quickly for. Anyway...main thing is that it's done. Now have to concentrate on finishing revising hard for next lot of exams, despite all that's going on in the next few days.

Actually, although the viva was tiring and intense, I came out of the department really happy today - mainly cause it gave me an excuse to see my supervisors and some of the other people I worked with in the lab. They're all so lovely and I do miss them ! They were all really encouraging, and trying to give me lots of advice for the exams etc.

Also, it feels really strange in a way (for me). There seem to be so many people who have such confidence in me, and such high expectations - more than personally I see in me. That includes supervisors, family, friends...I can't really think of a way to express myself, I don't mean that in a negative - oh there's too much pressure - way, but just in a - I have quite a responsibility, and even if I don't see it in myself, other people think I've been entrusted with a lot, and I want to live up to that - way. I had quite an appropriate card actually from my godparents in the states for my birthday. It said: "On your birthday, you should realize just how special you are...everyone else does". Well, for the moment, just knowing that everyone else does will have to be enough to keep me going. I'm just going to keep trying to do my best, which is all I can do, and to keep letting God be "my strength and my song".

Back in Bristol again

As the post title implies, I am now back in Bristol - again. Got back about 3 or so hours ago, and since then have been unpacking, sorting, chatting, catching up with housemates. Was good to be at home ( did have a good birthday, and did get lots of work done too) but is also good to be back, for different reasons. But I now just have to get back into the revision pace which I was getting into at home, especially as I have a viva tomorrow afternoon which I have not had time yet to do much preparation for, due to frantic revision of other things (am very slightly off revision schedule, but hopefully I can bring it back again before tomorrow). So, I shall keep this post short and go and revise apoptosis then read through my project again before food and bed. I just wanted to keep everyone posted. Hope everyone is well.

p.s. as you can see, I have recently discovered the joys of short and frequent posts (well... short and frequent for me that is!) I think it will remain that way until after exams, so that I am still present on the blogosphere a little bit, but don't have to spend very long on internet when I need to revise. I may post long rambly posts again after I finish. Or then again...by the way things are looking so far, I may not be all that less busy after exams; just I'll be doing other things !

I'm old(er)

Well, I'm now officially 21 ! (As of about 9.09am this morning). I have to say, I don't feel 21, in fact I don't feel any different from yesterday. (I think I'm actually still stuck with thinking I'm about 16 - I now have to think hard before I answer any questions from people who ask me how old I am !!) But then, I think that's probably always going to be true !

I had some time off this morning, and went shopping with Mum. Will have tonight off too, and tomorrow evening we're going to the theatre. But for just now, I have about 4 hours or so in which to get some more revision done...back to ABC transporters, woo !!

p.s. I hope everyone's enjoying the AMAZING weather !!! (Makes me wish I'd brought some of my summer skirts back home with me !)

p.p.s. I haven't opened many presents yet, but Mum, Dad and Al did get me a REALLY cool helium balloon (haven't had a helium balloon for a long time !) See the photo for yourself :-)

My housemates are amazing !

(It was maybe just as well I didn't get to go to the Louisiana gig tonight). After Vicki 'subtly lured me' downstairs at about 10, I found that they'd made me this amazing cake, and blown up lots of balloons, and got me some presents, and made me a really cool card (with a tail on it - not many people can say they have a 21st birthday card with a pink tail on it, lol.) Was so cool. Completely unexpected, but amazing. We then remained downstairs for the next few hours and they proceeded to introduce me to this programme called Lost - which a few of you may have heard about recently ;-) It's very weird...but strangely addictive too. I had resisted throughout series 1, but I may have to give in to series 2 - especially if it's going to continue being a house event, which is quite fun really. However, not really what I need during exams - another TV programme to get addicted to ! Now to get some sleep, before getting the train home tomorrow morning, so I can have another 21st birthday on my proper birthday on friday :-)

Amusing sign

This made me laugh this evening, so I thought I'd share it with you all:



I took it from this site. Some very amusing photos. In other news, my head got to the point at about 6 this evening where it felt like it was going to explode with all the information in it ! I had a couple of hours break to cook and eat supper, but I think I'll now have to stop for the day now and get some sleep and come back fresh tomorrow. Too much to learn in 2 weeks. Am going home again on wednesday for about a week which will be good.

Regressing back to childhood

Well, ok, 'useful' things will have to wait. I think I did need a break this afternoon. We had so much fun ! Went to have coffee with a couple of good friends, and we then ended up going to Brandon Hill park, and having much fun there - involved 'Pirates', bushes, racing up hills, going on swings...generally having a good laugh together. Have been out for 2 and 1/2 hours. Haven't laughed so much in a while. I'm still tired, but less so than before. And I feel more refreshed and ready to get back to it for a while.

2 down, just 4 to go...

...or 5 if you include my project viva I have at some point. As of this morning I have now completed 52% of my degree ! (Ouch). It was data handling this morning. It went slightly better than the one on wednesday (at least I am pretty confident I at least passed this one), but I still ran out of time majorly - but then again, I think very few people finished.

I now have a couple of weeks (to revise in) before my next 4 which come pretty much one after the other for a week - aren't biochemists nice ! I may go home for part of the time though, especially as my birthday is next week (21 - can't believe it !)

I am shattered though now. I feel 3 and 1/2 hours is too long for an exam - so hard to concentrate that hard for that long. It was nice though to go for lunch after with some biochemistry friends, so I only got back in about an hour ago (hence my sudden reapearance on the net). I will now sort a few things out, and then try and decide what to revise tomorrow - i.e. generally trying to do 'useful' things, but which aren't too strenuous.

And I continue my previous sentiments - do all keep me updated as to how you're all doing, and if there's stuff coming up that I can pray for.

Post-first exam thoughts...

this will have to be fairly quick, since I am in great need of sleep !

Haha. Thanks Rich and Jammin. Umm, the exam didn't really go that well - ok, it was terrible. Not something I could have done anything about with anymore revision though, it was mainly cause I seriously ran out of time. I'll be lucky if I got 40% in that one.

Still, I'm trying to forget about it now, and concentrate on revising for the next one on friday (eek). Or at least, I am now I had a good let out of emotions and some listening to 'heavy' rock music earlier (or at least heavy for me) :-) (After which I do feel a little better).

I do feel very tired now - all my limbs ache a lot, which I think always happens when I'm really tired or have put a lot of work into something...(so my mum tells me, since she gets it too). But I do feel really blessed to have so many good friends who are so concerned about how I'm doing. So THANK YOU so much to all of you, you know who you all are. I know that you all have exams and stuff and generally a lot on too, so it does mean a lot. I do really hope that you're all doing ok. (Btw, I do feel a little self-centred writing all this stuff. But if there are exams/deadlines etc coming up for other people, do let me know, and I'd love to be praying for specific things if I can.)

I will try to keep going, even though I'm not sure how I will get through - even with so many supportive people around me. It's 'only just' started, and already I want it to end, and I want to go home again...But then, I need to try and remember how I've been got through in past years when I haven't thought I'd be able to. I'm sure He'll get me through again somehow ! Night night !

Exam thoughts...

Well, first one is tomorrow. I don't feel ready in the slightest. I think it's also partly a case of disbelief - it's hard to believe that after tomorrow I'll have completed precisely 46% of my final degree. Weird huh. Isn't it so weird trying to think that after however many years it has been of education, the climax is now within the next month, after which...I'll end up with a bit of paper which will supposedly tell everyone how good I am at my subject. Hmmm. How can anyone ever be defined by a bit of paper ? On paper I might appear to be really amazing - have had almost top marks the past 2 years, amazing work experience, impressive sounding projects, done a lot in spare time...but in reality, well, the story's a lot different. I may have all that on paper, but does that really mean anything ?

I guess I'm rambling now - probably cause I'm tired. I've never seen uni as about getting a bit of paper really. I just wanna understand all this Biochemistry stuff ! (Was actually quite fun today when things started clicking into place. Only worrying thing is it doesn't seem to be staying there !) But thinking of it as above, I spose in order to try to scare myself into working harder or because I don't feel like I'm as stressed as I 'should be', just feels strange. Any other final years feel/felt the same ?

Anyway...can't do anymore now. Nothing else is going in, or has been for the last few hours. So I think some sleep is in order within the next hour. I shall perhaps give a progress report tomorrow.

(p.s. I finished Season 1 last night !!! Need to find somewhere I can buy season 2 now...)

And so it goes...

Well, brief update on what's gone on with me since Easter - I am now back in Bristol, and trying to get used to it again; projects are due in tomorrow (thankfully finished last week); exams start on wednesday, spent several hours removing a virus from a housemate's computer this afternoon (glad to have been able to help, but was certainly interesting), am very tired (due to sun waking me up ridiculously early, certain nightmares last night, and being back in Bristol - I never sleep well first night in a different place. Hopefully tonight will be better). I'm not complaining in any way, just stating facts. It's all ok though - exams will be over soon (far too soon probably). Church was good this morning - very good to see many good friends again, and a good service. Will try to be strict with amount of time spent on internet these next few weeks, so may not be around much, but I shall maybe do brief posts like this one from time to time. I hope everyone else is doing ok, and all the best to those with project deadlines and exams coming in the near future.

For sunday...

HAPPY EASTER everyone !

Life, the universe, and everything...

Well, maybe a bit of an ambitious title, but I'm not feeling very creative today (anyone else find that the title is nearly always the hardest part of a post to write ?!) And so much for possibly not posting again before Easter ! Anyway...just wanted to note down this observation:
Over the course of the time I was away, I obtained several CDs and tapes (most of which were in bargin bins at Spring Harvest, so don't worry I didn't go mad and spent very much money, as all but 2 (1 was a present for someone) of the CDs were about 50p/£1. Is just a good way at learning lots of new songs quickly for cheap I find). Anyway...back to the point...despite the fact that I bought these few CDs, I think my favourite new CD has to still be the one I got for free - the New Root's acoustic set from the Louisiana (you can listen to the tracks from Ben's website). I have now lost count of the number of times I have listened to it. I still love it ! Now, cheesy as this is going to sound - shows you the best things in life come for free; like good friends and ummm the New Root CD...Well anyway, I do think the New Root acoustic gig sounds amazing. Do go and have a listen, and I'll just hope that Ben doesn't mind me linking his site ;-)

Garfield comic strips

Hehe. On a completely different note from my earlier post: My brother just sent me a link to this site where you can create your own Garfield comic strips ! Try it, it's fun. He also created this strip below (very amusing I thought, so thought I'd share it with you all since I have a blog for this kind of thing...) Enjoy. See, I can do short posts ! :-)

"There and back again" - a Spring Harvest tale by Ro...

Yesterday afternoon I completed the full circle (or technically I spose it was a triangle) by arriving back in Reading, from where I began my journey to Spring Harvest (if you don't include my journey from home to Reading before getting a lift). It did feel a bit like I'd just completed something. Anyway...I'm rambling...

I have just had an awesome week and weekend. Last week (mon 3rd-sat 8th) I was, as I said in my last post, in Skegness at Word Aive Spring Harvest 2006. If I were to attempt to write about everything that happened last week then the blog post would become so long that even the most dedicated readers of this blog would probably give up partway through ! I can try to summarise though and mention a few specific things. I can say that I learnt loads (which will take me probably the next year to process) and had great fun. There were about 75 of us from the Bristol Christian Union, and I also had a chance to catch up with a few other people I know from elsewhere. We were (as usual) staying in flats/chalets of 6 people; I was with one of my housemates and 4 guys from Bristol cu. Our chalet was such fun - at this point I could tell many hilarious stories, including the one about the duck and chilie, or the eating peas from a bowl, or the 'exile into Babylon', but that would take too long so I will just have to leave you in suspense :-D Seriously though, it was really great to get to know some of the guys in our chalet better, and I especially appreciated chats with one in particular who I went to the morning sessions with.

Each day at Spring Harvest I went to a 'Bible reading' and then 'understanding and applying the Bible using Exodus as an example' in the morning. In the afternoon there were a range of seminars, but other than the subject related or worship leading related ones I mainly chilled in the afternoons. The evenings were time to cook and eat together before going to the student celebrations (imagine thousands of students from all over the country coming together to praise God) and then some nights I did go to hear various people playing (YFriday again, Electrolyte, Kristyn Getty, Andy Flannagan), followed by various parties/gatherings in chalets. In the student celebrations we were looking through the book of Colossians in the New Testament. In Colosse at the time there seem to have been false teachers there, saying that what they had heard wasn't all they needed to do to be Christians and to be saved, that there was all this extra stuff they needed to do too...but in this letter of Colossians Paul, the writer, was saying no, that's not true. To know God, and to be in relationship with Him, all you need is JESUS, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, things like praying are good (vital in fact), but NOT the means by which we are saved. Jesus comes first; these other things come afterwards as a response. So we were looking through this book and looking at what it means to be an authentic Christian. On a similar note actually, on the way back yesterday I happened to glance at a magazine in WH Smiths which claimed to have all you needed to know on the confusing issue of religeon in it. It compared various 'religeons', looking at when they originated and what they said concerning big issues of life. I was quite concerned over what it said about Christianity. It said, what I think is the false belief of a lot of people, that to be a Christian and 'get to heaven' you have to follow what Jesus says and do 'good things'. When in fact, that's basically what this letter to the Colossians was about - that that's not true. Being a Christian first and foremost means that you believe that in dying on the cross (at Easter in fact) and then rising from the dead 3 days later, JESUS took the punishment that EACH of us deserve, for all the wrong things we have done, and the way we want to go our own way and turn from God, our creator. That it's only through Jesus we can be 'reconciled'(1) 'reconciled'(2) to God, NOT through doing good things, and that we can then be restored to having a relationship with God ! Sorry for long rant - wasn't intended, but talking about these things again gets me excited, and saddens me so much that we so often think we know what Christianity is all about, but actually a lot of the time people don't have the amazing, exciting, full story ! Christianity is all about a person, Jesus, and being in a relationship, NOT about following a set of rules and regulations to earn your way to heaven. If anyone does want to know more about this issue, of who Jesus really is, what He did and why He did, then I'd encourage you to either come back at me (in the comments or you can post your e-mail address if you'd rather everyone else not read something too, and I can e-mail you), or take a look at this page on the website of my home church, which probably expresses it better than I just did ! Also, this site has a lot of helpful articles on specific barriers/big questions people may have, such as why does a God of love allow suffering etc...

Back to talking about Spring Harvest - after probably the biggest tangent I've had yet on my blog (though I don't regret it in the slightest!) Other things I was reminded of, apart from how exciting things are, were: how fragile life is. Now, although I may often seem pretty together as a person, I know that although I don't often admit it even to myself, I am so broken and messed up in so many area of life - so much so that it got a bit overwhelming at one point during the week. But then I was reminded that God is the God who brings healing and wholeness; that maybe it's only when I admit how broken I am, that He can start working in me to put the pieces back together. I was also reminded of just how much responsibility I've been given - with the amazing blessings I've been given, and also with being used in sung worship. That I sometimes need to step up to that, and not to just keep hiding.

As I predicted, the journeys to SH were also 'interesting'. The one back was slightly less eventful as the one up there (where we arrived about 4 hours late), but both were fun. Ask me if you would like to hear details, otherwise I will leave it as this post is going to be very long already I fear !

Then I had an absoloutely AWESOME time on sunday night at the NR gig at the Fleece in Bristol. I loved walking down with such a big group of friends for once, and just seeing everyone at the gig. (I have been given some REALLY AMAZING friends !) Much laughing was done by all, and see Ken's space for some photos of what we got up to ! I also enjoyed spending time with another of my housemates on sunday afternoon - was good to chat generally, to tell her about SH, and to try to teach her to strum on guitar !

I am now very, very tired still - after a week of not much more than 5 hours sleep a night - and have much work to do, which I'm not too keen on starting really. But it'll be ok. I just want to make sure I hold onto all the things that I learnt last week, and remember all the fun I had on sunday, so that I can work really hard in the time I have avaliable now. I shall be around the blogosphere again for a while, though I may try and not be around too much, for work's sake. I hope everyone is doing ok. Do remember to come back at me if you want about anything I've said. I shall hopefully post again soon, but in case I don't manage to before the weekend: I hope everyone has really good Easters ! xx

Next week

I have some news everyone: I’m afraid to say that I will be off the internet (e-mail checking and the blogosphere) for just over a week from tomorrow. “NOOO”, I hear you cry, (well, maybe not, but it adds dramatic effect). But do not fear, cause I will be back before long. Also, there is a rather exciting reason for my lack of internet access – I am going up to Skegness for a week. Now, lovely as I know Skegness is, I do actually have a reason for this. I’m going to Spring Harvest, which is a kind of Christian conference thing. The week I’m going for is called Word Alive, which as well as the normal Spring Harvest programme has a special student programme, which is organised mainly by UCCF. There will be Bible overviews in the morning, and Bible readings (not sure what the topics are yet this year), a range of seminars to choose from in the afternoon, student celebrations in the evenings, as well as a variety of gigs* and full use of the Butlins facilities (including amazing swimming pool). I’ve been for the past 2 years, also with people from Bristol CU. There are always quite a few of us who go, and each time has been good, for different reasons. I’m really excited about: building new friendships, deepening existing ones, and most importantly about spending time just listening to and learning from God, without all the usual busyness of life. In the past it is true that I have had various issues with UCCF and Word Alive, but I think that this year certain things are a lot clearer in my head than they were say in my first or second years at uni, and I’m just looking forward to quality time away, and seeing God doing something new, as well as continuing things He's been starting in me. I shall attempt to write a post when I get back, detailing how it all went (including what I’m sure will be memorable car trips there and back) and attempting to share the main things I learnt.

I’m also looking forward to being back in Bristol for a couple of days after Spring Harvest finishes, as I’m going to the New Root gig at the Fleece on sun 9th April. I may well also try and make it to Woodies in the morning (depending on how sleep deprived I feel after the week in Skegness) and so I may see some of you then.

But for now, I shall sign off (sniff !) And don’t write too many blog posts for me to catch up on when I get back, lol ! I must now go and pack...



* In past years I have seen YFriday, Steve, Nicki Rogers (who signed one of her albums for me), Bethany Dillon, Shawn McDonald...I wonder who I'll decide to go and see this year !

Check this out

I found these links as I was ‘rooting’ around the internet (very long story) and I thought that others might find them amusing too:

http://www.wibsite.com/wiblog/dull/
http://www.weblogcartoons.com/
http://www.cartoonchurch.com/

All 3 sites are by the same person, and the cartoons on the latter are really amusing – fairly close to the bone sometimes though. The former…well…someone other than Rob clearly also has too much time on his hands :-D

In other news: I finished my literary project today - Yaaay !!! (Well, I say finished, but I still have to send the ‘draft’ to my supervisor for comments, but…) Feels very, very good. Unfortunately doesn’t mean I can stop working though – have much other work to do.

'Worship following'

Last night I led some worship, on piano, at the small group which my mum and dad lead at our house every monday (I think it was the first time I've led on piano ?) It was an amazing evening generally and I felt so blessed to be able to share time with all these people - there's so much I can learn from all of them...Anyway, the worship...I call it worship 'following' not leading, cause that is what it did feel like. Again, every time I lead worship or play an instrument I go with the attitude that I know what I'm doing...in fact, every time I get surprised and humbled again and yesterday was a real exercise in laying down my pride again: firstly in song choice: that I needed to choose songs which would be appropriate and what would be on peoples' heart to sing to God, rather than the ones which I'd played that afternoon and come up with cool arrangments to (not that there's anything wrong with cool new arrangments, but it just wouldn't have been appropriate yesterday in that setting); then secondly in actual leading: I had to try to remain sensitive to where the time was going, and leave enough space at appropriate times (I always find that hard to try and judge), basically following what was happening, not leading as such. Although I find it a real challenge (mainly humbleness/pride/confidence isses), each time I play in worship in some form I feel so privilidged too to be able to be a part of this. And as I realised again last night, even if something is a little out of my 'comfort zone', as last night was, if being involved in the music side of worship (and even leading maybe) is somewhere God wants me to be, then who am I to try and hide from that ?! Aren't I the one who's been saying that I want to be the person God wants me to be ?!!

Anyway...one other thing...(not really related, but still on the music/worship topic): I was reading back through one of my journals last night, and found an entry I'd written on why I think I became involved in music playing in the first place: to cut a long story short, that music moves me so much sometimes, that I can't keep it in my system and have to find a way to let it out. My outlet, was to try to reproduce the music: so I'd learn to sing the song, then when I was a little older I'd also work out the chords, and would try to learn it on piano, later on guitar and now also on bass. When I listen to music I also often take it apart and try to think how I'd arrange each of the parts if I was playing it. This is why I'm not good at song writing and writing lyrics, and being creative in that sense, but within the context of a song, I am learning to be more creative with arrangments...I was wondering whether that was a common thing, as a reason for being musical I mean, or whether other people have different experiences ? i.e. why do people think that they love playing music (generally, not just in the context of worship here) ? But I would be especially interested though to hear from the other people who do have experience with playing in worship who read this blog (i.e. Ben, Rob, Matt...) Do comment cause I'd be interested to know ! (Plus it's probably a good thing to have to think about).

Adverts

I think that my family think I'm slightly odd (not that they didn't think that before, but anyway...) we were watching the Poirot on tele last night (I love Agatha Christie - not miss Marple, but I love Poirot stories)...it was on ITV, meaning that it had adverts and I was finding all the adverts really amusing ! Normally when I watch TV, I just want the breaks to go as quickly as possible so I can find out what happens next. But last night, I think I enjoyed the adverts as much as the actual programme ! I think it's what happens when you have hardly watched any TV all term. Maybe when we watch TV a lot, we just get acclimatised to it, i.e. get used to it and don't think anything of it...but when you haven't watched it for a while (like me) you start to realise how strange TV actually is sometimes, and in particular how FUNNY adverts are ! I think that's probably true of a lot of things, not just adverts, - that we get used to things and stop thinking about them, when they're around us all the time. I find myself either taking things for granted, or just becoming hardened to things...anyway, enough of strange rant and advertising how strange my mind is (but of course you all knew that already !?). On with the literary project...

Home again

I'm actually sitting writing this in my bedroom, as we now have wireless internet at home, and my dad just set stuff up to enable it on my computer too - how cool is that !!! I'm home again now (in case you hadn't worked that out) - took a while to get back, as the traffic was mental, but we did in the end. I'm also now all unpacked. I just need to try and sleep now - to catch up but I also need to try to get this illness better: I don't have time to be ill !! :-( Project writing starts again tomorrow with avengence...better go for now before my computer battery runs out !

Presentation over !!

I've been a little stressed at times over the last few days - I had a presentation for today, which I didn't start writing til monday afternoon, since I only got my practical project draft back from my supervisor on monday morning (and I was working on my literary project last week). But it went ok ! And in fact, the actual writing of things went far more smoothly than I could have expected. There were a few of us giving 10-15 minute talks on our practical projects and all of the supervisors and second markers there (so quite a few people to get into the small area where we had the talks). It was good to hear a bit about other peoples' projects, though even at this level they are so specialised that it was hard to follow some of the talks sometimes. I was so nervous though beforehand - I couldn't stop my whole body from shaking. I didn't want to let down my supervisors, and also wanted to make a good impression on my second marker (who will be giving me my viva next term) and also not to let my tutor down either (who I only discovered would be attending this afternoon !) But as I said, it was ok, and my supervisors were very happy with it - they're both so lovely and really supportive in everything.

Now however, as always when you make a big effort and then it's over, my tiredness is catching up on me. I haven't been particularly well the last few days (as seems to be common with many people at this time of term) which that hasn't been helping my concentration due to disturbed sleeping, and is also catching up on me. I also do have much more work still to be done, but I'm going to take a bit of time off now til friday (woo!) due to various things: I'm looking very much forward to LiveSoc tonight (last one with the current committee) and to going home tomorrow - ummm, just one minor problem with that...I have to pack first ! Oh well, tomorrow morning it shall have to be...

So then...all friends in Bristol, I shall see you sometime after Easter, (if not on the 9th April or at Spring Harvest) and those at home, hopefully I'll get to see some of you in the next few weeks :-)

p.s. everyone should comment on this blog here don't ask why, just do it !

Long time no post !

It has indeed been ages since my last post - feels a whole world away. I apologise profusely to anyone who reads this blog of mine (especially to those who have a thesis in this week, lol.) There are many reasons for the lack of posting:
1) Blogger WAS being annoying, for some reason, and when I did try to post would not let me, and occassionally would not let me even access the blog page (or anyone elses). Not being forward thinking enough I did not think of trying another computer.
2) Even when it did let me, I had so much I wanted to blog about, that none of it came out (if that makes any sense ?)
3) I've been/am going through a rather confusing and difficult time at the moment (mainly course work or next-year related, although not exclusively those two things), and so my thoughts are very jumbled and some things I need to try to figure out on my own before I can share them with anyone.

I also cannot promise frequent posts again as, like Rich, I have (final) exams coming very shortly, as in merely a few weeks away (I finish before most of my housemates have even started !) I also have 2 projects which need finishing. However, I shall be 'around' the blogosphere - may post here and there, when I have something worth saying or merely need a break from work, and shall comment here and on other people's blogs, if I feel I have anything to say.

Thank you all so much for commenting on the last few posts - I was very impressed with the number. It was indeed a record for this blog, but I disagree with Jammin - I don't know if you CAN have too many comments, lol. I seem to get most comments when I haven't been posting for a while, or when I mention my guitar ! Seriously though, I very much appreciated all the guitar tips, and just love having people say hi and chat. So keep it up ! (Maybe I need a deep question or just a random one to get people chatting more ? Any suggestions ?!) :-)

New guitar strings !!!!!

Today has been fun - not enough work involved, but fun. Had a house trip this afternoon to play badminton at the sports centre, then I cooked some 'turkey and cranberry' burgers for supper (took a very long time to make, but was a first for me - I'd never made burgers before).

But...most exciting of all - I put new strings on my acoustic !!!!!! I've only had the guitar just over two years now, and so this is the first time I've changed the strings by myself, (as I had a bit of help last time). It was mainly fine, apart from the fact that the top E string was being really annoying, so I had to take it off and try to restring it about 5 times before I got it to stay put. It's been just over a year since my last change of strings, which is terrible. I bought a new set at Christmas, but hadn't gotten round to putting them on. But it was getting to the point when even inexperienced me could tell that they sounded horrible, and so since (as far as I know) I'm not meant to be playing my guitar this week, I thought I'd change the strings. Is very exciting. I know they'll keep going way out of tune for a while, and will sound a little metallicy, but I think it's worth it.

Need an early night now, after a bit of TV. (Why is it always the case that the ONE day you can lie in (i.e. today), is the one day when your body decides to wake you up and make you really alert at a time before you even have to get up during the week for lectures ?) Looking forward to going to Sea Mills tomorrow though. And I am getting a lift, so shouldn't really complain about having to get up early :-)

Noooo...

the sun's come out and the snow's already starting to melt here in Bristol. Oh well, if we can't keep the snow I suppose having sun will do instead...

woooh !!! Even more snow.

And this time it's fairly heavy (or is currently), and the sky looks really grey - more snow still to come. Hope it sticks ! (I can already see that this is going to prove a great distraction to work today...)

mmmmm....pancakes...

We tried making savoury ones (filled with all sorts of things, as pictured here - tho my pancake flipping is very poor, as is also evidenced) followed by sweet ones for after. Good fun.

Now I just have to decide what (if anything) I'm gonna give up/take up for lent. In the past I have done things such as giving up watching neighbours and using the time to instead read through a Christian book/spend some time worshipping using my guitar, or reading 1 chapter of a purpose driven life each day (as there happened to be 40)...But I haven't really made much time to think about it properly this year, and I don't just want to do something for the sake of it - I want to know the purpose is for me giving/taking something up.

Magnificat

Tonight was Magnificat (which I mentionned in my earlier post) - a womens' only event at Woodies. It was 'interesting'. There was an amazing looking chocolate fountain with strawberries/grapes/marshmallows to dip in (I only had one strawberry, but still managed to make a mess). The keyboard playing was interesting - the band was really cool, but the songs we had were ones which involve a lot of chord changes, and so I found it hard to try to play well, while still watching Kate and Mel to see where the songs were going and think about the lyrics as well ! Also, I find it very difficult when I'm sposed to take more of a lead in things - i.e. me starting many of the songs etc. as I generally find that hard. But as long as it sounded ok, and helped people to worship, that's what matters.

We also got to play with playdoh, the results of which can be seen in the picture below (bear in mind that this is the first time I have ever used playdoh, and that my sculpting skills have a lot to be desired).



Basically we had to make something which represented us - like a baby/child or something else which represents us. I went for the child thing, since I couldn't think what else to make. Then we had some music play, and took some time to think about the fact that God had made us, created us, that we were unique, we are "fearfully and wonderfully made", that we were all planned - none of us occurred by accident. I found the rest of the evening quite hard, since 1) I was concentrating on playing some of the time and 2) the whole topic of identity is a hard one for me, so I was very tempted to just kinda switch off and let it all just brush over me as I found it too hard to accept. But this playdoh thing, despite not being a great fan normally, I really liked. Somehow when you actually hold something, it sometimes makes more of an impression than just thinking about something. And while I have a long way to go in terms of learning to understand and accept who I am, I was reminded of the words to this song (which we actually sang tonight):

"Into Your hands, I commit again

with all I am for You Lord

And You hold my world, in the palm of Your hands

and I am Yours forever

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You're the reason that I live,

the reason that I sing,

with all I am

I walk with You wherever You go

through tears and joy

I'll trust in You

And I will live, in all of Your ways

Your promises forever."

-->Is what gave me the inspiration for the photo. Was just amazing, holding that model of me in my hands, and thinking that actually, God is doing that with me - holding me in His hands. Amazing.

1) Home and 2) worship.

It's been a while (again). Too many thoughts. I'll just clarify from my last post first - in case anyone was wondering what the cbox is: if you scroll a little way down the page, past the links but before the archive, you will find a 'comment box' (thanks Roberto). You can write comments in it - please do !

That done, I shall now ramble a bit about the topics in the title - being at home, and what worship is.

I've been at home for the weekend and just came back late yesterday evening. It meant I haven't gotten much work done between thursday evening and sunday evening, but it was worth it. I loved being at home SO MUCH !!! It almost feels like when I'm away from home I have both my legs and an arm chopped off; which means (understandably) I 'feel a little lopsided' but don't until I get back home realise the reason for this. Now that may be a slightly extreme analogy, but it is how I feel. We've always done everything together as a family - gone on holiday together, sung in the church carol service as a family, eat meals as a family...etc etc and so I suppose that obviously that has knock-on effects for both me and them when I'm away from home. Despite the feelings of frustration I have occassionally had about 'not being able to do some of the things other people do', when I actually think, well what would I rather do than spend time with my family, I don't have an answer. (I suppose that's true about a lot of things: that we take things for granted, until we suddenly don't have them any more, when we realise quite what we have. In the same way, being away from home at uni has made me appreciate more just how much my family mean to me.) I'm so grateful for such an amazing family. I love them all to bits (well, not literally, but you get the idea). I just loved being with mum, dad and my brother this weekend. My brother and I also had some good guitar playing sessions, and it was reassuring/unburdening to chat with mum (and dad too to a slightly lesser extent) about next year stuff - I don't feel any more sorted, or any closer to a decision, but it felt good to be able to talk through things and get a bit more perspective. That's another thing my family do - help keep my feet grounded when I'm just a bit overwhelmed.

It felt a little strange coming back last night - when I'm at home, it always seems like that's the reality, and actually uni is just a dream or something, hence feeling strange coming back. But I just now need to hold on to some of that perspective that I gained from being at home, and try to get on with doing work (as I have SO, SO, SO much to do !)

Another thing which was challenging, yet encouraging at the same time, was the topic of the sermon at church at home on sunday. We were looking at the whole area of living a life of worship (Romans 12:1 stuff) - see there was a link between the two topics ! Overview of the talk, in 3 points (as all good sermons seem to be):
1) Our INSPIRATION for worship - God's character
"...in view of God's mercies..."
2) Our MOTIVATION for worship - living to please God
"...pleasing to God..."
3) DEDICATION - our lives
"offer your bodies as living sacrifices"

Worship isn't just about singing some songs on a sunday at church. "our worship only glorifies God in as much as it reflects lives that honour Him the rest of the week". A cool analogy was that coming to church is a bit like the 'half-time pep talk'. The real game goes on during the week. That you wouldn't hear David Beckham saying "Well, we lost the game. We played really rubbishly. But the half-time talk was AMAZING. We were really going for it, and all ready..."

Being involved in worship bands (by God's initiative, not mine) I have read numerous books on the subject of worship, been to conferences, and heard these things a dozen times. The challenge is, not to let them be things I hear again and think "oh, I know all this already" - when in fact, do I ? For a couple of years now I have felt that God really wants me to get to grips with this stuff, as if He's gonna use me in worship, He wants me to understand what it is, and to be able to be a lead worshipper, not just a worship leader. And last year I was really fired up about these things (Jammin may remember a certain conversation we had at the beginning of the summer term last year), but have somehow become consumed by other things. It was good to have a reminder that not only is praying, Bible reading, and going to church (all good things mind) worshipping God, but so is every little part of my life, if I involve God in it and do it for Him. If I really know this, it'll mean that I'll be so much harder working at everything I do - from cleaning our house bathrooms to doing my uni work - cause I know I'm doing it for Him ! The lyrics from this song we sang yesterday keep going round in my head, so i'll share them with you and hope that it encourages you too - it's a fairly new song (I think) by Tim Hughes, which is on just that topic.

"God in my living

There in my breathing

God in my waking

God in my sleeping

God in my resting

There in my working

God in my thinking

God in my speaking

Be my everything

Be my everything

Be my everything

Be my everything

God in my hoping

There in my dreaming

God in my watching

God in my waiting

God in my laughing

There in my weeping

God in my hurting

God in my healing

Be my everything

Be my everything

Be my everything

Be my everything

Christ in me, Christ in me,

Christ in me the hope of glory, you are everything.

Christ in me, Christ in me,
Christ in me the hope of glory, you are everything."

-Tim Hughes

Having said all of that, I had now better go and clean the bathrooms and then do some more work before I head out in a couple of hours (I'm playing keyboard at Magnificat - the termly all- womens' event at Woodies - and so need to be there early.) I apologise for the length of this post, and the way it's so jumbled - well done if you've made it this far. I shall try not to leave it so long again...though I probably said that last time, lol !

CBox...

I now also have a CBox (sorry for being a 'copycat' Roberto !) I think they're cool, and maybe it'll encourage people to write on my blog a bit more, as it's easier to write something in that than going through having to write a comment (though of course that's no excuse not to comment too !) Also, sometimes when I'm writing a comment on a blog, I feel like it has to be vaguely related to their blog post. With a CBox comment, we can chat about anything people want to chat about. So get typing !

I shall see how it goes, and whether I like it or not. Depending on that, it may stay or it may only be temporary - so post everyone !!! Otherwise, it'll just look like I talk to myself ! Lol. Also, any suggestions welcome, as always e.g. let me know if you think it should be higher up in the sidebar, or lower down, or...etc

p.s. And you'll be glad to know that although I was cooking again this lunchtime, I didn't start a fire of any kind this time !!

Be the centre !!

"Jesus, be the centre;
Be my source, be my light, Jesus.

Jesus, be the centre;
Be my hope, be my song, Jesus.

Be the fire, in my heart.
Be the wind, in these sails.
Be the reason, that I live,
Jesus, Jesus.

Jesus, be my vision;
Be my path, be my guide, Jesus !!!!!"
-Vineyard Music

Realised this morning that that's what I need - I need Jesus to come and be the centre of my WHOLE LIFE again, rather than what I'd been doing - trying to do everything by myself, and then 'tagging Him on at the end of things'.

Superman

Wow. 3 posts in 1 day - is that a record ?

Watched more Superman tonight while eating supper. I realised, that I think one of the reasons why I liked/like "The New Adventures of Superman" so much, is because I identify with the characters so much. In a weird kind of way (ignoring the male/female thing - please no rude comments) I feel like I'm a mixture (character-wise) of Clark and Lois as they're portrayed in the series, and so I like seeing how they deal with situations, and how they change through the series.

Lois - at one point during the very first episode she says to Clark that sometimes she does things, like 'jumping in the pool without checking the water level', but that that's the only way she knows how. Like her, I often feel that that's how I try to deal with things (kinda following on from the previous post). I plunge straight in. I also, like her, make myself so busy. I can seem fine, like I'm sorted and really confident, on the outside, but on the inside, I'm really insecure and when it comes down to it, I'm learning that I have trouble trusting people, like Lois does, although for me I'm not sure where this has come from - for Lois, it is because she has been hurt in the past by people she trusted, but that's not true for me, that I know of. This 'trusting people' thing especially applies when it comes to trusting God (tho praps with other people too a bit), perhaps because with God the things are quite big which He asks me to trust Him with (especially an issue at the current moment, tho I won't go into details). Even though I've seen what He has done in the past - for me, and for other people, I still seem to struggle with this.

Clark - like him, I sometimes feel like I don't belong/don't fit in. Now I'd be ok with this if it was just that being a Christian meant that I was different from other people around me, because of what I was living for and Jesus being in me. But I often feel that this isn't the case, and my 'not fitting in' comes from something else. I've always felt like this. (Kinda silly really, when, as I've come to notice, I specifically but sub-consciously go out of my way to do things differently from other people, and then feel hurt when I'm not the same as them - I know, my mind is weird huh !) Also, the whole being naive thing. I do sometimes feel like Clark does in terms of being naive to what's actually going on in the world. And the, ' wanting to do good, but struggling with issues which arise'.

Other things too, and I'm not very good at explaining, but I've tried and I hope you understand what I've been trying to say. At this point of course, I will just get told that I overanalyse TV/films far too much. I do actually do it all the time. And I think that's possibly what defines a 'good film' for me - one which provokes me to think in this way. But I can't help it. It's who I am. At least I now have a blog I can share all these 'weird and wonderful' thoughts of mine on :-)

Ooops - the paradox of blogging

Ooops. Just realised I'd said that wouldn't be a mega post, but it then was. Funny how you can think you have nothing to say, but then you still manage to go on for ages in a post anyway - or maybe that's just me ?

You may have noticed, that often my way of dealing with things is to brush over them, and make light of things on the outside (not always, but often). Maybe that's why all my most recent posts have felt really 'bouncy', and not serious.

Anyway...really must go and work now ! :-)

It's been a while...

This won't be a mega long post (I hope), but I just wanted to give a 'quick' update seeing as it's now been almost a week since my last post !! (*Shock horror* !)

This has been an interesting week; full of lots of ups and downs - very high ups, and very low downs. A couple of highlights of the highs - dinner at a friend's house on wednesday. Hadn't seen them for a very long time. About 10 of us eating together in the end. Much fun was had by all and we kept ourselves amused for quite a long time with various riddles (most of which I hadn't heard before, but gave up on too easily - as I'm prone to doing.) Thursday - went out to Zero Degrees for another friend's birthday (why do so many people have birthdays on the 17th or 18th Feb - I now know 7 people who have birthdays over these 2 days !!!) Was very fun too - much photo taking on digital cameras involved. Also, getting very excited about having a couple of friends over for dinner next week !!!!
Lows - tuesday was about the lowest. Possibly partly the 'trying to get back into doing work' after having had a weekend of not working and a hectic week the week before, and hence being overwhelmed again. I felt a bit better after a long chat with a good friend when I got back from pastorate, (MSN is very helpful sometimes). I'm also now looking much forward to going to church tomorrow - I think I need a bit of a prod, cause that's another thing which has 'gone down the shute' (shoot ?) this week - quiet times and general Bible reading/praying...Think that's probably also one of the main reasons why I've felt so terrible at times this week. When I try to do everything by myself, I just get things so out of perspective. And it's such a downward spiral isn't it !!

Last night was fun - supper, then practised juggling with a housemate for a while (very good exercise surprisingly) and then stayed up rather too late watching part of the new DVD I bought yesterday: You're entitled to think I'm very sad if you like, but that won't change the fact that I'm really excited ! I bought the whole of season 1 of "The New Adventures of Superman" on DVD !!!!! It's 6 DVDs really, and 21 episodes ! I've seen them all before of course, but I watched the first 2 episodes last night, and I hadn't seen them for aaaaaaages !! Awesome.

Anyway...that probably wasn't very interesting for anyone and I probably shouldn't have admitted that last bit on the web for everyone to see, but nevermind. It's done now :-) I should get back to a bit more work - I'm trying to make the most of the weekend now, after not being able to go home as was originally planned. I have been working - honest - but it just seems to take sooo long !!! Apoptosis is so complicated and MS word is so frustrating !

Remind me never to cook again !!!!

Oh dear ! I knew there was a reason that I shouldn't be let loose in a kitchen ever ! Tonight was my cooking night again, but despite the fact that what I was cooking SHOULD have been easy, not only did I manage to get very stressed about it, I also managed to 1) set the fire alarm off (again - I seem to have become an expert in this) and 2) set fire to the oven gloves - now I didn't notice this fact, until I had put the oven gloves back on the table and then observed that there were now flames rising. I then proceeded to do what you should NOT do when you set fire to something, which was to panic. Eventually I managed to get enough of my brain operating to realise that I should try and put it out before it set anything else alight, and so proceeded to smother the flames with a towel. We now have black marks on our table, floor and the oven gloves. However, after this episode I did manage to eventually produce an eatable meal.

Now quite tired...but a good week.

The week of events last week I think went well, from what I could tell. The talks were packed out (and no, it wasn't just with CU people). I certainly found the talks helpful, and I'm glad that some of my friends did come along to various things and were challenged by what they heard.

Personally, I was particularly challenged by the talk on thursday night: "What's the point of life". Whether, is the point of my life perishable ? What is it that I'm currently living for ? I find it so easy to think that's sorted, and that of course I'm living for the right thing, but when it comes down to it, and I look at where it is I spend my time and energy, am I really ? In John's gospel in the Bible, Jesus says:

"You shouldn't be so concerned about PERISHABLE things like food. SPEND YOUR ENERGY SEEKING the ETERNAL LIFE that I, the Son of Man can give you. For God the father has sent me for that very purpose". John 6:27 (capitals mine)

That when it comes down to it, we all try to look in the wrong places to be satisfied - whether that's to music, making ourselves busy, our work, being on some committee, alcohol, relationships... and although relationships with other people are good, only one relationship - one which we were created for with our creator - will ultimately satisfy us and will not perish. Hmmmm.

Anyway, if anyone does want to listen to the talks, they should be being put up on the web on the Bristol CU website fairly soon (hopefully in the next couple of days if not today). Do have a listen.

I've also had a good weekend with another friend from home staying with me. I'm not very good at just being, and chilling/chatting etc. I seem to always feel like I should be doing something. But I think it probably is good for me to chill a bit sometimes. Reminds me of what is really important. We did have fun - we went to a great New Root gig together on saturday, among various other things, and it was good to spend lots of time together. I just now need to try to do some proper work this week, after not having done as much as I would have liked to last week...

Timetable of talks this week.

Here's a timetable of the talks which are going on this week, that I mentionned previously. Do come along to any of them. (Lunchtime talks in Wills Memorial building, with free lunch; evening talks in the Avon Gorge room in the Union, with refreshments and live music provided afterwards.)

MONDAY:
lunchtime - "What does Jesus know about sex?"
evening - "Does God love the good man ?"

TUESDAY:
lunchtime - "The arrogance of Christianity"
evening - "Does God love the bad girl ?"

WEDNESDAY:
lunchtime - "Why all Christians deserve to go to hell"
evening - "Will God cry when I die ?"

THURSDAY:
lunchtime - "Why does God let us suffer ?"
evening - "What's the point of life ?"

FRIDAY:
lunchtime - "If I'm a good person, will I got to heaven ?"
evening - "What would it take for you to believe ?"

Well, my excitement wasn't disappointed.

My essay was done (although not wonderfully) and handed in, and thankfully I can say that my nightmare didn't come true ! I did make it to the weekend away.

We got back this afternoon about 3.15ish. I had an amazing weekend. It started with a few of us going to devotion on friday evening (youth congregation at Woodies) to help lead worship. It was so amazing to be there, to meet lots of new people and have good chats, to play a fun game of hockey (involving rolls of newspaper), but mostly, just amazing to see those at devotion and...I don't know how to express this really...but, just to see how passionnate they are in pursuing God (I think that's a good way of describing it). There is so much I could learn from all of them, and so much I did learn on friday night. They were grateful for having a 'team of students' come to lead the worship, but really, it is us who should be grateful, for them letting us come and share the evening with them !!

We then headed to the weekend away, and didn't get lost (much) thankfully. We got there just in time for the name game (which was very funny). Overall, the weekend was just amazing. Really good to spend time wth people, building community a big more, and I was given lots of encouraging things, as well as challenges, - some from the talks, but mainly from other people e.g. when they were praying for me. Also, unlike some other weekends away where it has felt really sad when people disperse after getting back at the end, I just felt really peaceful, and like I was now slightly more ready to face the next onslaught. I just want to try and hang onto that feeling of peace, and the focus I gained from the weekend, for this coming week, which otherwise I could turn into just a load of busyness.

If I had to give an example of one more general thing which was challenging from the weekend, I would probably mention the whole "kingdom identity" thing: about how, when everything is stripped away, what is my identity ? Am I Ro the musician, Ro the "sometimes worship leader", Ro the biochemist, Ro who lives in my particular house with my housemates in Bristol, Ro who is part of the family I'm part of...or am I Ro the child of God ? What is it that my identity is in at the moment. And how can I be working with God to change that identity to "Ro a child of God" ? Cause that is what my identity REALLY IS. It's not that I did anything to gain this new identity, but that I have been given it because of Jesus. It is my new identity. So it's not, how can I force my identity to that, but how can I change the way I see who I am, to being what it really is (if that makes sense ?) And how can I learn more to be secure in the knowledge of that identity, so that whatever happens, I will be still confident because I know who I am ?

So yes, very good weekend.

Excited !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know: more exclamation marks in the title; but I can't help it. I am excited !

I should first say probably that the talk on tuesday (which I mentionned in the two previous posts) seemed to go well. Professor Halestrap spoke really well, the practicalities seemed to go fine, and lots of people came - in fact, a friend of mine had said beforehand that the ideal thing would be to have a packed room, but not so many people that we ran out of food; which is pretty well exactly what happened ! I was really excited by the turn out, and in particular that so many people I knew came, and were given lots to think about. I think that I've been getting into the rut of expecting this year to be like the last 2 years - in the past I've had so much frustration when I've invited people along to talks like this, but noone's come. But God's been starting to shake me out of that familiarity, and show me that actually, people are receptive to coming along to these kind of talks. I just need to keep inviting people, and that's all I can do.

That leads me on nicely to mentionning the talks which are being put on next week (every lunchtime, monday-friday, in Wills Memorial and every evening, monday-friday, in the Bristol Student Union). I will put a "timetable" of what talk is each day up on sunday probably. Do think about coming along, even if I haven't been able to invite you personally - there are just some massive questions which we all need to make sure we look into, like: what's the point of life (is there one?), who am I, and who is Jesus - He makes some big claims, which should deserve at least looking into. Sorry for pressing the point rather, but I am just excited about the opportunities we (in Bristol) have next week of being able to investigate these questions further, and why should I not use every means at my disposal (which includes my blog) for publicising that ?

Anyway...I am also very excited about the Woodies Student weekend away which is this weekend !! (That is, as long as the nightmare I had last night doesn't come true - of me forgetting to go until too late !) Each one I have been on since I have been in Bristol has been so different, but all really good in their own ways. I am hoping that this weekend will be a good chance to "be still" before the busyness of next week, and a good chance to get to know some of the other students at Woodies even better. I'm also excited about the topic we're looking at, of being "Kingdom People" (i.e. what it means to be living in the Kingdom of God).

But unfortunately, before that I have an essay which must be written - it's for monday, but I want to finish it today so that I'm not worrying about it all weekend ! So please excuse me while I go and see how much of my revision of phosphoinositide signalling I remember. I shall blog again soon :-)